Relationship Advice for Men (From a Guy’s Perspective) Part II

5 Simple Ways to Reconnect Mind, Body and Soul

Wed, 05 Nov 2025 18:46:14 GMT

Small practices to integrate into your daily routine that will make a noticeable difference.

In therapy, we often talk about regulation — how to find your way back to calm when life feels like too much. But self-regulation isn’t about forcing yourself to be calm. It’s about learning to notice what your body, mind, and soul are asking for — and responding with care instead of judgment.

When someone comes into session on one of their hardest days, there’s rarely one perfect technique that fixes it all. Sometimes they just need to cry. Sometimes they need to vent. Sometimes they need a grounding exercise or a quiet moment of breathing before they can even speak.

As a therapist, that’s my first role — to be present without rushing to solutions. To ask, gently, “What do you need right now?” Do you want to be heard? Validated? Distracted? Encouraged?

That question alone often begins the process of regulation — because it brings awareness back to the present.

But there are also some practical tools that can help when words fall short. These are the kinds of practices we might draw on in the therapy room, but they’re equally useful at home — little bridges back to safety and self-connection.

1. Grounding through the Senses

When the mind starts to spiral, the body can become your anchor.
Try the classic 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique:

5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste

It’s simple, but incredibly effective. It reminds your brain that you are here, right now — not stuck in the storm of “what ifs” or the replay of “what happened.”

2. The Safe Space Visualization

This is a guided meditation we often use in therapy. You imagine a place — real or imagined — where you feel deeply safe and calm. Then, focus on the five senses again:
What do you see there? What sounds fill the air? What textures can you touch?

With practice, this place becomes a mental refuge you can visit when things feel chaotic. It’s not about escaping reality, but about reminding your nervous system what peace feels like.

3. Breathing with Intention

Sometimes the most basic things are the most powerful. Box breathing (in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4) gives your mind a visual rhythm — a sense of containment when everything feels uncontained.

Even one minute of intentional breathwork can change your heart rate, your focus, and your sense of control.

4. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

When anxiety takes over, your body often clenches without you noticing. Try tightening one muscle group at a time — fists, shoulders, legs — and then slowly releasing. Feel the contrast between tension and release.

It’s a physical reminder that you can let go.

5. Practicing Self-Compassion

At the end of the day, coping mechanisms only work if they come from a place of kindness, not criticism.
If you’re having a hard day, you don’t need to “get it together.” You need to recognize that you’re human — that this moment is allowed to be messy, and that you can still care for yourself inside it.

Sometimes that care looks like breathing. Sometimes it’s calling a friend. Sometimes it’s just saying, “This is really hard right now, and I’m doing my best.”

Integrating It All

The beauty of these small practices is that they’re not just about surviving bad days — they’re about building muscle memory for the good ones, too. When we practice grounding or mindful breathing on calm days, we strengthen our ability to return there when storms hit.

Holistic healing isn’t about perfection. It’s about preparation — about setting ourselves up for safety, compassion, and steady coping before we even need it.

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If you are having a hard time and need a reset, we are here to help. Our team of Registered Psychotherapists is located in Barrie, Ontario providing in-person and virtual sessions to clients. To book a session, please use https://resetbarrie.janeapp.com

This blog is a companion to our podcast Beyond the Session brought to you by our team in Barrie. You can catch up on past sessions on Spotify and YouTube.

Holistic Healing: Connecting the dots between mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health

Wed, 05 Nov 2025 18:32:14 GMT

Sometimes the messages from different practitioners seem opposed. Here's how you can find clarity and a plan that resonates with you.

If you’ve ever had a season of life where you’ve been to every kind of health practitioner — the family doctor, the naturopath, the physio, the osteopath, the therapist — you’ll know how confusing it can be. Each has their own language, their own explanations, and sometimes their advice even contradicts each other.

And yet, I find myself deeply respecting each discipline. Every one of them brings a piece of the puzzle. But none of them, on their own, can tell the whole story.

That’s where holistic healing comes in — not as another specialty, but as an umbrella approach to your health. It’s a way of weaving together insights from multiple sources to recognize that we are not just a body that needs to be fixed, or a mind that needs to be reprogrammed, or a spirit that needs to be soothed. We are mind, body, and soul — interconnected, layered, and deeply complex.

When we take a holistic approach, we stop seeing health as something linear. It’s not just “take this pill” or “do this exercise” or “talk about this feeling.” It’s all of those things working in relationship.

Take, for example, a client I once worked with who had a chronic illness. They were doing everything “right” — seeing their doctor, nutritionist, and physical therapist — but each professional gave a different set of instructions. The result? Overwhelm. Confusion. Decision fatigue. My role as a therapist wasn’t to add another checklist to their life, but to slow down and help them trust their own intuition again.

I asked, “Out of all the advice you’ve received, what feels most important to you right now?”

And in that moment, something shifted. Instead of being the passive recipient of healthcare, they became an active participant in their healing.

That, to me, is holistic health — not outsourcing our wellness to a dozen experts, but gathering wisdom from different disciplines and deciding what truly resonates with our body, our beliefs, and our current capacity. Holistic healing isn’t about throwing money at every possible practitioner or trying to “fix” everything at once. It’s about cultivating awareness — learning what different approaches offer, and feeling out what feels manageable and supportive in this season of your life. It starts with curiosity, not urgency.

You might begin by asking yourself wide, reflective questions like:

Is it possible, helpful, or realistic for me to work with more than one practitioner right now?
Who do I trust — friends, family, or others with similar experiences — who might share honest insights about what helped them?
I’m noticing something physical; could there be a nutritional, emotional, or spiritual layer underneath it?
What kinds of care (body, mind, or soul) actually leave me feeling lighter or more grounded afterward?
Are there simple things I can try at home before taking on more appointments or expenses?
How will I know when something is working for me — what signs of healing can I look for?

In therapy, we see this same principle in action. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), for example, already acknowledges that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are intertwined — and that change in one area can ripple through the rest. But beyond CBT, therapy also explores the physical sensations that live in our bodies, the relational wounds that affect our nervous system, and the spiritual questions that shape how we see meaning and purpose.

A holistic therapist might use tools like:

Grounding and breathwork to regulate the body,
Mindfulness or journaling to help clarify thoughts,
Art or music therapy to express emotions that words can’t reach,
Exploration of values or faith to strengthen the soul.

We all learn and heal differently. Some people are verbal and love talk therapy. Others are kinesthetic and heal through movement. Some need silence and prayer; others need structure and cognitive tools. Each person is going to find a different way of approaching their health that will resonate best with their values, beliefs, personality, finances, time, and so on.

Holistic healing is about honoring each person's individual needs while also striving for humility — recognizing that no single approach or practitioner holds all the answers. Healing becomes less about adherence to rules, and more about integration : noticing what our body is feeling, what our emotions are sensing, what our soul is longing for— and inviting those parts into a conversation.

If you’ve been feeling stretched thin by all the voices in your healthcare journey, here’s a gentle reminder: The goal isn’t to collect more advice. It’s to listen inwardly, with compassion, to what your body, mind, and soul are trying to tell you.

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If you are feeling lost in your health journey, or feel like your life needs a direction, we are here to help. Our team of therapists is here to gently ask questions so that you can gain clarity and perspective. To book a session, please use https://res etbarrie.janeapp.com

This blog is a companion to our podcast from Season 2 of Beyond the Session which you can stream on Spotify or YouTube. This episode features a conversation between Lindsay Tsang (Registered Psychotherapist) and Kathleen Tsang (Registered Social Worker) who support psychotherapy clients in Barrie, Ontario.

When Parents Break Down: How can I co-regulate my kids when I'm not regulated?

Wed, 29 Oct 2025 18:16:45 GMT

Sometimes the pressure of parenting stacks up. We're here to tell you: you're not alone.

Let’s be honest — parenting is an emotional rollercoaster. Some days, it feels like you’re crushing it: the house is semi-clean, your kids actually ate something green, and bedtime happened before midnight. Other days, it feels like the smallest thing — a spilled cup of milk, a tantrum over the wrong color of bowl — can send you over the edge.

And if you’ve ever had that moment of closing the bathroom door just to breathe, or scrolling your phone at the end of the day while watching other parents vent about the chaos — you’re not alone. Sometimes, that is our version of self-regulation.

But here’s the thing: we talk so much about how parents co-regulate with their children, helping little ones calm their nervous systems by being calm ourselves. What we rarely talk about is how hard that is to do when we are dysregulated — tired, anxious, overstimulated, or running on fumes.

That’s where the work of parenting overlaps with the work of therapy. Because underneath all the bedtime routines and packed lunches, parenting is actually a long-term exercise in emotional regulation — for both you and your kids.

In therapy, when parents come in feeling like they’re constantly losing patience or feeling numb, the goal isn’t to shame them. It’s to help them slow down and notice what’s happening inside their body before they reach the breaking point. Sometimes that means working on grounding skills — taking a pause to notice the five things you can see, or using your breath as an anchor when you feel like you’re about to snap.

Other times, it’s about rewriting the story you tell yourself. Instead of, “I’m a bad parent because I yelled,” it becomes, “I was overwhelmed, and I can repair that moment.” That shift — from self-criticism to self-compassion — is the foundation of emotional resilience.

Therapists often teach tools like progressive muscle relaxation , box breathing , or safe-place visualization — not just to use when you’re in crisis, but to practice on good days so they become familiar. Just like your child learns to calm themselves through repeated co-regulation with you, you can learn to self-regulate through intentional practice and grace toward yourself.

Because the truth is, every parent will lose their cool sometimes. Every parent will feel guilt. But good parenting isn’t about being perfect — it’s about staying connected. About repairing when things go wrong. About modeling for your kids what it looks like to be human and still keep showing up with love.

So if you’re reading this at the end of a long day, maybe after the house finally quiets down, take a breath. You’re doing the hardest, most heart-expanding job there is. And the fact that you care enough to wonder whether you’re doing it right? That already makes you the kind of parent your kids need.

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If you're struggling to deal with your own stuff in the middle of kids and a chaotic home, you're not alone. We're here to help. Our team of Registered Psychotherapists can give you space to vent, explore your emotions, think about goals, and support you moving forward. To book, please use https://resetbarrie.janeapp.com

This post is a companion to our podcast, Beyond the Session, which you can find on Spotify or YouTube. This episode features Andi Atkins, Registered Psychotherapist and Kathleen Tsang, Registered Social Worker at Reset Counselling & Psychotherapy in Barrie.

How a Therapist Handles Your Bad Day

Wed, 29 Oct 2025 17:12:20 GMT

When you're having the worst day, here's how your therapist might support you.

There are days when therapy isn’t about insight or strategy. It’s about survival.

When you walk into your therapist’s office in the middle of one of your worst days — heart racing, brain foggy, tears ready to spill — the session looks and feels different.

In those moments, your therapist isn’t reaching for the “fix.” They’re creating safety when everything inside you feels unsafe.

The First Step: Regulating Together

If you’ve ever had a therapist pause and simply sit with you in silence, that’s not because they don’t know what to say.
It’s because they know that calm can help us to self-regulate.

Therapists often start by co-regulating — slowing their own breathing, softening their tone, and inviting you to match that rhythm. In a nervous system that’s overwhelmed, words can come later. First, the body needs to know: I’m safe here.

Your therapist might ask,

“What do you need right now — to vent, to cry, to problem-solve, or just to have someone with you?”

This question isn’t small talk. It’s a moment of empowerment — a reminder that you still have agency, even in distress.

The Middle Ground: Grounding Techniques

Once the nervous system starts to settle, therapy may gently shift into grounding — practical tools that anchor you to the present moment.

One common example is the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique , which uses your senses to pull you out of spiraling thoughts:

5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste

It sounds simple, but this exercise literally helps your brain shift from emotional reactivity (the limbic system) to sensory awareness (the prefrontal cortex). In other words, it brings you back to your body.

Other grounding options might include:

Box breathing: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold again for 4 — visualizing a square as you go.
Progressive muscle relaxation: tensing and releasing each muscle group to release stored tension.
Safe place visualization: imagining a calm, safe environment — a lakeshore, a cozy nook, a forest trail — and intentionally noticing every sensory detail there.

These techniques aren’t just mental tricks. They’re ways of telling your nervous system: It’s okay to stand down. You’re not in danger anymore.

When Your Therapist Teaches You Self-Regulation

In the therapy room, moments like these are teaching moments too — though often gently, without formal “homework.”

A therapist helps you practice self-regulation in real time:

Recognizing the signs that your stress response is activated.
Using the breath or senses to slow down that response.
Naming what you’re feeling without judgment.

You start learning what it feels like to calm yourself without needing to numb yourself.
That’s the essence of self-regulation — not suppressing emotions, but being able to stay present with them without being swept away.

The Bridge to Coping Mechanisms

Once a client is more regulated, that’s when coping mechanisms come into the conversation.

Your therapist might ask:

“What’s been helping you cope lately?”
“What do you notice afterward — do you feel better, or more disconnected?”

It’s not about judgment — it’s about pattern recognition.

Together, you begin to distinguish between what’s soothing and what’s actually self-defeating.

Healthy coping helps you come back to yourself — walking, journaling, calling a friend, resting.
Harmful coping pulls you further away — substances, avoidance, overworking, or escapism.

Therapy becomes a place to explore those patterns with compassion — to understand what each behavior is trying to do for you, and to build gentler alternatives.

Planning for the Next Bad Day

The goal of therapy isn’t to eliminate bad days — it’s to make them survivable.

That’s why many therapists help clients build a mental health toolkit or safety plan :

A list of grounding exercises that actually work for you
Contacts or supports to reach out to when you’re struggling
Activities that soothe and strengthen you
Reminders of reasons to keep going

It’s your personalized roadmap for moments when thinking clearly feels impossible.

And the more you practice those tools when you’re not in crisis, the easier they’ll be to reach for when you are.

The Foundation: Self-Compassion

At the end of the day, every coping mechanism — every breathing exercise or grounding practice — rests on one thing: self-compassion.

Therapy doesn’t ask you to be perfect; everybody has hard days, and everybody makes mistakes.

Even in your hardest moments, you’re still worthy of care — from others, and from yourself.

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If you're in the middle of a hard day and needing some extra compassion, our team is here to sit, listen, and provide space for you to explore your thoughts and goals. To book, please use https://re setbarrie.gmail.com

Are My Coping Mechanisms Helping or Hurting?

Tue, 28 Oct 2025 19:50:49 GMT

A framework for deciding if it's helping your mental health.

We all have ways of getting through the hard days — little rituals, habits, or distractions that help us feel a bit more in control. Some of them are healthy, some are neutral, and some… well, they start to quietly chip away at our well-being.

But it’s not always obvious which is which. Especially when something works in the moment — that drink, that scroll, that shopping trip — it’s easy to convince ourselves it’s helping, even if we’re feeling worse later.

So how do you know whether your coping strategies are helping you heal or just helping you numb?

Let’s walk through a framework for sorting that out.

Step 1: Notice What You Reach For

We all have “go-to’s” when we’re overwhelmed — a glass of wine, a Netflix marathon, a late-night snack, a long walk, a chat with a friend. None of these are automatically good or bad.

The first step is simply awareness :

When I’m stressed, sad, or anxious, what do I instinctively turn toward?

Write down your usual habits without judgment. This isn’t about guilt; it’s about curiosity.

Step 2: Ask What It’s Doing for You

Next, get honest about what that behavior is actually doing in the moment.

Does it calm you down?
Distract you from pain?
Give you energy or motivation?
Help you avoid something uncomfortable?

A coping mechanism is just that — a mechanism. It does something for you. The goal isn’t to remove it right away but to understand its purpose.

For example:

“When I scroll TikTok, it helps me turn off my brain for a bit.”
“When I take a walk, I can breathe and think clearly again.”
“When I eat sweets, I get a little hit of comfort when I feel lonely.”

Each has a function. The key question is whether that function moves you toward healing or further away from it.

Step 3: Consider the Aftermath

A simple way to tell if a coping mechanism is helpful: The first step is simply awareness :

How do I feel afterwards?

If you feel rested, connected, or clearer , it’s likely helpful.

If you feel drained, ashamed, or foggier , it might be doing more harm than good.

Here’s a quick comparison:

Helpful Coping

Recharges or soothes your body and mind

Strengthens relationships

Builds skills or perspective

Can be sustained over time

Harmful Coping

Leaves you depleted or guilty

Creates disconnection or isolation

Avoids or numbs the problem

Creates dependence or consequences

For example, watching one episode of a comforting show might relax you — but staying up until 2 a.m. bingeing an entire season leaves you exhausted the next day. The difference isn’t the show — it’s how and why you’re using it.

Step 4: Look at the Long Game

Ask yourself:

“If I keep doing this regularly, where does it take me?”

Some coping strategies are great short-term bandages but poor long-term plans. Others take effort to build but serve you for years.

Here’s one way to categorize your habits:

Soothe – gives temporary comfort (like TV, snacks, or scrolling)
Support – builds stability (like sleep, healthy food, connection)
Strengthen – expands capacity (like therapy, journaling, movement)

It’s okay to use all three! The goal is balance — not perfection. You can reach for soothing things sometimes, as long as you also cultivate supportive and strengthening habits that sustain you.

Step 5: Plan Ahead for Your Hard Days

The worst time to choose coping mechanisms is when you’re already in crisis.
Try this instead:

When you’re feeling okay, make a “Coping Menu.”
Include a few options from each category:

Soothe: a cozy blanket, favorite playlist, comfort show
Support: calling a friend, going for a walk, cooking a meal
Strengthen: writing in your journal, praying, doing a therapy exercise

That way, when you’re in a rough spot, you’re not leaving it up to impulse or algorithms — you already have a plan that aligns with your values.

Step 6: Be Gentle with Yourself

Coping is not about getting it perfect.
It’s about surviving, learning, and slowly building a life that doesn’t require constant escape.

You’re allowed to have off days. You’re allowed to do what gets you through.
But you also deserve to have habits that don’t just make life bearable — they make it better.

What’s one small swap you could make — one that leaves you feeling a little more restored, and a little less numb?

Maybe it’s taking a walk instead of scrolling. Calling a friend instead of shopping. Journaling for five minutes before bed instead of one more episode.

Little choices add up. Over time, they become the life you’re building.

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If you are struggling to build good coping mechanisms, our team is here to help. We are a team of Registered Psychotherapists providing therapy in Barrie, ON. You can book using https://res etbarrie.gmail.com

When Someone You Love is Suicidal: What to Say (and what not to say)

Thu, 23 Oct 2025 19:26:40 GMT

It can be hard knowing how to help. This guide will give some insights on ways to support and get needed care. | Mental Health Counselling in Barrie, ON

When someone you love tells you they don’t want to live anymore, time seems to stop. Your heart drops, your body tenses, and your mind races for the “right” thing to say.

The truth is — there’s no perfect script. But there are ways to respond that make a difference. You don’t have to fix it. You just have to help them feel a little less alone in it.

First: Take a Deep Breath

Hearing someone say they want to die is terrifying. It’s okay if you feel scared, frozen, or unsure what to do.

Take a deep breath.

Your calmness — even if it’s quiet, shaky calm — helps their nervous system begin to settle.

You don’t need magic words. You just need to stay present.

What to Say

Here are a few phrases that can truly help:

“I’m really glad you told me.”
This shows appreciation for their honesty and courage. It tells them it’s safe to talk about this.

“That sounds so painful.”
You’re validating, not minimizing. It says, I believe you. I see your pain.

“You’re not alone in this. I’m here with you.”
This is one of the most powerful things you can say. Suicidal thoughts often come from deep isolation — being with them is healing in itself.

“Can we find some help together?”
This shifts the focus toward safety without demanding that they “get better.” You’re offering to walk beside them, not hand them a to-do list.

“You matter to me.”
Simple. Human. True. It reminds them they’re seen and loved.

What Not to Say

Even with the best intentions, some phrases can unintentionally shut the conversation down or increase shame.

Avoid things like:

“You have so much to live for.”
It may sound comforting, but in the middle of despair, it can feel invalidating — as if their pain doesn’t make sense.

“Don’t say that.”
It can make them feel scolded or silenced, when what they need is permission to speak freely.

“Other people have it worse.”
Comparison never heals pain. Suffering isn’t a competition.

“You’re not really going to do anything, right?”
This can feel dismissive or like you’re asking for reassurance for yourself. Instead, gently ask,

“Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”
“Do you have a plan?”

Asking doesn’t plant the idea — it shows you care and helps you know what kind of support they need.

What to Do

If you think they’re in immediate danger:

Stay with them if you can.
Remove anything they could use to harm themselves.
Call 911 (in Canada or the U.S.) or go to the nearest emergency department.
Or, if you’re unsure, call 211 for guidance — this health and social service directory can help you figure out the next step.

If they’re not in immediate danger:

Help them create a safety plan (see Part One of this series).
Encourage them to reach out to a therapist, doctor, or crisis service.
Check in regularly — not just once. A simple text like “Thinking of you — how’s today going?” can mean more than you realize.

Supporting Yourself, Too

Caring for someone who’s suicidal can take a real emotional toll. It’s okay to seek your own support — from a counsellor, pastor, friend, or crisis line. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and your steadiness will help both of you.

Remember: You are not responsible for saving someone, but your compassion can be part of what keeps them here.

A Note of Hope

Sometimes, people don’t remember what you said — they remember that you stayed. That you listened without flinching. That you didn’t try to fix them, just to love them through the dark.

That presence is lifegiving. It’s what turns despair into survival, and survival into healing.

You aren't alone, and there is hope. If you are struggling to support someone you love, our team of trained therapists can help support you. To book a session, please visit https://resetbarrie.janeapp.com

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Creating a Safety Plan: What to do when you're having a really hard day.

Thu, 23 Oct 2025 19:16:46 GMT

Bad days happen, you can be prepared by creating a plan to help you cope.

Creating a Safety Plan: What to Do When You’re Having a Really Hard Day

We all have hard days. But sometimes, a hard day turns into something more — when the pain feels unbearable, the thoughts get dark, and it feels like there’s no way forward.

If you’ve ever been in that place, you know how hard it is to think clearly in the middle of it.

That’s why one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself is to plan ahead — when you’re in a steadier space — so that when those moments come, you already know what to do.

This kind of plan is called a safety plan , and it can truly be life-saving.

What Is a Safety Plan?

A safety plan is a simple, personalized guide that helps you navigate your worst days. It’s something you can create on your own, with a therapist, or with someone you trust.

It usually includes:

Warning signs — what thoughts, feelings, or situations tend to lead you into crisis.
Support network — a few people you can contact when you’re not okay.
Coping strategies — things that help you calm down, distract yourself, or self-soothe.
Professional supports — crisis lines, hospitals, therapists, or walk-in clinics.
Reasons to live — reminders of what’s still meaningful to you, even when life feels impossible.

Having this written out means you don’t have to think in the moment — you can simply follow your plan.

Building a Support Network

When you’re struggling, isolation makes everything worse. Having people you can reach out to — even just one — can be the difference between despair and safety.

Your safety plan might include:

A trusted friend or family member
A therapist or counsellor
A crisis line (in Barrie, you can call 211 any time, day or night)

If you live with family or roommates, you might even share parts of your plan with them. Some people use a code word — a simple phrase that means “I’m not okay and need help,” without having to explain everything.

If you’re a parent or a teen, this can be especially helpful when words feel too heavy.

Creating a Coping Toolbox

When you’re in distress, your brain can’t always access what usually helps — you forget your coping skills, your favorite songs, your routines. That’s why it’s powerful to make a list or a box of things that soothe or ground you before you’re in crisis.

Here are some ideas clients often find helpful:

Listening to music (sad or uplifting — whichever you need)
Writing or doodling
Cleaning or organizing something small
Going outside, walking, or gardening
Spending time with pets
Holding something comforting (a soft blanket, a keepsake, a photo)
Watching a favorite show
Lighting a candle or making tea
Taking a nap — sometimes rest is the most healing thing you can do

You can even make a “comfort box” — fill it with small, tangible things that remind you you’re safe and loved: a letter from a friend, a travel memento, or something that connects you to someone you miss.

When to Use It

A safety plan isn’t only for moments of active suicidal thoughts — it’s for any day that feels too heavy to handle alone. Maybe you’re overwhelmed at work, or you’re driving home and realize you’re not sure you can do another day like this. Those are the moments this plan is made for.

And if you ever feel unsafe or unsure if you can stay safe — please, reach out. Call 911 , go to your local emergency department , or contact 988 in Canada or the U.S.

You do not have to go through those moments alone.

A Note on Hope

When you’re in that dark place, hope can feel like a lie. But hope isn’t about pretending things are fine — it’s about remembering that change is possible.

That’s why your safety plan ends with reasons to live — things that matter to you. Maybe it’s your kids, your pet, your faith, or the dream of seeing the ocean again. They don’t have to be big things — just true ones.

Write them down. Keep them close. They’re your reminder that the story isn’t over yet.

If you are in crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.

You are not alone. There is help, and there is hope.

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If you are struggling, we are here to help. Our team of Registered Psychotherapists is trained to support you through your toughest days and help you create safety plans so you can move forward with hope and help. To book with us, please use https://resetbarrie.janeapp.com

Building Your Mental Health Toolbox, Part 3: The Four Legs of a Balanced Life

Fri, 17 Oct 2025 20:34:49 GMT

Examining Andrew Hallam's table model of finding balance.

Building Your Mental Health Toolbox, Part 3: The Four Legs of a Balanced Life

If you’ve been following this series, you know we’ve been exploring what it means to build a “mental health toolbox”—practical ways to care for your well-being both on the good days and the hard ones.

In Part 1, we looked at how to create good habits for good days.
In Part 2, we talked about coping skills for hard days.
And today, in Part 3, we’re zooming out to look at what makes life feel balanced—what psychologist Abraham Maslow might have called the foundations of well-being, or what author Andrew Hallam calls “the four legs of success.”

Because much like a table, our mental health is only as steady as the supports holding it up.

The Four Legs of a Healthy Life

Hallam’s model is simple but surprisingly comprehensive. He suggests that to feel truly well, you need four steady legs under your “life table”:

Physical and Mental Health
Relational Health
Financial Health (or “Enough Money”)
Purpose and Meaning

If any one of these legs is missing or unstable, the whole table wobbles.

Let’s look at each one—and how you can strengthen them in your own life.

1. Physical and Mental Health: The Body–Mind Connection

This one feels obvious, but it’s easy to neglect. Good mental health depends on physical health, and vice versa. The research is clear: regular movement, good sleep, nutrition, hydration, and manageable stress all contribute to emotional regulation and resilience.

This doesn’t mean chasing perfection. It means paying attention to the basics:

Move your body in ways that feel sustainable.
Prioritize rest and recovery.
Be mindful of what fuels or drains you—both physically and emotionally.

The body and mind are one system. When one is depleted, the other struggles to function well.

2. Relational Health: The Power of Connection

In the longest-running study on happiness (Harvard Study of Adult Development), researchers found one clear takeaway: good relationships keep us happier and healthier.

Connection—whether with family, friends, colleagues, or community—buffers us against depression, improves immunity, and even extends life expectancy.

Relational health doesn’t require having dozens of close friends. It means cultivating a few emotionally safe, reciprocal relationships where you can show up as your authentic self.

If relationships have been hard for you, start small: reach out to one supportive person, or engage in a community activity that feels aligned with your values.

3. Financial Health: Finding “Enough”

Money isn’t everything—but not having enough can significantly impact mental health. Financial stress is linked with higher anxiety, relationship conflict, and physical illness.

That’s why Hallam calls this leg “good enough money health.” The goal isn’t wealth—it’s stability . Enough to cover your needs, handle an emergency, and have some freedom to make choices that align with your values.

There’s solid research showing that once basic needs are met, additional income has a diminishing return on happiness. What matters more is how we use our money—on experiences, security, generosity, and time spent meaningfully.

If finances are a source of stress, consider small, realistic steps: setting a monthly budget, tracking spending, or learning about healthy money habits from credible sources. Sometimes, simply gaining clarity reduces the anxiety that comes from uncertainty.

4. Purpose and Meaning: The Missing Leg for Many

This one can be easy to overlook, but it might be the most vital. Purpose gives our lives coherence—it’s the “why” behind what we do each day.

In the “Blue Zones” (regions of the world with the longest-living populations), one of the common denominators is a strong sense of purpose, often linked with community and spirituality. People in these regions don’t necessarily have more wealth or convenience—but they have meaning.

From a psychological standpoint, purpose gives us hope —a sense that we have both something to aim for and a path to get there. Without it, hopelessness and demotivation can set in. Viktor Frankl’s classic Man’s Search for Meaning describes how purpose helped people survive even the darkest circumstances.

Purpose doesn’t have to mean a grand calling. It can be found in simple things: caring for a family member, serving your community, creating something meaningful, or nurturing your faith.

The key is to ask: What makes my life feel significant? What connects me to something larger than myself?

The Balancing Act

When one of these legs weakens—say, a job loss (financial), conflict in a relationship (relational), or chronic stress (physical/mental)—we often feel it ripple through the others.

That’s normal. Life isn’t static; it’s about ongoing rebalancing. The goal isn’t to perfect all four legs, but to notice when one needs attention and gently adjust.

For example:

If you’re physically healthy but feel isolated, maybe it’s time to reconnect socially.
If you’re financially secure but burned out, maybe you need rest and reflection on purpose.
If you feel adrift, exploring meaning—through faith, creativity, or service—might bring grounding again.

When you think about your own “life table,” which leg feels strongest right now? Which one might need reinforcement?

Your mental health toolbox isn’t just about coping in crisis—it’s about building a stable foundation that helps you thrive. When all four legs are steady, life doesn’t just feel balanced—it feels meaningful.

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If you are struggling to find balance in your life, we are here to help. Our team of Registered Psychotherapists can support you as you establish goals and move forward. To book an appointment, please use https://re setbarrie.janeapp.com

This post is a companion to our podcast, Beyond the Session, which you can find on Spotify or YouTube. This episode features Lindsay Tsang, Registered Psychotherapist and Kathleen Tsang, Registered Social Worker at Reset Counselling & Psychotherapy in Barrie.

Part 2: Building a Mental Health Toolbox: Good Coping Tools for Bad Days

Wed, 08 Oct 2025 14:35:20 GMT

Plan ahead for how you can get through hard days.

If Part 1 of this series was all about creating strong routines for good days, Part 2 is for the other side of things—those not-so-good days when it feels like everything is a bit heavier, harder, or just off.

We all have them. And while it’s easy to fall into self-blame when you’re struggling (“Why can’t I just shake this off?”), the truth is that difficult days are a normal part of being human. Even therapists have them.

Today, we’re talking about how to care for yourself on the hard days —with compassion, realism, and evidence-based tools that can help you navigate the low points a little more gently.

Start with Self-Compassion

When you’re already feeling low, self-criticism can sneak in fast. You might think, I should be coping better than this. But the research on self-compassion , pioneered by psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff, shows that responding to your suffering with kindness instead of judgment actually improves emotional resilience.

So before you do anything else, pause and remind yourself:

“I’m having a hard day. That doesn’t mean I’m failing. It means I’m human.”

If you’re not sure how to be kind to yourself, try this: imagine what you’d say to a friend who was feeling like you are right now. Then say those same words—to yourself.

It might feel awkward at first, but self-kindness has been shown to reduce cortisol (the stress hormone) and increase emotional regulation. It’s one of the simplest, most powerful coping tools you can learn.

Normalize What’s Happening

Bad days can come from all sorts of things—sleep deprivation, hormonal shifts, grief, chronic stress, illness, poor nutrition, or even weather changes. Sometimes there’s an obvious reason. Other times, there’s not.

That uncertainty can make us anxious, but naming what’s happening can help. Try telling yourself:

“Something’s off today. I don’t know why, but I need to take care of myself.”

This is part of emotional regulation —acknowledging your internal state without judging it or needing to fix it right away.

Triage Your Needs

Not all “bad days” are equal. Some are just emotionally rough. Others might signal that you’re unsafe or unwell. Psychotherapists often talk about “triaging” your mental health—checking your basic needs first:

Am I safe right now?
Have I eaten something nourishing today?
Have I slept or rested?
Am I hydrated?
Am I taking my medication as prescribed?

If you’re not safe or are having thoughts of harming yourself, that’s not a bad day—it’s a crisis. Reach out for help: go to your nearest hospital, call 2-1-1 to reach a crisis line, or call 9-1-1 for immediate support.

If your basic needs are met, then it’s time to move into the next layer of coping.

Use the Tools That Fit the Moment

Coping strategies aren’t one-size-fits-all, and on a bad day, your capacity will be different. Think of it like adjusting your expectations. You don’t need to run a marathon—you just need to take the next right step.

Some evidence-based tools that might help:

Grounding techniques — like naming five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear. This helps calm the nervous system and reorient you to the present.
Movement — not necessarily exercise, but gentle motion. Walk around the block. Stretch. Step outside for fresh air. Research shows that even mild movement releases endorphins that support emotional balance.
Connection — text a friend, sit beside someone you trust, or even talk to a pet. Human connection releases oxytocin, which naturally soothes emotional distress.
Reduce stimulation — if you’re anxious or overwhelmed, limit sensory input. Lower the lights, mute notifications, breathe.
Mindful distraction — sometimes the best thing you can do is shift focus: fold laundry, do a puzzle, or watch a comfort show. It’s not avoidance—it’s giving your nervous system time to settle before problem-solving.

Learning from Feedback

Another helpful insight? Pay attention to how the people around you respond. If loved ones seem startled, withdrawn, or worried, it may be a cue that your emotions are overflowing—and it’s time to check in with yourself.

Anger, sadness, irritability, anxiety—they’re all signals, not failures. They tell you something in your internal system needs care.

When to Reset

Sometimes, bad days turn into bad weeks. If you notice that your low mood, anxiety, or lack of motivation is lasting more than two weeks, or significantly affecting sleep, appetite, or work, it might be time to reach out for professional support.

Therapy isn’t just for crisis—it’s a place to learn how to recover faster from the hard days and build resilience over time.

Know when to use it

Part of having a “mental health toolbox” is knowing which tools work for which situations. On good days, you build routines that strengthen your wellbeing. On bad days, you use coping skills that keep you afloat.

It’s not about eliminating the hard moments—it’s about knowing how to meet them with steadiness and compassion.

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If you are in crisis, please call 2-1-1 to speak to someone, or call 9-1-1 if you are in danger of immediate harm.

If you need help planning for bad days, or to debrief an event, our team is here to help. You can book an appointment using https:// resetbarrie .janeapp.com

Building a Morning Routine That Supports Your Mental Health

Mon, 06 Oct 2025 18:31:39 GMT

Small changes can make all the difference in your mental health | Counselling & Psychotherapy Services in Barrie, Ontario

We talk a lot in therapy about what to do when things feel hard—when anxiety creeps up, motivation drops, or life just feels heavy. But there’s something equally important that often gets overlooked: what you do when you’re actually feeling okay.

When your energy is balanced and your mind is clear, that’s the perfect time to build the habits that will support your mental health on the harder days. And one of the best places to start is with your morning routine .

Why Mornings Matter

From a psychological standpoint, mornings are a key window for mental health. Research from cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and behavioural activation shows that the actions you take early in the day influence mood regulation, focus, and motivation later on.

In simple terms: how you start your morning can change how you feel all day.

It doesn’t mean you have to wake up at 5am or take an ice bath (unless that’s your thing). But having a few intentional habits that work for you—not someone else—can make a big difference.

Light, Water, and Movement

I follow a simple three-part rule learned years ago from a book: light, water, movement .

The first thing after waking up is to drink water—hydration helps kickstart your metabolism and signal your body to wake up. Then, getting some natural light—whether by stepping outside or standing by a sunny window—helps regulate circadian rhythms and boosts serotonin levels. Finally, some kind of movement, even gentle stretching, starts shifting the body’s state, which in turn influences the mind.

That’s the essence of CBT in action: change your body state to help change your mental state .

It’s not about perfection or intensity—it’s about consistency and flow. For some, morning exercise feels natural; for others, it’s impossible. The key is finding what helps you transition from rest to wakefulness with presence and intention.

Different Styles, Same Goal

The other half of the duo takes a different route. Instead of exercise right away, the morning begins with quiet “puttering”—making lunches, tidying the kitchen, getting the day organized. It’s movement of a different kind, one that brings order and calm through task completion.

This routine isn’t about performance—it’s about self-regulation . Both styles work because they help create rhythm and predictability, which are foundational to mental health. The goal isn’t to copy someone else’s habits—it’s to understand what helps you feel anchored at the start of your day.

The Myth of the Perfect Morning

If you’ve spent any time scrolling social media, you’ve probably seen “ideal morning routines” that promise productivity and peace. Cold plunges, journaling, green smoothies, sunrise yoga—the list goes on.

And while all of these can be wonderful, they’re not magic formulas. Studies show that mental health improves not because of what you do, but because you do it with intention and consistency .

It’s not about doing everything; it’s about doing something that helps you feel connected to yourself.

Make It Personal

When we work with clients, we rarely say, “Here’s the morning routine you should follow.” Instead, we ask:

What helps you feel most like yourself in the morning?
When do you naturally feel most focused or calm?
What would it look like to start your day five percent more intentionally?

The best routines are built from the inside out. They’re flexible, realistic, and grounded in self-awareness—not guilt or comparison.

Seasons of Routine

Routines change with seasons—literally and metaphorically. There are times when you’ll be consistent and times when life will throw your habits off track. That’s okay.

What matters isn’t perfection; it’s returning to yourself again and again. Even small steps—a glass of water, opening the blinds, three slow breaths before you check your phone—can help you start the day with purpose and direction.

What one small thing could you add—or bring back—to your morning that helps you feel grounded, calm, or ready for the day?

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If you are struggling to get into a routine, or to find balance, we are here to help. Our team of Registered Psychotherapists in Barrie can help you set goals and make a plan to move forward. To book with our therapists, please use https:// resetbarrie .janeapp.com

People Around Us: Why Relationships Shape Our Wellbeing | Counselling & Psychotherapy Services in Barrie, ON

Thu, 02 Oct 2025 15:15:22 GMT

You might feel fed up with people, but it turns out we need each other.

If you’ve ever wondered what truly predicts happiness in the long run, the research is surprisingly consistent: the quality of our relationships matters most. Not our bank accounts, not our job titles, not even our personal achievements—but the people we do life with, and the way we connect with them.

That doesn’t mean you have to be married, or even have a large circle of friends. What matters is the presence of positive, meaningful interactions in your life —the kinds of moments that act as a buffer against stress and remind you that you’re not alone in the world.

Why Relationships Work Like a Buffer

Think about your hardest days at work. Now picture coming home to someone—a spouse, a friend, a child, even a neighbor—you can share that day with. Just talking, laughing, or even venting creates an outlet. It soothes the nervous system. It reconnects us.

Researchers have seen this in companies, too: employees who have supportive leaders and positive interactions at work are less affected by stress, even in high-pressure environments. It’s not that the stress disappears—it’s that connection softens its impact.

The Small Interactions Matter Most

Psychologist John Gottman’s research on marriage shows that happy couples share about 20 positive interactions for every negative one. It doesn’t take grand gestures—often it’s the small things:

A smile when you walk into the room
A quick check-in at the end of the day
Words of encouragement or appreciation
Physical affection, even something as simple as a six-second kiss, which has been shown to release oxytocin—the “bonding hormone”—and even extend life expectancy.

These micro-moments of connection add up. Over time, they become the foundation of resilience.

It's More than Friends & Family

But it’s not just about close relationships. Casual connections matter, too.

Researchers studying long-lived communities—the “Blue Zones”—have found that belonging to a group or community plays a major role in health and longevity. Even small, everyday social ties create a sense of belonging.

Think about the neighbor you wave to while walking your dog, the people you chat with in your fitness class, or the cashier who remembers your name. These “convivial” interactions may seem small, but they nurture trust, ease, and a sense of shared humanity.

Choosing a Life That Makes Space for People

Sometimes, building a connected life isn’t just about habits—it’s about bigger lifestyle choices.

For example, some families choose to live close to work, schools, and daily necessities, freeing up hours otherwise spent commuting. That extra time often translates into evenings spent together in the backyard, dinner around the table, or simply less stress carried home at the end of the day.

Not everyone has the same options, but when possible, it’s worth asking: Does this choice make more space for relationships in my life?

Practical Ways to Build Your “People Buffer”

Prioritize quality time. Call a friend, schedule a coffee, or sit with your kids without multitasking.
Be intentional. If friendships feel hard to come by, start small. Join a class, volunteer, or simply introduce yourself to a neighbor.
Value casual connections. Don’t underestimate the power of small talk and friendly smiles in your daily routines.
Revisit lifestyle choices. When making big decisions—like moving or changing jobs—consider not just finances but how it impacts your time for people.

Sharing Humanity

We often hear about “self-care” in terms of solo activities: meditation, journaling, exercise. Those matter. But relationships are one of the most profound forms of self-care we have.

When we build a life that makes space for people—both close and casual—we’re not just filling our calendar. We’re building a buffer that protects our mental health, lifts our spirits, and, in many cases, helps us live longer.

Maybe it really is time to bring back the “good old days” of chatting with neighbors, picking up the phone, or lingering with family at the end of the day. Because in the end, it’s not about how much we’ve achieved, but how we have related to the people around us.

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If you are struggling in your relationships, we are here to help. To book an appointment, please use https:// resetbarrie .janeapp.com

Photo by Nicholas Green on Unsplash

Living Locally: Designing a Life that Supports Mental Health

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Wed, 11 Jun 2025 13:22:41 GMT

Why Proximity, Purpose, and “Good Enough” Money Matter

Ever catch yourself longing for the “good old days”—when life felt simpler, less rushed, more grounded?

Maybe the truth is that life wasn’t always easier back then, but there was something valuable in the way people used to live: walking places, knowing your neighbors, talking face to face. In today’s busy, sprawling world, those things can feel out of reach. But what if we could bring some of it back—not just in theory, but in how we design our lives?

Our Journey Building a Life Within Reach

One of the best lifestyle choices we’ve made was to build our life within a five-minute radius. Groceries, school, work, the bank—everything essential is close to home. It’s a quiet boundary we set early in our marriage, and it has paid off in big ways.

No long commutes. No hours lost in traffic. Just time—time we can spend decompressing, hanging out in the backyard with our kids, or sitting down for dinner without being exhausted.

It’s not always possible for everyone. Jobs, finances, or housing markets don’t always allow for this kind of convenience. But for us, it became a non-negotiable. And even now, when we sometimes wonder whether we need a bigger house or a different setup, we always come back to the same question:

Is more space worth losing what we’ve built—this stress-free, deeply rooted life where everything we value is close by?

So far, the answer has been no. What we have is rare and precious. And it reminds us that the way we choose to structure our life deeply shapes our mental health.

The Four Legs of a Meaningful Life

A few years ago, we came across a helpful framework from financial author Andrew Hallam, who described life as a four-legged table. If one leg is missing, the table topples. The four legs are:

Physical and Mental Health
Relational Health
Financial Health
Sense of Purpose

That really resonated. Because if we’re being honest, we often try to overcompensate in one area while ignoring another. We pursue work to the point of burnout, hoping financial security will solve our stress. Or we chase purpose while neglecting health or relationships. But the truth is: it all matters.

And how we live—where we live, how long we spend in the car, how much margin we have in our day—impacts all four.

Let’s Talk About Money

It might feel awkward, but we can’t talk about lifestyle design without talking about money. Finances aren’t everything, but they are something. Research shows that financial security—enough money—is directly linked to well-being, especially at lower income levels.

People often say, “Money doesn’t matter,” especially when talking about passion or purpose. And while it’s true that money isn’t the only factor, let’s be real: it’s hard to live with peace of mind if you’re constantly worried about paying rent or stuck in a job that’s draining your soul because you can’t afford a break.

So the question becomes:

What’s “good enough” for you?

What amount lets you live simply, meet your needs, and say yes to the things that matter most?

When we moved to our town, we looked up the median household income. And we set a quiet goal: to reach that number with just one income, so we could have flexibility as a family. That number became a guide—helping us make career and business choices not just based on passion, but on possibility. It also helped us draw boundaries on buying a house or toys that would stretch us beyond that income.

The Hidden Power of Boundaries

So many of the lifestyle “wins” we’ve experienced—less stress, more family time, deeper connection—have come down to one thing:

Clear boundaries.

Living close to the places we need to go.
Choosing not to chase every upgrade.
Being realistic about financial goals.
Saying “no” to a longer commute, even if it meant saying “no” to a bigger house.

It’s not glamorous. But it’s peaceful. And that peace ripples out—into our marriage, our parenting, our sense of purpose, and our overall mental health.

The Takeaway

You can’t control everything in life, but you can make intentional choices about how you live it.

Maybe you can’t live five minutes from everything—but could you shorten your commute by ten? Could you rethink your financial goals with “good enough” in mind? Could you protect some space in your day for rest, connection, and purpose?

These choices—big or small—aren’t just about convenience. They’re about designing a life that actually works.

And that’s something worth fighting for.

If you're struggling to communicate about financial boundaries, goal setting, or you're navigating a life change, we are here to help. Our team of therapists will offer tools and space to guide you through decision making, communication, and framing your thoughts and emotions.

You can book using https:// resetbarrie .janeapp.com

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Photo by Honbike on Unsplash

Relationships: The Key to Lifelong Happiness

Thu, 08 May 2025 19:18:50 GMT

Building good connections with the people around you can boost lifelong mental health.

If you were asked to name the biggest predictor of long-term happiness, what would you say? Financial success? Career accomplishments? Personal freedom? What if it was… relationships?

Not just any relationships, but quality ones—those built on trust, regular positive interactions, and genuine connection. Whether you’re married or single, extroverted or introverted, the research is clear: relationships are a powerful buffer against stress and a vital pillar of emotional well-being.

Why Relationships Matter More Than We Realize

Psychologists have long known that human beings are wired for connection. And it's not just about deep, soul-baring conversations or dramatic declarations of love. The small stuff—the quick smiles, the “How was your day?” check-ins, kissing your spouse—these are the building blocks of emotional resilience.

In fact, studies show that couples who stay happy long-term have a 20:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions . That’s twenty kind, affectionate, or humorous exchanges for every one moment of conflict or criticism. When you're having so many positive interactions, the disagreements and negative sentiments tend to have less impact.

This phenomenon is not limited to romantic relationships. Positive interactions in friendships or even in the workplace can act as a buffer against life’s daily stressors. Research shows that employees with supportive leadership (who give lots of positive interaction) are less likely to suffer the negative impacts of a high-stress work environment. That’s pretty amazing.

Relationships as a Mental Health Buffer

Think about the last time you had a rough day. Maybe work was overwhelming, or parenting drained you completely. Now think about how it felt to talk to someone you trust afterward—a spouse, a friend, maybe even your child. That conversation, that connection, likely soothed something inside of you. It made the burden feel lighter. That’s what relationships do. They give us space to process, regain hope, and remember that we’re not alone.

Extrovert or Introvert? There’s a Fit for You

Let’s be honest—social connection looks different for everyone. If you’re more extroverted, you might need regular, meaningful conversations to feel energized. But if you’re more introverted, community might look like a friendly exchange at your fitness class or seeing familiar faces at the dog park.

There’s even a word for this kind of casual, pressure-free social connection: conviviality .

It’s that web of people around you—neighbors, baristas, dog-walking acquaintances—who bring a subtle, but powerful form of belonging into your daily life. Just a smile and a "hello" can reinforce your place in the world.

Social Media Doesn't Cut It

It's easy to confuse social media for social connection. But studies show that social media interactions, while convenient, lack the emotional depth we truly need. And in some cases, they even contribute to rising levels of depression and anxiety.

The antidote? Go old-school. Pick up the phone. Invite someone for a walk. Linger at the mailbox a little longer to chat with a neighbor. These small choices cultivate the kind of support network that lasts.

A Few Practical Habits That Make a Big Difference

Here are a few small but powerful habits you can start today:

Take five minutes to truly check in with your spouse, partner, or friend. Ask how they’re doing and really listen.
Say something kind every day. Even a simple “I appreciate you” goes a long way.
Kiss your partner for six seconds. (It takes at least that long to trigger the release of oxytocin—the “bonding” hormone.)
Schedule time to call a friend. Especially if you're feeling low—just one good conversation can lift your mood for days.
Engage in your community. Join a class, volunteer, or take a regular walk around the neighborhood. Conviviality counts.

The Bottom Line

We all go through seasons of stress, discouragement, or loneliness. But when you’re surrounded by people you trust—whether they’re lifelong friends or just kind neighbors—you build a buffer that protects your well-being. So go ahead. Send that text. Make that call. Smile at the dog-walker. Hug your spouse a little longer. Your mental health will thank you.

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This blog is a companion to our podcast Beyond the Session featuring team members Lindsay Tsang, Registered Psychotherapist and Kathleen Tsang, Registered Social Worker. You can stream the episode here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5yzh6KkHFlrcmnD4UHUwaD

To book a session, please use https://resetbarrie.janeapp.com

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Building a Mental Health Toolbox: Good Habits for Good Days

Thu, 08 May 2025 17:57:51 GMT

How regular, healthy habits can strengthen and prepare you for tougher days ahead.

When we talk about mental health, the conversation often begins in crisis—what to do when things go wrong. But just as important, and perhaps more powerful in the long term, is the work we do before the storm hits. That’s the foundation of a mental health toolbox : a personalized collection of practices, habits, and strategies that you build when you’re doing well, so you have something sturdy to fall back on when life gets hard.

Today, we’re diving into good habits for good days—those intentional, proactive rhythms that support your mental health while you’re feeling relatively balanced. Think of it as mental health maintenance, not crisis intervention.

What Is a Mental Health Toolbox?

A mental health toolbox is a set of practices, tools, routines, and supports that help you regulate your emotions, care for your body, and maintain a sense of meaning and connection in your life. When created intentionally, it includes:

Daily health routines (sleep, nutrition, movement)
Cognitive and emotional skills (e.g., mindfulness, reframing, gratitude)
Support systems (e.g., relationships, therapy, communities)
Reset practices for hard days (e.g., journaling, nature walks, breathing exercises)

Importantly, your toolbox should be as unique as you are. There’s no one-size-fits-all formula. What works for your therapist, your partner, or your favorite self-help author might not work for you—and that’s okay.

Why Start When You’re Doing Well?

It’s tempting to think of self-care as something we only do when we’re overwhelmed, anxious, or burned out. But the best time to strengthen your habits is when you’re already in a good place. Why?

You have the capacity. Good mental health gives you the clarity and energy needed to try new habits.
It builds resilience. Just like saving money for a rainy day, healthy routines accumulate and give you a buffer for when life gets chaotic.
You're more likely to be consistent. Habits built during peaceful seasons are more sustainable and less reactive.

Step One: Support Your Body First

Before we dive into any advanced techniques or tools, let’s return to the basics: sleep, nutrition, and movement . These are the three foundational pillars of both physical and mental health.

Sleep: Adults need 7–9 hours of consistent, quality sleep. Poor sleep is linked to increased depression, anxiety, and emotional dysregulation.
Nutrition: A diet rich in whole foods (think: leafy greens, healthy fats, good quality protein, and low sugar) can positively influence your mood. What you eat truly affects how you feel.
Movement: Exercise reduces stress hormones and boosts serotonin and dopamine, which are key to a stable mood. Even a 10-minute walk can help regulate your nervous system.

As Lindsay often shares, he begins her day with “light, water, and movement”—a quick morning checklist that aligns with his training in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). It’s a reminder that to shift your mind, sometimes you have to shift your body first.

Step Two: Experiment With Morning Rhythms

Morning routines are deeply personal. Some of us wake up ready to work out and tackle the day, while others prefer to ease into productivity by doing light chores or simply sipping coffee in silence. What matters is that your morning helps set the tone.

Instead of prescribing a “perfect” routine, ask yourself:

What makes me feel grounded in the morning?
When do I feel most energetic, and how can I leverage that time?
What’s one small action I can take each morning to invest in my well-being?

Try to build a rhythm, not a rigid script. Lindsay and Kathleen described how they experimented with joining the “5 a.m. club” after returning from a trip—breaking the early hours into 30-minute chunks for exercise, reading, and personal care. But they also noted that life happens. Kids get sick. Schedules change. Routines fall apart. And that’s okay. The point is progress, not perfection.

Step Three: Use Positive Psychology Tools

Positive psychology offers evidence-based strategies that go beyond “positive thinking.” These tools help you cultivate traits like optimism, resilience, and gratitude—even when nothing is wrong.

Here are a few to try:

Gratitude Journaling: Write down three good things each day. This simple act can boost happiness and reduce depression.
Savoring: Take a few minutes to linger in a positive experience such as enjoying the warmth of your teacup, smelling flowers, or listening to birds.
Strength Spotting: Reflect on moments when you used your personal strengths and how it impacted your day.
Optimism Practice: When faced with challenges, ask yourself, “What’s a possible good outcome here?”

These practices work best when done regularly—like brushing your teeth. Over time, they rewire your brain to notice joy, connection, and hope more readily.

Step Four: Invest in Relationships

Decades of research have shown that the quality of our relationships is one of the strongest predictors of lifelong happiness and mental health. It matters more than money, career success, or even physical health. That doesn’t mean you need dozens of friends or a picture-perfect marriage. But it does mean you benefit from intentional connection.

Some micro-habits to consider:

A six-second kiss or 20-second hug with your partner (John Gottman suggests this releases oxytocin—the “connection hormone”)
Daily check-ins with a loved one
Sending a kind text or compliment each day
Scheduling weekly catch-ups with friends

Positive relationships aren’t built in a day—they’re the result of small, repeated actions that communicate safety, affection, and presence.

Step Five: Plan for Disruption

Life changes. Babies are born. Jobs shift. Illness strikes. Travel happens. These events can completely derail even the best mental health routines. That’s why flexibility is key.

Rather than aiming for a rigid “everyday must look the same” mentality, try:

Seasonal thinking: What worked in one life season might not work in another. Reevaluate every few months.
Grace over guilt: Missed a few days? That’s human. Be kind to yourself and gently resume when you can.
Anchor habits: Identify one or two small things you can always come back to. For some, it’s drinking water. For others, a short walk or journaling.

Your toolbox isn’t static—it grows and evolves with you.

Small Steps, Big Impact

Building a mental health toolbox isn’t about mastering a list of “shoulds.” It’s about getting to know yourself deeply—what supports you, what drains you, and what keeps you rooted. The goal isn’t constant happiness, but resilient well-being —the ability to bounce back and thrive across life’s ups and downs.

Start small. Choose one habit. Add it in on a good day. Let it grow. And remember: every small, healthy rhythm you build will strengthen your ability to cope when things get tough.

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This blog is a companion to our podcast Beyond the Session featuring our Registered Psychotherapist Lindsay Tsang, and Registered Social Worker Kathleen Tsang. You can stream it here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5yzh6KkHFlrcmnD4UHUwaD

To book an appointment, please use https://resetbarrie.janeapp.com

Photo by Oleg Ivanov on Unsplash

The Art of Staying Together: How Communication Can Heal Relationships

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Wed, 09 Apr 2025 13:49:02 GMT

Tweaking the way you talk and listen can change everything.

If I had to choose one word—just one—that represents the heart of what keeps relationships strong and resilient, I would say communication. It’s not a groundbreaking insight; most of us already know that good communication is essential for healthy relationships. But the real challenge is not knowing that—it's knowing what that actually looks like in practice.

So many of us have been told, “Just talk it out,” or “You need to communicate better,” yet we’re left without a clear roadmap. Communication isn’t just about saying words or getting your point across. It’s about connecting, understanding, and navigating conflict in ways that lead to closeness, not more distance. And often, it’s about learning a whole new way of speaking, listening, and even thinking.

Let’s talk through some key elements that can help bring clarity, peace, and connection back into your most important relationships.

Supportive Listening vs. Active Advice-Giving

Let’s start with one of the most common communication pitfalls: mismatched expectations around how we listen and respond.

Broadly speaking—and yes, this is a generalization—women often tend to lean toward supportive listening. They might want to simply vent, feel heard, be hugged, or receive empathy. On the flip side, men often (again, not always) jump into problem-solving mode: “Here’s what you should do.”

This mismatch can create real tension. One person just needs a compassionate ear, while the other is busy fixing the situation. The result? Frustration on both sides. The listener feels helpful, but the speaker feels unheard.

That’s why I often encourage clients to build in some language around expectations. It’s surprisingly simple but profoundly effective to ask or offer clarity upfront:

“Do you want advice or do you just need to vent?”
“I’m not really looking for a solution right now—I just need to say this out loud.”
“What do you need from me in this moment?”

These small statements can transform conversations. They help us meet each other where we are, not where we assume the other person should be.

The Fight-or-Flight Hijack

It’s important to know that during heated conversations or conflicts, your nervous system can hijack your ability to reason. If your heart is pounding, your palms are sweating, and you feel jumpy or tense—your body may be in fight or flight mode.

This is your brain’s survival system taking over, and when that happens, your prefrontal cortex—the logical, thoughtful part of your brain—goes partially offline. This is not the time to try to solve deep emotional issues. So what can we do?

Normalize taking a pause. Let it be okay to say:

“I need a minute.”
“Let’s come back to this tomorrow.”
“I want to keep talking, but I’m not in the right headspace to do it well.”

There’s an old saying: Never go to bed angry. But in practice, that’s often not good advice. Trying to force resolution late at night, especially when you’re exhausted and overwhelmed, can actually escalate the conflict. It’s okay to sleep on it. It’s okay to rest and return later with clearer minds and softer hearts.

The Power of “I” Statements

When it is time to come back together and resolve conflict, how we speak matters deeply.

That’s where “I” statements come in.

Instead of saying:

“You never listen to me.”
“You always care more about your phone than about me.”
“You’re so selfish.”

Try this formula: I feel [emotion] when [situation]. I would like [solution or need].

Example:

“I feel disrespected when you check your phone during dinner. I’d like us to keep phones away from the table.”

It sounds simple, but this small shift changes the tone of the conversation. It removes blame and opens up space for connection rather than defensiveness.

Steel Manning and the Art of Listening Generously

Another powerful tool is something known as steel manning . It’s the opposite of “straw manning”—where we distort the other person’s argument to make it easier to dismiss.

Steel manning is about listening so well that you could argue in their favor. It’s about restating their point in the most generous, accurate, and compassionate way possible.

Try saying:

“What I hear you saying is…”
“It sounds like you feel… because…”
“Let me see if I understand this right…”

And then—here’s the important part—let them confirm or correct you. This back-and-forth might feel clunky at first. But it’s often the difference between a conversation that heals and one that spirals.

When Time Is Tight: Communication in the Real World

Let’s be honest: not every couple has the luxury of hour-long heart-to-hearts. Between kids, commutes, work, and life, time is short.

In those moments, it’s okay to schedule a conversation. Yes, really.

Saying, “Hey, I want to talk about this. Can we make time tomorrow evening?” helps create space while still showing commitment. It also gives everyone time to cool off and collect their thoughts.

And if you're someone who processes internally—perhaps you're more introverted—writing things down first can help. A letter, a note, or a journal entry can clarify your thoughts and reduce the risk of emotional flooding. You might even give your partner the letter to read before you talk, which can be especially helpful for sensitive or emotionally charged topics.

Becoming a Team Again

Sometimes conflict shifts from “us versus the problem” to “me versus you.” That’s a dangerous dynamic—but it’s reversible.

One reframe that many clients find helpful is to say (and believe): “We’re on the same team.”

Instead of trying to win an argument, try to understand each other. Conflict isn’t about scoring points—it’s about reconnecting.

Here are a few ways to help you re-center:

Use affirming language: “I’m on your side,” “I want this to work,” or “I care about you and this matters.”
Practice small daily kindnesses: a “thank you,” a kind note, a small gesture of affection. These build up goodwill and soften the emotional environment.
Be intentional about gratitude: It’s easy to focus on what’s wrong. Make space for what’s going well.

Stretching for Empathy: Practicing Flexibility

One of the best things you can do for your relationships—and your own peace of mind—is to practice perspective-taking.

If your initial thought is, “They did that just to hurt me,” try stretching for another explanation:

“Maybe they were overwhelmed.”
“Maybe they didn’t realize how it would come across.”
“Maybe they’re struggling and haven’t told me yet.”

This doesn’t mean you excuse harmful behavior. It just means you’re widening the lens. People are complex. And often, their actions have more to do with them than with us.

Bringing It All Together

Relationships are messy, beautiful, challenging, and worth fighting for. And communication is the thread that ties it all together.

It’s how we let others into our inner world—and how we learn to live in theirs.

To recap, here are a few practices you might try:

Ask : Do you want advice, or do you want to vent?
Pause when you’re in fight-or-flight. Come back later.
Use “I” statements to express how you feel without blame.
Steel man the other person’s point of view—show you’re really listening.
Schedule conversations if needed. Respect the moment, but don’t avoid the issue.
Shift from me vs. you to us vs. the problem.
Cultivate admiration and gratitude alongside your disagreements.
Practice empathy —even when it’s hard.

No relationship is perfect. But most relationships can become more peaceful, more fulfilling, and more connected—not through more talking, but through more thoughtful communication. And that’s a skill anyone can learn.

If you’re navigating relationship challenges and want support in developing these skills, therapy can be a safe place to explore these tools and practice new patterns. You're not alone in this. Healing starts with understanding—and often, that begins with a single conversation.

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This blog is a companion to our podcast Beyond the Session which features our therapist Andi Atkins (Registered Psychotherapist) and Kathleen Tsang (Registered Social Worker). You can access the episode here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3VXhHuQuqq9qiaCx8u3ycI

If you'd like to book with a therapist, please use https:// resetbarrie .janeapp.com

The Quiet Weight of Loneliness: Juggling Parenting and Relationships

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Sat, 05 Apr 2025 21:05:37 GMT

Giving yourself space in this crazy life season.

In the whirlwind of parenting—especially during the early years—there’s a quiet, persistent thought that tends to echo in the background: Why does it feel so hard to stay connected?

If you’re in the thick of the “crazy kid season”, you’ve likely had that moment in the school parking lot or after a quick text exchange when you thought, I really like this person... but when would I ever have the time to be their friend? It’s a common experience. And no, it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. It just means you’re stretched thin.

One of the most compassionate truths we can offer ourselves in these seasons is this: our capacity is limited. It’s a simple statement, but it runs counter to everything our culture tries to tell us about productivity, connection, and being “enough.” The capacity to nurture deep friendships, manage a household, raise children, maintain a marriage or partnership, stay on top of work, and somehow also have time for ourselves? It’s extremely difficult, and even the most organized people struggle to juggle all the pieces.

In therapy, we often begin not with what's wrong, but with what’s real . And what’s real is that meaningful relationships take energy, presence, and time. And some seasons—especially those marked by new parenthood, transition, grief, or burnout—just don’t offer a surplus of any of those things.

It can be helpful to think of your relationships in terms of concentric circles. At the center is the bullseye: the people you rely on most and share life with daily. For many, that includes a partner, kids, or a close friend. As the circles expand outward, you have friends you love but don’t often see, neighbors, coworkers, extended family, and acquaintances. The key is recognizing who belongs where right now , based on your current capacity—not your ideals, your guilt, or other people’s expectations.

It’s not about ranking people. It’s about being honest with yourself about how much emotional energy you can give, and to whom. And sometimes, someone who used to be in the center might need to shift further out—not because you care less, but because life has shifted. That’s not a failure. That’s adaptation.

The pandemic added an even deeper complexity to all of this. For many parents, particularly those who had babies or young children during lockdowns, the natural pathways for building adult friendships just... vanished. Mommy-and-me classes, local library groups, playdates—all gone. Many people imagined early parenthood filled with community, but instead found themselves isolated, parenting in a vacuum. Even now, years later, the effects of that season linger. Some are still trying to catch up on friendships they never got to form, or mourning the ones that quietly disappeared.

For others, the only adult connection they consistently had was their partner. And while that kind of closeness can be beautiful, it can also carry strain. In an ideal world, we’d all have at least one or two connections outside the home—someone to text at midnight, to vent to after school drop-off, to laugh with about the chaos of it all. But sometimes, that’s just not the season we’re in.

In the therapy room, relationship struggles show up in all kinds of ways. Sometimes clients come in with a vague sense of something being off—overwhelm, sadness, tension—and it takes some digging to uncover that the root issue lies in a strained or absent relationship. Whether it’s a friendship that feels one-sided, a partnership under pressure, or a family connection that brings more harm than support, therapy can provide a much-needed mirror.

Part of the therapist’s role is to offer perspective. When you’re in the middle of a relationship dynamic, it’s hard to see it clearly. You might think something is your fault, or that it’s normal, simply because you’ve adapted to it. But a therapist might gently say, “That’s not okay,” or, “You deserve better,” or even, “This is psychological abuse.” Sometimes we just need someone outside the storm to point out what’s really going on.

And not every relational issue is rooted in conflict. Sometimes there’s grief—over a friendship that faded, a connection that never formed, or a relationship that was lost to distance, time, or miscommunication. That kind of grief is sometimes hard to pinpoint. You may not even recognize it as grief at first. You just feel tired. Disconnected. A little less yourself.

If you’re wondering what to do with all of this, here are a few ideas:

Start by reflecting on who’s in your inner circle right now. Who do you have the emotional energy for? Who lifts you up, and who leaves you drained? It’s okay if the list is short. That’s often a sign of being in a demanding season, not of being a bad friend.

Honor the stage you’re in. Maybe your world is small right now. Maybe most of your relational energy goes to your children or your partner. That’s not something to feel ashamed of—it’s simply reality. Small doesn’t mean inadequate. Sometimes, it just means full.

If there are relationships you’ve lost—through time, distance, or the pandemic—it’s okay to grieve them. It’s okay to name what never was. And it’s okay to feel sadness, even if those friendships ended quietly.

Finally, reach for small connection where you can. A five-minute phone call. A shared coffee or a small chat at school pickup. A voice note instead of a text. Relationships don’t have to be grand to be meaningful. Even brief moments of authenticity can nourish the soul.

Therapy won’t fix your relationships for you. But it can help you see them more clearly, understand your needs, and gently start to realign your inner circles. And if all you take away from therapy is the realization that you’re not failing at friendship—you’re just navigating a season that makes it hard to have friends—then that’s already something deeply healing.

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If you are struggling with relationships, we are here to help. Our team provides counselling and psychotherapy for individuals and couples facing relationship issues, communication struggles, broken families, and those facing postpartum depression, isolation, anxiety and grief during the parenting stage.

This blog is a companion to our podcast Beyond the Session which features our therapist Lindsay Tsang (Registered Psychotherapist) and Kathleen Tsang (Registered Social Worker). You can access the episode here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/73vUz6n1r5eMSHmBvAd9zL?si=rrRidNeQRlmhlW0hjzGEwA

The Power of Relationships: How Human Connections Shape our Mental Health

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Tue, 25 Mar 2025 19:50:57 GMT

Sorting out who is close, who is not, and what relationships you want to prioritize. In-Person Counselling and Psychotherapy in Barrie, Ontario

Relationships are one of the most basic building blocks of our human experience. They bring joy, connection, support, and at times, significant challenges. While romantic relationships often take center stage in discussions about human connection, relationships of all kinds—familial, professional, friendships, acquaintanceships, and even fleeting interactions—can deeply influence our mental well-being.

In a recent conversation with Andi Atkins, a therapist and mother, we explored the intricate nature of relationships and their impact on mental health. Through her experiences and therapeutic insights, we delved into the good, the bad, and the necessary boundaries that help cultivate healthier interactions with those around us.

The Biological and Emotional Need for Connection

As social creatures, our nervous systems are wired for connection. Whether we acknowledge it or not, our mental health is often shaped by the relationships we engage in. Even those who prefer solitude are not immune to the effects of human interaction—whether it’s a meaningful conversation with a close friend or a casual exchange with a barista.

Therapy itself is a testament to the power of relationships. The client-therapist bond creates a safe space where individuals can process emotions, gain new perspectives, and develop strategies to improve their well-being. Outside of therapy, having a strong support system—whether it be family, friends, or a few trusted confidants—significantly contributes to mental resilience.

Understanding Different Levels of Relationships

Sometimes therapists use concentric circles to help clients understand the role of people in their life, similar to a target or dartboard. This exercise helps individuals visualize the different levels of relationships in their lives:

The Bullseye: Yourself – At the core of this model is you, your values, and your well-being.
Inner Circle: This consists of the closest people in your life—those you trust implicitly, confide in during crises, and feel emotionally safe with.
Middle Circles: These include friendships and acquaintances with whom you share common interests, work relationships, and people you interact with regularly but do not necessarily confide in.
Outer Circles: These are people you encounter in passing—store clerks, distant relatives, or even social media acquaintances.

This model is particularly useful in setting boundaries and recognizing where to invest emotional energy. It provides clarity in distinguishing between relationships that nurture well-being and those that may be draining or harmful.

The Evolution of Relationships Over Time

Relationships are not static. As we grow, our social circles shift, sometimes due to life stages, personal growth, or changes in values. Childhood relationships often revolve around family and caregivers, while adolescence marks a shift towards friendships taking precedence. Adulthood brings new dynamics, from romantic partnerships to professional relationships and parenting roles.

It is entirely normal for some relationships to fade over time. The phrase “friends for a season, friends for a reason, friends for a lifetime” perfectly encapsulates the transient nature of many relationships. Some friendships serve a particular purpose—providing support during a difficult time, sharing a common experience, or guiding us through a transition. Others stand the test of time, allowing us to pick up where we left off, regardless of years apart.

Boundaries: The Key to Healthy Relationships

Not all relationships are beneficial. While cultural and familial expectations often dictate closeness, it is essential to recognize when a relationship negatively affects mental health. Setting boundaries is not an act of rejection but rather a practice of self-care. For some, this might mean reducing communication with a family member to occasional phone calls. For others, it could mean stepping away from toxic friendships or workplace relationships that drain emotional resources.

By giving ourselves permission to reassess and re-categorize relationships, we prioritize mental well-being. Whether maintaining distance from certain family members, limiting interactions with negative coworkers, or redefining friendships, boundaries serve as safeguards against emotional depletion.

Leaning Into Healthy Relationships

Conversely, when we have relationships that enrich our lives, it is essential to nurture them. Investing in positive relationships fosters a sense of belonging, trust, and emotional security. Laughter, shared traditions, and mutual support contribute to overall happiness and mental wellness.

The key takeaway? Not all relationships are created equal, nor should they be. Recognizing where people fit in our lives, embracing the natural evolution of connections, and establishing healthy boundaries allows us to cultivate relationships that truly serve our well-being.

Human relationships are complex, ever-changing, and deeply impactful on our mental health. Whether it’s a lifelong friendship, a short-lived but meaningful connection, or a necessary boundary with a family member, the way we navigate these dynamics shapes our emotional resilience.

By understanding where to invest energy and when to step back, we empower ourselves to foster relationships that uplift rather than drain us. After all, the relationships we nurture—whether for a season, a reason, or a lifetime—play a crucial role in our journey toward mental well-being.

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If you are struggling to define or hold boundaries in your relationships, or to nurture important relationships, our team is here to help. We are a team of Registered Psychotherapists in Barrie, Ontario. You can book using https://linds aytsang.janeapp.com

This blog is a companion to our podcast, Beyond the Session, which you can find on Spotify or YouTube. This episode features Andi Atkins, Registered Psychotherapist and Kathleen Tsang, Registered Social Worker at Reset Counselling & Psychotherapy in Barrie. You can stream the full episode here: you can find here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3VXhHuQuqq9qiaCx8u3ycI

Photo by Caleb Jones on Unsplash

Helping our Kids Self-Regulate | Counselling & Psychotherapy in Barrie

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Fri, 14 Feb 2025 02:46:06 GMT

Coaching vs. Controlling: Guiding Emotional Regulation

When adults experience strong emotions, we typically expect them to manage their reactions with self-awareness and control. However, when it comes to children, the approach must be different. Rather than expecting them to regulate themselves immediately, our role as parents and caregivers is to coach them through these big feelings.

Children don’t yet have the tools to self-regulate effectively. When they scream, cry, or throw tantrums, they’re expressing emotions they don’t fully understand. This is where we step in—not to suppress their feelings, but to guide them in expressing their emotions in a way that is both healthy and appropriate.

Interrupting Without Invalidating

A key part of emotional coaching is knowing when and how to step in. While it’s important to validate a child’s emotions, it’s equally important to help them regulate their response. For example, if a child starts screaming in the middle of a store, we need to acknowledge their frustration while also guiding them toward a calmer state. This might look like:

Holding their hand and saying, “I can see that you’re upset. Let’s take a deep breath together.”
Helping them notice their surroundings: “You’re being very loud, and other people around us are getting startled. Let’s use a quieter voice.”
Offering a constructive way to express their emotions: “Can you tell me with your words what’s making you feel this way?”

By doing this, we teach children that their emotions are valid, but their reactions can be shaped in ways that are more constructive and socially appropriate.

The Myth of Catharsis: Why Expressing Anger Aggressively Doesn’t Help

There’s a common misconception that venting anger—whether through yelling, hitting, or acting out—provides relief. Studies show that this actually has the opposite effect; expressing anger in an aggressive manner often intensifies the feeling rather than resolving it.

For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic and you react by yelling and driving aggressively, you likely feel more enraged rather than calmer. The same principle applies to children. If they react to anger by thrashing, hitting, or screaming uncontrollably, they are reinforcing those emotions rather than resolving them.

This is why it’s essential to intervene—not to shut down their emotions, but to show them more effective ways of processing their feelings.

The Power of Safe Spaces

One effective strategy for helping children manage intense emotions is creating designated safe spaces for expression. In our home, we use something we call the screaming chair —a space where children can go to express their frustration without disrupting others. The key to this approach is:

No punishment involved. The child isn’t being sent away as a consequence but is being offered a space to release their emotions safely.
No time limits. They can stay as long as they need to calm down and leave when they are done.
Reassurance of support. Once they’re ready, they are invited to rejoin the family and talk about what happened.

We’ve found that this approach is highly effective. Initially, children may continue to scream, but they quickly realize that they are being given permission to feel their emotions in a safe way. Over time, they begin to self-regulate more effectively and return in a better mood, often more willing to talk about their feelings.

Avoiding the Common Pitfalls

Ignoring the Outburst:

Some parents believe that ignoring tantrums will make them stop. While this may work in some cases, it often makes the child feel unheard, leading to more extreme behavior.

Trying to Fix the Problem Too Soon:

When a child is overwhelmed, they first need to be heard before they can problem-solve. Jumping to solutions can feel dismissive rather than supportive.

Matching Their Energy:

If a child is yelling and a parent yells back, it escalates the situation. Staying calm and using a gentle tone helps model the behavior we want them to learn.

Building Emotional Intelligence for the Future

One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is emotional intelligence. By guiding them through their emotions now, we’re equipping them with skills they will use in friendships, romantic relationships, and professional settings later in life. A child who learns to recognize, express, and regulate their emotions in a healthy way will grow into an adult who can navigate conflict, communicate effectively, and build strong relationships.

And, of course, as parents, we need to practice what we preach. Our children are always watching and learning from how we handle our own emotions. By demonstrating patience, self-regulation, and empathy, we teach them far more than words ever could.

Helping kids regulate their emotions isn’t about controlling them—it’s about guiding them toward self-awareness, resilience, and emotional well-being. With patience, consistency, and compassion, we can set them up for a lifetime of healthier emotional responses and stronger relationships.

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This blog is a companion to our podcast Beyond the Session brought to you by our team members Lindsay Tsang (RP) and Kathleen Tsang (RSW). To hear the full episode please CLICK HERE . Or to book with one of our therapists you can use THIS LINK.

If you are struggling in your parenting, we are here to help. Most of our team members are parents themselves, and besides providing space to be heard and understood, they can help you with self-regulation and tools to help your home become more peaceful. To book, please use https://resetbarrie.janeapp.com

Photo by Arwan Sutanto on Unsplash

How to Support Someone Struggling with Emotional Regulation | Anger Management and Emotional Regulation Therapy in Barrie, ON

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Fri, 14 Feb 2025 02:20:22 GMT

Challenging behaviours without escalating emotions

One of the key challenges in therapy—and in life—is balancing validation with the encouragement to grow. How do we acknowledge and honor emotions while also helping ourselves or others challenge the beliefs that may be keeping us stuck?

This balance is particularly clear in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), especially in areas like anger management. Many people seeking help for anger recognize its impact on their lives and want to change. A structured approach like CBT provides a clear path: first, learning to regulate physical responses to anger, then developing new behavioral strategies, and finally, challenging the thought patterns that fuel it.

Challenging Thought Patterns

A key element in managing emotions is understanding how our thoughts shape them. We often use broad, global statements to make sense of a situation, which can lead to exaggerated emotional responses. For example, if someone is in a bad mood, we might immediately think, Here we go again. They’re always like this. Poor me. These kinds of thoughts intensify emotions and make us defensive.

Instead, we need to challenge the pervasiveness and permanence of our interpretations. A healthier response might be: This situation is frustrating, but I know this person is generally kind. Right now, they’re struggling with something, and this moment doesn’t define them. By making our interpretations more localized and temporary, we can respond more objectively and regulate our emotions more effectively.

Providing Support Without Escalation

So how do we respond to someone experiencing strong emotions? Do we always step back, or do we engage? The key is to delay problem-solving and instead offer presence and validation.

The most effective approach is to resist the urge to fix or defend. Instead, practice empathy: I can see why you feel that way. Even if you don’t fully agree, validating someone’s experience helps them feel heard, which in turn lowers emotional intensity.

If emotions are directed at us, staying calm and offering support without fueling the fire is crucial. A simple, non-threatening approach can be: I’m here. I see that you’re upset. Let me know how I can support you. Avoid phrases like calm down or you’re overreacting, which can escalate emotions rather than diffuse them.

Creating Space for Emotional Regulation

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, as different people process emotions differently. Some may need space, while others benefit from a conversation, a walk, or a shared activity. The goal is to create a space where emotions are acknowledged but not allowed to take over.

Sometimes, silence is the best response. Simply being present, listening, and allowing emotions to settle can be more powerful than any words. When emotions are given space without judgment, they tend to lose their intensity, making room for clarity and resolution.

The Path to Emotional Mastery

Balancing validation with growth is a skill that requires ongoing practice. By acknowledging emotions without letting them dictate our actions, we foster both self-awareness and resilience. Whether in therapy or daily interactions, this balance allows us to support both ourselves and others in navigating emotions in a way that leads to true healing and growth.

Photo by Thiago Barletta on Unsplash

Learning to Lead My Emotions | Reset Counselling & Psychotherapy in Barrie, ON

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Fri, 14 Feb 2025 01:45:25 GMT

Instead of losing control, you can learn emotional resilience

Leading My Emotions

Emotions can feel overwhelming, unpredictable, and even out of control at times. This is why many people instinctively suppress them, believing that if they ignore their feelings, they will somehow disappear. However, emotions that are ignored don’t simply vanish; they continue to influence our thoughts, behaviors, and reactions, often in ways we don’t recognize. The key to managing our emotions isn’t suppression—it’s leadership.

One of the core ideas in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is the concept of self-leadership . This approach suggests that our core self should take the lead in managing our emotions, rather than being ruled by them. Instead of letting emotions drive our decisions unchecked, we can approach them with curiosity and compassion, giving them space to be heard without allowing them to dictate our actions.

Developing Emotional Awareness

As therapists, we guide clients through a process of identifying emotions, understanding their roots, and determining their impact. This process involves asking key questions like:

What is going on right now?
How am I feeling about this situation?
What belief is underlying this emotion?
Is this belief entirely true, or is it an overgeneralization?

When we consistently practice this kind of reflection, we begin to recognize our emotions for what they are—messages from within us, not uncontrollable forces that dictate our actions.

A Personal Reflection on Leading Emotions

Imagine waking up in a fog of frustration. You go about your morning routine, but there’s an underlying tension that won’t go away. Many people push through their day, unaware of what’s fueling their mood. But a self-led approach means pausing to ask, What is at the heart of this feeling?

By taking a moment to reflect, we might recognize that our frustration stems from something as small as feeling that a situation is unfair—perhaps a partner is still asleep while we’re handling the morning responsibilities. But once we name it, we realize how irrational it sounds. The same situation happens in reverse all the time. By identifying the emotion, acknowledging the belief behind it, and challenging its validity, we can shift our emotional state and change our behavior.

This is how we reclaim control—not by suppressing our emotions, but by leading them.

Practical Steps for Emotional Leadership

Identify and Name Your Emotions – Instead of being swept away by emotions, pause and name them. Are you feeling resentful? Overwhelmed? Lonely? Naming emotions reduces their power over you.
Acknowledge the Story Behind the Emotion – Every emotion is tied to a belief. Ask yourself, What belief is fueling this feeling? Is it completely true, or does it need to be reexamined?
Challenge Automatic Reactions – When an emotion arises, resist the impulse to act immediately. Instead, reflect on whether your response is aligned with your values and goals.
Practice Self-Compassion – Rather than judging your emotions as good or bad, approach them with curiosity and understanding. They are signals, not threats.
Shift Your Behavior – Once you understand your emotions, you can choose a response that aligns with your best self. This could mean taking a deep breath, adjusting your perspective, or engaging in a positive action.

The ability to lead our emotions rather than be led by them is a skill that takes practice, but it is one of the most powerful tools we have for emotional resilience and personal growth. Instead of being afraid of our emotions, we can learn from them, guide them, and ultimately use them to strengthen our relationships and inner stability. By becoming the leader of our internal world, we create space for deeper self-awareness, stronger emotional regulation, and a more intentional, fulfilling life.

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This blog is a companion to our podcast Beyond the Session, brought to you by our team of registered psychotherapists in Barrie, ON. To listen to the full show, please CLICK HERE . If you'd like to book an appointment, please use THIS LINK .

Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk on Unsplash

Reframing our Feelings using CBT tools | Counselling & Psychotherapy in Barrie, ON

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Fri, 14 Feb 2025 01:03:41 GMT

Taking a new angle on your emotions.

The Role of Self-Reflection in Emotional Regulation

One of the most valuable skills in emotional growth is the ability to step back, recognize what we’re feeling, and reflect on the deeper beliefs driving those emotions. As therapists, we often guide clients through this process—helping them identify their emotions, question underlying assumptions, and reframe their thoughts.

This practice isn't just about emotional expression; it’s about emotional mastery. The ability to name, explore, and shift emotions fosters self-awareness and resilience.

Why Ignoring Emotions Doesn’t Work

Many people navigate their days without pausing to acknowledge what they’re feeling. They move from task to task, letting emotions simmer beneath the surface. However, unprocessed emotions don’t simply disappear—they continue to influence thoughts, behaviors, and interactions.

For instance, if someone wakes up in a bad mood, they may attribute it to minor inconveniences—spilled coffee, heavy traffic, or a forgotten task. But these external frustrations are often symptoms of a deeper emotion that remains unacknowledged. Until that core feeling is recognized, it will continue to shape the person’s reactions throughout the day.

The Three-Step Process of Emotional Reflection

Pause and Name the Feeling

Instead of dismissing emotions, practice identifying them with precision. Are you angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, or disappointed? Naming an emotion gives it shape and reduces its intensity.

Identify the Belief Behind the Emotion

Ask yourself: What is at the heart of this feeling? Often, our emotions are tied to underlying beliefs. If someone feels frustrated while taking care of household responsibilities, they might realize they’re harboring the belief that they’re shouldering an unfair burden. Recognizing this can prevent misplaced resentment and allow for clearer communication.

Reframe and Adjust

Once the belief is identified, it’s easier to challenge and reframe it. Instead of thinking, This is unfair, I always do everything, a person might realize, This is a momentary frustration, and in reality, responsibilities in my relationship are balanced overall. Shifting perspective can drastically change emotional responses and subsequent behaviors.

Putting It Into Practice: A Real-Life Example

Imagine waking up early to take care of household chores while your partner is still asleep. A cloud of frustration builds, and irritation seeps into your actions. By pausing and naming the feeling—perhaps resentment or exhaustion—you can begin to explore why you feel that way. Maybe the underlying belief is I’m doing this alone, and it’s not fair. But upon reflection, you might recognize that your partner regularly takes on other responsibilities, and this one moment doesn’t define the relationship’s balance.

By reframing the thought, the frustration dissipates, allowing for a more positive shift in behavior. Instead of remaining irritable, you might choose to interact with your family with warmth and presence.

The Interplay Between Thought and Emotion

Our emotions are often symptoms of our thoughts. When we experience a strong emotional reaction, it can be a cue to examine the thoughts fueling that response. However, this doesn’t mean emotions should be ignored. Rather, they should be acknowledged, understood, and processed in a way that allows for healthy emotional regulation.

By developing the skill of emotional reflection, we gain control over how we respond to life’s stressors. Instead of being swept away by emotions, we learn to observe them, understand them, and ultimately reshape them in ways that serve us better.

Self-reflection and emotional awareness are powerful tools for personal growth and relationship health. By naming our emotions, questioning our assumptions, and consciously reframing our thoughts, we cultivate greater emotional resilience. With practice, this process becomes second nature—allowing us to move through life with a greater sense of clarity, balance, and emotional well-being.

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This blog post is a companion to our podcast Beyond the Session brought to you by Reset Counselling & Psychotherapy's very own team in Barrie, Ontario. You can listen to the full podcast if you CLICK HERE. If you'd like to book, then FOLLOW THIS LINK . Cheers!

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Meta-Emotion: Noticing and Naming your feelings

Thu, 13 Feb 2025 19:24:25 GMT

How a birds-eye view on your emotions can help your communication.

In relationships, one of the most transformative realizations is that not everyone processes emotions in the same way. Sometimes, when we react strongly to a question or situation, it’s not just about what’s happening in the moment—it’s about where we come from, our upbringing, and the emotional frameworks we’ve developed over time. Recognizing these differences allows us to respond more appropriately and thoughtfully in emotionally charged situations.

For instance, if someone asks a personal question, one person might find it intrusive, while another sees it as a sign of care. Understanding that the intent behind the question is rooted in concern rather than intrusion can shift how we emotionally process the interaction. This level of self-awareness allows us to regulate our reactions rather than stewing over a situation for days.

What is Meta-Emotion?

Meta-emotion refers to how we feel about our emotions. Some people are comfortable sitting with difficult feelings, while others find them overwhelming and instinctively push them away. This concept is crucial in therapy, particularly in couples counseling, where emotional reactions can either foster connection or drive a wedge between partners.

When one person struggles with their partner’s negative emotions, they may default to problem-solving rather than listening. However, trying to fix emotions rather than validating them can lead to miscommunication and emotional disconnection. Instead, developing a stronger ability to tolerate and understand emotions—both our own and our partner’s—enhances emotional resilience and deepens relationships.

Developing Emotional Self-Awareness

Some people naturally regulate their emotions well, while others may need to actively develop this skill. Emotional self-awareness involves recognizing and naming emotions as they arise. It also means acknowledging that emotions are transient and do not have to dictate our actions.

For example, if someone who is usually easygoing experiences anger, they might struggle to process it because it feels foreign or uncomfortable. Instead of immediately reacting, they can recognize that they’re experiencing anger, communicate their need for space, and allow the emotion to pass without suppressing or overanalyzing it. This level of awareness helps prevent unnecessary conflict and allows for healthy emotional processing.

Practical Steps to Strengthen Meta-Emotion

Label Your Emotions in One Word – Instead of explaining a situation in detail, practice summing up your feelings in a single word. Are you frustrated, overwhelmed, or disappointed? Identifying the core emotion helps in understanding and regulating it.
Communicate Emotional Needs Clearly – Expressing emotions doesn’t always mean discussing them at length. Simply saying, “I just need to be upset for a little while, but I’ll be okay,” allows others to support you without trying to fix the situation.
Recognize Emotional Triggers – Pay attention to what situations or interactions tend to provoke strong emotions. Are they linked to past experiences or ingrained beliefs? Understanding your triggers helps prevent disproportionate emotional reactions.
Give Yourself and Others Permission to Feel – If you’re feeling emotionally heightened, acknowledge it and communicate it. For example, saying, “I’ve had too much caffeine, and I’m feeling irritable,” can prevent misinterpretations and allow others to respond with patience.
Practice Emotional Validation – Instead of dismissing emotions, recognize them as valid experiences. Whether it’s your own feelings or someone else’s, acknowledging them fosters connection and emotional intelligence.

To sum it up..

Emotional awareness and meta-emotion skills are essential for building strong relationships and maintaining inner balance. By understanding our own emotional responses and respecting the emotional experiences of others, we create deeper connections and healthier interactions. Through practice and self-reflection, emotional intelligence can be cultivated, allowing for more meaningful communication and greater emotional well-being.

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This blog is a companion to our podcast Beyond the Session brought to you by our team in Barrie. You can CLICK HERE to listen or you can book a session using THIS LINK .

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Using Emotions to Let Others into Our World

Thu, 13 Feb 2025 19:13:59 GMT

How you can let down your guard and build connection.

Are We Good at Talking About Our Emotions?

One of the biggest challenges in psychotherapy is helping clients differentiate between talking about emotions and actually expressing their feelings. Many people believe they are sharing their emotions when, in reality, they are only discussing their thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions surrounding them. This can lead to misunderstandings in relationships and internal struggles with emotional processing.

On the other end of the spectrum, some individuals struggle to talk about emotions at all. The vulnerability involved in expressing true feelings can feel overwhelming, leading to emotional suppression. These two pitfalls—intellectualizing emotions without truly feeling them and avoiding emotions altogether—can both present barriers to personal growth and connection with others.

The Three Levels of Emotional Expression

A helpful way to visualize emotional expression is through the concept of three concentric circles:

The Surface Level (Outer Circle) – This includes everyday, factual conversation. It’s easy to talk about what happened in our day—what we had for breakfast, our work schedules, hobbies, or even frustrations about traffic. This level is comfortable and non-threatening.
The Emotional Level (Middle Circle) – Here, we move beyond surface-level discussions and start talking about how events make us feel . This is the point at which vulnerability begins. Sharing that you’re frustrated, anxious, or excited about a situation requires trust and self-awareness.
The Meaning and Symbolism Level (Inner Circle) – The deepest level of emotional expression involves exploring the meaning behind our emotions. What does a particular experience symbolize? How does it connect to our past experiences or deeply held beliefs? This level requires deep introspection and is often where true healing in therapy takes place.

Understanding these levels can help clients recognize where they are in their emotional communication and where they might want to challenge themselves to go deeper.

Cultural and Upbringing Influences on Emotional Expression

Our ability to express emotions is shaped by our upbringing and cultural background. In some families, openly discussing feelings is encouraged, while in others, emotional restraint is valued. For example, those raised in households influenced by British or Scottish cultural norms may have absorbed a "stiff upper lip" mentality, where emotional endurance is seen as strength and vulnerability as a weakness. In such environments, discussing emotions can feel uncomfortable, selfish, or even inappropriate.

Therapists often help clients explore the cultural and familial influences that shape their emotional expression. Understanding where these patterns originate can provide valuable insight and help clients develop new, healthier ways of communicating their emotions.

Bridging Emotional Differences in Relationships

A powerful example of emotional differences can be seen in how different people show care and concern. In some families, when someone is hurting, it is considered intrusive to ask questions about their emotions—offering space is seen as a sign of respect. In contrast, in other families, asking questions and engaging in discussion is the primary way to show care and support.

When these two communication styles clash, misunderstandings can arise. For example, someone who is used to open discussions about emotions might feel ignored if their partner doesn’t ask them how they’re feeling. Conversely, someone from a more reserved emotional background might feel uncomfortable or even invaded when asked too many personal questions.

Recognizing these differences can help clients navigate emotional conversations with loved ones more effectively. Instead of reacting defensively, they can acknowledge that the other person’s approach stems from a different emotional upbringing and adjust their expectations accordingly.

Developing Emotional Awareness and Regulation

So how can clients improve their ability to express emotions?

Build Emotional Vocabulary – Many people struggle to articulate their emotions simply because they lack the words. Expanding emotional vocabulary can make it easier to express feelings accurately. Instead of just saying "I'm stressed," try identifying whether it’s anxiety, frustration, overwhelm, or sadness.
Practice Emotional Reflection – Regularly check in with yourself. Journaling or simply taking a few minutes each day to identify your emotions can strengthen self-awareness.
Challenge Emotional Avoidance – If talking about emotions feels uncomfortable, start small. Share a feeling with someone you trust, even if it’s just naming an emotion without diving into details.
Recognize the Role of Meta-Emotion – Meta-emotion refers to how we feel about our own emotions. Some people are comfortable sitting with difficult feelings, while others might feel shame, frustration, or fear when emotions arise. Understanding this concept can help clients break negative cycles of emotional avoidance.

Learn more

Emotional expression is a skill that takes practice, especially for those who have been conditioned to suppress or intellectualize their feelings. Understanding the levels of emotional depth, the influence of cultural background, and strategies for emotional growth can help clients navigate their emotional world with greater confidence and clarity.

Therapy provides a safe space to explore emotions and develop a deeper understanding of oneself. By embracing vulnerability and learning to communicate emotions effectively, clients can experience more meaningful connections and a greater sense of emotional well-being.

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This blog is a companion to our podcast Beyond the Session brought to you by our team in Barrie, ON. To listen to this episode please click THIS LINK . If you'd like to book a session, you can CLICK HERE.

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Recognizing and Regulating Emotions

Thu, 13 Feb 2025 19:01:55 GMT

How you can master the art of self-regulation.

Have you ever noticed how movies can evoke powerful emotions in you? Whether it's the gut-wrenching action of "Sisu" or the tension-filled narrative of "Vantage Point," films have a way of triggering deep-seated emotional and physiological responses. But how often do we pause to examine what’s happening inside us when we experience these emotions? This is a central question in psychotherapy—how do our emotions manifest, and what role do they play in our mental well-being?

Understanding Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and respond to emotional experiences in a balanced way. In therapy, we explore emotions not as problems to be eliminated but as signals that guide us toward understanding our thoughts, behaviors, and relationships.

For example, think about the fight, flight, or freeze response. This is a physiological reaction to perceived threats, where emotions like fear or anger surface. These emotions serve an essential purpose: they alert us to danger and prepare our bodies to respond. However, when these emotional responses become chronic or excessive, they can interfere with daily life and relationships.

Therapists often help clients distinguish between the physiological aspect of emotions (increased heart rate, muscle tension) and the psychological aspect (thoughts and interpretations). By recognizing these distinctions, individuals can learn to regulate their emotions effectively rather than being overwhelmed by them.

When Do Emotions Become a Problem?

Emotions in themselves are neither good nor bad. However, they can become problematic when they are either suppressed or expressed in a way that harms oneself or others. A useful way to frame this is: our strengths, when taken too far, can become our weaknesses.

Take anger, for example. At its core, anger is a response to a perceived injustice or a boundary being crossed. It can serve a protective function, signaling that something is wrong. However, when anger spirals out of control—leading to aggression, resentment, or destructive behavior—it becomes problematic. The goal is not to eliminate anger but to channel it in a constructive way.

This principle applies to all emotions. Fear can keep us safe but can also become paralyzing. Sadness can help us process loss but can become debilitating if it turns into chronic despair. Joy can uplift us, but excessive pursuit of happiness can lead to impulsivity or avoidance of necessary discomfort.

Building Emotional Awareness in Therapy

One of the first steps in therapy is helping clients recognize their emotional patterns. A simple yet effective technique is frequent emotional check-ins. Therapists might ask, “What are you feeling right now?” This moment of reflection allows clients to become aware of their emotional state in real time.

Clients often realize that they have been on autopilot, reacting to life without noticing their emotions. By regularly pausing to identify their emotions, they develop greater self-awareness. Over time, this awareness extends beyond therapy sessions, helping them navigate daily life with greater emotional intelligence.

Practical Techniques for Emotional Regulation

There are several evidence-based techniques that therapists use to help clients regulate their emotions:

1. Body Regulation Techniques

Since emotions are deeply connected to physiological states, techniques that relax the body can have a profound impact. These include:

Deep breathing exercises to activate the parasympathetic nervous system.
Progressive muscle relaxation to release tension.
Grounding exercises (e.g., noticing five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, etc.) to bring attention back to the present moment.

2. Cognitive Reframing

Often, our emotional responses are influenced by our interpretations of events rather than the events themselves. Cognitive reframing helps individuals shift their perspective to a more balanced view. For example, instead of thinking, "I failed, so I’m not good enough," a more constructive reframe might be, "I struggled with this, but I can learn and improve."

3. Naming Emotions with Precision

A simple yet powerful exercise in therapy is learning to describe emotions in one or two words. Instead of lengthy explanations, therapists encourage clients to distill their feelings into precise terms like "angry," "lonely," or "frustrated." This practice prevents clients from getting lost in analysis and instead focuses on identifying and addressing emotions directly.

4. Mindfulness and Emotional Acceptance

Rather than suppressing or avoiding emotions, mindfulness helps clients observe their emotions without judgment. This approach fosters a healthier relationship with emotions, allowing them to pass naturally rather than intensifying due to resistance.

Applying These Techniques Beyond Therapy

The benefits of emotional regulation extend far beyond the therapy room. Consider relationships—many conflicts arise when emotions are either ignored or expressed in unhelpful ways. Parents, for instance, often guide their children through big emotions. When a child screams over a toy being taken away, the goal is not to invalidate their feelings but to help them express their frustration in a way that fosters understanding rather than conflict.

Similarly, in adult relationships, unchecked emotional reactions can lead to cycles of resentment and misunderstanding. Learning to express emotions constructively strengthens connections rather than damaging them.

Emotional awareness is a skill that can be cultivated. Whether in therapy or daily life, taking the time to recognize, understand, and regulate emotions leads to greater well-being and healthier relationships. Just like watching an intense movie, our emotions might take us on a rollercoaster ride—but with the right tools, we can learn to navigate them rather than be consumed by them.

This blog is a companion to Season 1 Episode 5 of our podcast Beyond the Session brought to you by our team of psychotherapists in Barrie, Ontario. You can click HERE to listen, or if you'd like to book a session you can follow this LINK .

Photo by Marijana Vasic on Unsplash

How to "Build In" Everyday Mindfulness

Thu, 06 Feb 2025 01:07:08 GMT

Making mindfulness work for your life.

Mindfulness has become an essential tool in mental health support, yet its effectiveness lies in how it is introduced and tailored to each individual. It is not about following a prescribed formula but rather about helping people discover what works for them. In therapy, mindfulness helps individuals to check in with themselves, recognize their needs, and develop strategies that fit their unique lives.

Building Mindfulness into Daily Routines

One of the biggest challenges of practicing mindfulness is finding the time for it. Many people, especially those balancing work, family, and personal responsibilities, struggle to create space for self-reflection. The key is not to add another task to an already overwhelming schedule but to integrate mindfulness into existing routines.

A person-centered approach in therapy ensures that individuals find their own solutions rather than being given generic advice. Instead of suggesting a rigid practice, therapists encourage clients to examine their own daily habits. By walking through their routines and identifying small moments to pause—such as an extra 30 seconds while brushing their teeth—clients can naturally incorporate mindfulness without feeling pressured.

Attaching mindfulness to an already established habit increases the likelihood of success. Over time, these small pauses become second nature, helping individuals check in with themselves regularly without disrupting their day.

Measuring Progress in Mindfulness Practices

Unlike structured therapeutic interventions like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), where progress can be tracked through worksheets and exercises, the effectiveness of mindfulness is often measured through personal experience. Rather than relying on external validation, individuals reflect on their own emotional and mental shifts.

Therapists facilitate this by asking open-ended questions such as:

What changes have you noticed since taking a few moments for yourself in the morning?
Has this shift influenced how you handle stressful situations, like getting the kids ready for school?
Do you feel more grounded or present throughout the day?

This qualitative feedback allows clients to recognize their own growth. When mindfulness is working, individuals often report feeling more in control, less reactive, and more aware of their emotional states. Conversely, if a strategy does not feel helpful, it can be adjusted or replaced with something that better suits their needs.

Frustration with Mindfulness

Not everyone finds mindfulness easy to implement. Some individuals struggle to connect with the practice, leading to frustration. In therapy, this is an opportunity for exploration rather than discouragement.

A common mistake is assuming that mindfulness must look a certain way—such as sitting in stillness or engaging in deep meditation. However, mindfulness can take many forms, including movement-based practices, creative expression, or even structured breathing exercises. Even simple actions such as stopping to smell food before eating it can be a moment of mindfulness, bringing awareness to the present moment. By tailoring the approach to the individual, mindfulness becomes a flexible tool rather than an obligation.

Therapists also emphasize that mindfulness is not about immediate success. Change happens gradually, and setbacks are a natural part of the process. By allowing individuals to explore different techniques and make adjustments along the way, mindfulness remains accessible and sustainable.

Mindfulness in Trauma Therapy

While mindfulness can be a powerful tool, it must be introduced with care—especially in cases involving trauma. Encouraging someone to become more present in their body or emotions may inadvertently trigger painful memories or distressing sensations.

Therapists assess a client’s readiness for mindfulness by considering factors such as:

Their emotional stability and ability to tolerate distress
Their history of trauma and current coping mechanisms
Their support system outside of therapy

In cases where mindfulness could overwhelm a client, therapists may start with grounding techniques instead. These strategies focus on bringing awareness to the present moment in a way that feels safe, such as using the five senses to identify sights, sounds, textures, smells, and tastes. This approach helps individuals regulate their nervous system without forcing them into distressing memories.

Before diving into deeper trauma work, therapists ensure that clients have tools to navigate emotional intensity safely. The goal is not to push someone into painful experiences before they are ready but to provide them with the resources to process those emotions at their own pace.

Mindfulness as a Moment to Pause

Ultimately, mindfulness is about bringing thoughts back to the present. It is not about achieving a perfect state of calm or eliminating negative emotions—it is about learning to recognize, understand, and respond to emotions, thoughts and feelings in a way that feels intentional.

By personalizing mindfulness practices, tracking progress through lived experiences, and ensuring ethical implementation, therapy provides a safe and supportive environment for individuals to explore self-awareness. Whether it is a simple pause in the morning or a structured breathing exercise, mindfulness becomes a practical, everyday tool for fostering emotional resilience and well-being.

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This blog is a companion to our podcast Beyond the Session which is a free resource created by our team at Reset Counselling & Psychotherapy. To hear the episode you can visit https://open.spotify.com/episode/3bPJbHplDu7t1M3dwP57NU

If you would like to book with one of our therapists, please use https://lindsaytsang.janeapp.com

Photo by Vitolda Klein on Unsplash

Mindfulness for Busy People

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 21:06:41 GMT

3 little ways you can set priorities and reduce stress

Life often demands more than seems possible. Whether juggling work, family responsibilities, or personal goals, the sense of constantly being on autopilot is all too familiar. Yet, creating small moments of mindfulness—pausing to check in, breathe, and acknowledge personal limits—can be a transformative way to regain a sense of balance.

Mindfulness as a Tool for Checking In

Many people struggle with the idea of mindfulness because it is often associated with clearing the mind completely. However, true mindfulness is not about silencing thoughts but rather about observing them without attachment. Instead of attempting to push thoughts away, mindfulness encourages simply noticing them as they come and go.

A simple practice is allowing thoughts to pass through the mind without grasping onto them. For example, a thought like I need to get gas might surface. Rather than immediately jumping to action or worrying about where the nearest gas station is, the practice is to simply acknowledge the thought— Oh, I need gas —and then let it drift away. This approach reduces mental clutter while still allowing space for important thoughts to be addressed when necessary.

For some, writing thoughts down on paper serves a similar purpose. By jotting them down, there is an acknowledgment that they exist, but they are no longer taking up mental energy in the present moment. This simple act of externalizing thoughts can provide clarity and relief.

The Power of Organization: The "Three Lists" Approach

When life feels overwhelming, organization can help bring a sense of control. Self-development coach Lisa Nichols promotes an approach using three lists:

Things I Need to Do – Essential tasks that must be completed.
Things I Want to Do – Aspirational goals that bring fulfillment.
Things I Would Love to Do but Will Likely Never Do – Dreams that may not be realistic for this phase of life.

The last list is particularly powerful because it provides clarity around lifelong desires versus practical realities. A person may dream of becoming a professional ballet dancer but recognize that, given their current commitments, it isn’t realistic. Acknowledging this doesn’t mean giving up on the essence of the dream—it simply shifts the focus. Instead of ballet, they may sign up for a jazz class, fulfilling their need for creative movement in a way that fits their life.

Breaking tasks, goals, and dreams into categories like this can reduce the feeling of being pulled in too many directions. It also provides a structured way to prioritize and adjust expectations with self-compassion.

Spoon Theory: Understanding Personal Capacity

Another valuable framework for managing energy and responsibilities is Spoon Theory , a concept originally developed to describe the experience of chronic illness but widely applicable to anyone managing limited energy. Imagine a person starts the day with a certain number of spoons—each representing energy for daily tasks. Activities like working, cooking, parenting, or socializing all require spoons. Once they run out, there is nothing left to give.

Understanding this metaphor can help people gauge their daily limits and communicate them effectively. Instead of feeling guilty for not being able to take on another obligation, someone might simply say, I don’t have enough spoons for that today. This promotes self-awareness and encourages healthier boundaries in relationships.

Mindfulness and Boundaries in Relationships

Practicing mindfulness also enhances relationships by fostering clearer communication about personal limits. Relationship expert Brené Brown describes a strategy similar to Spoon Theory, where partners check in with one another by expressing their current emotional and energy levels as percentages. If one partner says, I’m at 40% today , the other might offer support or adjust expectations accordingly.

This level of communication fosters mutual understanding, preventing burnout and resentment. Similarly, parents, caregivers, and professionals can benefit from recognizing their own limitations and setting realistic expectations for themselves and others.

The Role of Mindfulness in Building a Balanced Life

Mindfulness is not about forcing a rigid practice into daily life—it’s about taking intentional moments to check in. Whether through structured breathing exercises, journaling, or simply pausing for five minutes with a cup of coffee, these small acts create space for self-awareness.

By regularly assessing personal capacity, setting realistic goals, and communicating limits with others, it becomes easier to navigate life with greater ease. Rather than constantly reacting to external demands, mindfulness allows space to make intentional choices—leading to a more balanced, fulfilling life.

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This blog is a companion to our podcast Beyond the Session: Season 1 Episode 4: Using Mindfulness in Therapy with Registered Psychotherapist Sarah Graham. To listen to the episode you can visit https://open.spotify.com/episode/3bPJbHplDu7t1M3dwP57NU

To book with one of our therapists, please use https://lindsaytsang.janeapp.com

Photo by mauro mora on Unsplash

Using Mindfulness to Regain Control

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 20:59:16 GMT

How mindfulness tools can help bring you back to the present

Mindfulness has become a widely used term in discussions about mental health and well-being, yet it is often misunderstood. Some associate it with meditation or spirituality, while others dismiss it as impractical or unnecessary. However, at its core, mindfulness is simply the practice of being present and aware of one’s thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations—without judgment.

In psychotherapy, mindfulness is not about forcing clients to sit in silence or engage in spiritual practices they may not resonate with. Instead, it is a flexible tool that can be seamlessly integrated into therapy sessions to help individuals manage stress, anxiety, and emotional regulation.

Mindfulness: A practical understanding

One of the key misconceptions about mindfulness is that it must involve structured meditation or breathing exercises. While these techniques can be helpful, mindfulness in therapy is often much more subtle. Rather than explicitly labeling an exercise as “mindfulness,” therapists simply focus on helping clients tune into their internal experiences. Another accurate term for mindfulness could be “awareness”, “being aware” or “being attuned”. Often this involves asking the right questions, or using exercises to check in with the client’s thoughts, feelings, moods, and so on.

A crucial aspect of this approach is meeting clients where they are. If someone arrives at therapy with the belief that mindfulness is not for them—perhaps due to its perceived spiritual associations or a preference for more action-oriented strategies—there is no pressure to conform. Instead, therapy becomes a space to explore what techniques resonate with each individual.

Rather than prescribing mindfulness as a one-size-fits-all solution, therapists often guide clients toward checking in with themselves. This means noticing how stress manifests in their body, identifying emotional patterns, and finding small, manageable ways to create moments of calm.

Practical Techniques for Everyday Mindfulness

Mindfulness techniques can take many forms, ranging from structured exercises to simple, everyday practices. Some effective approaches include:

1. Breathing Techniques

Regulating breath is a powerful way to calm the nervous system and create a sense of grounding. Some techniques used in therapy include:

Box Breathing: The client can imagine themselves drawing a square while inhaling for four counts, holding for four counts, exhaling for four counts, and pausing for four counts before repeating. This method helps regulate breathing and regain a sense of control over one’s body.
5-4-3-2-1 Grounding: A technique where individuals identify five things they see, four things they feel, three things they hear, two things they smell, and one thing they taste. This helps bring attention out of thoughts or feelings and back to the present moment.

2. Sensory-Based Mindfulness

For those who struggle with racing thoughts or constant planning, engaging the senses can be an effective way to cultivate mindfulness.

The Hot Beverage Exercise: Simply sitting with a warm drink for five minutes without distraction, focusing on the warmth, taste, and aroma, can create a moment of stillness.
Mindful Walking: Noticing the sensation of feet touching the ground, the rhythm of breathing, and the sounds in the environment can turn a simple walk into a mindfulness practice.

3. Checking In With the Self

A foundational aspect of mindfulness in therapy is learning to check in with emotions and physical sensations. This does not require sitting in meditation but rather pausing throughout the day to ask:

What am I feeling right now?
Where do I notice tension in my body?
What do I need in this moment to feel calmer?

By developing this habit, individuals become more attuned to their own needs, making it easier to manage stress before it becomes overwhelming.

Mindfulness as a Personalized Tool

The most important takeaway is that mindfulness is not about following rigid rules—it is about finding what works for each person. In therapy, mindfulness is introduced as a flexible, adaptable practice that can be shaped to fit individual needs.

Rather than forcing a single method onto every client, therapy is about collaboration. If a particular strategy does not resonate, it is left behind in favor of something more useful. The goal is not to impose mindfulness as a concept but to help clients find ways to stay present, regulate emotions, and create moments of calm in their daily lives.

Ultimately, mindfulness in therapy is about awareness, connection, and self-compassion. It is not about emptying the mind but rather about noticing what is happening internally and responding with intention rather than reactivity. By integrating mindfulness into therapy in an approachable and personalized way, individuals can cultivate greater emotional resilience and a deeper sense of self-understanding.

Photo by Jerry Kavan on Unsplash

Starting Therapy: Overcoming Hesitation and Finding the Right Fit

Wed, 29 Jan 2025 20:20:11 GMT

How you can begin the journey towards mental health

Taking the first step toward addressing mental health concerns can feel daunting. Many people hesitate to start therapy, unsure of what to expect or how to find the right therapist. In this blog, we’ll explore practical advice for navigating this process and overcoming common challenges, emphasizing the importance of the therapeutic relationship in achieving mental health goals.

The Importance of the Therapeutic Relationship

The bond between a therapist and client is foundational to the success of therapy. A strong therapeutic relationship fosters trust, collaboration, and mutual understanding, all of which are crucial for working toward personal goals. As Jessica, a psychotherapist, points out:

"The therapeutic relationship is so important to the process—both for feeling comfortable initially and for collaborating to identify goals and work towards them."

Advice for Finding the Right Therapist

One of the most common hurdles is finding a therapist who feels like the right fit. Andi encourages individuals to remain open to trying out multiple therapists:

"Don’t be afraid to meet with two, three, or even four different therapists to see if you click with someone."

This process can take time, but it’s worth the effort to find a therapist you trust and feel comfortable with. Kathleen, a trained Social Worker who supports client experiences with Reset Counselling & Psychotherapy empathizes with clients who have had negative experiences:

"I have so much empathy for people who tried therapy, didn’t click with the first or second therapist, and then decided it doesn’t work. But if I could tell people one thing before they go in the therapy room, it’s that in therapy you need to keep looking until you find the right match."

Managing Expectations and Financial Considerations

Starting therapy can also be intimidating due to financial concerns. With therapy costs often exceeding $150 per session, it’s natural to want value for your investment. Jessica offers practical advice for those navigating this reality:

"If money is tight, you can space out your sessions or implement other mental health resources such as journaling and podcasts to supplement therapy. Remember, it’s about meeting your therapeutic goals, not just attending sessions."

It’s essential to recognize that continuing with a therapist who isn’t a good fit is unlikely to lead to progress. If you don’t like or trust your therapist, then it will be difficult to open up and explore your thoughts and concerns. Taking the time to find the right therapist ensures that your investment in therapy is both meaningful and effective.

Additional Resources to Supplement Therapy

For those hesitant to commit to therapy due to cost or other barriers, consider exploring supplementary mental health resources. These might include e-books, support groups, or online tools designed to complement professional care. These resources can provide valuable support while you search for the right therapist or manage the frequency of your sessions.

Therapy as a Catalyst for Growth

Ultimately, therapy is about creating a space where you can explore your thoughts, feelings, and goals in a supportive environment. As Jessica reminds us:

"Therapy isn’t about being ‘sick enough.’ It’s about showing up for yourself and taking steps toward the life you want."

Starting therapy may feel overwhelming at first, but finding the right therapist can make all the difference. By remaining open to the process and prioritizing your needs, you can overcome hesitation and take meaningful steps toward mental health and well-being.

If you’re ready to begin your therapy journey or learn more about our services, visit Reset Counseling and Psychotherapy. This blog is a companion to our podcast Beyond the Session found on Spotify . To book a session, please use https://lindsaytsang.janeapp.com

Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash

Societal Inequity in Accessing Therapy

Wed, 29 Jan 2025 18:16:31 GMT

Levelling the uneven playing field faced by many | Counselling in Barrie, ON

Seeking therapy is a courageous step, yet many individuals face significant barriers that prevent them from accessing the mental health care they need. From cost and accessibility to societal stigma, the road to therapy can be riddled with challenges. In Season 1, Episode 3 of our podcast Beyond the Session , our therapists Andi and Jessica discuss these barriers and explore ways to overcome them.

The Cost of Therapy: A Major Roadblock

For many, the high cost of therapy is the most immediate and pressing barrier. Without employment insurance or financial support, paying for therapy out of pocket can feel out of reach. Registered Psychotherapist Jessica Capra explains:

“Unless you have employment insurance, there’s a significant impact of the cost of therapy to individuals, which stops them from accessing services.”

Efforts are being made to bridge this gap. Programs like the Ontario Structured Psychotherapy initiative offer free mental health services, including workbooks and one-on-one sessions with psychotherapists. These publicly funded resources are a step in the right direction, but as Jessica notes, the process of securing funding and implementing programs can be slow and subject to political shifts.

Geographic Inequities in Mental Health Access

Access to mental health care varies greatly depending on geographic location. Individuals living in remote or rural areas often face additional hurdles, from limited availability of therapists to cultural stigmas and lack of privacy around seeking help. Kathleen, a mental health advocate, shares her perspective:

“Growing up in a Northern community, I saw how mental health resources were scarce and stigma was deeply ingrained. Virtual therapy has opened some access, but in many smaller remote communities, skepticism about online services persists.”

Improving access in remote areas requires a multi-faceted approach. Increasing the availability of virtual therapy and working through education to break stigma can help bridge this divide. Additionally, local governments must prioritize funding and support for underserved areas.

Socioeconomic and Workplace Realities

Socioeconomic status plays a significant role in determining access to therapy. Private practice therapy often caters to middle and upper-class individuals with robust insurance plans or the ability to pay out of pocket. Jessica observes:

“There are almost classes of people that can access mental health care. Private practice tends to serve those with great benefits or the financial means to afford therapy. But the need exists across all socioeconomic levels.”

Shifting workplace trends, such as the decline of full-time positions with benefits, exacerbate this inequity. However, some companies are leading the way. Jessica highlights Bell Canada’s initiative:

“Bell increased their mental health coverage, allowing employees to access therapy more frequently. This kind of corporate support sets a powerful example.”

Cultural and Societal Influences

Cultural expectations and societal attitudes significantly impact individuals’ willingness to seek therapy. Stigma, familial expectations, and even religious beliefs can act as barriers. Andi's approach to this issue is to offer genuine curiosity:

“When working with clients, I aim to hear and understand their cultural and societal contexts. Helping clients explore these influences can uncover both barriers and sources of support.”

Encouraging open conversations about mental health within families, schools, and workplaces can help normalize seeking help and reduce stigma. Therapists also play a critical role in fostering understanding and acceptance.

The Role of History and Progress

Reflecting on the evolution of mental health care, it’s clear that significant progress has been made. Kathleen recalls:

“A generation or two ago, mental health struggles were shrouded in shame, and those facing challenges were often institutionalized. Today, therapy is more mainstream, especially among younger generations who openly discuss mental health.”

While strides have been made, there is still much work to do. From increasing public funding to addressing societal stigma, continued efforts are necessary to ensure equitable access to mental health care for all.

Therapy as a Catalyst for Change

Despite the barriers, therapy remains a powerful tool for self-discovery and healing. Jessica emphasizes the importance of meeting clients where they are:

“Therapy isn’t about being ‘sick enough’ or having all the answers. It’s about showing up for yourself and taking steps toward the life you want.”

As the mental health landscape evolves, initiatives that promote accessibility and inclusivity are essential. Whether through publicly funded programs, corporate support, or societal shifts, breaking down barriers to therapy can transform lives and communities.

Photo by Jonathan Chng on Unsplash

Overcoming Everyday Barriers to Therapy

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 17:54:07 GMT

Showing up is the hardest part | Individual and Couples Therapy in Barrie, ON

This post is a companion to our show Beyond the Session , the podcast where your therapist is in your pocket. Hosted by Reset Counseling and Psychotherapy in Barrie—formerly known as Lindsay Tsang and Associates—our mission is to make therapy more accessible, addressing one myth at a time. Today, we’re diving into some of the most persistent misconceptions about mental health with registered psychotherapists Jessica Capra and Andi Atkins.

Breaking the “Not Bad Enough” Myth

One of the most common misconceptions about therapy is that it’s only for people experiencing severe mental illness. Andi shared an eye-opening perspective:

“A lot of people worry they’re not doing ‘bad enough’ to seek therapy. They feel they need to have a severe diagnosis or be struggling significantly in daily life. But therapy is for everyone, no matter where you’re at.”

Therapy isn’t about reaching a crisis point; it’s about enhancing your well-being. Maybe you’re navigating a specific goal, grappling with a tough decision, or simply need a safe space to process your thoughts. Andi emphasized that therapy can be as valuable for someone thriving in many areas of life as it is for someone managing more complex challenges.

Many clients feel hesitant to seek help because they believe their struggles are insignificant compared to others. Andi explained how this mindset can be limiting:

“I often hear people say, ‘I have a great family, a roof over my head, and food to eat. I don’t think I have the right to complain.’ While it’s wonderful to practice gratitude, it’s equally important to acknowledge and validate your struggles. Everyone’s challenges are unique and deserving of care.”

Therapy meets you where you are, allowing you to explore your feelings and experiences without judgment or comparison.

Overcoming Barriers to Therapy

Barriers to seeking therapy often stem from misconceptions or fears about the therapeutic process. Jessica and Andi discussed how creating a safe, welcoming environment for therapy can make a world of difference.

Jessica explained:

“Transparency is key. Therapists are human, and many of us chose this field for personal reasons. Building rapport from the outset and fostering a safe environment begins with clear, direct communication.”

Here are some strategies Jessica employs to create a safe space for clients:

Permission to Choose : “Right from the start, I tell clients they have the power to choose what they share. While therapy is about sharing, the timing and depth are entirely up to them.”
Adapting to Needs : For clients with specific challenges, such as ADHD or learning disabilities, Jessica ensures the environment accommodates their needs.
Feedback as a Cornerstone : Regularly asking for feedback helps tailor the therapy experience to the client’s goals and expectations.
Non-Judgmental Stance : From language to body posture, creating a neutral and accepting atmosphere encourages openness and trust.

Andi echoed the importance of informed consent:

“Informed consent isn’t a one-time event. It’s an ongoing conversation that ensures clients feel comfortable and in control. Therapy isn’t about pushing people to reveal more than they’re ready for.”

Building the Client-Therapist Relationship

One of the most significant aspects of therapy is the relationship between the client and therapist. For clients hesitant about opening up, Andi highlighted the importance of pacing:

“It’s understandable that some clients want to build a relationship before diving into deeper topics. From a scientific perspective, especially with trauma, establishing trust is crucial before addressing painful experiences.”

At Reset Counseling our therapists prioritize creating an environment where clients feel safe to navigate their journey at their own pace. Jessica added:

“Clients are the experts of their own lives. Our role is to support and empower them, not dictate the direction of their healing.”

Therapy as a Tool for Everyone

Whether you’re managing significant challenges or simply seeking a sounding board, therapy can be a transformative tool. It’s about meeting you where you are and helping you move forward, one step at a time. As Jessica and Andi reminded us, therapy is not about being “sick enough” or having all the answers—it’s about showing up for yourself.

At Reset Counseling and Psychotherapy, we’re here to support you in creating the life you want, free of judgment and full of possibility. So, what’s holding you back?

Photo by Katrina Berban on Unsplash

Reciprocal Learning in Therapy

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Wed, 22 Jan 2025 21:02:02 GMT

How Therapists Learn from their Clients | Individual Therapy in Barrie, ON

Therapy is often seen as a one-way street where therapists guide clients toward growth and healing. But what happens when the process becomes reciprocal? As therapists, we not only witness transformations in our clients but also learn invaluable lessons from their resilience, creativity, and unique perspectives. These moments remind us that therapy is a shared journey, where both parties grow together in unexpected ways.

Insights from Clients: A Privileged Perspective

One of the profound privileges of being a therapist is the opportunity to connect with people on a deeply personal level. Clients often come to therapy not realizing their own strength or the wisdom they carry. Yet, through our sessions, their insights frequently leave a lasting impression, challenging and enriching our understanding of mental health and personal growth.

For instance, clients occasionally share unique coping strategies or philosophies that resonate beyond their session. A teenage client once told me about the “Three L’s” approach to emotions: listen, learn, and let go. It’s a simple yet powerful framework that encapsulates the journey of emotional processing. This concept, introduced casually during a session, has since found its way into my work with other clients. Moments like these underscore how much therapists can gain from truly listening to their clients.

Learning through Cross-generational sharing

Working with younger clients, particularly teenagers, often places therapists at the forefront of cultural and mental health trends. Teenagers frequently bring insights from social media platforms like TikTok or Snapchat, sharing tips or strategies they’ve discovered online. While these platforms don't always offer the best strategies, they do help us to hear the mental health conversations and strategies that are happening.

This connection to the cutting edge not only helps me stay relevant but also challenges me to adapt my approaches. A teenager’s enthusiasm for a technique they’ve seen online might spark a broader discussion about mental health tools, opening up new avenues for growth. These moments are a reminder that the therapeutic process is dynamic, influenced by the evolving world around us.

Therapy as a Two-Way Mirror

As therapists, we often encourage clients to reflect on their thoughts and behaviors. Yet, in doing so, we’re also holding up a mirror to ourselves. When clients share their struggles and triumphs, it prompts us to consider our own values, beliefs, and approaches. For example, during the pandemic, therapy sessions became a space to process collective fears and uncertainties. Listening to clients navigate these challenges forced therapists to confront our own responses to a world in flux.

This reciprocal growth is one of the most rewarding aspects of the job. As we help clients make sense of their emotions and experiences, we’re simultaneously deepening our understanding of what it means to be human. It’s a process that fosters empathy, adaptability, and a renewed sense of purpose.

Clients: Unexpected Teachers

Therapists often emphasize the importance of growth for their clients, but the reverse is equally true. Many clients don’t realize how much they teach us. Whether it’s a poignant observation about life, an inventive coping mechanism, or an unexpected perspective, these moments become invaluable lessons we carry forward.

One particularly memorable moment came from a client who shared their journey of reframing emotions. Instead of viewing anxiety as an adversary, they described it as an overly enthusiastic friend trying to warn them of potential dangers. This reimagining of anxiety not only helped them manage their symptoms but also offered a fresh lens I could share with others facing similar struggles.

Strength in Vulnerability

Clients’ willingness to confront their fears and vulnerabilities is a constant source of inspiration. Witnessing someone take those first tentative steps toward healing—whether it’s a teenager overcoming their initial resistance to therapy or an adult processing decades of unspoken trauma—is a powerful reminder of human resilience.

These moments also highlight the importance of creating a safe, nonjudgmental space. Trust is the foundation of therapy, and as clients open up, they remind us of the strength it takes to face life’s challenges head-on. Their courage often reinforces my own commitment to vulnerability and self-awareness in both professional and personal contexts.

A Collaborative Journey

Therapy is not a linear process, and its magic often lies in its unpredictability. Clients come to us seeking answers, but they’re also architects of their own growth. As therapists, we provide tools, guidance, and support, but the breakthroughs are a testament to our clients’ determination and creativity.

Ultimately, therapy is a collaboration. The lessons we learn from our clients not only enhance our approach to therapy but also enrich our life outside the office. These shared experiences remind us that growth is a lifelong journey—one best undertaken together.

Give and Take

The therapeutic relationship is a unique and transformative bond, offering opportunities for growth on both sides. As therapists, we’re privileged to witness and support our clients’ journeys. In doing so, we often find ourselves growing alongside them, inspired by their courage, insights, and resilience.

Whether you’re a client, a therapist, or simply someone curious about the process, remember that therapy is about connection and discovery. And in that shared space, both healing and learning become possible—often in ways we least expect.

This blog is a companion to our podcast Beyond the Session S1Ep2: Stories of Triumph and Growth--you can listen to the full episode here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7KTuhVPNuRc7JNA2oQ17YE

Photo by Jotform on Unsplash

Stories of Unexpected Transformations

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Tue, 14 Jan 2025 21:18:46 GMT

Times when we saw people break free

Therapy is a journey—often unpredictable, sometimes winding, but always unique to the individual. Clients may arrive with specific goals, only to discover that their breakthroughs come from unexpected places. These moments of transformation often redefine how we view emotions, relationships, and even the purpose of therapy itself. Here, we’ll explore some stories and insights that highlight the surprising ways therapy can change lives.

Listening to the Messages Behind Emotions

A recurring theme in therapy is helping clients understand that their emotions, even the uncomfortable ones, can serve as valuable signals. Many clients come in seeking coping skills to manage anxiety or depression, often thinking these feelings are problems to be solved. However, emotions can sometimes be our brain’s way of saying, “Something isn’t working here.”

For instance, a client may struggle with anxiety, convinced they need to “fix” their feelings. But through exploration, we might uncover that their anxiety stems from a misaligned relationship or an unfulfilling job. In one memorable case, a client came in hoping to simply reduce their symptoms. Over time, they realized their anxiety was tied to a toxic relationship. Once they acknowledged this, the anxiety lifted—not because they learned to cope with anxiety better, but because they addressed the root cause. They were then able to explore appropriate boundaries and coping mechanisms from a calmer place.

Just as physical symptoms such as a cough or swollen lymph nodes are only symptoms of a physical concern, emotional “symptoms” such as anxiety and depression often point to underlying issues. Identifying and addressing the root cause rather than suppressing the symptoms can lead to profound relief.

Building Trust: The Key to Unpacking Trauma

Therapy is not a quick fix, and some transformations take time. One client came in burdened by 20 years of unresolved trauma. At the start, they experienced visible anxiety and depression, and simply attending sessions felt like an achievement. They had tried medication but had never engaged in talk therapy.

It took months of building trust—small conversations, moments of laughter, and a safe therapeutic environment—before they felt comfortable enough to share their story. As they began to process their trauma, the transformation was remarkable. They went from being bedridden to actively volunteering and rediscovering a sense of purpose. Their physical demeanor changed; the shaking subsided, and they walked with newfound confidence. This journey reminded me that while breakthroughs can’t be rushed, the results can be life-changing.

Transforming Relationships Through Couples Therapy

Couples therapy often starts with tension so thick it’s palpable. Partners arrive feeling stuck, sometimes blaming each other, and often skeptical about whether therapy can help. Yet, when both parties are open to change, the results can be profound.

One couple began therapy entrenched in conflict. They initially resisted some of the exercises, dismissing them as “too simple.” But over time, they embraced the tools we discussed, such as practicing active listening and expressing appreciation. A few months later, they walked into my office joking and laughing together. Their relationship had transformed from one of constant friction to a partnership filled with mutual respect and affection. Hearing them reflect on how these changes positively impacted their children reinforced how therapy’s ripple effects can extend far beyond the individuals involved.

Overcoming Resistance to Therapy

Resistance to therapy is natural, especially for clients who feel uncertain about the process. Teenagers, for example, might be skeptical when a concerned parent encourages them to attend a session. But with patience and the right approach, even hesitant clients can experience meaningful growth.

One teenager reluctantly agreed to a single session. Initially reserved, they quickly opened up as we found common ground. By the end of the hour, they expressed excitement about continuing therapy. Their initial resistance melted away as they realized therapy wasn’t about judgment but about creating a space where they could be themselves.

Similarly, I’ve worked with older men who approached therapy as a last resort. Often, they started sessions with skepticism, doubting the process and questioning my ability to understand their experiences. By focusing on building trust and introducing practical tools, many of these clients gradually embraced the journey. For some, the transformation came when they saw tangible improvements in their relationships or felt heard in ways they hadn’t before.

The Role of the Therapist: Balancing Guidance and Independence

Therapists walk a fine line between providing guidance and fostering independence. Some clients arrive knowing exactly what they want from therapy and simply need a sounding board. Others feel stuck and look to their therapist for a framework or direction.

As therapists, our role is to adapt to each client’s needs. Sometimes that means offering gentle suggestions; other times, it involves asking challenging questions to encourage deeper reflection. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, and much of the work involves making nuanced decisions about when to intervene and when to step back.

One of the most humbling aspects of this work is realizing that clients often find breakthroughs in moments we might not anticipate. A throwaway comment or a small piece of advice might resonate deeply with them, even if it seemed minor at the time. This unpredictability underscores the importance of cultivating a strong therapeutic relationship and staying attuned to each client’s journey.

Embracing the Unexpected

Therapy is a collaborative and often surprising process. While clients may come in with specific goals, the real breakthroughs often emerge from unexpected insights or shifts. These stories remind us that growth isn’t always about fixing what’s broken; sometimes, it’s about uncovering strengths, addressing root causes, and creating space for transformation.

Whether you’re considering therapy for the first time or reflecting on your own mental health journey, remember that progress may not always look the way you expect. And that’s okay. Sometimes, the most meaningful changes come when we least anticipate them.

This post is a companion to our podcast Beyond the Session: S1Ep2 Stories of Triumph and Growth which you can listen to here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7KTuhVPNuRc7JNA2oQ17YE

Photo by Slav Romanov on Unsplash

Is Breakthrough Guaranteed in Therapy?

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Tue, 14 Jan 2025 18:39:20 GMT

We all hope for change, but is it really possible?

It's natural to wonder if therapy will lead to breakthroughs or moving forward. However, therapy isn't a one-size-fits-all solution. Studies show that talk therapy statistically benefits many people, but the results can vary greatly. For some, it's life-changing; for others, it might not yield the desired outcomes.

What makes therapy work? The most significant predictor of success is the therapeutic relationship. Trust and connection with your therapist are critical. If you don't feel that connection, it's okay to seek someone else who might be a better fit. Other factors include a client’s readiness to change, motivation, and effort.

Success in therapy is deeply personal and varies from person to person. As therapists, we focus on understanding our clients' unique values, strengths, and goals—avoiding the imposition of our own. Instead, we work collaboratively to define what success looks like for each individual. For some, it might be finding clarity in relationships, while for others, it’s managing symptoms of anxiety or depression more effectively.

Celebrating Milestones in Therapy

Progress in therapy isn’t always linear or obvious. Sometimes, we measure it through tangible changes, like improved scores on mental health assessments. Other times, it’s about recognizing less quantifiable wins: stronger relationships, rediscovered passions, or newfound resilience. These milestones might seem small to an outsider, but to a client, they can signify profound personal growth.

For example, a client might start with a strained relationship rated at a “two” and later report it’s grown to an “eight.” Those moments of clarity and celebration often happen organically during sessions. We ask reflective questions: “What would your day look like if you felt better?” or “What’s changed for the better since we started?” These discussions help create a roadmap for continued growth.

When clients express frustration about their progress, we explore the bigger picture together. Therapy isn’t just about reaching an endpoint; it’s about recognizing and appreciating the journey. By reframing setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow, clients can cultivate a more balanced perspective on their mental health journey.

The Role of Positive Psychology

Therapy is about more than just alleviating distress; it’s about building a meaningful life. Positive psychology emphasizes adding joy, gratitude, and purpose alongside addressing anxiety or depression. This balanced perspective helps us validate struggles while highlighting progress. Optimism, for instance, can be a tool for change. It’s not about ignoring challenges but recognizing them as temporary and localized rather than pervasive and permanent. This mental flexibility opens the door to celebrating wins, big or small.

For example, when clients reflect on what they want less of in their lives—anxiety, conflict, or negative self-talk—we also ask them to envision what they want more of. What does an ideal day look like for them? These exercises not only build hope but also create actionable steps toward achieving their goals.

A Holistic Approach to Therapy

Therapy is most effective when it takes the whole person into account—not just their struggles but also their strengths, passions, and values. From the first session, we encourage clients to share not only what’s hard but also what lights them up. Whether it’s a forgotten hobby or a meaningful relationship, these strengths can serve as anchors during difficult times.

Hobbies, in particular, often fall by the wayside when people are struggling. Reigniting these passions can bring joy and a sense of accomplishment back into daily life. Similarly, cultivating gratitude and appreciation for small, positive moments can build resilience. This might involve savoring the taste of morning coffee, enjoying a walk in nature, or reconnecting with loved ones.

Finding the Balance Between Validation and Optimism

As therapists, we strive to validate our clients' experiences while also fostering hope and optimism. It’s not about denying the reality of their struggles but about finding a balanced perspective. For example, a cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) approach encourages clients to examine the evidence for both negative and positive beliefs, helping them adopt a more flexible mindset.

Optimism, in this sense, becomes a choice. It’s not about blind positivity but about recognizing that challenges are not all-encompassing or permanent. By focusing on wins, no matter how small, clients can shift their mindset and build momentum toward their goals.

Final Thoughts

Therapy is a collaborative journey. Success might look different for everyone, and progress can take many forms. Whether it’s addressing deep-seated challenges or finding joy in daily life, the magic of therapy often lies in the connection between client and therapist and the shared commitment to growth.

Through our podcast and our practice, we aim to inspire and empower you to embrace your mental health journey. Remember: the path may not always be straightforward, but every step forward is worth celebrating. Whether you’re taking your first step or your hundredth, we’re here to walk alongside you.

Photo by Luiza Braun on Unsplash

Your First Therapy Session: What to Expect

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Wed, 20 Nov 2024 10:20:31 GMT

How to get from your couch into the therapy room.

Starting therapy can be daunting, especially if you’ve never been before. You might have heard about psychotherapy or seen profiles of therapists online, but what happens once you actually book that first session? Let’s explore the essentials of psychotherapy for first-time clients, including what to expect, how profiles help connect you with the right therapist, and the importance of the therapeutic alliance.

Before the First Psychotherapy Session

For many, the therapeutic journey begins even before stepping into the therapist’s office. It might start when you realize something in your life feels “off,” and you begin searching for help. You Google therapy practices, read profiles, and maybe see the faces of therapists. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed—there are many options, especially online. You may come across acronyms like CBT, EMDR, or DBT, but what do they mean?

At this stage, your therapeutic journey isn’t just about finding someone with the right qualifications; it’s about finding a person who resonates with you, someone you feel you could trust.

Building Trust: The Therapist Profile

Therapist profiles are often the first point of contact between a client and a potential therapist. In a crowded space like Psychology Today, therapists list their specialties, qualifications, and therapeutic approaches. However, a meaningful connection requires more than just credentials.

As therapists, we know that while modalities and accreditations are important, what truly makes therapy effective is the trust and relationship built between therapist and client. This is why we aim to write our profiles with heart—sharing a bit of our journey and our approach to therapy—so clients can get a sense of who we are before they even step into the room.

We try to emphasize the importance of vulnerability in our profiles. By sharing personal experiences and inspirations, we aim to connect with clients on a deeper level, making it easier for clients to feel understood and safe from the start. Sometimes clients feel reassured when they know their therapist has “been in their shoes.”

Trusting your Therapist

One of the key elements of successful therapy is the therapeutic alliance—the collaborative relationship between therapist and client. Research consistently shows that the quality of this relationship is a strong predictor of positive outcomes in therapy. This is why your first session with a therapist is so important. It’s not just about diving into deep issues or learning tools immediately; it’s about seeing if you “click” with the therapist.

As Lindsay explains, the first session is often about getting to know you. Therapists ask a lot of questions, and they might share a bit about their approach, but it’s also a time for you to gauge whether you feel comfortable and safe. The goal is to ensure you can trust the therapist to guide you through your process, whatever that looks like.

It’s normal to be nervous about the first session, especially if you’ve never been to therapy before. Some clients worry about what to share or whether they need to have a clear goal in mind. But therapy is a process of discovery. You don’t need to have everything figured out from the start. Your therapist will help guide you, and over time, you’ll clarify your goals together.

Therapy Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All

Many clients enter therapy with preconceived ideas about how the process works. They might expect a particular method, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), to be the solution. While these structured approaches can be beneficial, therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution.

In private practice, therapists often draw from various modalities, tailoring the process to the client’s unique needs. CBT, for example, is a popular approach that focuses on changing thought patterns to influence behaviors. While it’s widely used and has a solid evidence base, therapists like Lindsay and Andy emphasize that therapy is about using the right tools at the right time, based on where the client is in their journey.

This flexible approach allows therapists to adapt their methods as they get to know you better. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, trauma, or simply need someone to talk to, therapy is a collaborative process.

What to Expect in Your First Session

When you arrive for your first session, the therapist will spend time getting to know you—asking questions about your background, what brought you to therapy, and what you’re hoping to get out of it. This is also an opportunity for you to ask questions about the therapist’s approach and get a sense of whether this is someone you can trust.

It’s okay if you don’t have clear goals from the start. Many clients come in feeling unsure about what they need; they just know they want to feel better. Your therapist is there to help clarify those goals and guide you toward positive change. Sometimes, therapy is about learning coping skills or developing strategies to manage stress. Other times, it’s about diving deeper into past experiences and uncovering the root causes of distress.

The Long-Term Journey

Therapy isn’t a quick fix. For some, it’s a short-term process—addressing a specific issue in a few sessions. For others, it may be a longer journey, spanning months or even years. The frequency of sessions typically starts off weekly or bi-weekly to build momentum, and over time, as clients progress, sessions can be spaced out.

The pace of therapy is driven by the client’s needs and goals. As therapists, we’re here to support you through each step, and we’ll regularly check in to make sure the approach is working for you. Therapy is a joint venture—while therapists bring their expertise, clients are the experts on their own experiences.

Take your Time

Starting therapy is not easy, and whether it’s your first session or you’ve been in therapy before, it’s a journey of growth and self-discovery. It’s important to remember that finding the right therapist is key to making that journey successful. Take your time, trust your instincts, and know that the therapeutic process is about creating a safe, supportive space where you can explore, heal, and thrive.

Our Podcast

If you want to hear our therapists talk about starting therapy, this post is a companion blog to our podcas t "S1 Ep1: From Your Couch to the Therapy Chair" (click to visit).

Photo by Sam Balye on Unsplash

Book an Appointment with our Certified Psychotherapists in Barrie

Redefining Our Purpose with Social Media

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Sun, 03 Nov 2024 17:12:00 GMT

How social media has influenced personal values and how we can reclaim our sense of self | Reset Counselling & Psychotherapy in Barrie, ON

Social media has radically changed the way we perceive ourselves and the world around us. Unlike our parents' generations, our lives are increasingly intertwined with platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok. While these platforms have revolutionized communication and connectivity, they have also posed unique challenges to our sense of self, purpose, and values. In this blog, we'll explore how social media has redefined these aspects of our lives and how we can take proactive steps to reclaim our sense of self.

The Social Media Influence

Comparison Culture: One of the most profound ways social media has altered our perception of self is through the culture of comparison. Scrolling through curated highlight reels of others' lives can lead to feelings of inadequacy and FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), affecting our self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

External Validation: Social media platforms often encourage us to seek external validation through likes, comments, and follower counts. This external focus can shift our priorities away from intrinsic values and towards the pursuit of virtual approval.

Filtering Reality: The ability to carefully curate our online personas allows us to present idealized versions of ourselves, obscuring our authentic selves and creating a sense of disconnection between our online and offline identities.

Echo Chambers: Social media algorithms tend to show us content that aligns with our existing beliefs and preferences. While this can foster a sense of belonging, it can also limit our exposure to diverse perspectives and hinder personal growth.

Reclaiming Our Sense of Self

Self-Awareness: The first step to reclaiming our sense of self is self-awareness. Reflect on how social media affects your self-esteem, values, and goals. Identify areas where it may have led to unhealthy comparisons or a skewed self-perception.

Mindful Consumption: Practice mindful consumption of social media. Limit your screen time, curate your online feeds to prioritize content that aligns with your values, and unfollow accounts that trigger negative emotions or comparisons.

Authenticity: Embrace authenticity by sharing genuine moments, struggles, and successes. Be true to yourself online, rather than striving for an unattainable facade of perfection. Vulnerability can foster deeper connections with others.

Purposeful Engagement: Use social media as a tool for positive change. Engage in meaningful conversations, support causes you're passionate about, and share valuable content that can inspire and educate others.

Balanced Living: Create a balance between your online and offline worlds. Ensure that you allocate time for real-life experiences, personal growth, and face-to-face interactions that nurture your sense of self.

Focus on Intrinsic Values: Reconnect with your intrinsic values and passions. Identify what truly matters to you beyond the digital realm and prioritize activities that align with those values.

The rise of social media has indeed redefined our sense of self, purpose, and values, often in ways that challenge our well-being and authenticity. However, by taking conscious steps to navigate this digital landscape, we can regain control of our identity and redefine our values in alignment with our true selves.

If you are struggling to define yourself in a world that blends reality with virtual experience, we are here to help. Our team is here to help you build a life rooted in authentic experiences, connections, and the values so you can be your best self.

Book an Appointment with our Certified Psychotherapists in Barrie

Healing from Past Trauma Using IFS Model of Therapy

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Wed, 10 Apr 2024 17:10:41 GMT

How accessing the different parts of your self can shed new light on your experiences.

The Internal Family Systems (IFS) model of trauma therapy is an innovative and effective approach to healing from trauma. It was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz and is based on the idea that our minds are composed of different "parts" or subpersonalities, each with its own feelings, beliefs, and roles. In IFS therapy, healing from trauma involves working with these parts to bring about harmony and balance within oneself. Here's how the IFS model can be applied to trauma therapy:

Identifying Parts: The first step in IFS therapy is to identify the different parts within oneself. These parts can represent various emotions, beliefs, or roles that have developed as a result of trauma. For example, there might be a part that holds the traumatic memories and another part that tries to protect you from feeling the pain associated with those memories.

Self-Leadership: In IFS, there is a central concept known as the "Self." The Self represents your core, true self – the part of you that is calm, compassionate, and wise. The goal is to access the Self and allow it to lead the healing process.

Unburdening Parts: Once you've identified your parts, the therapist helps you develop a relationship with each of them. You learn to listen to what each part has to say and understand its role. Some parts may carry heavy burdens related to the trauma, such as fear, shame, or guilt. The goal is to unburden these parts and release the trapped emotions associated with the trauma.

Reconnecting and Healing: As you work with your parts and unburden them, the goal is to heal the wounded parts of yourself. This process involves re-establishing a connection with the Self, which can provide guidance and healing to the wounded parts.

Integration: Ultimately, the goal of IFS therapy is to integrate these different parts into a harmonious whole. This means that you no longer feel controlled or overwhelmed by certain emotions or reactions related to the trauma. Instead, you have a balanced and compassionate relationship with your inner parts, and they work together to support your overall well-being.

Self-Compassion: IFS therapy places a strong emphasis on self-compassion. It encourages you to treat yourself with kindness and understanding, recognizing that all your parts, even those that may have developed in response to trauma, have valuable intentions and deserve compassion.

Externalizing Blame: IFS therapy helps individuals externalize blame and shame, recognizing that these feelings often result from parts trying to protect them from further harm. By understanding and healing these parts, individuals can reduce self-blame and self-criticism.

Ongoing Practice: Healing from trauma using the IFS model is an ongoing process. It requires practice and self-compassion over time. The goal is not just to manage trauma symptoms but to truly heal and transform your relationship with yourself and your past.

In summary, the IFS model of trauma therapy is a holistic approach that acknowledges the complexity of the human experience. It encourages individuals to work with their internal parts, fostering self-compassion, and ultimately achieving healing and integration.

If you are seeking to heal from past trauma, ask your therapist about using the IFS model as part of your therapy plan.

Couples: The Art of Effective Communication

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Wed, 20 Mar 2024 16:41:01 GMT

Using the Gottman Method to enhance your relationship.

Effective communication is the key to building and maintaining healthy, thriving relationships. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist and researcher, has spent decades conducting a longitudinal study on relationships and has identified some invaluable tips for fostering effective communication. In this blog, we will delve into the art of effective communication in relationships, drawing inspiration from the Gottman Method , which offers evidence-based strategies for building stronger connections with your partner.

Express Appreciation and Admiration

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, we often forget to express our appreciation for our loved ones. The Gottman Method emphasizes the importance of regularly sharing admiration and compliments. Take the time to acknowledge your partner's qualities, both big and small, to reinforce a sense of value and importance in your relationship.

Use Softened Start-Ups

When bringing up concerns or issues, approach your partner with a "softened start-up." Instead of launching into criticism or blame, express your feelings and needs in a gentle, non-confrontational manner. For example, say, "I felt hurt when you didn't call me" rather than "You never care about my feelings."

The Power of Active Listening

Active listening is a cornerstone of effective communication. Make an effort to truly understand your partner's perspective by paraphrasing their thoughts and feelings. Ask open-ended questions to encourage them to share more, and avoid jumping to conclusions. This fosters a deeper connection built on trust and understanding.

The Repair Attempt

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. The key is how you handle it. According to Dr. Gottman, successful couples use "repair attempts" during arguments. These are small gestures, like humor or a touch, that signal a willingness to resolve the conflict and reconnect emotionally. Recognize and use these repair attempts to diffuse tension and restore harmony.

Take Regular Time Outs

When emotions run high, it's crucial to take a break to cool off. Dr. Gottman recommends using a "time out" strategy when disagreements become too heated. Agree on a specific time to resume the conversation calmly and rationally. This prevents arguments from escalating and allows both partners to collect their thoughts. A great rule of thumb is to never fight past 10pm--exhaustion only plays into negative emotions.

Nurture Your Friendship

A strong friendship forms the foundation of a lasting romantic relationship. Dr. Gottman suggests engaging in activities you both enjoy, spending quality time together, and continually getting to know one another. Keep the friendship alive by sharing your dreams, goals, and thoughts, just as you did when you first met.

The Magic of the Six-Second Kiss

Dr. Gottman suggests that taking just six seconds to share a passionate kiss with your partner can significantly enhance your emotional connection. This physical act of affection communicates love and desire, setting a positive tone for your interactions.

The Gottman Method reminds us that communication is a skill that can be honed and improved upon throughout your journey together, ultimately strengthening the bond between you and your partner. Often, returning to the basics of showing admiration and nurturing friendship can help to diffuse conflicts.

If you and your partner need help learning to communicate in a safe and positive way with each other, we are here to help. Our team incorporates Gottman and other methods to help couples move forward. To book an appointment please visit https://lindsaytsang.janeapp.com

Understanding Gen Z's Social Anxiety: A Parent's Guide | Reset Counselling & Psychotherapy in Barrie, ON

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 01:41:50 GMT

How you can help your child manage their social anxiety.

Is your kid socially anxious? Social anxiety, also known as social phobia, is more than just shyness . It's a persistent fear of social or performance situations where individuals fear judgment or embarrassment. The truth is, Gen Z teens are struggling with social anxiety. With the constant inundation of social media portraying idealistic and edited lives, fitting in and feeling comfortable in social situations has never been so difficult. Fears of what others may think of them often leads to self-consciousness and discomfort in social interactions.

The effects of social anxiety on Gen Z can be far-reaching:

Academic Performance: Social anxiety may disrupt concentration and participation in class, potentially affecting academic performance. Teens might feel anxiety when they are asked to work in groups or address the entire class. Parents can talk to their child about their school experience in a non-confrontational way, asking about any challenges they may be facing and offering support.

Social Isolation: Gen Z individuals with social anxiety may withdraw from social gatherings, parties, or group activities, feeling isolated and lonely as a result. Parents can initiate conversations about their child's social life and encourage small group or one-on-one hangouts with select friends. They can also help their child practice asking good questions to facilitate conversations.

Future Opportunities: Avoidance of social situations can limit networking opportunities, critical for future career prospects. Parents can discuss the importance of social connections in various contexts, such as school, extracurricular activities, and potential career paths, emphasizing the long-term benefits.

Emotional Well-being: Left untreated, social anxiety can contribute to low self-esteem, depression, and other mental health issues. Parents can talk to their child about mental health in a compassionate way, emphasizing the importance of seeking help when needed and reassuring them of their support.

As parents you can play a significant role in supporting your child:

Open Communication: Create a safe, judgment-free environment for your child to express their feelings and experiences, encouraging them to confide in you. Initiate conversations about social anxiety gently, expressing your willingness to listen and help without judgment.

Education: Take the time to understand social anxiety and its impact. This knowledge equips you to provide informed support tailored to your child's needs. Help your child practice techniques to gain confidence in social situations.

Seek Professional Help: Consider seeking assistance from a mental health professional if your child's social anxiety is severe or significantly affecting their life. Evidence-based therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be highly effective. Approach this topic with sensitivity, emphasizing the benefits of professional support and reassuring your child that therapy can help them practice skills and gain confidence.

Encourage Gradual Exposure: Help your child confront their fears gradually by exposing them to anxiety-provoking social situations in manageable steps. Your child will face social situations in life--allowing them to hide is not a perfect solution. However, they also need to know that they can occasionally get a pass on situations that put them under duress.

Teach Coping Strategies: Introduce relaxation techniques like deep breathing or a stress ball to help manage anxiety. Positive self-talk and reframing negative thoughts can also be beneficial. Work with your child to identify coping strategies that resonate with them and are easy to remember in stressful situations.

Foster a Supportive Environment: Support your child's efforts to build friendships and social connections at their own pace. Encourage activities that promote social interaction while respecting their comfort level. Be actively involved in their social life, offering guidance and encouragement as needed.

Be Patient and Understanding: Recognize that overcoming social anxiety is a journey, not a quick fix. Offer patience, understanding, and consistent support as your child navigates this process. Validate their feelings and experiences, and reassure them that you are there for them every step of the way.

If your child needs additional support to manage their social anxiety, we are here to help. Our team of therapists is trained to offer social anxiety counselling in Barrie, ON with tools and coping strategies to help your child address their therapeutic goals.

To book an appointment for social anxiety counselling in Barrie, ON - you can visit https://lindsaytsang.janeapp.com

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome: Recognizing Your Worth

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Fri, 23 Feb 2024 20:49:34 GMT

How you can value yourself and find new confidence.

Do you ever feel like you're just pretending to be good at something when, deep down, you believe you're not? You're not alone. Many people of all ages experience this feeling. It's called "Imposter Syndrome," and it can make you doubt your abilities and accomplishments. But the good news is that you can overcome it by recognizing your true worth!

What Is Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter Syndrome is when you believe you're not as talented, smart, or capable as others think you are. Even if you've achieved something great, you might attribute it to luck rather than your own hard work and skills. It can make you feel like a fraud, as if you're just pretending to be something you're not. I love the way Mike Cannon-Brookes describes Imposter Syndrome on his Ted Talk . He describes how Imposter Syndrome is not just feeling that you can't do something, but that you might find yourself in a scenario where you're already expected to have knowledge. He describes how you might find yourself feeling like you're BS-ing your way through it when deep down you know you don't have the skills or experience to get the job done.

Signs of Imposter Syndrome

Here are some signs that you might be dealing with Imposter Syndrome:

Self-Doubt: You constantly question your abilities and accomplishments.
Perfectionism: You set unrealistically high standards for yourself and fear making mistakes.
Downplaying Success: When you succeed, you don't take credit for it or attribute it to external factors.
Comparing Yourself: You often compare yourself to others, thinking they're better than you.
Overworking: You work extremely hard to prove your worth, even if it's not necessary.

Why Do We Feel Like Imposters?

Imposter Syndrome can stem from various sources:

High Expectations: Sometimes, we expect too much from ourselves, and when we fall short, we feel like imposters.
Fear of Failure: The fear of making mistakes and failing can lead to self-doubt.
Social Pressure: Social media and peer pressure can make us compare ourselves to others, leading to feelings of inadequacy.
Lack of Self-Confidence: Low self-esteem and confidence issues can make Imposter Syndrome worse.

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Recognizing your worth and overcoming Imposter Syndrome takes time and effort. Here are some steps to help you along the way:

Acknowledge Your Feelings: The first step is to acknowledge that you're experiencing Imposter Syndrome. Understanding your feelings is essential to overcoming them.

Celebrate Your Achievements: Take credit for your successes, big or small. Acknowledge your hard work and effort.

Change Your Inner Dialogue: Replace self-doubting thoughts with positive affirmations. Tell yourself you are capable and deserving of success.

Set Realistic Goals: Instead of aiming for perfection, set achievable goals. This will help reduce self-imposed pressure.

Remember Everyone Feels This Way: You're not alone. Many successful people have battled Imposter Syndrome. Knowing this can be reassuring.

Imposter Syndrome is a common challenge that many people face. It's important to remember that you are not a fraud, and your accomplishments are a result of your hard work and abilities. By recognizing your worth, celebrating your achievements, and changing your inner dialogue, you can overcome Imposter Syndrome and reach your full potential.

If you are struggling with social anxiety or self-image, there is help and hope. You can book a session with one of our team members today using https://lindsaytsang.janeapp.com

Health Goals That Help Improve Your Mental Health

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Thu, 15 Feb 2024 04:45:02 GMT

For individuals grappling with mental health challenges like depression, anxiety, and stress, incorporating certain health goals into daily life can be transformative. A balanced diet, regular exercise, and adequate sleep are fundamental elements that can significantly influence mental well-being.

Eating a Balanced Diet

The correlation between diet and mental health is increasingly recognized. Eating a balanced diet rich in nutrients can have a profound impact on mental well-being. Foods high in omega-3 fatty acids, such as fish, nuts, and seeds, are known for their brain health benefits. Likewise, fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins provide essential nutrients that support overall brain function. A balanced diet helps regulate mood, improve brain function, and reduce symptoms of mental health disorders. On the other hand, diets high in processed foods, sugar, and unhealthy fats can exacerbate symptoms of depression and anxiety. Making dietary changes can be a step toward not only physical health but also mental and emotional well-being . Further research has shown that a balanced diet can also help with stress management. When we are stressed, our bodies produce the hormone cortisol, which can have harmful effects on the brain and body. Eating a diet rich in antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals helps combat the negative impact of stress and reduce cortisol levels.

Exercising Regularly

Physical activity is a powerful tool for mental health. Exercise releases endorphins, known as 'feel-good' hormones, which can lift mood and reduce stress and anxiety. Regular exercise also contributes to better sleep, higher self-esteem, and increased energy levels. Swimming is the perfect exercise for those who are physically limited . It’s low-impact, supports the body, and reduces the risk of injury, making it suitable for all fitness levels. Whether it’s swimming, walking, yoga, or any other form of physical activity, the key is consistency. Incorporating exercise into your routine can be a natural and effective way to boost mental health. It can also improve physical health, including reducing the risk of chronic diseases such as heart disease and diabetes. Exercise is not just about weight loss or physical appearance; it's about overall well-being. Regular exercise has been linked to improved cognitive function, increased brain activity, and reduced symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Getting a Full Night’s Rest

Sleep plays a critical role in mental health. Poor sleep patterns are often linked with mental health disorders like depression and anxiety . A full night’s rest helps the brain process emotional information, supports cognitive function, and regulates mood. Developing good sleep habits can significantly improve mental health symptoms. This includes establishing a regular sleep schedule, creating a restful environment, and avoiding stimulants like caffeine close to bedtime. Quality sleep is not just about the number of hours, but also the depth and restfulness of sleep. Making sleep a priority is a fundamental health goal for anyone looking to improve their mental health.

Setting and working toward these health goals can make a substantial difference in managing and improving mental health. A balanced diet, regular exercise, and quality sleep are not just physical health targets; they're integral components of mental and emotional well-being.

Did You Enjoy Reading This Article? Here’s More to Read: How Social Media is Impacting Your Teen's Mental Health

Thriving in a Fast-Paced World: Balancing Work, Life and Mental Health | Reset Counselling & Psychotherapy in Barrie, ON

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Thu, 08 Feb 2024 16:46:59 GMT

How you can find calm in the middle of the storm.

Life has never been so busy. The conveniences of technology have raised society's expectations for work and social lives which can sometimes make it feel like life is passing us by. Between school, extracurricular activities, family commitments, and the ever-increasing demands of the digital age, it's easy to get overwhelmed. But fear not, because finding a balance between work, life, and mental health is not only possible but also crucial for your well-being. By managing priorities and setting boundaries, you can carve out a space for your mental health and wellbeing.

Understanding the Fast-Paced World

Before we dive into tips for balancing everything, let's take a moment to understand what makes our world so fast-paced. Technology plays a big role here. With smartphones, the internet, and social media, we're always connected and constantly bombarded with information. We are expected to always be available to respond to digital interactions. Additionally, with more technology and information available than ever before, the pressure to excel in school, get into a good college, and build a successful career are very high.

Prioritizing Mental Health

One of the first steps in thriving in this fast-paced world is to prioritize your mental health. Your mind is like a supercomputer, and just like any machine, it needs regular maintenance. Here are some ways to do that:

1. Practice Mindfulness:

Take a few minutes each day to breathe deeply and focus on the present moment. This can help reduce stress and improve concentration.

2. Stay Active:

Physical activity is not only great for your body but also your mind. Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood lifters.

3. Get Enough Sleep:

Make sure you're getting the recommended amount of sleep for your age. A well-rested brain is better equipped to handle the challenges of a fast-paced life.

4. Talk About Your Feelings:

Don't be afraid to reach out to friends, family, or a counselor if you're feeling overwhelmed. Talking about your emotions can be a big relief.

Balancing Work and Life

Now, let's talk about finding the balance between work and life. It's important to remember that life isn't just about work or school; it's about enjoying the journey. Here's how you can achieve that balance:

1. Set Boundaries:

Establish specific times for work, school, and personal activities. When you're studying or working, focus solely on that. When it's time for family, friends, or hobbies, be fully present in those moments.

2. Prioritize Tasks:

Make a to-do list and identify the most important tasks. Focus on completing those first, so you don't feel overwhelmed by the less critical ones.

3. Learn to Say No:

It's okay to decline extra commitments if your plate is already full. Saying no doesn't mean you're letting anyone down; it means you're taking care of yourself.

Embracing Technology Wisely

Technology is a double-edged sword in our fast-paced world. While it can contribute to stress, it can also help you manage your life better if used wisely:

1. Limit Screen Time:

Set a daily limit for screen time on your devices, and stick to it. This will help reduce distractions and improve your focus. For

2. Use Apps for Productivity:

There are many apps available that can help you organize your tasks, set reminders, and track your progress. Utilize them to your advantage.

Conclusion

In conclusion, thriving in a fast-paced world is all about finding the right balance between work, life, and mental health. Prioritize self-care, set boundaries, and use technology wisely to make the most of your time. Remember, you're not alone in this journey, and seeking support from friends and family is always a great idea. By following these tips, you can not only survive but also thrive in our rapidly changing world.

Photo by Simeon Frank on Unsplash

From FOMO to JOMO: Embracing the Joy of Missing Out

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Mon, 29 Jan 2024 00:42:23 GMT

How saying "no" and unplugging could benefit your mental health.

In today's fast-paced world, it's easy to get caught up in the fear of missing out, or FOMO. FOMO is that anxious feeling you get when you think you're missing out on something exciting or important happening around you. It's that urge to check your social media constantly, attend every event, or say yes to every invitation, just so you don't feel left out.

Today we are going to explore an alternative to FOMO. That is, the Joy of Missing Out, or JOMO. JOMO is all about finding happiness and contentment in not always being part of the crowd. It's about intentionally disconnecting from the noise of the world and embracing the peaceful moments of solitude.

Here are some reasons why embracing the Joy of Missing Out can lead to a happier and more fulfilling life:

Less Stress and Anxiety: Constantly worrying about what you might be missing out on can lead to stress and anxiety. JOMO allows you to let go of these worries and focus on the present moment.

Quality over Quantity: When you're not trying to do everything and be everywhere, you can focus on what truly matters to you. You'll have more time and energy to invest in activities and relationships that bring you genuine joy.

Digital Detox: We spend so much time glued to our screens, always checking for updates and notifications. JOMO encourages you to unplug from the digital world, which can improve your mental well-being and help you reconnect with the real world.

Self-Care: JOMO encourages self-care and self-reflection. It's okay to take a break, pamper yourself, and recharge. You deserve it!

Mindfulness: Embracing JOMO can lead to a greater sense of mindfulness. You can truly savor the moments you're in, without the constant distraction of what's happening elsewhere.

Here are some practical tips to help you embrace the Joy of Missing Out:

Prioritize Your Time: Determine what activities and people are most important to you, and make them a priority. Say no to things that don't align with your values and goals.

Set Boundaries: It's okay to set boundaries, both online and offline. Turn off notifications, limit your screen time, and create designated "me time."

Practice Gratitude: Reflect on the things you are grateful for in your life. This can help you appreciate what you have rather than focusing on what you might be missing out on.

Engage in Offline Activities: Explore hobbies and activities that don't involve screens. Whether it's reading a book, going for a hike, or learning a new skill, there's a world of experiences waiting for you.

Connect with Loved Ones: Spend quality time with friends and family. Building strong, meaningful relationships can bring immense joy.

Remember, it's okay to miss out on some things in life. The Joy of Missing Out is not about isolating yourself but about finding balance and happiness in the choices you make. So, take a step back, breathe, and enjoy the beauty of the present moment. You might just discover that the true joy in life often comes from embracing the moments you have, rather than constantly chasing the ones you don't.

Being Kind to Yourself: The Power of Self-Compassion

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Tue, 23 Jan 2024 16:23:23 GMT

Why self-compassion is essential and how it can positively impact our lives.

In a world where we often focus on achieving high standards and success, we tend to forget one crucial aspect of our lives - self-compassion. Self-compassion is the act of being kind and understanding to ourselves. It's about acknowledging our flaws, mistakes, and imperfections without judgment and treating ourselves with the same kindness we extend to others. In this blog, we'll explore why self-compassion is essential and how it can positively impact our lives.

Understanding Self-Compassion

Self-compassion involves three main components:

Self-kindness: This means treating ourselves with gentleness and kindness, especially when we face difficult situations or make mistakes. Instead of harsh self-criticism, we offer ourselves words of encouragement and support.

Common humanity: Recognizing that we are not alone in our struggles. Everyone makes mistakes, faces setbacks, and has moments of self-doubt. It's part of being human. By understanding that these experiences are universal, we can feel more connected to others and less isolated in our challenges.

Mindfulness: Being mindful means observing our thoughts and feelings without judgment. Instead of suppressing negative emotions or dwelling on them, we acknowledge them with curiosity and self-compassion. This helps us avoid getting caught up in a cycle of self-criticism.

The Benefits of Self-Compassion

Now, let's delve into why self-compassion is so powerful:

Reduced Stress: Self-compassion helps reduce stress and anxiety. When we're kind to ourselves, we can better manage the pressures of daily life, as we're not adding the burden of self-criticism to our challenges.

Improved Mental Health: Research has shown that self-compassion is linked to increased psychological well-being. It can lead to higher levels of happiness, self-esteem, and overall life satisfaction.

Better Relationships: When we are compassionate with ourselves, we're more likely to be understanding and empathetic towards others. This can improve our relationships and make us more emotionally available to the people around us.

Resilience: Self-compassion fosters resilience in the face of adversity. It allows us to bounce back from setbacks and failures with a more positive mindset, as we treat ourselves with kindness rather than self-blame.

Increased Motivation: Surprisingly, self-compassion can be a powerful motivator. When we don't judge ourselves for our mistakes, we're more likely to take risks and pursue our goals because we know that even if we fail, we will treat ourselves with understanding and learn from the experience.

Practicing Self-Compassion

Now that we understand the importance of self-compassion, let's explore some practical ways to cultivate it:

Self-talk: Pay attention to your inner dialogue. Replace self-criticism with self-kindness. When you make a mistake, talk to yourself as you would to a supportive friend.

Self-care: Prioritize self-care activities that nourish your body and mind. This can include exercise, meditation, hobbies, or simply taking time to relax.

Mindfulness: Practice mindfulness meditation to become more aware of your thoughts and feelings. This can help you respond to yourself with greater understanding and compassion.

Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist when you're struggling. Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can be a great source of comfort and validation.

In a world that often demands perfection, it's crucial to remember that nobody is flawless. Embracing self-compassion is not a sign of weakness but a strength. By being kind and understanding to ourselves, we can lead happier, healthier lives, build better relationships, and develop the resilience needed to navigate life's challenges.

If you are struggling with self-compassion and are looking for support, we are here to help. Our team can provide space to explore your thoughts and tools to help you meet your goals. To book an appointment you can use https://linds aytsang.janeapp.com

Photo by Lauri Glade on Unsplash

Coping with Academic Pressure: Strategies for Success

Mon, 15 Jan 2024 16:31:36 GMT

A Parent's Guide to Helping Your Child Cope with Academic Pressure

As parents, we want the best for our children, and academic success is often a top priority. However, the journey of education can be challenging for many students, as they face increasing academic pressure. As your child navigates this critical aspect of their life, here is a guide to help you support them in managing academic stress and achieving their goals.

Open Communication:

The foundation of any strong parent-child relationship is open and honest communication. Create a safe space for your child to talk about their academic concerns, achievements, and goals. Listen actively and empathetically to their worries and triumphs.

Be a Source of Encouragement:

Offer words of encouragement and praise for your child's efforts, rather than just focusing on their grades. Let them know that you believe in their abilities and that you're proud of their hard work. Offer support if your child is struggling with concepts.

Help with Time Management:

It can be difficult to juggle homework, assignments, and extracurricular activities. Assist your child in creating a study schedule and teach them time management skills. Make homework part of your home routine and limit extracurriculars if homework time is being overtaken. Encourage them to prioritize tasks and break them down into manageable chunks.

Provide a Calm Study Environment:

Create a quiet and comfortable study space for your child at home. Minimize distractions and ensure they have access to the necessary supplies, such as textbooks and stationary, to complete their assignments effectively.

Reduce Distraction

The biggest distraction for many children is screen time. Turn off screens during homework time. If your child needs help, do your best to be present without your own screen distractions. If your child can complete their homework without internet, you might consider limiting internet access during homework time.

Teach Resilience and Coping Skills:

Help your child develop resilience by teaching them how to bounce back from setbacks. Emphasize that it's okay to make mistakes and that failure is a part of the learning process. Teach them coping mechanisms like deep breathing, mindfulness, or yoga to manage stress.

Encourage Healthy Habits:

Promote a healthy lifestyle by ensuring your child gets enough sleep, eats balanced meals, and engages in regular physical activity. These habits can significantly impact their overall well-being and academic performance.

Support Their Interests:

Encourage your child to pursue their interests and passions outside of academics. Hobbies and extracurricular activities can provide a much-needed break from the pressures of school and contribute to their personal development.

Be Mindful of Expectations:

Be mindful of your own expectations and avoid placing undue pressure on your child to meet specific academic standards. Every child is unique, and their strengths and weaknesses may vary. Focus on helping them reach their potential rather than comparing them to others. Be realistic and help them to focus on the skills that will bring them towards their eventual career goals.

Seek Professional Help When Necessary:

If your child's academic stress is overwhelming or persistent, consider seeking the help of a school counselor or a therapist. These professionals can provide valuable guidance and support. They may be able to pinpoint whether a psychoeducational assessment is necessary or whether

Celebrate Achievements, Big or Small:

Celebrate your child's achievements, whether they are big milestones or small victories. Acknowledging their hard work and progress can boost their self-esteem and motivation.

School can be challenging for students, but as parents, you can play a crucial role in helping your child cope with academic pressure. By fostering open communication, offering support, and teaching essential life skills, you can empower your child to manage stress and succeed in their academic journey. Remember that your love and encouragement are powerful tools in helping them navigate this important phase of their education.

If you need parenting support or your child is facing challenges that are outside your scope, you are not alone. Our team is here to help you and your family members reset. To book an appointment you can use https://lindsa ytsang.janeapp.com

Nurturing Healthy Online Relationships

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Wed, 20 Dec 2023 18:09:39 GMT

How you can help your teen develop safe and positive connections.

Parenting in the digital age can be challenging, especially when it comes to helping your Gen Z teen navigate the world of online relationships. As technology continues to shape the way young people connect with others, it's essential for parents to play an active role in nurturing healthy relationships in the digital world. In this guide, we'll explore some valuable tips for parents on how to support their Gen Z teens in building and maintaining positive online connections.

Open Communication

One of the most crucial aspects of guiding your Gen Z teen through the digital world is maintaining open and non-judgmental communication. Encourage your teen to share their online experiences, both positive and negative, with you. Be a supportive listener and avoid lecturing or criticizing which may cause your teen to feel like they need to hide their experiences. By keeping the lines of communication open, you'll be better equipped to understand their digital world and provide guidance when needed.

Set Clear Boundaries

Establishing boundaries is essential for healthy online relationships. Work with your teen to set clear rules and expectations regarding screen time, appropriate online behavior, and the types of platforms and websites they can use. Ensure that your teen understands the importance of respecting these boundaries and the consequences for crossing them. Explain that boundaries are in place not to stop us from having fun but to protect us from harmful experiences.

Educate on Online Safety

Teach your Gen Z teen about online safety, including the importance of protecting personal information. Discuss the risks associated with sharing personal details and the potential consequences of interacting with strangers online. Encourage them to use strong and unique passwords for their accounts and explain the significance of privacy settings on social media platforms. If appropriate, share real news stories of teens whose safety was compromised because of online relationships.

Model Healthy Online Behavior

Children often learn by example, so it's crucial to model healthy online behavior. Be mindful of your own digital habits and how you interact with others online. Show your teen what respectful and positive online communication looks like, and they are more likely to follow your lead. Be aware of how much time you are spending on screens. Strive to balance necessary screen activities with physical activity, time outdoors, social time, household duties, and so on.

Be Aware of Online Friends

Encourage your teen to introduce you to their online friends and acquaintances. While some online friendships can be genuine and positive, it's essential to be aware of who your teen is interacting with. Take an interest in their online world and ask questions about the people they talk to regularly.

Recognize Signs of Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying is a real concern in the digital world. Educate your teen about the signs of cyberbullying and let them know that they can come to you if they ever experience or witness it. Encourage them to block or report abusive individuals online, and work together to find solutions to such issues.

Encourage Offline Connections

Balance is key when it comes to online relationships. Encourage your teen to maintain offline connections with friends and family. Plan activities that promote face-to-face interactions and help your teen develop strong interpersonal skills beyond the digital realm.

By maintaining open communication, setting clear boundaries, and educating your teen about online safety, you can help them develop healthy and positive relationships in the digital world. Remember to model good online behavior and stay engaged in their online experiences. With your guidance and support, your Gen Z teen can enjoy the benefits of technology while staying safe and making meaningful connections.

Breaking Free from Perfectionism | Anxiety Counselling Barrie

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Fri, 15 Dec 2023 18:52:08 GMT

How Embracing Imperfection can help you find more enjoyment in life.

Do you ever feel like you have to be perfect all the time? Like every little thing you do has to be flawless? If so, you might be struggling with something called perfectionism. But here's the secret: not only is it okay to be imperfect, but it's normal! Learning to embrace your imperfections and uniqueness can lead to a happier and healthier life.

What is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is the belief that everything you do must be perfect, without any flaws or mistakes. It's like setting unrealistically high standards for yourself in everything you do. While it's great to strive for excellence, perfectionism takes it to the extreme and can be harmful to your well-being.

The Downside of Perfectionism

Perfectionism can have some negative effects on your life. Here are a few of them:

Stress and Anxiety: Trying to be perfect all the time can be really stressful. You may worry about making mistakes or not living up to your own high standards.
Low Self-Esteem: Perfectionists often judge themselves harshly, leading to low self-esteem. They might feel like they're not good enough unless they're perfect.
Procrastination: Believe it or not, perfectionism can actually lead to procrastination. When you're afraid of making mistakes, you might put things off because you're scared of not doing them perfectly.
Missed Opportunities: Perfectionism can hold you back from trying new things or taking risks. You might avoid opportunities because you're afraid of not doing them perfectly.

Embracing Imperfection

Now, let's talk about how you can break free from perfectionism and start embracing imperfection:

Set Realistic Goals: Instead of aiming for perfection, set achievable goals for yourself. Understand that making mistakes is a natural part of learning and growing.
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. When you make a mistake, remind yourself that it's okay, and everyone messes up sometimes.
Learn from Mistakes: Mistakes are valuable learning experiences. When you make one, take the opportunity to learn from it and improve.
Focus on Effort, Not Outcome: Shift your focus from the end result to the effort you put in. It's more important to try your best than to be perfect.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you catch yourself thinking you have to be perfect, challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself if they're really true or if they're just your perfectionism talking.

Benefits of Embracing Imperfection

Embracing imperfection can bring many positive changes to your life:

Reduced Stress: You'll feel less stressed when you let go of the need to be perfect all the time.
Increased Self-Esteem: Embracing imperfection can boost your self-esteem as you learn to accept yourself as you are.
More Creativity: You'll be more open to trying new things and taking creative risks.
Stronger Relationships: People are often drawn to those who are authentic and show their true selves, imperfections and all.
Personal Growth: Embracing imperfection allows you to grow and develop as a person, learning from your experiences.

Remember, it's okay to be imperfect. Nobody is perfect, and that's what makes us unique and human. If you are finding yourself gripped by the anxiety of perfectionism, reach out and talk to someone today.

Our therapists are here to help. You can book an appointment using our booking link above.

Mindfulness for Gen Z: A Practical Guide | Therapy in Barrie, ON

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Wed, 06 Dec 2023 01:22:35 GMT

Learning to be in the moment could improve your mental health.

In our fast-paced world, it's easy for people of all ages to feel stressed, overwhelmed, and constantly distracted. For Generation Z, born between the mid-1990s and the early 2010s, navigating the challenges of school, social media, and growing up can be especially demanding. That's where mindfulness and meditation come in. These practices can help Gen Z manage stress, improve focus, and find inner peace. In this guide, we'll explore what mindfulness and meditation are, and provide practical tips to get started.

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in the moment, without judgment. It involves paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and sensations without trying to change them. Mindfulness can be done anywhere, anytime, and it doesn't require any special equipment.

Why is Mindfulness Important for Gen Z?

Stress Reduction: Gen Z faces unique stressors, from academic pressures to social challenges. Mindfulness can help reduce stress by teaching you to respond to difficult situations in a calm and thoughtful way.

Improved Focus: With the constant buzz of technology and social media, it's easy to become distracted. Mindfulness helps train your brain to stay focused on the task at hand, which can improve your academic and personal life.

Emotional Regulation: As teenagers and young adults, Gen Z often grapple with intense emotions. Mindfulness can help you manage your emotions and make more thoughtful choices.

What is Meditation?

Meditation is a specific technique within the broader practice of mindfulness. It involves setting aside time to sit quietly and focus your attention on a particular object, thought, or breath. Meditation is like exercise for your brain, helping it become stronger and more resilient.

How to Start Practicing Mindfulness and Meditation

Find a Quiet Space: Choose a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. It could be your bedroom, a park, or any place where you feel comfortable.
Set a Time Limit: Start with just a few minutes each day and gradually increase the time as you become more comfortable with the practice.
Get Comfortable: Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. You can use a cushion or chair for support if needed.
Focus on Your Breath: Pay attention to your breath as it goes in and out. If your mind wanders, gently bring your focus back to your breath.
Be Patient: Don't be too hard on yourself if you find it challenging at first. Like any skill, mindfulness and meditation take practice.
Use Guided Meditations: There are many apps and online resources that offer guided meditations for beginners. These can be helpful in getting started.

Top Guided Meditation Apps:

These websites have apps that may be helpful if you are new to mindfulness and meditation:

Tips for Incorporating Mindfulness into Daily Life

Mindful Eating: Pay attention to the flavors, textures, and smells of your food. Chew slowly and savor each bite.

Mindful Walking: Take a walk and pay attention to your surroundings. Notice the colors, sounds, and sensations as you move.

Mindful Breathing: Practice deep, slow breathing whenever you feel stressed or anxious. It can help calm your mind and body.

Mindful Tech Use: Limit screen time and practice mindfulness when using technology. Put away your phone during meals and engage fully with the people around you.

Conclusion

Mindfulness and meditation are powerful tools that can benefit Generation Z in many ways. They can help reduce stress, improve focus, and enhance emotional well-being. By incorporating these practices into your daily life, you can navigate the challenges of growing up in a fast-paced world with greater ease and resilience. So, give it a try, and start your journey toward a more mindful and balanced life.

Need help? We are here! Our therapists can help you with mindfulness-based interventions for a variety of mental health concerns.

If you would like to book with our therapists you can visit https://lindsaytsang.janeapp.com

How Social Media is Impacting Your Teen's Mental Health

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Wed, 15 Nov 2023 18:00:48 GMT

And how you can help them reduce the negative impact.

In today's digital age, social media has become central to our human experience. Whether it's sharing photos on Instagram, creeping friends on Facebook, or following current events on Twitter, social media platforms offer us endless opportunities to connect with others and stay informed about the world. However, as much as social media can be a source of entertainment and connection, it also has a significant impact on our mental health, which is what we'll explore in this blog.

Comparison and Self-esteem

One of the ways social media can affect our mental health is through the constant comparison it encourages. When we scroll through our feeds and see others' carefully curated photos and posts, it's easy to feel like our own lives don't measure up. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, especially among young people. What we see on social media often represents only a highlight reel of someone's life, not the full picture.

Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

FOMO is a real thing, and it's exacerbated by social media. Seeing our friends having fun at parties, going on vacations, or enjoying exciting experiences without us can make us feel left out and lonely. Constantly comparing our lives to the exciting moments others share online can lead to anxiety and feelings of exclusion.

Cyberbullying

The anonymity that social media offers can sometimes bring out the worst in people. Cyberbullying, which involves using digital platforms to harass or hurt others, is a serious problem. Victims of cyberbullying can experience depression, anxiety, and a sense of powerlessness. It's essential to report and stand up against cyberbullying to protect both ourselves and others.

Addiction and Screen Time

Spending excessive time on social media can also negatively impact our mental health. The more time we spend online, the less time we have for in-person interactions, physical activities, and self-care. It's crucial to find a balance between our online and offline lives to maintain good mental health.

Filter Bubbles and Echo Chambers

Social media algorithms often show us content similar to what we've previously engaged with. While this can help us find things we're interested in, it can also create "filter bubbles" and "echo chambers." In these digital bubbles, we're only exposed to ideas and opinions that align with our existing beliefs. This can limit our perspective and contribute to polarization, which can be detrimental to our mental well-being.

Reduced Face-to-Face Interaction

As we spend more time communicating through screens, we may find ourselves having fewer face-to-face conversations in the “meet” world. Real-life interactions are essential for building strong relationships and developing social skills. Isolating ourselves behind screens can lead to feelings of loneliness and social anxiety.

Positive Aspects of Social Media

While there are many potential negative effects of social media on mental health, it's important to note that it's not all bad. Social media can also be a source of support, education, and inspiration. It allows us to connect with like-minded individuals, access information, and raise awareness about important issues. The key is to use social media mindfully and in moderation.

Social media has a significant impact on our mental health, both positive and negative. To protect our well-being, it's crucial to be aware of the potential pitfalls and take steps to mitigate them. This includes managing our screen time, being mindful of the content we consume, and prioritizing real-life connections. By doing so, we can enjoy the benefits of social media while safeguarding our mental health.

Photo by Josh Rose on Unsplash

How to Deal With Low Energy When Struggling Through Depression

Wed, 01 Nov 2023 17:23:06 GMT

Depression doesn't only affect your mental state; it often manifests physically, particularly as low energy or chronic fatigue. When you're grappling with depressive symptoms, mustering the energy for day-to-day activities can be challenging. While consulting a healthcare professional for a tailored treatment plan is crucial, several strategies can help manage low energy levels.

Prioritize Quality Sleep

A good night’s sleep can be surprisingly elusive when dealing with depression. However, quality sleep is crucial for mental and physical well-being, and poor sleep can exacerbate feelings of low energy and depression. Aiming for seven to nine hours of restful sleep can make a significant difference in your energy levels. Creating a bedtime routine can assist in improving sleep qualit Simple practices like avoiding screens at least an hour before sleep, keeping the bedroom dark and cool, and incorporating calming activities like reading or listening to soothing music can prepare your body for rest. Cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I), a form of psychotherapy that targets the thoughts and behaviors that affect your ability to sleep well, has also proven effective.

Do a Detox

Poor diet can worsen depressive symptoms and contribute to low energy. Eating a lot of processed foods can spike your blood sugar and cause you to crash, leaving you even more fatigued. A detoxifying cleanse focused on eliminating processed foods, excessive sugars, and unhealthy fats can help reset your body and improve your energy levels. Include whole foods like fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains. Opting for smaller, frequent meals throughout the day can help maintain steady energy levels. A registered dietitian can help tailor a nutritional plan that suits your specific needs. Some people also find that natural detox methods like herbal teas and increased water intake can flush toxins from the body, thus helping to improve overall energy levels.

Exercise Regularly

While the thought of exercising might seem overwhelming when you’re already low on energy, physical activity is proven to boost endorphin levels , which in turn helps to combat depression and low energy. You don't have to start with high-intensity workouts; even low-impact exercises like walking or cycling can have positive effects. Setting small, attainable goals can make the task less daunting. Perhaps start with 10 minutes a day and gradually increase as your energy levels improve. Exercise can be more manageable and enjoyable when incorporated into daily routines, such as taking a walk after dinner or doing some light stretching in the morning.

Managing low energy while struggling through depression is a complex endeavor. Prioritizing quality sleep, considering a dietary detox, and incorporating regular exercise are steps in the right direction, but they are not substitutes for professional medical advice and treatment. It's crucial to consult healthcare professionals like therapists and dietitians who can provide personalized strategies to address your specific symptoms. With a combination of professional guidance and self-care methods, improving your energy levels can become a more attainable goal, ultimately offering a glimmer of light in the daunting fog of depression.

Did You Enjoy Reading This Article? Here’s More to Read: Techniques That Can Help Manage Your Stress

Techniques That Can Help Manage Your Stress

Thu, 19 Oct 2023 19:40:43 GMT

Stress is a common companion in our fast-paced lives, affecting many individuals, including those grappling with depression, anxiety, or other mental health challenges. However, there are effective techniques to mitigate its impact.

Exercise

Engaging in regular physical activity is a potent stress buster . Exercise helps your body release endorphins, natural mood lifters and pain relievers. It not only improves your physical health but also positively impacts your mental well-being. When you exercise, your brain releases endorphins, which are chemicals that act as natural painkillers and mood elevators. This surge of endorphins can help you feel more relaxed and content. Moreover, physical activity can improve your sleep quality, which is crucial for stress management. It's not necessary to engage in intense workouts; even a brisk walk, yoga, or swimming can be beneficial. Find an activity you enjoy, and make it a regular part of your routine. It's a simple yet effective way to combat stress.

Practice Meditation

Meditation is another powerful tool to combat stress and improve your mental health. This practice involves focusing your mind on a particular object, thought, or activity to train attention and awareness, promoting mental clarity and emotional calmness. Meditation can help release endorphins and boost your mental state. It encourages a sense of mindfulness, allowing you to stay in the present moment rather than worrying about the future or ruminating on the past. This can be particularly beneficial for individuals struggling with anxiety. To start meditating, find a quiet and comfortable space. Close your eyes, take deep breaths, and concentrate on your breath or a soothing mantra. Gradually, as you make meditation a habit, you'll notice reduced stress levels and an enhanced sense of well-being.

Journal

Journaling is a therapeutic practice that can provide an outlet for your thoughts and emotions, reducing stress and promoting self-reflection. Putting your feelings and concerns on paper can help you gain clarity and better understand your stressors. When you journal, you can explore your emotions and thoughts in a safe and non-judgmental space. It allows you to vent your frustrations, set goals, and track your progress. Over time, this self-expression can lead to decreased stress levels and improved mental health. To get started, set aside some time each day or week to write in your journal. Write freely without worrying about grammar or structure. Let your thoughts flow naturally onto the pages, and don't be afraid to explore your deepest feelings and concerns.

Managing stress is crucial for maintaining good mental health, especially for individuals dealing with depression, anxiety, or other mental health challenges. Incorporating exercise, meditation, and journaling into your daily routine can be highly effective in reducing stress levels. Remember, it's essential to find the techniques that work best for you, as managing stress is a personal journey.

Did you enjoy reading this article? Here’s more to read: Why Mental Health Matters for Seniors Too

Helping your Teen Build Resilience and Coping Skills for Stressful Situations

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Tue, 17 Oct 2023 14:36:47 GMT

Life is full of ups and downs, and sometimes, it throws us into situations that stress us out. It could be a tough school project, arguments with friends, family problems, or unexpected troubles. Learning how to deal with stress is super important for our mental and emotional health. In this blog, we'll explore ways to help you become more resilient when things get tough.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness means paying full attention to the present moment and what your body is feeling. It's like being in the "now" and giving yourself space for a moment to ignore the past or the future. When you practice mindfulness, it can help your body relax from stress and anxiety. Try easy exercises like taking deep bellly breaths or turning off your phone and noticing what your five senses are saying to experience a little calm when things are crazy.

Lean on Your Friends and Family

When life gets tough, don't be afraid to talk to your friends, family, or a counselor. Sharing your feelings and thoughts with someone you trust can make you feel better and help you see things differently. Building relationships and taking time with people who care about you is an important part of growing resilience for tough days.

Take Care of Yourself

Taking care of yourself is a big deal. It means getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, staying active, and doing stuff that makes you happy and relaxed. When you don't take care of yourself, factors like fatigue, poor nutrition, too much screen time, and not enough exercise can make it more difficult to deal with stress.

Learn to Solve Problems

Sometimes, stress comes from having problems that need solving. Being resilient means being good at finding solutions. Break down big problems into smaller parts, think of ideas to fix them, and then take action. Solving problems helps you feel more in control and less stressed.

Think Positive

Having a positive attitude can make a big difference when dealing with stress. Try being thankful for the good things in your life, even when things are tough. When negative thoughts pop up, challenge them with more positive ones. Having a hopeful outlook can help you get through hard times and build resilience.

Set Goals You Can Reach

Setting goals that are realistic is important. Don't set yourself up for failure by aiming too high. Focus on what you can do today to move towards your goal, and celebrate when you achieve each step. This keeps you motivated and makes stress more manageable.

Organize Your Time

Managing your time well and staying organized can make stress easier to handle. Use tools like calendars, to-do lists, or schedules to plan your day. Set reminders and notifications to keep yourself accountable. When you have a plan, it's easier to stay on top of things, even when life gets crazy.

Know When to Say No

Sometimes, we feel stressed because we take on too much. It's important to learn to say no to things that are not your top priorities. You can't do everything, and that's okay. Saying no to the things you don’t want is saying yes to the things you do. Taking care of yourself should come first.

Learning to deal with stress and being resilient are important skills for life. By practicing mindfulness, talking to friends and family, taking care of yourself, and using these strategies, you might be surprised by the outcomes.

If you need help learning strategies for resilience, we are here to help. You can book an appointment with one of our therapists by visiting https://lindsaytsang.janeapp.com

How to Practice Self-Care to Improve Your Mental Wellbeing

Thu, 12 Oct 2023 17:21:58 GMT

Improving your mental well-being through self-care is a fundamental aspect of maintaining a healthy and balanced life. By dedicating time and effort to self-care practices, you can positively impact your mental health and overall sense of well-being.

Eat Well and Move Your Body

Prioritizing a nutritious diet and regular physical exercise is a cornerstone of self-care for mental health. Nourishing your body with a balanced diet provides the essential nutrients needed for optimal brain function. Incorporate a variety of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and healthy fats into your meals to support your mental well-being. Engaging in regular exercise releases endorphins, the body's natural mood enhancers, promoting a positive outlook and reducing stress and anxiety. Exercise can improve sleep quality, boost self-esteem, and provide a sense of accomplishment. Aim for at least 30 minutes of physical activity per day to reap these mental health benefits. Regular exercise can also have a significant impact on your mental health. It has been shown to reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, as well as improve overall mood and self-esteem.

De-Stress

Finding effective ways to de-stress is crucial for maintaining good mental health. Your body is exposed to a lot of environmental stresses during the day. It's essential to create a routine that allows for relaxation and unwinding. Engage in activities that bring you joy and calmness, whether it's reading a book, going for a walk, practicing mindfulness, or spending quality time with loved ones. It's also important to set boundaries and manage your workload to avoid burnout and chronic stress. Financial stress is also a significant concern for many people. It can cause sleepless nights, anxiety, and even physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches. To manage financial stress, it's essential to create a budget and prioritize expenses. Seek the help of a financial advisor if needed, and remember that material possessions do not equal happiness.

Practice Relaxation Techniques

Incorporating relaxation techniques into your daily routine can significantly improve your mental well-being. Techniques such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, guided imagery, or meditation can help reduce anxiety, promote relaxation, and enhance your overall mental clarity. Allocate time each day to practice these techniques, even if it's just for a few minutes. Over time, consistent practice will provide you with the tools to manage stress and achieve a state of mental calmness. One of the most widely used relaxation techniques is deep breathing . This technique involves taking slow, deep breaths and focusing on the sensation of your breath entering and leaving your body. By doing this, you can calm your mind and release tension in your muscles. You can also incorporate visualization by imagining yourself in a peaceful environment while performing deep breathing.

Self-care is a vital practice that significantly contributes to improving your mental well-being. By prioritizing a balanced diet and regular physical exercise, managing stress effectively, and incorporating relaxation techniques into your daily routine, you can create a solid foundation for mental health.

Did You Enjoy Reading This Article? Here’s More to Read: Common Signs You’re Too Stressed Out

Stressful Life Events That Impact Women

Wed, 11 Oct 2023 17:11:20 GMT

Life's stressors are universal, but women often find themselves navigating specific challenges. From career pressures to family dynamics and hormonal shifts, women juggle multiple roles and responsibilities that can add layers of stress. Understanding these stressors and learning coping strategies can be a vital first step in achieving better mental and emotional health.

Career and Financial Stress

The professional sphere is a significant source of stress for many women, whether it's from trying to climb the corporate ladder, closing the gender pay gap, or balancing work with home life. The pressure is real, and the stress can be overwhelming. One way to cope with career and financial stress is to set achievable goals and timelines. Whether it's striving for a promotion or setting a budget, clear objectives can provide direction and make problems seem more manageable. Additionally, don't underestimate the value of a support system in the workplace . Reach out to mentors or colleagues who can offer advice and share their own experiences. Sometimes, merely talking about your stressors can help you gain perspective and potentially offer solutions you hadn't considered.

Pregnancy

Pregnancy is a monumental life event that brings a whirlwind of emotions, not all of which are positive. The anticipation of welcoming a new life is magical, but it can also come with stress factors like physical discomfort, health worries, and concerns about becoming a parent. Some light exercise can also help you manage stress during pregnancy. Physical activity, like a leisurely walk or prenatal yoga, can enhance your mood by releasing endorphins. Another way to cope with stress during pregnancy is through proper prenatal care. Consult your healthcare provider for a tailored health plan and stick to it. Support from your partner, family, and friends is also essential. Sharing your concerns with trusted individuals can offer emotional relief and valuable advice.

Relationship Issues

Relationships, whether romantic, familial, or platonic, are another area where women can experience considerable stress. The emotional toll of arguments, misunderstandings, or even a break-up can be debilitating. One way to deal with relationship stress is through open communication. Honest conversations can sometimes resolve misunderstandings before they escalate into significant stressors. Therapy or counseling can also provide a constructive outlet for stress management. A neutral third party can guide conversations, offer coping strategies, and provide new perspectives on relationship dynamics. Don't shy away from seeking professional help when the emotional load becomes too much to bear alone.

Navigating life's challenges requires a multi-faceted approach, especially for women who find themselves pulled in various directions. Stress is an inevitable part of life, but how we manage it makes all the difference. Tackling career and financial anxieties head-on, taking proactive steps to ease the strains of pregnancy, and seeking help to navigate relationship issues are all steps in the right direction. Your well-being is worth the effort it takes to manage these stressors effectively. By equipping yourself with coping strategies and a strong support system, you are setting the groundwork for better emotional and mental health.

Did You Enjoy Reading This Article? Here’s More to Read: How to Help a Child Who Struggles With Anxiety

Handling Stress in a Digital World: Tips for Gen Z

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 11:00:05 GMT

Understanding and addressing sources of stress and anxiety.

Gen Z, born between the mid-1990s and early 2010s, grew up in the early days of the internet. The digital age brought new challenges, especially when it comes to dealing with stress and anxiety.

The convenience of the internet increased the pace of work and play, raising the bar for society to keep up with trends and demands. It also introduced new challenges in the areas of addiction, work-life balance, the nature of relationships, protection of personal information, intellectual property, and more. Gen Z individuals have been the guinea pigs of many social experiments related to the internet age, facing unique pressures in this era.

Many members of Gen Z are choosing to edit their lives in order to protect their mental health and reclaim their time. Here are some ways to address the challenges of the digital age:

Less Screen Time:

Spending too much time on smartphones, tablets, and computers can contribute to anxiety. The constant flow of notifications and information can be overwhelming. To deal with this, try setting daily limits on your screen time, especially during your free time. Make room for activities offline, such as reading, taking walks, or spending quality time with family and friends.

Choose Your Digital World Wisely:

You can take control of your online experience by being selective. Unfollow accounts and turn off notifications that make you feel negative or stressed out. Surround yourself with content that inspires and educates you, as well as things that make you feel better. By managing your digital surroundings, you can reduce exposure to content that might make you anxious.

Take Digital Breaks:

Consider taking breaks from digital devices regularly. Set aside specific times during the week when you disconnect completely from the digital world. Try activities like meditation, writing in a journal, or enjoying hobbies to relax and recharge without the constant noise of the digital world.

Mindful Social Media Use:

Social media can be a double-edged sword for Gen Z. It offers a place for self-expression and connection, but it can also lead to comparison and insecurity. Be mindful of how social media impacts your mood. Set limits on how much time you spend on it, and remember that people often show a carefully curated version of their lives online, which may not reflect reality.

Healthy Habits Are Key:

Taking care of your physical health is closely linked to your mental well-being. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and getting enough sleep are crucial for managing anxiety. Additionally, practice relaxation techniques like deep breathing or meditation to reduce stress.

Learn to Say "No":

In the digital age, there's often pressure to be available all the time. However, it's essential to set boundaries and know when to say "no." Prioritize your mental health and well-being over being constantly connected.

Educate Yourself:

Learning about the effects of social media and digital technology on mental health can empower you to make informed choices. Find out more about how technology impacts your well-being and recognize signs of digital addiction or overuse. Knowledge is a valuable tool for navigating the digital world more effectively.

Reach Out for Support:

Remember, you don't have to go through your struggles alone. If anxiety in the digital age is overwhelming you, don't hesitate to seek help. Talk to your friends, family, or a mental health professional. They can offer guidance, understanding, and someone to talk to when dealing with the challenges you face.

If you need support navigating anxiety, stress, depression or other concerns, we are here to help. Our team of Registered Psychotherapists is trained to support you through whatever challenges you are facing.

To book an appointment with our team you can use https://lindsaytsang.janeapp.com or follow the links above.

Common Signs You’re Too Stressed Out

Thu, 21 Sep 2023 16:57:14 GMT

Stress is a pervasive issue that can affect every aspect of your life, from your emotional well-being to your physical health. Though some stress can be beneficial in short bursts, chronic stress can have significant negative impacts on your mind and body. Knowing the signs can help you take the necessary steps to manage it more effectively.

Mood Changes

One of the most telling indicators of excessive stress is a shift in your mood. Feelings of irritability, frustration, and overwhelm are common reactions to stress. You might also notice increased sensitivity or emotional volatility, where minor incidents trigger strong emotional responses. The impact of stress on mood can even extend to depression and anxiety. In fact, stress is known to worsen symptoms of preexisting mental health conditions. Mood changes are not only disruptive to your emotional well-being but also have broader implications. They can affect your relationships, work performance, and overall quality of life. Monitoring your emotional responses can help identify stress early and prompt you to take necessary measures like engaging in relaxation techniques or consulting with a mental health professional.

Physical Symptoms

Physical manifestations of stress can range from mild to severe. Common symptoms include headaches, muscle tension, and gastrointestinal issues like indigestion or diarrhea. You may also experience breakouts when you’re stressed. Skin conditions like acne, psoriasis, and eczema can flare up during stressful periods. Another notable physical symptom is frequent illness. Chronic stress weakens the immune system, making you more susceptible to infections. Exercise and a balanced diet can alleviate some of these physical symptoms, but addressing the root cause is crucial. Again, seeking professional advice is recommended, especially if physical symptoms persist.

Sleep Issues

Sleep is one area where stress can make its presence felt quite acutely. When under stress, you may experience difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep through the night. Sleep disturbances can lead to insomnia , which has its own set of health implications like increased risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes. Moreover, poor sleep can create a vicious cycle where the lack of rest exacerbates your stress levels, making it even harder to find the mental peace needed for quality sleep. Mindfulness techniques and establishing a calming bedtime routine can be beneficial. However, persistent sleep issues may require professional medical intervention, especially if they lead to chronic insomnia.

Identifying the signs of stress is crucial for taking the appropriate steps to manage it. If you're experiencing mood changes, physical symptoms, or sleep issues, consider these as red flags that shouldn’t be ignored. Chronic stress has the potential to lead to more severe mental health conditions like depression or anxiety disorders. As such, it's essential to consult healthcare providers for a comprehensive treatment plan. They can guide you through stress management strategies and, if necessary, provide medication or therapeutic interventions to help you cope better. With the right help, you can navigate your way through stressful periods more effectively.

Did You Enjoy Reading This Article? Here’s More to Read: Factors You May Be Overlooking in Your Mental Health

How to Help a Child Who Struggles With Anxiety

Thu, 31 Aug 2023 19:54:53 GMT

In a world filled with challenges, children, too, can experience the weight of anxiety. As caregivers, understanding how to support a child who struggles with anxiety is essential for their well-being.

Reduce Their Triggers

Anxiety often arises from specific triggers that overwhelm a child's emotions. To create a safe haven, identify these triggers and work on reducing their impact . Just as a painter prepares the canvas, parents can prepare the environment. Create a tranquil space at home – a calming room painted in soothing colors can offer comfort. Open conversations about their fears and concerns foster a sense of trust. Minimize exposure to stressors when possible and gradually introduce them to build resilience. Establish a daily ritual that includes positive affirmations and breathing techniques. It is also important to take into account the child's physical health when dealing with anxiety. A nutritional diet, rich in vitamins and minerals, helps the body cope better with difficult emotions. Proper exercise may help relieve tension, stress, and fatigue. Ensure kids get enough sleep as it helps to regulate their moods and balance hormones.

Keep Them Busy

Children's minds are fertile ground, and keeping them engaged can prevent anxiety from taking root. Like a swimmer navigating waters, children can navigate their emotions when occupied. Encourage participation in activities they enjoy, fostering a sense of achievement. Among the options, swimming stands out. Swimming can forge social connections and help build critical life skills . Enroll them in swimming classes or organize pool playdates. The rhythm of strokes can mirror the rhythm of a calmer mind, and the water's embrace can wash away worries. Swimming can also help strengthen their bodies and ease any physical tension. Allow them to take part in the activity as much as they can, providing an outlet for their energy and emotions.

Try Counseling

When anxiety becomes a formidable opponent, seeking professional support is a pivotal step. Just as an artist seeks guidance to refine their craft, a child can benefit from counseling . Trained therapists offer tools for managing anxiety's grip. Through counseling, children learn coping strategies and gain insights into their emotions. The therapeutic process acts like a healing balm, soothing their anxieties. As caregivers, it's essential to embrace counseling as a positive pathway to their well-being. Anxiety can have a far-reaching impact on the family. Counseling offers an opportunity for family members to gain insight into each other's emotions and experiences. Family therapy sessions are tailored to the needs of the family as a whole, and individual counseling is beneficial for healing personal issues. Through counseling, children learn how to better manage their anxieties while parents can gain a better understanding of their child's needs.

In the realm of a child's heart and mind, anxiety can cast a shadow. Just as a swimmer navigates the water's depths, children can learn to navigate their emotions. Like the strokes of a paintbrush on canvas, our actions can shape their experiences. Let our love and understanding be the palette with which we paint a brighter future for the children in our care.

Did You Enjoy Reading This Article? Here’s More to Read: How to Practice Mindfulness Throughout the Day

Activities That Can Help Improve Your Mental Health

Tue, 15 Aug 2023 17:31:57 GMT

Improving mental health is a journey that often involves a combination of therapy, self-care, and lifestyle changes. Engaging in various activities can significantly contribute to enhancing mental well-being and overall happiness.

Volunteering

Volunteering is not only a way to give back to the community but also a powerful activity for improving mental health . Engaging in acts of kindness and altruism can boost feelings of self-worth and purpose. Helping others can provide a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction, fostering positive emotions that can counteract feelings of depression or anxiety. Volunteering also promotes social connections, allowing individuals to build meaningful relationships with others who share similar interests and values. For those who struggle with loneliness, volunteering can provide a sense of companionship and community. It’s also a great way to build new skills, learn more about yourself, and discover hidden talents. If you’re looking for a way to make meaningful changes in your life and the lives of others, consider volunteering! It’s guaranteed to be an experience you won’t soon forget.

Joining a Sport

Participating in sports is not only beneficial for physical health but can also have positive effects on mental well-being. Physical activity releases endorphins, the body's natural mood elevators, leading to feelings of happiness and reduced stress. Engaging in sports fosters a sense of discipline and goal-setting. Setting and achieving fitness milestones can provide a sense of accomplishment and boost self-esteem. This is particularly important for individuals struggling with anxiety or low self-confidence. Sports also provide opportunities for social interaction and teamwork, which can lead to new friendships and a sense of belonging. Joining a sport does not have to be an intimidating process. It is important to find a sport that you enjoy and are passionate about, as this will make it easier and more enjoyable for you. Not only do sports help you stay in shape, but they also have mental health benefits as well .

Lunch With a Friend

The simple act of having lunch with a friend can have a profound impact on mental health. Socializing with friends and loved ones provides a much-needed emotional support system, helping to reduce feelings of stress and anxiety. Spending quality time with friends can also bring joy and laughter, releasing tension and promoting a positive outlook on life. Sharing experiences, thoughts, and feelings with someone you trust can be cathartic and comforting. A meal with a friend can offer an opportunity to practice self-care and take a break from the demands of everyday life. Take some time out of your day to get together with someone you care about. Schedule lunch or coffee at least once a week. Connecting with others is an important part of maintaining good mental health, so be sure to set aside some time for this essential activity.

Incorporating various activities into your life can play a vital role in improving mental health and overall well-being. As you navigate your mental health journey, remember that engaging in activities that resonate with your interests and values can have a powerful and positive impact on your well-being.

Did You Enjoy Reading This Article? Here’s More to Read: Signs You Should Start Seeing a Therapist

Factors You May Be Overlooking in Your Mental Health

Thu, 10 Aug 2023 21:08:26 GMT

Mental health is a complex and multifaceted aspect of our overall well-being. While we may be aware of certain factors that contribute to our mental health, there are often overlooked elements that can significantly impact our emotional well-being.

Sleep

Sleep is an essential aspect of our overall health, and it plays a crucial role in our mental well-being. Lack of adequate sleep can have a significant impact on our mood , cognitive function, and emotional stability. It is during sleep that our brains process and consolidate emotions and experiences, allowing us to wake up refreshed and ready to face the day. Sleep deprivation, on the other hand, can lead to increased irritability, difficulty concentrating, and heightened stress levels. If you find yourself struggling with your mental health, it's essential to prioritize getting enough quality sleep each night. Establishing a consistent sleep routine, creating a relaxing sleep environment, and practicing relaxation techniques can all contribute to better sleep and improved mental well-being.

Diet

The food we eat not only fuels our bodies but also has a profound impact on our mental health. A poor diet lacking essential nutrients can contribute to feelings of fatigue, mood swings, and a decreased ability to cope with stress. On the other hand, a healthy and balanced diet can support optimal brain function and promote emotional well-being. Incorporating whole foods rich in vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants can provide the nutrients necessary for proper brain function and neurotransmitter production. Poor gut health can also have a negative effect on your mental health. The gut and brain are connected through the gut-brain axis, and imbalances in the gut microbiome can contribute to anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions. By focusing on a nutritious and gut-friendly diet, you can support your mental well-being from the inside out.

Sunlight

Sunlight is often underestimated in its impact on our mental health. Exposure to natural sunlight helps regulate our body's production of serotonin , a neurotransmitter that plays a key role in mood regulation. Sunlight also stimulates the release of endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. Lack of sunlight, especially during the winter months, can lead to a condition called seasonal affective disorder (SAD), characterized by low mood, decreased energy, and increased sleepiness. To support your mental health, aim to spend time outdoors and expose yourself to natural sunlight. Even a brief walk outside during the day can have a positive impact on your mood and overall well-being.

While we may be aware of certain factors that influence our mental health, there are often overlooked elements that deserve our attention. Sleep, diet, and sunlight all play vital roles in supporting our mental well-being. By prioritizing quality sleep, adopting a healthy and balanced diet, and spending time outdoors, we can improve our mental health and overall quality of life. Remember, small changes can have a significant impact, so start incorporating these factors into your daily routine and observe the positive effects on your mental well-being.

Did You Enjoy Reading This Article? Here’s More to Read: Exercises You Should Try to Improve Your Mental Health

Stress Triggers That Many Women Deal With

Wed, 09 Aug 2023 21:12:25 GMT

Stress is an inevitable part of life, and women often face unique challenges that can trigger feelings of stress and overwhelm. Here are three common stress triggers that many women deal with relationship challenges, pregnancy, and financial insecurity.

Relationship Challenges

Relationships can be a source of joy and fulfillment, but they can also be a significant stress trigger for many women . Difficulties in romantic relationships, conflicts with family members, or strained friendships can all contribute to increased stress levels. The emotional toll of navigating these challenges can be overwhelming and impact overall well-being. It is essential to address relationship issues and seek support when needed. Talking to a therapist or counselor can provide valuable guidance in managing and resolving relationship conflicts, promoting healthier communication, and enhancing relationship satisfaction. Embracing self-care practices can be beneficial in improving overall relationship dynamics. These may include setting healthy boundaries with others, engaging in activities that promote relaxation and joy, and focusing on nurturing positive relationships. Taking an active role in managing stress related to relationships is key to achieving greater emotional balance and well-being.

Pregnancy

Pregnancy is a transformative and joyous experience, but it can also be accompanied by various stressors. Hormonal changes, physical discomfort, and concerns about the health and well-being of the baby can lead to emotional distress. The anticipation of childbirth and the challenges of transitioning into motherhood can be overwhelming. Pregnancy can come with a lot of emotional distress many people aren't prepared for. It is vital for women to seek emotional support during this time. Connecting with other expectant mothers through support groups or seeking professional counseling can help alleviate anxiety, provide coping strategies, and foster a sense of empowerment and well-being. Physical health is also important during pregnancy. Regular prenatal visits with a healthcare provider can ensure the mother and baby are healthy throughout the process. Eating a well-balanced diet, exercising regularly, and getting enough rest can help reduce stress and ensure proper nutrition for both mom and baby.

Financial Insecurity

Financial insecurity is another common stress trigger that many women face. Economic challenges, such as unemployment, low wages, or mounting debt, can create significant stress and anxiety. The pressure to provide for oneself and potential dependents can be overwhelming. Financial stress can have a profound impact on mental health and overall well-being. It is important to seek support and explore strategies for managing financial difficulties. Seeking guidance from financial advisors, exploring educational opportunities for career advancement, or accessing community resources can help alleviate financial stress and provide a sense of stability and control. Women should also know that they are not alone in their struggles—there are resources available to assist them. By taking proactive steps, women can find the support they need and begin to take back control of their financial life.

Women often face unique stress triggers that can impact their mental and emotional well-being. By acknowledging these stress triggers and seeking appropriate support, women can better manage and cope with the challenges they face, promoting overall mental health and well-being.

Did You Enjoy Reading This Article? Here’s More to Read: Exercises You Should Try to Improve Your Mental Health

How to Help Improve the Mental Health of Your Elderly Loved Ones

Wed, 26 Jul 2023 14:58:14 GMT

As our loved ones age, it becomes increasingly important to prioritize their mental well-being. Mental health issues among the elderly are common yet often overlooked. We will explore ways to support and improve the mental health of your elderly loved ones.

Help Them Break the Stigma

One of the first steps in addressing mental health concerns in the elderly is to help them break the stigma associated with mental illness. Many seniors may feel ashamed or embarrassed to talk about their struggles, fearing judgment or misunderstanding. By fostering an open and non-judgmental environment, you can encourage your loved ones to share their thoughts and emotions . Make sure your elderly relatives understand that there is nothing wrong with seeking help and that reaching out for support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Show them that it’s okay to talk about their feelings and remind them that it doesn’t make them any less capable or independent. Let them know you are here to listen without judgment and help them find the resources they need. Showing compassion and patience can help seniors feel more comfortable discussing mental health issues.

Provide Support

Support is crucial when it comes to improving the mental health of your elderly loved ones. Regularly check in with them and listen attentively to their concerns. Show empathy and understanding, and let them know that you are there for them. Engage in conversations that allow them to express their emotions freely and validate their experiences. Living at home can improve health outcomes for seniors in their final years. Create a safe and comfortable living environment for your elderly loved ones. Ensure that their basic needs are met, and make necessary adjustments to accommodate any physical limitations they may have. Encourage independence and provide assistance only when needed, as maintaining a sense of autonomy can greatly impact mental well-being.

Encourage a Healthy Lifestyle

A healthy lifestyle plays a vital role in promoting mental health for seniors. Encourage your loved ones to engage in regular physical activity that suits their abilities. Gentle exercises such as walking, swimming, or tai chi can be beneficial for both physical and mental well-being. Physical activity releases endorphins, which can boost mood and reduce feelings of anxiety or depression.

Paying attention to nutrition is crucial. Encourage a balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Good nutrition supports overall health and can contribute to improved mental well-being. Social interaction is essential for maintaining mental health. Loneliness and isolation can negatively impact the mental well-being of the elderly. Regular social engagement can provide a sense of belonging and purpose, reducing the risk of depression and anxiety.

Remember, it is important to seek professional help if you notice persistent signs of mental distress in your elderly loved ones. Therapists and healthcare professionals can provide specialized support and guidance tailored to their needs. Together, we can make a positive impact on the mental health of our elderly loved ones and ensure their golden years are filled with happiness and well-being.

Did You Enjoy Reading This Article? Here’s More to Read: Things That Can Help Protect the Mental Health of Seniors

How to Practice Mindfulness Throughout the Day

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Thu, 06 Apr 2023 20:26:11 GMT

Has anyone ever told you that you should practice mindfulness? Mindfulness is the practice of bringing your attention and awareness to the present moment without evaluating or judging it. It’s thought to help manage stress, anxiety, and depression, as well as improve self-esteem, the ability to relax, and outlook on life. Some may find that it makes coping with serious illness easier too. Being mindful doesn’t happen on its own though, so what can you do to practice it throughout the day?

Pay Attention to Your Breathing

Paying attention to your breathing can be a great way to start practicing mindfulness. As you give attention to your breath, you direct your focus to a specific thing that you become more aware of. That awareness without judgment is key to mindfulness.

Focus on the natural rhythm of your breath. How does it feel when you inhale and exhale? How deep does your breath go? What do you feel moving? How does breathing make you feel? The experience can be meditative, something that has also proven to benefit mental health .

Do Yoga

Yoga is another great way to practice mindfulness. As you practice yoga, bring your attention to your breath, your balance, and the muscles you activate to move through the asanas. Notice how you feel physically and mentally.

Doing yoga regularly can help you notice when you’re stressed. Practicing yoga can help you feel what it’s like to feel relaxed physically and mentally , making it easier to identify those times when you aren’t.

Practice Mindful Eating

Even something as simple as eating can be done mindfully. In fact, mindful eating is thought to promote a healthy relationship with food . To practice mindful eating, use all your senses to experience your food. Chew slowly to fully experience the textures on your tongue and between your teeth. Savor the different flavors and try to identify different ingredients by taste. Smell the food as you bring it to your mouth. See and appreciate all the different colors on your plate. Listen to the sounds that accompany your meal. As you engage more of your senses while you eat, you’ll appreciate the meal more. You’ll also eat more slowly, which can help you digest your food better.

Mindfulness can be highly beneficial, but it’s more of a learned skill than an innate one for most people. Practice mindfulness daily to improve your abilities in this area. Be patient with yourself too. It takes time to rework how your brain processes information. With time, patience, and consistent effort, you should see improvements in both your mindfulness and other areas of mental health.

Did you enjoy reading this article? Here’s more to read: Understanding Behavioural Responses to Trauma

Exercises You Should Try to Improve Your Mental Health

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Thu, 09 Mar 2023 17:34:13 GMT

Not only is exercise essential for sustaining our physical health, but it can also be a great way to bolster our mental well-being. Exercise has been shown to reduce stress levels, boost mood and increase focus. We will discuss the importance of proper nutrition and adequate rest to maximize these activities' benefits.

Walking

Stepping out for a regular stroll can have profound benefits for your mental well-being . Not only does walking provide excellent cardiovascular exercise, but it has also been linked to lowering stress levels, lifting spirits, and boosting attention spans. Research even suggests that walking could help alleviate symptoms of mild depression and anxiety.

The physical and psychological benefits of walking are interrelated. Physical activity not only releases endorphins in the brain, helping to improve one's mood and reduce stress levels, but it also offers psychological benefits from being connected with nature. Taking a walk outdoors can be incredibly calming and provide an escape from all of life’s distractions.

Swimming

Swimming is a fantastic way to nurture your mental well-being. Not only does it provide an ideal opportunity to exercise all of your muscle groups, but the peaceful atmosphere helps diminish stress levels and bring tranquility. Swimming is a great full-body exercise that works out numerous muscle groups . Being in the water allows for complete muscle relaxation, which can help reduce muscle tension and improve overall mood.

Swimming also promotes mindfulness and meditation, as the rhythmic movements of the water can help clear the mind. Moreover, aerobic exercise such as walking is a perfect way to improve your mental clarity and concentration. Not only does it get the blood flowing but also increases oxygen supply to the brain for sharper focus.

Weight Training

Through weight training, you can not only better your physical condition but also enhance your mental state. Working out with weights regularly has been known to lower stress levels, raise energy levels, and generally contribute to a healthier mindset. Strength training can lead to improved mood and reduced feelings of depression. A study conducted by the Harvard Medical School found that lifting weights regularly can reduce feelings of depression and improve overall mental health. Consistent weight training can also boost your self-confidence, as you become more robust and better equipped to reach objectives.

Although it may feel like a challenge to nurture positivity and dedicate time for yourself, there are straightforward steps you can take that will improve your mental well-being and ultimately make you more content. Ultimately, taking care of your mental health is essential for living a healthier, happier life. Don't allow negative thoughts to take control of your mindset - give these mental health exercises a try today and feel the difference.

Did you enjoy reading this article? Here’s more to read: How Depression Can Affect Different Aspects of Your Life

Why You Should See a Therapist When You Have a Hard Job

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Fri, 20 Jan 2023 22:56:55 GMT

Have you ever felt stressed, overwhelmed, unmotivated, or disinterested in your work responsibilities? If you have a difficult job, the chances of becoming burnt out by your job increase exponentially.

Here are a few reasons why you should see a therapist when you have a hard job.

Learn Coping Mechanisms

First, going to therapy when you have a hard job can help you to learn helpful coping mechanisms. These coping mechanisms can help you to manage the stressors of your daily responsibilities in a healthy way. This will help to ensure that your difficult job doesn’t affect your physical and mental health so significantly.

It is also important to go to therapy to learn coping mechanisms since that will help you to better manage your work-life balance. Coping mechanisms can help you to calmly and successfully move forward when you’re confronted with an unexpected situation or challenge.

Get Your Stress Under Control

Another reason why you should see a therapist if you have a hard job is that it will help you to get your stress under control. Even if you don’t truly acknowledge the stress that your work causes, it is undoubtedly affecting you, both physically and mentally. Stress can lead to physical symptoms such as digestive issues. It can also lead to painful symptoms such as headaches and tension.

Stress can even affect your sleep, which will lead you to feel more physically drained since your body can’t be properly strengthened and rejuvenated. Your stress can also affect your mental and emotional health. It can cause you to develop mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, or suicidal ideation. Going to a therapist can help you to get your stress under control and manage your physical and mental symptoms.

Improve Communication

Seeing a therapist about your hard job can also help you to improve your communication skills in a healthy, positive way. When you improve your communication skills, you’ll be able to better manage difficult emotions and conversations at work. You’ll be able to navigate challenging situations without putting so much strain on your own mental and emotional help. Improving your communication skills will also help you to improve your relationships at home. Even though you might not realize it, the stress of your daily work can bleed into your communication habits at home. If you’ve had a difficult day, you might end up being more impatient, sharp, and critical in your communication which can hurt your relationships with your family and friends. Going to therapy can help to ensure that these relationships will thrive despite heavy work responsibilities.

So, if you have a stressful job that is overwhelming and difficult, remember it can be beneficial to see a therapist. Doing so can help you to learn coping mechanisms, get your stress under control, and improve your communication skills. This can improve your physical and mental health as well as your life inside and outside of work.

Did you enjoy reading this article? Here’s more to read. How Depression Can Affect Different Aspects of Your Life

Signs You Need to Take a Mental Health Break

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Fri, 04 Nov 2022 03:24:54 GMT

Mental health breaks are an important part of maintaining your well-being. They can help you recharge and de-stress, which is essential for keeping your mind and body healthy. If you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed out, it's time to take a break. Here are three of the signs that you need to take a mental health break.

You Can No Longer Focus

One sign that you need to take a mental health break is when you find it harder and harder to focus. Your mind feels like it's constantly racing, and no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to focus on anything. You may find yourself making more mistakes at work, or perhaps you're struggling to keep up with your usual hobbies and activities. If you're starting to feel like your mental health is suffering, it's important to take a step back and give yourself some time to relax and recharge. Taking a mental health break can help you reset your body and mind, and it can be a key part of maintaining your overall well-being. So if you're feeling overwhelmed, don't be afraid to take a little time for yourself. Your mental health is worth it.

You Have Physical Signs of Stress

It's important to listen to your body as well as your mind, and sometimes physical signs of stress can be indicative of a larger problem. Stress can throw your digestive system off balance . which can lead to a whole host of other issues. If you're having trouble sleeping, either because you can't fall asleep or you're waking up frequently during the night, that's another sign that your body is under stress. Stress can also manifest itself in physical symptoms like headaches, muscle tension, and fatigue. If you're experiencing any of these symptoms, it's important to take some time for yourself to relax and recharge. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you're struggling to manage your stress. There are plenty of resources available to help you get through tough times. Taking a break for your mental health is nothing to be ashamed of. It's one of the smartest things you can do for yourself.

No Joy in Activities

It's not unusual to have an off day here and there. Maybe you're extra tired from working late the night before, or you're feeling overwhelmed by a project at work. But if you find that you're struggling to enjoy activities that you normally love, it may be a sign that you need to take a mental health break. This could look like taking a few deep breaths and stepping away from your work for a few minutes, or it could mean taking a day or two off to relax and recharge. If you're finding it hard to motivate yourself to do things that you used to love, it may be time to give yourself a break.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or just plain exhausted, it may be time to take a mental health break. Don't be afraid to give yourself some time to relax and recharge. Your mental health is worth it. Taking a break can help you reset your body and mind.

Check out this article on 3 fascinating causes of depression !

Exploring Existential Reactions to Trauma

Wed, 29 Jun 2022 01:03:53 GMT

How trauma can make you ask big questions.

Trauma is a person’s physical, cognitive, emotional or existential response that occurs after experiencing a distressing event or series of events (CAMH, 2022) . As we have explored in this four-part series, trauma may manifest itself in many different ways. Some effects of trauma may be easily linked to the traumatic event (such as flashbacks or avoidance). Other effects may be more subtle and may grow or diminish over time.

Many clients arrive with persistent mental health concerns that seem disconnected from past events. In many cases, addressing root causes such as trauma can begin a deep healing process. As Counsellors and Psychotherapists, we want to help you explore the effects of trauma so that we can use appropriate treatments and help you reset your life.

Existential Reactions to Trauma

When a traumatic event occurs, it can cause a person to examine their existential values and beliefs. Immediately following a traumatic event, it’s completely normal to ask big questions. Thoughts may turn to one’s purpose in life or how it relates to their faith system. These are ways that humans process and make sense of distressing events. How a person handles those existential questions may begin to shape their outlook on life. Some may tend towards a negative view on humanity and spirituality while others may gain a new resolve to start fresh and prove their strength to others.

Below are some common existential reactions to trauma:

Immediate Existential Reactions to Trauma

Intense use of prayer
Restoration of faith in the goodness of others (e.g., receiving help from others)
Loss of self-efficacy
Despair about humanity, particularly if the event was intentional
Immediate disruption of life assumptions (e.g., fairness, safety, goodness, predictability of life)

Delayed Existential Reactions to Trauma

Questioning (e.g., “Why me?”)
Increased cynicism, disillusionment
Increased self-confidence (e.g., “If I can survive this, I can survive anything”)
Loss of purpose
Renewed faith
Hopelessness
Reestablishing priorities
Redefining meaning and importance of life
Reworking life’s assumptions to accommodate the trauma (e.g., taking a self-defense class to reestablish a sense of safety)

The attitudes and reactions listed here are normal human responses to any major change or life event. Experiencing a traumatic event can feel life-changing which is why so many question things like their existence, meaning in life, purpose, faith and beliefs.

A person may feel like their beliefs about themselves and life have quickly shifted which may leave them feeling lost or disconnected from reality. Over time, it may feel like changed beliefs are influencing negative attitudes, thoughts or behaviours. There are many ways to address these symptoms so that you can hit the reset button and feel more like yourself.

If you’d like to speak with a Counsellor or Psychotherapist, we’re here to help. Our team members are trained in various trauma modalities and would love to offer their assistance.

Our main office is located in Barrie and we also offer virtual sessions. You can use our online booking site to schedule an appointment today—no referrals needed

Sources: Briere & Scott, 2006b; Foa, Stein, & McFarlane, 2006; Pietrzak, Goldstein, Southwick, & Grant, 2011. Chapter 3, Understanding the Impact of Trauma. Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services.Treatment Improvement Protocol (TIP) Series, No. 57. Center for Substance Abuse Treatment (US). Rockville (MD): Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US); 2014. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/

How Depression Can Affect Different Aspects of Your Life

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Tue, 05 Apr 2022 20:48:21 GMT

The unfortunate truth is that we seem to be living in a kind of modern epidemic of mental illness. Whether simply because of higher awareness and recognition, or because the unique pressures of modern times are more likely to bring out such things in people, the fact remains that depression is at an all-time high. It is very possible that you will suffer from depression at least once in your life. If or when that occurs, what will it look like?

Relationships

Some of the most damaging symptoms of depression include a lack of energy, a lack of motivation, a sense of apathy, and an inability to find enjoyment in things or hobbies that you previously loved. These kinds of feelings can wreak havoc on your most precious resource in the struggle against depression – your relationships. Even if your loved ones may want to help you, they may not know how to communicate that well. Your sense of apathy may seem like rejection, or maybe it really will be – if you feel misunderstood and alone, you may not want to open up to anyone. If you feel you have no one you can open up to and trust, please seek professional help.

Sleep

The symptoms of depression extend well beyond simply how you feel. You may find yourself constantly exhausted and with a highly irregular sleep schedule. It affects everyone differently – so some may be sleeping far more than normal, and others may find themselves struggling to sleep properly at all. You might wake up already tired. Luckily, there are a few things you can do to try and improve your sleep-related symptoms; cultivating good sleep hygiene and buying sleep aids or better mattresses can help. Quality Sleep reminds us that a memory foam mattress will conform to the shape of your body, and thus provide better full-body support while sleeping.

Self-Image

The most nefarious side-effect of depression is the way it attacks how you feel about yourself and your life. According to Healthy Place , you may start to feel or believe you are worthless. Your deteriorating mental health may make you believe you are not worthy to have the friends and family that you do. You may feel that life is not worth living and begin to have suicidal thoughts or fantasies. If this becomes the case, it is essential that you seek professional help. The right therapist can genuinely work wonders. If your depression is chronic you may also want to consider medication.

Remember: regardless of how you feel in a given moment, you are loved and are important. Your relationships are precious and real. There always is hope – and things do get better. Be on the lookout for symptoms so that you can be prepared if or when depression arrives.

Check out this article on the signs that you should start seeing a therapist !

Understanding Behavioural Responses to Trauma

Wed, 30 Mar 2022 17:16:12 GMT

I'm not acting like myself. Will it always be this way?

As we’ve explored in this 4-part series, trauma is a persistent physical, cognitive, emotional or existential response that occurs after experiencing a distressing event or series of events (CAMH, 2022) . We don’t know all the causes and manifestations of trauma, but the impact of trauma on a person’s life can be profound.

In many cases, the client may not even realize how many parts of their being have reacted to a traumatic event. As Counsellors and Psychotherapists, we want to help you explore the effects of trauma so that we can use appropriate treatments and help you reset your life.

Behavioural Reactions to Trauma

A person’s behavioural responses to trauma may change over time. Immediately after a traumatic event, a person might feel like their behaviour is unlike their usual self—routines interrupted, acting differently, having a hard time regulating some behaviours. Many feel that their thoughts and behaviours are out of sync. This response is comparable to a cartoon character’s legs running faster than its body. Over time, some of those behaviours might settle into healthy coping strategies while other behavioural patterns may become problematic and difficult to shake.

Immediate Behavioural Reactions

Startled reaction
Restlessness
Sleep and appetite disturbances
Difficulty expressing oneself
Argumentative behavior
Increased use of alcohol, drugs, and tobacco
Withdrawal and apathy
Avoidant behaviors

Delayed Behavioural Reactions

Avoidance of event reminders
Social relationship disturbances
Decreased activity level
Engagement in high-risk behaviors
Increased use of alcohol and drugs
Withdrawal

Addressing Behavioural Reactions to Trauma

These behavioural reactions to trauma may be all too familiar. Everyone responds to trauma differently, but for many people, trauma-induced behaviours can become unhealthy coping methods. In the short term avoidant, explosive or evasive behaviours may be necessary as a means of self-protection. However, over time some behaviours can become habitual and difficult to change or manage. There are many ways to address these symptoms so that you can hit the reset button and feel more like yourself.

If you’d like to speak with a Counsellor or Psychotherapist, we’re here to help. Our team members are trained in various trauma modalities and would love to offer their assistance.

Our main office is located in Barrie and we also offer virtual sessions. You can use our online booking site to schedule an appointment today—no referrals needed

Sources: Briere & Scott, 2006b ; Foa, Stein, & McFarlane, 2006 ; Pietrzak, Goldstein, Southwick, & Grant, 2011 . Chapter 3, Understanding the Impact of Trauma. Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services.Treatment Improvement Protocol (TIP) Series, No. 57. Center for Substance Abuse Treatment (US). Rockville (MD): Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US) ; 2014. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

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access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 00:10:20 GMT

Signs You Should Start Seeing a Therapist

shane@shaneserra.com (Shane Serra) — Tue, 01 Mar 2022 22:30:51 GMT

How Stress Can Manifest as Physical Symptoms

shane@shaneserra.com (Shane Serra) — Mon, 28 Feb 2022 23:17:05 GMT

How our Minds Respond to Trauma | Counselling Services in Barrie

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Thu, 03 Feb 2022 16:22:29 GMT

Understanding Initial and Delayed responses after a traumatic event.

Trauma is a persistent physical, cognitive, emotional or existential response that occurs after experiencing a distressing event or series of events (CAMH, 2022). Mental Health researchers are constantly trying to understand causes and manifestations of trauma.

As Counsellors and Psychotherapists, we want to help you as a client become aware of these effects so that we can apply appropriate treatments and help you reset your life.

In this 4-part series we are exploring how trauma could be impacting a client’s physical, cognitive, behavioural and existential responses.

Cognitive Reactions to Trauma

A person’s cognitive responses to trauma will change as time passes. Initially, a person might feel like their mind has left their body—thoughts racing, lost sense of time, stumbling over speech. Their mind is trying to make sense of an event that it does not know how to categorize. This response is comparable to a computer trying to run a program that is not compatible with its operating system. Over time, as they start to process the events, those cognitive responses may be less intense but still persistent.

Immediate Cognitive Reactions

Difficulty concentrating
Rumination or racing thoughts (replaying the traumatic event over and over again)
Distortion of time and space (feels like slow motion, or a few seconds can be perceived as minutes)
Memory problems (e.g., not being able to recall important aspects of the trauma)
Strong identification with victims

Delayed Cognitive Reactions

Intrusive memories or flashbacks
Reactivation of previous traumatic events
Self-blame
Preoccupation with event
Difficulty making decisions
Magical thinking: belief that certain behaviors, including avoidant behavior, will protect against future trauma
Belief that feelings or memories are dangerous
Generalization of triggers (e.g., a person who experiences a home invasion during the daytime may avoid being alone during the day)
Suicidal thinking

Addressing Cognitive Reactions to Trauma

You may find some of these cognitive reactions to trauma surprising. How your mind responds to trauma over time may look different from how another person responds to a similar trauma. Cognitive symptoms associated with trauma can be intrusive and can interrupt our sense of normal life. There are many ways to address these symptoms so that you can hit the reset button and feel more like yourself.

If you’d like to speak with a Counsellor or Psychotherapist, we’re here to help. Our team members are trained in various trauma modalities and would love to offer their assistance.

Our main office is located in Barrie and we also offer virtual sessions. You can use our online platform to book an appointment today—no referrals needed.

Sources: Briere & Scott, 2006b ; Foa, Stein, & McFarlane, 2006 ; Pietrzak, Goldstein, Southwick, & Grant, 2011 . Chapter 3, Understanding the Impact of Trauma. Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services.Treatment Improvement Protocol (TIP) Series, No. 57. Center for Substance Abuse Treatment (US). Rockville (MD): Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US) ; 2014. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/

Canadian Association of Mental Health, 2022. Trauma. https://www.camh.ca/en/health-info/mental-illness-and-addiction-index/trauma

Photo by Meghan Holmes on Unsplash

Psychotherapist or Social Worker? How can I know the difference?

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Wed, 26 Jan 2022 19:27:07 GMT

We're a team of psychotherapists and social workers in Barrie whose aim is to help you live free and reset your life.

Many people get confused about which professional they should see to address their mental health and wellbeing. Most people are familiar with social workers in the government sector and aren’t sure what to expect visiting an RSW who provides counselling. Others confuse psychotherapy with psychology or psychiatry, and it is neither.

Here are some insights that we hope will clear up some of the confusion.

What is a Psychotherapist?

A Registered Psychotherapist (RP) is someone who works with clients within a therapeutic relationship to address their concerns including thoughts, feelings, behaviours, relationships, social functioning and enjoyment of life.

Unlike psychologists or psychiatrists, RPs do not perform psychological assessments or prescribe medications. Psychotherapists focus on helping clients process thoughts using evidence-based modalities.

The practice of talk therapy and counselling for mental health concerns is not new. However, the controlled regulation of the act of psychotherapy is relatively new. In 2007 the Psychotherapy Act was established and the College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario (CRPO) was instituted to protect the public from unprofessional and unethical practice. Only five other professional colleges are allowed to practice psychotherapy in Ontario: nurses, occupational therapists, social workers, physicians, and psychologists.

Practitioners who trained prior to 2007 had to demonstrate to the CRPO that they have adequate education, experience and competencies to practice psychotherapy. New Registered Psychotherapists (since 2007) will have completed their Master’s Degree in a psychology program. They will have completed extensive hours of supervision both during their practicum and since graduating, in addition to writing a challenging registration exam. They must renew their membership each year, show evidence of continuing professional development and declare their adherence to the code of ethics .

This rigorous training and regulation helps clients and the public to feel confident in an RP’s skills, qualifications, and commitment to ethical practice. The therapeutic relationship between clients and practitioners is built on trust—the CRPO works to make sure your RP is trustworthy.

Psychotherapists are most often found in a clinical or institutional setting, providing support through talk therapy to individuals, couples, or groups.

What is a Social Worker?

Social work as an act and profession has been around since the early 1900s. In its earliest forms, social work moved past acts of charity to begin addressing systemic needs such as housing, child protection, services for persons with disabilities, and establishing institutions to support those concerns.

Today, most people associate social work with its social service beginnings. However, the profession of social work has broadened over time as society has changed. You’ll find social workers helping in almost every sector. Social workers still work in government agencies such as child protection and family services, services for severe mental health disorders, homelessness, developmental disabilities, corrections, and school settings.

You’ll also find social workers in alternative settings such as providing supplementary services for physicians, providing care for families whose loved ones are in hospice, or running summer camps for youths with specific mental health concerns. In any sector, social workers are committed to social justice and making positive changes in society.

Many social workers have also branched out to the private sector providing counselling and psychotherapy services for paying clients. Under the Psychotherapy Act (2007), social workers are permitted to practice psychotherapy. Like RPs, RSWs need to remain in good standing with their governing body, the Ontario College of Social Workers and Social Service Workers (OCSWSSW) . Social workers update their registration each year, demonstrating their continuing education and training and committing to uphold the Code of Ethics .

What’s the difference between a Social Worker and Registered Psychotherapist?

We have to recognize that Social Workers and Registered Psychotherapists took very different educational pathways to become clinical counsellors. An RP may have an undergraduate degree in any field but likely also holds a Master’s Degree in a psychological program of study. The OCSWSSW is broader in its scope--an RSW may have a Master’s Degree, a Bachelor’s Degree, or even a Social Service Worker certificate.

Note that a practitioner’s level of education does not necessarily reflect their skills, experience or quality of service. Some SSWs are running very successful counselling practice whereas other doctoral candidates are struggling to retain clients.

Will I have a different experience with an RP vs. RSW?

Within a clinical counselling setting, you might not notice a difference between an RSW and RP at all. That’s because despite their differing education streams, most clinical practitioners pursue additional training and qualifications to fill their toolkit. Both might have experience using CBT, DBT, EFT, EMDR, or other methods. Most practitioners will offer an approach that is empathetic, non-judgmental, client-centered, and evidence-based.

Every practitioner, regardless of their education and training, will bring a different ‘flavour’ to their work. The biggest differences will be in personality, and how their lived experience and professional experience has shaped their approach. Ideally a practitioner will reflect a sense of that style in their bio, website and advertising rather than choosing to merely list education or generic traits.

Who should I choose?

It can feel like online dating trying to find the right therapist, but we try to make the process easier. Many clients ask us which practitioner will be the best fit for them. Sometimes we make recommendations based on client concerns and therapist specialties. However, in many cases we direct clients to read our associate profiles and choose the one that best connects to them.

Your sense of a therapist’s personality and competence is going to influence your ability to trust them with your concerns. You can learn about your RP or RSW by reading their profile, viewing their Psychology Today listing, checking out their pages on social media, and watching any videos they may have. This will give you a better sense of your practitioner before you invest your time and resource into your first session.

Some Friendly Advice

If you try a session with someone and it doesn’t feel like a good fit, keep shopping. If you don’t trust your therapist, you’ll find it difficult being transparent with them or following through on their recommendations. Find someone who you trust to help you reach your goals.

At Lindsay Tsang & Associates our vision is to help people live free and reset their lives.

To book an appointment and read associate profiles, please visit our online booking site at https://lindsaytsang.janeapp.com

Photo credit: @burst on Unsplash

How my Physical Body Responds to Trauma

Thu, 06 Jan 2022 12:56:09 GMT

Understanding Initial and Delayed responses after a traumatic event.

Psychologists are always trying to understand the diverse ways that trauma affects a person. As Counsellors and Psychotherapists, we want to help you as a client become aware of these effects so that we can apply appropriate treatments and help you reset your life.

In this 4-part series we are exploring how trauma could be impacting a client’s physical, cognitive, behavioural and existential responses.

Physical Reactions to Trauma

How our physical body responds to trauma will change as time passes. Initially, the reactions might be recognized as shock. These are the fight or flight responses as our bodies go into survival mode. Over time, as we start to process the events, our bodies will shift out of overdrive and may present new responses to the trauma.

Here are some common immediate and delayed reactions to trauma:

Immediate Physical Reactions

Nausea and/or gastrointestinal distress
Sweating or shivering
Faintness
Muscle tremors or uncontrollable shaking
Elevated heartbeat, respiration, and blood pressure
Extreme fatigue or exhaustion
Greater startle responses
Depersonalization

Delayed Physical Reactions

Sleep disturbances, nightmares
Somatization (e.g., increased focus on and worry about body aches and pains)
Appetite and digestive changes
Lowered resistance to colds and infection
Persistent fatigue
Elevated cortisol levels
Hyper-arousal
Long-term health effects including heart, liver, autoimmune, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease

Addressing Physical Reactions to Trauma

You may find some of these physical reactions surprising. How your body responds to trauma over time may look different from how another person responds to a similar trauma. Physical symptoms associated with trauma can be intrusive and can interrupt our sense of normal life. There are many ways to address these symptoms so that you can hit the reset button and feel more like yourself.

If you’d like to speak with a Counsellor or Psychotherapist, we’re here to help. Our team members are trained in various trauma modalities and would love to offer their assistance.

Our main office is located in Barrie and we also offer virtual sessions. You can use our online platform to book an appointment today—no referrals needed.

Sources: Briere & Scott, 2006b ; Foa, Stein, & McFarlane, 2006 ; Pietrzak, Goldstein, Southwick, & Grant, 2011 . Chapter 3, Understanding the Impact of Trauma. Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services.Treatment Improvement Protocol (TIP) Series, No. 57. Center for Substance Abuse Treatment (US). Rockville (MD): Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US) ; 2014. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/

Image: Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Physical Benefits That Come from Managing Anxiety and Depression

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Fri, 03 Dec 2021 20:56:42 GMT

Fitness Routines That Will Help Heal Your Mind

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Mon, 08 Nov 2021 22:20:19 GMT

While regular exercise obviously promotes physical health, it can also greatly improve your mental health. Especially when your battle with depression, anxiety, or other mental challenges seem daunting and impossible, getting regular exercise can help you to feel in control once more. Here are a couple of fitness routines that you can try that will help heal your mind.

Pilates

One great fitness routine that you could try to help yourself physically and mentally is a Pilates class. Pilates utilizes some Yoga poses paired with repetition and strength-building exercises to tone muscles and improve flexibility. The great thing about Pilates is that there are various levels of difficulties depending on the course or instructor that you choose to learn from. Depending on your skills and current physical fitness, you can choose a level of Pilates that will push you physically, but still be achievable. According to Studio Pilates , this will not only help you to clear your mind of worries but will also help you to feel accomplished and successful as you complete your Pilates routine throughout the week.

Yoga

Doing yoga is another great way to help and improve your mental health. Yoga focuses a lot on core strength and physical flexibility. It also focuses a lot on having strength of mind, since some of the poses can be difficult to hold for a long amount of time unless you’re concentrating. Even if you feel that you don’t have the skill set to do yoga, don’t be afraid to try it anyways. According to Beyond Yoga Retreat , practicing yoga with an instructor can lead to dramatically improved ability.

Hiking

If you find that being outside in nature helps you to find healing and peace, you might want to try a physical activity like hiking. According to NAMI , hiking outdoors is a great way to get your heart rate up while simultaneously enjoying the beauty of nature. There are so many hikes that you can participate in that have various levels of difficulty. Even if you don’t feel confident enough to go on a long, strenuous hike, merely being outside in nature can help you to find peace and tranquility.

As you’re trying to find a fitness routine that matches your lifestyle and helps you to find mental healing, keep in mind the activities that have been suggested in this article. Depending on your personality and your physical fitness, you may benefit from a number of activities that haven’t been mentioned here. However, the most important thing is to find something that allows you to clear your mind and better manage your health, mental and physical.

Read this next: 5 Alternative Ways to Improve Mental and Emotional Health

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Are You Struggling to Find Your Identity After a Major Life Change? | Counselling Services in Simcoe County

Fri, 06 Aug 2021 15:26:27 GMT

You don't have to struggle on your own.

Are you finding it hard to recognize yourself? Maybe the person you convey to others is not who you want to be. Maybe it’s not who you feel you truly are deep down.

At many points in our development and life circumstances we may find ourselves questioning our identity. Is this who I really am? Who do I want to be for the rest of my life? Or maybe you’ve experienced a major life change that has shifted your perspective or behaviours.

Here are 7 examples of life changes that affect our identity:

1) Moving away to school : I’m part of my family, but I’m becoming my own person.

2) Getting married or starting a long-term relationship: I’m myself but now my identity, routines and behaviours are also linked to another person.

3) Having a child: My whole life now centers around a small human. I don’t have time for things I used to enjoy.

4) Receiving a diagnosis: All of my thoughts now center on my health. I feel like my life dreams have been altered.

5) Ending a relationship: This person was part of me and now I have to redefine myself.

6) Death or anticipated death of a loved one: I don’t know who I am or will be without that person.

7) Coming out or struggling with sexual orientation and/or gender identity: I want to express myself, but I'm struggling with others' perception of me.

Can you relate?

The truth is, redefining our identity is a normal part of life. We all periodically need to stop and examine ourselves and our priorities. However, in some circumstances this can be difficult and even stress-inducing. Sometimes the shift makes sense and we settle into our new self comfortably. Other times, a big change catches us by surprise and we are left feeling confused and unsettled.

If you are feeling stuck, there is help and hope. I’m here to help you push the RESET button. Together, we can sort through your thoughts, define your priorities and consider options moving forward.

You don’t have to go through this alone.

To book with Natasha please click here to access our online booking site .

Natasha Manzone is a Registered Social Worker in Barrie, ON and part of the team at Lindsay Tsang & Associates.

Photo credit: Julio Andres Rosario on Unsplash

How Do I Start My Emotional Healing Process?

shane@shaneserra.com (Shane Serra) — Thu, 08 Jul 2021 21:09:50 GMT

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access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Thu, 03 Jun 2021 22:00:49 GMT

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access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Mon, 10 May 2021 20:23:06 GMT

How can I parent my kids when I’m a mess?

Sat, 08 May 2021 18:04:39 GMT

Parenthood is demanding and constant. In our house we joke that we are ‘puppy training’—giving constant reminders, praise and treats when they get it right. When they get bigger it’s not much different but the challenges become more complex.

Parenting is hard enough without battling mental health challenges. The kids constantly push us to our limits. They test our patience, stress us out, and many times break our hearts. We can’t control them but still feel responsibility for their character and decisions. But how can we be good parents when we have our own struggles?

If your kids are driving you to panic attacks, or angry outbursts, or stress meltdowns… you are normal. If factors outside your home such as work, extended family relationships, or a global pandemic are putting pressure on your nerves… you are normal. If you are sorting through your internal workings such as your upbringing, or trauma, or health conditions… you are normal.

Truly, some people appear to have a handle on parenting, but everyone struggles in their own way. Nobody has a handbook on their kids, or on how to juggle all the aspects of their lives. Everyone has their own messes and stresses to deal with.

Here are some things that help me feel less 'messy':

1) Simplify. I notice myself getting more stressed when my workload is more than my time or energy. I’d love to make elaborate meals, but it may be less stressful to toss frozen drumsticks and some veg in the instant pot. I’m learning how to be content with ‘good enough’.

2) Slow down. When I’m stressed I often ask myself “where’s the fire?” A lot of the pressure I feel is because I’m doing things too quickly or trying to do too much. When I take a look at my day, there are a lot of things that have to be done. But slowing down and relaxing my body can reduce stress and make me more productive in the long run.

3) Take care of your own health. I’m always thinking about the kids first—their appointments, their meals, whether they’re drinking enough water or getting enough sleep. But I need to think about my needs too.

4) Keep notes. I started a quick health journal to increase my awareness of my own health. On a Google doc I write little notes on moods, symptoms, sleep habits, etc. This helps a lot when I’m talking to my health providers.

5) Reduce self-soothing habits. I dream about spending my evening binge-watching Netflix and eating chips in peace. But it never feels as good as I would like. I end up feeling bloated and feeling like I have no productive time to myself. I try to limit the binging to once a week and focus on ‘self-care’ activities like taking a bath, going for a walk, doing yoga, reading a book or calling a girlfriend.

I know it feels like more work taking care of yourself as well as your kids. There is hardly enough time in the day. But it’s important. You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life. Take whatever steps you can to care for your body, mind and spirit.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and need someone to talk to, I'm here to help. I can offer perspective and tools to help you through this season of your life.

Debbie Opoku, RP provides Psychotherapy for parents, children, couples and families in Barrie. To book an appointment you can click here to access our online booking software .

Photo credit: Eye for Ebony on Unsplash

Parenting life is so hard.

Wed, 05 May 2021 01:09:38 GMT

Every parent right now is feeling it. Life is hard when you’re stuck at home with one, two, four kids.. It feels like a circus. You’re bribing your kids to attend class, managing work-from-home, and trying to keep everyone fed and laundered.

Breaks are few and far between and mental health is at a premium. How on earth are you supposed to keep it together without your usual supports and connections?

Truly, you can’t keep doing this.

The pandemic lifestyle is not sustainable. We all want it to be over with so we can feel healthy and normal again. But some of the effects of Covid will carry on when lockdowns are lifted. Some have lost loved ones and the grief will continue. Some have developed chronic anxiety and returning to public spaces will be difficult. Many have developed substance dependency. Many have buckled under stress and anger towards family members.

Bottom line: nobody’s mental health is the same as it was pre-Covid.

When I was in college there were a pair of moms in our townhouse complex who would sit in the garage every night and have a beer together. At the time I thought their ritual was cute. But now, several kids later, I know it was their lifeline. Every day is hard when you’re a parent. And every parent feels the need to debrief, be heard, and feel affirmed.

There really aren’t any quick fixes to make it easier.

Take a break if you can. Do what you can to keep the peace at home. And if you’re running out of steam, I’m here to help. Whether you just need to vent or if you need parenting strategies, I’d love to hear from you.

Debbie is a parenting therapist in Barrie. To book a session you can use our online booking platform by clicking here.

My social skills are not doing well.

Tue, 04 May 2021 17:55:04 GMT

I'm not sure I trust myself in public anymore.

We’ve got high hopes for when the world re-opens post-Covid. No doubt there will be an onslaught of social engagements to attend and arrange. But we’re all a little rusty. It doesn’t matter what kind of personality you have, things might be awkward for a little while.

Is this you?

The extroverted people-person: You’ve been so starved for social interaction that you’re now like a hyper puppy when you see people you like.

The introverted stay-at home person: You’ve been pretty cozy in your nest, but now the thought of gatherings is overwhelming.

Both of the personality types I’ve described may experience social discomfort when the world reopens. Everyone will experience this in different ways.

Here are a few social tips that may help:

Be interested in other people —Often if we are focusing on our own social performance it can escalate our anxiety. Instead, focus on what you’d like to learn from other people. Ask real questions about how people have experienced the pandemic, how they are coping with a starved social life, and what have been the hardest challenges for them. If you’re the extrovert, this will help you stop and listen to others. If you’re the introvert, it will help you emerge from your shell.
Smile at strangers and make eye contact —You might not be good at small talk, but a smile can go a long way to brighten someone else’s day.
Don’t hide at home --You may be tempted to continue lockdown life after things re-open, but please don’t.. We only functioned without friends for a year because we had to. We need face-to-face interactions with friends, family, and strangers alike. It helps us feel balanced and normal. Even if it’s tough, prioritize gathering with people again.
Trust you’re not alone —It may not be obvious but the person you’re talking to may be uncomfortable too. We’ve all been antisocial for over a year now—it takes time to regain social confidence. Over time we’ll find our groove again!

We hope these tips help you prepare for social engagements. We can’t wait for the restrictions to be lifted so we can return to in-person counselling! Until then, we have virtual sessions available if you live in Simcoe County and need someone to talk to. We are here to help.

You can book an appointment online by clicking here.

3 Things You Can Do Right Now For Your Anxiety

Tue, 04 May 2021 17:20:52 GMT

Give yourself a few moments of calm.

We’ll keep it short and sweet so you can take a moment for yourself away from the screen.

1) Take a break —Put the phone or laptop away for 20min. Give yourself permission to rest your mind and body. Take a shower or go for a walk.

2) Deep breathing —Close your eyes, take a deep belly breath and hold it for 10 seconds. Release and repeat.

3) Drink tea— Try something decaffeinated and soothing like peppermint, chamomile or lemon.

That’s it! If the anxiety is persistent for more than 2 weeks, call us. We are here to help.

You can book an anxiety counseling session with a therapist in Barrie by clicking here.

Photo by: María Victoria Heredia Reyes on Unsplash

What Might Be Causing All the Stress in Your Life?

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Wed, 31 Mar 2021 22:27:30 GMT

My Spouse Passed Away and I Am Alone--Now What?

Tue, 30 Mar 2021 01:31:39 GMT

Life may not be the same, but it can be good again.

Floating, unhitched, at a loss..

You’ve gone through every emotion. The pain of losing your spouse and the grieving process might have been things you expected to feel. You made it through the initial shock and pain, and all of the property and legal paperwork is behind you. But you still feel deep sadness, disorientation, loneliness and boredom.

Many who have lost their life partners know this all too well. The sadness makes sense, the anger, the bargaining—‘why him and not me’—and perhaps an eventual acceptance that the person most important to you is now gone. But the hardest part can be the transition back to being an individual rather than a couple.

Suddenly you’re faced with big life questions that you have to make on your own—Where will I live? When or how will I retire? Will I remarry? What will I do all day by myself?

The big questions are hard to think about. Sometimes you feel overwhelmed with anxiety about the future. Reinventing yourself can be challenging whether your loss was recent or in the past.

A few thoughts that may be helpful:

1) Loss of a spouse is a major life transition. Unlike moving, going to college, or having a baby, you have pain to manage on top of finding your new place in life. Feeling like yourself won’t happen overnight, but as time passes your perspective will change too.

2) There is no simple solution or magic formula. Everyone experiences loss, transition and reinvention in different ways when their spouse passes.

3) You are resilient. Our brains are designed to adapt and change as our surroundings change. It may seem like you’ll never feel ‘normal’ again, but it’s possible to find a new rhythm that works for you.

4) You are not alone, there is always help. Re-establishing a support community may take time but there are people and support services available.

If you’re having a hard time transitioning after a loss, we are here to help. Our therapists are here to listen and support you as you navigate these tough times.

If you’d like to book a session, you can use our online platform by clicking here . We look forward to hearing from you.

Photo Credit: Fabrizio Verrecchia on Unsplash

A Moment's Rest When I'm Stressed Out | Counselling in Barrie

Tue, 02 Mar 2021 17:49:41 GMT

How to have a little quiet in the noise.

Life can be so stressful. Even with social functions shut down, things at home can be crazy. Maybe it’s an over-scheduled work life, maybe it’s having the kids home more than usual, or maybe it’s just those internal struggles that won’t leave you alone. But wouldn’t we all like a little more rest?

Last month we welcomed a new baby into our family. With two toddlers needing our attention, this has made us amp up our game to a new level. There have been some very stressful moments. Sometimes that stress has come from too much activity, and other times it’s from being held back from doing work because someone else needs our attention. Both are stressful.

How can we cope when life is crazy?

Take help —Friends have offered meals, family members have offered babysitting.. YES! The answer is yes. We rely on our social network when times are challenging--we aren't made to live life alone.

Stay disciplined on routine things —Our motto this month has been ‘we can do anything as long as we do it fast’. We can make a nice dinner but we need to clean as we go or the mess will get buried by our evening routine with the kids. We can keep the place tidy, but it means having set times before meals to collectively pick up. We work at work time and play at play time--it can be hard not to blur those lines when we’re home all the time.

Change your expectations —In some seasons, such as a pandemic, we don’t get to live our best life. We might have more on our plate than we would like. But we can learn to anticipate and enjoy simple things. We can enjoy the good enough life. Maybe you don’t have time to journal like you did when you were younger—but maybe you can have a 5min tea in the afternoon and mentally reflect on your day.

Make big picture choices that benefit your mental health —Maybe a bigger house would be nice, but how will it affect your daily life—will you need to work a higher stress job? Will you be worrying about finances all the time? Will the move add 6 months of craziness to your life? Often choosing simplicity has long term benefits on reducing stress in our lives.

Get help from a Professional Counsellor —When things are overwhelming, it’s important to get help. It’s okay to say that things are overwhelming, or that they aren’t going the way you expected. Sometimes it’s just nice having someone to talk to who can offer some perspective.

If life is overwhelming, we’re here to help you tackle stress.

You can book a session with one of our Stress Management therapists to talk about your concerns. You can book online at www.lindsaytsang.janeapp.com

Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk on Unsplash

It's Time this Addiction Stops Taking Over My Life

Tue, 02 Mar 2021 10:12:45 GMT

It was never a problem before but this thing has become something I can’t live without. Maybe it’s substances, or food, or screen time—but you’ve noticed a pattern and you can’t go a day without it.

Addictions begin as a coping mechanism—trying to self-comfort, fill a gap, or forget pain. But over time those things become an escape from our reality. We may be compensating for past pain, or trying to escape a difficult current reality. What began as an escape now feels like prison. It’s taking over and costing you time, money, energy and relationships. It felt good at first and now it is oppressing you.

It may be hard to call it an addiction, but you’ve tried to stop and it hasn’t worked. You’ve tried everything you can. You feel judged, ashamed, embarrassed that something so small has so much power over you. But you can’t shake it.

The truth is, you’re not alone in this. Addictions have a way of making us feel trapped and isolated in our own selves. But there is help and hope.

Using Talk Therapy to Get Free from Addiction

Talk therapy, or psychotherapy , is one of the ways people address tough addictions in their lives. Psychotherapy can give you a non-judgmental space to address habits and routines. It can help you take a step back from the problem so you can piece together the big picture.

Talk therapy can help you address core issues that are contributing to the issue. You can learn new coping strategies and work to regain control of your life.

If you are struggling with addiction, whether old or new, reach out to us— we are here to help .

For Addiction Counselling you can book using our convenient online system at www.lindsaytsang.janeapp.com or you can call our 24/7 phone line at 705-300-0077 .

Photo by Victoria Heath on Unsplash

Teaching During COVID is Stressing Me Out | Counselling for Teachers in Barrie

Thu, 18 Feb 2021 15:29:26 GMT

It's a hard time to be a teacher.

How can I manage the stress when some days I want to quit?

This year has been the hardest of my teaching career. There has been transition after transition. It was hard enough teaching under ‘normal’ circumstances—juggling large class sizes, high expectations and insufficient support staff. But COVID-19 sent so many curveballs that I’m left reeling.

Ongoing stress can have serious effects on your mental health. It can take over your thought life, affect your moods, hamper your productivity, and spill out into your relationships.

What are the symptoms of high stress?

Stress can lead to many physical symptoms such as muscle tension, chest pain, fatigue, upset stomach, loss of appetite or lower sex drive.
Stress can make it difficult to focus on tasks or feel motivated to carry on.
Requests from your principal or other teachers may feel overwhelming.
You may feel more angry, sad, anxious, irritable or restless than usual.
You don’t feel like yourself and you’re finding it hard to control your behaviours.

How can I change and adapt without all the stress?

Deep breath. First, let’s take a minute to appreciate this: You have been at the front line this year. This year has been tough on you—on everyone. But you’ve been holding down the fort to support a lot of stressed out parents. Your job has been so important.

But still, the stressors are not likely to disappear any time soon. How can I then cope and thrive in the middle of a stressful environment?

Stress-reducing activities

Prioritize relaxation activities: Maybe this is yoga or a regular morning walk before diving into your day
Enjoy outside: Fresh air and sunshine can boost our endorphins and lower our stress levels
Call loved ones: I know you’re so done with Zoom—maybe you visit a friend from outside their window and connect via speakerphone.
Reduce sugar and caffeine intake: These are good for quick energy but over time can wear on your body. Try other ways to energize—perhaps taking energizing breaths, eating fruit and nutritious foods, or taking a multivitamin if your health team approves.
Take time for hobbies: Instead of crashing in front of Netflix at the end of the day, try going off-screen and doing hands-on activities. Maybe puzzles, art, playing board games. Exercise that left brain!
Talk to a professional: If the stress is overwhelming and you need some fresh perspective, try booking some talk therapy sessions. This will give you space to be heard and find strategies to manage your stress.

If you need support managing teacher stress, we are here to help. To book with one of our therapists you can call our 24/7 Reception at 705-300-0077 or use our convenient online booking system at www.lindsaytsang.janeapp.com .

How to Get Through a Difficult Divorce

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Tue, 09 Feb 2021 20:09:39 GMT

Marriage isn’t easy, and sometimes, for a variety of reasons, it ends in divorce. Even in the best of circumstances, divorce isn’t an easy thing to go through. Sometimes, though, there are disagreements about the process that make it especially difficult. When compounded with the emotional and mental strain that accompany divorce, it can leave people wondering how they can get through it.

Get a Good Lawyer

One of the first things that you should do is to get yourself a good lawyer. Divorces are confusing times, and an attorney can advocate for you when you can’t . A good divorce lawyer will be familiar with the ins and outs of the divorce laws relevant to your state and know how to advise you to secure the best outcome for your situation. You should feel comfortable working with your lawyer, and confident in their expertise. It’s important to hire a lawyer in a timely manner, but don’t rush through the process so quickly that you hire one who isn’t a good fit for you.

Visit a Therapist

Those going through a tough divorce often experience a lot of mental and emotional stress. It can be incredibly taxing and difficult to deal with on your own. Suffering from depression and anxiety related to divorce proceedings isn’t uncommon, and navigating the negative emotions you’ll experience on your own can be incredibly difficult. If you find yourself mentally and emotionally overwhelmed, consider visiting a therapist. They can help you navigate your way through the complex emotions you’re experiencing and emerge from the divorce a better person than you were when you started.

Have a Support System

Beyond visiting a therapist, it’s important to have a solid support system around you. Good friends and family members can be invaluable when it comes to providing support during this difficult time. Make sure your support system builds you up. You may be tempted to spend the entire time venting about your spouse, but try to avoid this. Maintaining a positive perspective is highly beneficial to your mental and emotional health.

Divorce is often a trying time, even when both parties are agreeable. Difficult divorces are especially difficult to get through. Having a good lawyer, visiting a therapist, and having a solid support system in place can make it easier though. Even if you feel like it, know that you aren’t alone and that things can be better than they are now.

If you’re going through a hard time, we are here to help. Book a counselling session with us to begin your journey toward mental wellness!

Grieving in Isolation | Grief and Loss Counsellor Barrie

Mon, 01 Feb 2021 18:14:47 GMT

How am I supposed to process this alone?

2020 brought a lot of changes for all of us. Whenever we go through a big change, or a loss, it’s possible to experience grief. Often loss involves saying goodbye to someone we love, but that could include a breakup, a child moving away, losing your pet, or losing an opportunity.

Changes and loss are part of life, but sometimes it can be difficult to process. Many of the things that normally help us process grief are experienced through community—talking with a friend, expressing feelings, sharing memories.

Isolation and lockdowns in the last year have compressed feelings of grief for a few reasons:

1) Grieving in community has been difficult. We can’t meet together, offer hugs, share meals, talk, or support in the ways we usually do.

2) Many losses of loved ones or opportunities have been virtual. With restrictions on hospital or nursing home visits, many losses feel surreal.

3) Life celebrations and gatherings have been limited because of COVID-19

4) Our world is mostly virtual, making it hard to feel like losses are real.

COVID-19 has made it feel like we aren’t able to honour losses in our lives. But it is important to make space for grief.

Here are a few ideas that may help process a loss:

1) Phone a friend to express your feelings. If you’re having hard time, tell someone you trust.

2) Keep a journal to explore your thoughts, and list things that bring you gratitude and joy.

3) Memorialize your grief in some way—this may be a ceremony of some kind, a donation on behalf of someone you’ve lost, or making a photo book or memory box

4) Avoid unhealthy habits such as drinking or eating to suppress pain

5) Find what works for you

If you’re finding it challenging to process your grief, we are here to help. We can guide you through ways of understanding your grief, acknowledging the loss and finding healthy ways to adjust. As you reconcile the loss you may find it easier to remember with less pain.

You can book using our online system by clicking here or you can call 705-300-007 7.

Photo Credit: Kat J on Unsplash

Self Check-In for Anxiety and Depression

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Mon, 04 Jan 2021 16:00:36 GMT

How bad is it really?

It’s now month 12 of a pandemic we hoped would be over quickly. Our lives and situations have changed in many ways. That’s why it may be worth taking a few moments to take a pulse on your mental health.

Today we’re sharing self-assessment tools that are used in psychotherapy for clients to gauge their mental health.

Has this mood been persisting for a while?

Generally practitioners ask clients to track their moods over a period of 2 weeks. This helps clients and their therapist to notice any concerning trends in moods. It also gives a sense of severity of mental health and mood symptoms.

Life is full of ups and downs and it’s normal and healthy to experience changes in our moods. This is how we react to life’s circumstances. But when a mood is persisting for more than two weeks without improvement, we start to ask whether it’s becoming chronic.

Self Assessment Tools

The two most common tools used in counselling practice to track clients moods are the GAD-7 and the PHQ-9 scoring tools.

GAD-7 for Anxiety (Click Here to View PDF from St. Michael's Hospital)

GAD-7 –This tool uses 7 simple questions asking individuals to rate whether there is anxiety in different areas of thoughts, physical and emotional life. Often practitioners will use this check-in when they begin with a client, then after some time they will re-score to see if anxiety has changed.

PHQ-9 Depression(Click Here to View PDF from Stanford University)

PHQ-9 –This tool uses 9 questions to rate moods or behaviours that may indicate chronic depression. Again, this is helpful for clients and their therapists to get a snapshot of how severe symptoms may be. It also helps with tracking long-term changes to moods.

How to use the tools.

These tools are meant to be used along with professional guidance to assess anxiety and depression. However, it may be helpful for your own reflection to be able to gauge severity of moods.

You could use these on a semi-regular basis to check-in with your own moods. This may be helpful over a long period of time to track any trends over the year such as seasonal changes to moods. This may help you and your practitioner as you work together to create strategies for your mental health.

If you would like to review your GAD-7 or PHQ-9 results with one of our therapists, we are here to help. You can book using our online booking system or by calling 705-300-0077 .

Acute vs. Complex Trauma--How do I know the difference? | PTSD and Trauma Counselling Barrie

Fri, 01 Jan 2021 14:31:12 GMT

Not all trauma is the same.

Trauma is a huge area of mental health that we are still trying to understand. Most professionals agree that trauma is an underlying factor for many mental health concerns that may have been previously undetected.

Two major areas of trauma are acute trauma and complex trauma. Although both categories of trauma may result in mental health symptoms, acute trauma is often easier to pinpoint than complex trauma. Let’s explore why:

What is Acute Trauma?

Acute trauma refers to the effects of an event or series of events that were disturbing. Acute trauma may be short-lived or may result in PTSD. This depends on how your brain processes and makes sense of the disturbing event(s).

Symptoms of Acute Trauma/PTSD may include:

Distressing thoughts from the past
Persistent negative mood
Having hard time with concentration and focus
Having nightmares, flashbacks or reliving traumatic events
Avoiding thoughts about the trauma
Loss of sleep, appetite, interest in things I usually enjoy
Being hypervigilant or defensive
Loss of control when I think of difficult memories

What is Complex Trauma?

Complex Trauma mostly involves relational trauma. This often occurs over extended time periods, largely during childhood and adolescence.

Complex trauma may involve family issues such as abandonment, attachment, extended abuse, inferiority/shame/lack of attention, sibling rivalry, parental neglect, unhealthy communication patterns. It may also result from external oppression related to gender, race, sexual orientation, ageism, generational injustices such as mistreatment of indigenous peoples, rigid religious expectations, and so on.

Fundamentally, complex trauma occurs when an external pressure continues to erode a person’s sense of self. The trauma degrades a person’s feelings of wholeness and worthiness. Complex trauma may be so deeply rooted in a person’s sense of being that they aren’t able to recognize how those patterns have harmed them.

Symptoms of Complex Trauma

Complex trauma is often much harder to detect or diagnose than acute trauma. According to Healthline you may experience the following symptoms

Reduced emotional regulation—Overwhelming feelings may result in outbursts or bottling emotions.
Disassociation—Feeling detached from your sense of self, emotions or physical being.
Negative self-perception—Feelings of shame and unworthiness may be persistent.
Difficulty with relationships—It may be difficult to connect or communicate with others, or to begin or continue relationships with others.
Distorted perception of abuser—Perhaps making excuses for the abuser, or seeking out abusive relationships that provide familiarity
Loss of systems of meanings—Individuals may feel purposelessness, or may reject beliefs or values that were previously important to them.

If you think you are suffering from acute or complex trauma, we are here to help. Please reach out to book a session through our online booking system or by calling 705-300-0077 .

Photo by Ian Dooley on Unsplash

Make Realistic Resolutions | Counselling and Coaching in Barrie

Sat, 19 Dec 2020 15:37:08 GMT

With these tips you can make your resolutions stick this year!

January makes us excited for fresh starts, new beginnings, and a chance to realign our values and goals.

We all know the plans to workout at the gym three times a week can get foiled. Sometimes we push ourselves to hard, too fast and burn out. Or, like last year, things out of our control like a global pandemic can derail our good intentions.

We’re here to talk about how to make those good plans STICK. How can I make plans that are foolproof and foil-proof?

The truth is things are always going to happen that are out of our control. But if we have some good planning to support our midnight napkin-scribbled resolutions, we can set ourselves up for success.

Here are 4 ways to create resolutions that will actually happen:

Make SMART Resolutions Have you used this goal-setting method before? Choose goals that are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely. Make goals that fit your life and that you know you can accomplish.
One at a Time -- We are creatures of habit. Pick one goal that you can start on today. Give yourself time to make that part of your daily life before you start adding another goal.
Create a timeline —when in the year do you hope to accomplish these goals? Are some of them seasonal or more realistic during certain months of work? It probably won’t be easy to start everything at once—stagger your goal-starting on your calendar and set reminders.
Schedule your goals —Map out your daily and weekly schedule. If you don’t have space in your week, then your goal isn’t going to happen. Likewise, if your days are already packed, how are you going to fit in a workout?

By setting resolutions that work for your life, you’re setting yourself up for success.

If planning ahead feels daunting or if you’re feeling stuck, we’re here to help. You can book a session online or by calling 705-300-0077 .

P hoto Credit: Green Chameleon on Unsplash

Is Diet Culture Affecting Your Mental Health? | Mental Health Counselling Barrie

Fri, 18 Dec 2020 01:48:34 GMT

What is Diet Culture?

Diet Culture is the system that has us convinced that we must constantly be working on shrinking our bodies. It tells us we need to look a certain way, eat a certain way—that our bodies are not good enough the way they are.

Is Diet Culture getting to me?

You can tell diet culture has gotten in your head when you’re constantly having thoughts about needing to lose weight. Or maybe you’re terrified of gaining weight. Or perhaps you’re so fixated on keeping that perfect diet that your efforts to control your physical health are now affecting your mental health.

Dieting: Me vs. My Body

Diet culture turns us against our bodies. In fact, dieting by nature is disembodiment as we choose to tune out our inner cues to follow external rules. We stop listening to our body’s signals and choose to restrict what our body thinks is best. Diet culture stops us from caring for ourselves in kind and compassionate ways.

Dieting Trauma

It makes sense why some people experience trauma from dieting. Trauma disconnects us from our bodies and our physical experiences. It causes our brain to override what our body wants, needs and feels.

Diet culture can also keep us from being present when it matters most. We may notice ourselves counting calories at an important family gathering, or stressing about getting our workout in when we’re on holidays.

Overcoming Diet Culture

The good news is that we can choose to opt out of diet culture. We can choose to define ourselves by more than our appearances. We can view ourselves as more than just a body. And we can return home to ourselves. We can begin to be present in living our lives, pursuing our dreams and leaving our mark on this world.

It takes hard work to break free from diet culture, but you can do it. You can take your life back and you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here to help.

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Krysta Szkarlat is a student completing her Masters in Counselling Psychology receiving supervision by Lindsay Tsang. If you would like to book a session with Krysta, you can visit our online booking site or call our 24/7 Reception at 705-300-0077.

Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

2020 Wasn't the Year We Wanted

Fri, 18 Dec 2020 01:27:16 GMT

This time last year none of us thought we’d be stuck in a global pandemic. We had no idea of how it would affect our daily life and routines.

But here we are at the end of 2020 wondering where the last 9 months went. Wondering how we ever got used to wearing masks and distancing in public. Wondering when this will ever end.

Many faced losses this year and had to process grief without the support of community. Some celebrated weddings and weren’t able to share it with their closest friends. Parents had to juggle working at home while managing their children’s virtual learning. Workers had to navigate fluctuating employment.

Simply put, nobody had the year they planned for. It’s hard to quantify the collective effect on society’s mental health—but we all feel it. People are sick and tired of isolation, of the tensions caused among family and friends, and of the financial, emotional, physical toll placed on us by a silly virus.

COVID-19 has magnified every mental health issue imaginable. You may be, for the first time ever, experiencing depression, anxiety, anger, suicidal ideation, trauma, and other concerns. You may have noticed that you generally feel less energy, or have less patience for people—but you’re not sure why. All of this mental health talk might be new to you.

Life is full of unexpected turns. But sometimes those turns can be hard to process. Over time, limitations on our usual balanced lifestyle can wear on our mental health.

The good news is that there is hope and we are here to help. Although we can’t speed up society’s ‘return to normal’, your therapist can help you process and find a way forward. You can find tools to manage recurring thoughts and emotions. You can have someone journey with you as you process trauma and grief. You don’t have to do this alone.

To book an appointment with one of our therapists, please visit our online booking page or call our 24/7 Reception at 705-300-0077.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

10 Ways to Avoid a Blue Christmas This Year | Depression Counselling Barrie

Thu, 10 Dec 2020 18:54:01 GMT

This Holiday season is tougher than most. With cancelled events and restricted social gatherings, it’s easy to feel a little down when we think about what we’re missing.

On top of the usual struggles with dark days and seasonal depression, COVID-19 has made it difficult to maintain healthy balance in our lives. Things we usually do to make us feel better—hanging out with friends, shopping, going to the gym—aren’t what they used to be.

Here are 10 ways you can make the most of your mental health this season:

Watch your Alcohol Intake —Alcohol is a depressant and while it may give you a short-term buzz, you’ll feel better overall if you take it easy.
Get outside as much as possible —Daylight can help get your circadian rhythm on track—this can help you feel more alert during waking hours and sleep better at night.
Start a new hobby —Try decorating your place with paper swans made from wrapping paper, or try some new recipes.
Video chat with old friends —Set up calls with those old friends you never have time to call. Or that aunt who faithfully sends you birthday cards. This may help switch things up and break out of the monotony of C-19 social life.
Phototherapy —Barrie Public Library now has a great big “Happy” light for patrons to enjoy at their downtown branch. You can grab a book and get some light therapy while you read.
Start planning New Years Goals —Rather than the spur-of-the-moment resolutions made at midnight, why not give some thought to what you hope for in the next year?
Go easy on sweets —Try the 3 bite method when it comes to treats—those three bites are enough to satisfy your sweet tooth without giving you that sluggish sugar crash and coma nap.
Create a photo book —Looking back on a special event or trip you took in the past may help to lift your moods. Or maybe you want to showcase all those photos of your adorable dog!
Limit screen time —Social Media has a way of making us feel that our lives are inadequate—give it a break! Maybe even get a friend to change your password for a while. Focus on direct connections with people you love such as phone calls and video chats.
Supplements —Talk to your health care provider about whether certain supplements (such as Vitamin D, or a greens supplement) may help boost your moods.

If you need someone to talk to about depressive moods, we’re here to help. You can book an appointment online or by calling our 24/7 reception at 705-300-0077.

Photo Credit: Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

7 Ways Holiday Spending Can Affect Your Mental Health

Fri, 04 Dec 2020 12:50:04 GMT

Holiday shopping is upon us. All the gifts and last minute deals are starting to rack up your credit card debt and drain your savings.

Your intentions are good—You’re buying needed things at a sale price and showing love through gifts. But you may also be noticing a growing stress about money. Maybe you’ve gone over budget on a few items or caved on things that you didn’t plan to buy. Or maybe you and your spouse have different views on gift-giving and what is appropriate.

7 Ways Your Mental Health may be Affected by Holiday Spending:

Stress —Your gift list is long and you feel pressure to buy for the bus driver, neighbours, everyone. You don’t know where to draw the line. Or maybe you’re well within budget and still feel stress about people liking your gifts or buying them all on time.
Anxiety —Your body tenses when you think about all the purchases you’ve made or necessities that still need to be purchased.
Obsession —Maybe you’re micro-managing your spouse’s spending because your own has gone overboard. Or perhaps you’re cashing in all your chips—cash stashes, coupons, gift cards—desperate to buy that special gift for your kid.
Behavioural Changes —You’re up at 4am in line at a box store for a gift card giveaway or up till midnight so you can catch a deal. Maybe you’re ditching work to get in some more shopping.
Sleep —All the hype about your purchases is keeping you up at night leaving you groggy, irritable and caffeine-dependent.
Denial —You’re not thinking about your financial health, you’ll let the reality sink in when January comes.
Addiction —You’re gambling more hoping to win enough cash to cover your spendings. Or you’re spending free time hunting for deals on your phone instead of pursuing activities that benefit your mental health.

Improve your mental health this season:

It’s not too late to put on the brakes. Maybe even return a few items or shave down the buying list to close friends/family. Perhaps holiday meals can be a little simpler this year. Or, you could buy second-hand gifts or focus on heartfelt homemade items.

Simplifying holiday spending may be the easiest way to improve your money mental health. If spending feels out of control, consider a cash diet or asking a friend for accountability.

Get help.

If the anxiety and stress are persisting, you could talk with a counsellor about ways to manage and cope. We’re here to help. You can reach out to one of our therapists to explore your thoughts and find strategies to improve your mental health.

To book a session you can visit our online platform. Or, you can call our 24/7 reception at 705-300-0077.

Photo by: Harold Winjholds on Unsplash

Lose the Family Drama this Holiday Season | Family Counselling and Psychotherapy in Barrie

Wed, 25 Nov 2020 21:30:11 GMT

Let’s face it, the holidays aren’t always a great time for families. The season tends to emphasize family togetherness—and for many, that idea is daunting. Maybe it’s a difficult season for your family, perhaps a major transition or mental illness of a family member. Whatever is going on at home, there is hope and help.

Here are Three Tips to Improve Communication this Holiday:

Try the softened start-up approach with family members —I feel __________when you_______ and what I need is _________. This approach helps reduce conflicts by offering a clear explanation of what is upsetting you and what you hope can happen instead.
Watch your tone. That thing you heard growing up—it’s still true. Our tone of voice can unintentionally escalate issues sometimes. Try taking a breath first to relax, then speaking in a calm and even voice. This will let your family member know that you are looking for resolution, not a fight.
Be clear about boundaries. This year it will be tough—some family members will want to break social gathering restrictions, others will feel uncomfortable with that. Your kids may beg to visit their friends. Be clear about what you are comfortable with and what's off limits.

Many families in Barrie get stuck in patterns...

Those circular arguments, pecking orders, and coping mechanisms start to repeat. Negative patterns over time can become difficult to resolve in-house. That’s why it can help having a counsellor come alongside your family to guide you through a healing or resolution process.

Family therapy has many benefits such as:

Understanding and negotiating healthy boundaries
Improving communication
Learning how to problem solve together
Growing deeper empathy for one another’s challenges
Reducing the occurrence and severity of conflicts
Developing healthy habits as a family

My name is Debbie Opoku and I’m here to help. I provide Family Counselling and Psychotherapy Services in Barrie and surrounding areas. To book an appointment with me, please use our online booking platform or call our 24/7 reception at 705-300-0077 .

Photo Credit: Paje Victoria on Unsplash

What to Do When Mysterious Pain Arises From Stress

shane@shaneserra.com (Shane Serra) — Thu, 05 Nov 2020 23:23:00 GMT

Stress has a way of wreaking havoc on the body, especially if the stress is chronic or severe. It can cause all sorts of health problems, from headaches to heart disease. If you've been especially stressed lately and are suffering from an otherwise unexplainable pain, stress may be your culprit. But what can you do about it?

Consult Online Resources

Perhaps the easiest thing you can do is to turn to the internet and online resources for information. If you already know your pain is a result of being under too much stress, you might look for ways to reduce and better manage your stress. If you don't know why you're experiencing pain, you might try searching for a list of your symptoms and seeing what comes up. When using online resources, make sure you use well-researched, professional sources as much as possible. This will help you find quality information that is more likely to be reliable.

Source: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-management.htm

Go See a Health Professional

The internet can be a good start, but there's also a lot of misinformation that you want to avoid. If you need a diagnosis, it's best to go see a healthcare professional. They have made it their business to figure out what's wrong with people and help them treat it. They are more likely to be reliable than a general Google search. If you can, choose to see a healthcare professional who specializes in pain and stress. They may be in a better position to give you a more accurate diagnosis than a general practitioner.

Source: https://www.podium.com/article/communication-in-healthcare/

Take Time for Self Care

Taking time for some self care can be a helpful way to manage both your pain and your stress. Perform gentle exercises to get your body moving without causing more pain. If you need a low impact option, swimming is easy on joints. Take the time to prepare and eat healthy, wholesome meals. Practice yoga and meditation to help you become more in tune with yourself and improve your mindfulness. Even something as simple as calling up a trusted friend or family member and connecting with another person can be beneficial.

Source: https://www.athletico.com/2012/07/31/the-many-benefits-of-swimming/

Pain caused by stress can leave you feeling at a loss for what to do. If you're experiencing mysterious pains during or after experiencing stress, take some time to get informed, see a healthcare professional, and take some time for some self care. You may find that you are able to reduce some of the stress you're experiencing as well as the pain you're feeling.

Sometimes therapy is the best answer to dealing with stress. Contact us today to book a session!

What is Mental Health and How Can I Protect It? | Mental Health Counselling in Barrie

Wed, 04 Nov 2020 02:39:42 GMT

What is mental health?

CMHA describes Mental Health as our state of wellbeing. Mental health refers to our psychological, emotional and relational state, including how we see ourselves, our sense of purpose, happiness, safety, and more.

How does mental health differ from mental illness?

Mental illness speaks to an interruption in our mental health. Perhaps our sense of purpose is feeling threatened—this may lead to depression or suicidal ideation. If our sense of safety is disturbed it may lead to anxiety or PTSD. Whenever a sense of wellness is interrupted, mental illness may follow.

How do I know if I’m experiencing mental illness?

This is a tricky one. Our mental health constantly fluctuates in response to triggers. We may have a medical test coming up that we feel nervous about. Or we may feel elated when we witness a graduation celebration. It’s normal for our moods and mental health to ebb and flow with our circumstances.

For some mental illnesses there are commonly accepted indicators included in the DSM-5 —For example, feelings of anxiety that last for 2 weeks or more may indicate chronic anxiety. After a traumatic event, if symptoms such as flashbacks or nightmares carry on more than 3 weeks, it may be a sign of PTSD.

How can I protect my mental health?

We can’t control our circumstances, but there are many ways that we can take care of our mental health. This may include connecting with positive influencers in our life such as friends, family and loved ones. It may mean setting goals or establishing accountability for harmful behaviours. It may include incorporating mindfulness or relaxation exercises into your lifestyle. For some, medical professionals may recommend use of medications to curb symptoms.

For many, the opportunity to talk about issues and explore next steps can be helpful. If you are feeling stuck, talking with a counsellor or therapist may help you regain your sense of balance. Most of all, your counsellor can be there for you if you are feeling alone in your struggles.

We're here to help.

If you would like a session with one of our therapists, you can book online by clicking here or call our 24/7 receptionist at 705-300-0077.

Photo by James Pond on Unsplash

Dark Days and Depression. How can I make it through? | Depression Therapy in Barrie

Thu, 29 Oct 2020 18:22:52 GMT

This November, find ways to improve your mood.

November means time change, wet snow and clouds. We try to scrape together whatever remaining daylight we can, but still the gloomy rainy days can get to us. For many, the cozy stay-home feelings of Autumn quickly turn into feeling less motivated. It feels harder to get up in the morning, or to keep going through the day.

Those dips in energy may be a sign of seasonal or even chronic depression. Everyone experiences depression in different ways, and some may not recognize depression when it hits.

Some surprising signs of depression (read more on our Depression page ):

You are feeling tired, can’t sleep at sleep at night, or sleep too much
You no longer find pleasure in things you do
You notice changes in appetite or weight
You are feeling tense, sad, or empty

If you’re experiencing depression, there is hope and help.

Here are a few things you can try at home:

Establishing routines —Eating meals at the same time every day is a great place to start
Doing regular physical activity —This can be as simple as a daily walk or active housework--try to get in Physical Activity every day.
Improving sleep hygiene —Going to bed on time, using bedroom only for sleep, using blackout curtains, turning off devices at least an hour before bedtime, using white noise, practicing relaxation before bed
Social time —Pick up the phone or take a socially distanced walk with a friend
Using a ‘happy’ light —Inexpensive versions can be quite effective
Taking Vitamin D —Talk to your health team about an appropriate dose
Improving Nutrition --Take it easy on your kids' Halloween treats, drink more water and less coffee, and try getting more veggies into your diet.

Of course, there can be deeper root issues for depression. This is where counselling can be helpful. A psychotherapist can help you work through what’s causing the depression. They can provide accountability and effective coping tools to move forward. They might use modalities like CBT, Narrative Therapy or even Trauma Therapy to help you feel more like yourself.

If you would like to book with one of our therapists you can click here to book online or call our 24/7 reception at 705-300-0077 .

Photo by Bruno van der Kraan on Unsplash

When the Past Keeps Haunting You

Thu, 08 Oct 2020 20:06:43 GMT

How to identify and address PTSD

Do you ever feel like your past is following you around? I’m not talking spooky ghost stuff, but sometimes the skeletons in our closet try to rattle us. Maybe it was recent or maybe something that happened a long time ago but it still feels like we’re living in a horror film.

What are the signs of PTSD?

Recurring thoughts, dreams, or flashbacks related to a traumatic event are a few signs of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Other symptoms may be harder to detect such as anxiety, hypervigilance, negative moods, loss of interest, or loss of sleep or appetite. Often people are experiencing these symptoms without realizing how they could be connected to trauma they’ve experienced.

PTSD can happen after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. It can result from ongoing exposure to distressing situations. PTSD can be related to attachment disruption such as parents separating during childhood. There are many ways that people experience trauma.

Why is the trauma still bothering me?

When you go through a safe, normal day your brain processes and tucks away that information. However when a traumatic event occurs, sometimes our brain gets stuck. What happened doesn’t make sense to our brains so it becomes difficult to store that information. That’s often where PTSD occurs. The traumatic event or information stays at the forefront of our brain and keeps replaying. Even if we are now in a safe environment, we may keep experiencing “fight, flight or freeze” reactions to triggers.

How can I deal with my PTSD?

We approach PTSD gently, slowly, from a relaxed place. If you’ve been living with PTSD for some time you know that it doesn’t just go away on its own. This is where having professional assistance can be useful. A mental health therapist can guide you through researched techniques that may help you ‘unstick’ your brain. Your practitioner may use methods such as EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, IFS, or Narrative Therapy to help you process trauma.

The key is to not avoid the trauma but to address it in the right way. If you’ve been dealing with trauma, I’m here to help. You get to drive the bus—we will move at your pace and comfort level. You can book an appointment and we can discuss which treatment options may be best for you.

Tamari is a Registered Psychotherapist at Lindsay Tsang & Associates. To book with Tamari Thompson-Kraft you can use our online booking or call our 24/7 receptionist at 705-300-0077.

Photo by Tanya Trofymchuk on Unsplash

Spousal Conflicts? Build Trust Using Softened Start-Up

Thu, 01 Oct 2020 18:28:44 GMT

Learning to fight well can strengthen your relationship

We know September was rough on couples. On top of all the usual demands that September brings, throw COVID-19 into the mix and you have the recipe for conflict.

That’s why we’re sharing a tool we use with couples to improve communication. Sometimes we don’t need more talk, we need better talk. The softened start-up approach helps us do a few things:

Assertively share our needs or concerns in our relationship
Avoid a passive “sweep it under the rug” approach to conflict
Build trust by working through issues constructively rather than abrasively

How do I take the softened start-up approach to conflict?

The basic framework is easy to remember. Try sharing your concerns this way:

“I feel__about_I need_____”

We love the simplicity of this model because it helps us to clarify what’s really going on. The most difficult part of conflict is often sharing what we really feel, what specifically is bothering us, or what we hope will change.

When we are not specific about our concerns, it can leave us feeling unheard. It can make our partner feel bewildered at why we are upset or moody. It can cause drift in a relationship or explosive fights. That’s why it’s so important to learn how to communicate our needs well.

How to use this tool effectively:

Use ONE Word: It is crucial to use ONLY one word to communicate your feeling. Often we use “I feel” as a backwards accusation. For example, “I feel you are….” or “I feel this is…” or “I feel things are…”. These are not feelings, they are opinions. Focus on the emotions you yourself are feeling. Use a single word such as “frustrated” or “upset” or “disappointed” to describe the emotion this issue is causing.

Be Vulnerable: It may feel vulnerable for you to name a feeling rather than just acting on it. But this act of vulnerability will help your partner understand that this is not an attack, it’s an opportunity to have a respectful conversation. By opening up your heart instead of accusing, you are giving your partner the opportunity to respond with care rather than defensively.

Be Specific: It’s also important to be very specific about your complaint or concern and not to use generalizations because your partner will get defensive. Avoid phrases like “you’re always ______” or “you never ________”. Try to focus on a single event or act that caused disagreement rather than piling everything together—that can get messy!

Take Ownership: If you know you’ve contributed to the issue, own up to it. Let your partner know that it’s not all their fault. Maybe you haven’t responded well, or maybe you’ve been acting out in resentment for some time. Let your partner know that this was wrong or hurtful and that you’re sorry.

Use Humility: Remember, if one person wins, you both lose. This is about building and strengthening the relationship you share. It’s not about keeping score or lording a victory over your spouse. It’s about addressing broken parts so you can heal together.

Learning how to do Softened Start-Ups well can help you build trust and become closer to your spouse. Conflicts are sure to arise in relationships. This approach can help us clearly communicate our feelings and our hopes so that we can work through things in a positive way.

If things just aren’t going well, I’m here to help. You can book with me online or call our 24/7 reception at 705-300-0077 .

Photo by Cassia Tofano on Unsplash

When should I get help?

Wed, 16 Sep 2020 14:01:41 GMT

How do I know if I need someone else on my team?

It can be hard to know when to get help. No matter what you’re going through—anxiety, depression, anger, relationship issues—it can be easy to slip into patterns and not realize how much it’s affecting us.

Our brains are wired to make us adaptable. But there comes a point where issues can begin to wear on us. The nerve-wracking situation passed and the anxiety didn’t go away. The fight stopped but the anger kept going. We found a way to live with our differences but it feels like we’re living separately together.

When is the right time to get help?

The best answer is sooner than later. But on the other hand, it’s never too late. Here’s what I mean:

Like most things, prevention in mental health is important. This means processing issues while they are fresh, navigating tough waters before the proverbial shipwreck, finding coping tools that can help improve your quality of life. Earlier is better. Often in the middle of circumstances it can be hard to see things clearly—reaching out to a third party can help you gain perspective and find positive ways to move forward.

With some mental health concerns there are rules of thumb. For example, it’s normal and healthy to be anxious about uncertain circumstances. However, if anxiety symptoms are severe or persisting for 2 weeks or more, there may be chronic anxiety developing. You can read more about rules of thumb for specific concerns by clicking on the “Counselling” tab .

What if things have already blown up?

The anxiety seems out of control? The depression is taking over? The relationship is in shambles? It’s not too late.

The secret here is that there’s no formula—people find what works for them.

Some people find the right time for counselling is when things become overwhelming. Others get help when they begin to see harmful patterns forming. Some people have already worked through issues and found coping tools, but continue regular check-ins to stay on track. Others are picking up the pieces of devastating circumstances and finding ways to cope and move forward.

Wherever you are at in your journey, and whatever you are going through, it can be reassuring to have a trusted professional lending a hand.

If you would like to book with one of our associates you can click here to book online or you can call our 24/7 receptionist at 705-300-0077 .

Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

My First Therapy Session: What to Expect

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Wed, 09 Sep 2020 15:18:58 GMT

What happens in my first therapy session?

Going to a counsellor for the first time can feel like going on a blind date. How do I know if I like this person? Can I trust them with my concerns? Will they be able to offer the kind of help I’m looking for?

This type of approach to a first session is actually very healthy and helpful. It’s good to ask questions about what kind of methods your therapist uses and to get a sense of their style. You can find out a lot from online therapist profiles, blogs, and websites before you book your first visit.

Once you’ve found a therapist you trust, that first appointment can seem daunting. Here are a few things you can likely expect from your first individual therapy session.

1) Introductions —Sharing your name, asserting that you’ve self-screened for COVID-19

2) Policy Review —Most therapists do a quick review of policies (these are on your intake form)—booking and cancellation fees, their lawful duty to report harm to self/others, confidentiality and so on. They may ask you to sign to affirm that you agree to these policies.

3) Review posing concerns —Your therapist will ask what brought you here. This is your chance to briefly summarize your concerns, symptoms, etc. You don’t have to dive into all the details at this point, but it’s a chance to give your therapist a quick overview.

4) Goals for therapy —Your therapist will ask you what your main goals are with these concerns. They can help you determine what you hope to achieve from your therapy sessions.

5) Feedback —Your therapist will validate your concerns, offer hope, and suggest approaches that may be helpful in upcoming sessions.

6) Take-away tools —Depending on your concerns and time constraints, your therapist may give you some immediate takeaway tools such as relaxation exercises, keeping a logbook or creating a safety plan.

7) Wrap-up —You’ll book your next appointment, offer payment and be on your way.

Follow-Up Sessions

In your follow-up sessions you’ll have a chance to explore concerns at a deeper level. This is a slow and careful process, and your therapist will always give you the opportunity to hit the ‘pause’ or ‘stop’ button. They will only ask you to explore issues as you feel ready.

If you would like to find out more about our therapists, you can read practitioner profiles in our “About” section. You can book your first session online by clicking here or by calling 705-300-0077 .

How to Help a Child With Depression and Anxiety

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Thu, 27 Aug 2020 20:16:11 GMT

Contrary to what some may believe, depression and anxiety are common mental illnesses for children to develop. Helping a child deal with their mental illness is quite different from helping an adult. Here are a few suggestions to try when you help your child with depression and anxiety.

Learn Warning Signs

Childhood depression and anxiety can often go untreated because parents, guardians, and caregivers have difficulty recognizing the signs of these illnesses. The first step to being able to effectively help your child with depression and anxiety is to know the symptoms. Symptoms of depression include, but are not limited to:

Sadness
feelings of hopelessness
worthlessness
feelings of guilt, anger, or irritability
crying
lack of energy
difficulty concentrating
thoughts of suicide
loss of interest in hobbies or activities.
Symptoms of anxiety include, but are not limited to:
difficulty concentrating
difficulty sleeping and frequent bad dreams
angry or irritable outbursts
constant worrying and negative thoughts
feeling tense and fidgety
not eating properly

It’s important to remember that not all of these symptoms need to be present for a child to experience depression and/or anxiety. However, these symptoms are helpful tools that can give you a clue as to what your child may be feeling. By learning these warning signs, you will be able to more quickly give your child the help they need to start feeling better.

Get Them Professional Treatment

Getting your child professional treatment is an important step to helping them maintain their mental health. There are many types of professional treatment out there. One good course of action is to make an appointment with a child psychologist who can help you set up a plan for optimal healing and recovery. Your child may also need to take medication to manage their illnesses. In cases such as these, your child’s psychologist can recommend a quality psychiatrist who can prescribe this medication.

Make Positive Lifestyle Changes

Along with formal, professional treatment, you can help your child’s mental health by encouraging a healthy, holistic lifestyle. Try to ensure that they sleep well, and consistently. Make sure your child is physically active, as exercise can help distract them from worries and relieve stress. Give them healthy, nutritious foods that will boost their energy levels. Set aside time for self-care, fun, and relaxation. There are even meal plans for kids that you can use to help if you can’t think of nutritious ideas for things to eat on your own. These lifestyle changes are simple, but they can make a big difference in terms of treating depression and anxiety.

Get an Emotional Support Animal

A pet can be a great companion for a child with anxiety and depression. An emotional support animal can provide comfort for your child when they’re sad, and help them to feel calm when they’re anxious. Many people with emotional support animals have found that having a pet boosted their self-esteem, helped them feel safe, and gave them an increased sense of purpose.

There are numerous puppy breeds that all have their unique characteristics and personalities. Labrador retrievers are some of the gentlest dogs around, so these will be a great choice. Beagles, Corgis, and Cavalier King Charles Spaniels are also wonderful ESA breeds.

Build a Strong Support System

In many cases, depression and anxiety can last for an entire lifetime. However, this does not mean that those who struggle with these illnesses are unable to live a happy, enjoyable life. You can increase your child’s chances of achieving this happiness by helping them build a strong support system .

A good support system can include family, friends, therapists, doctors, teachers, and clergy. Peer support groups can also be helpful for older children or teenagers.

Create a Safe Place

It is important for children who suffer depression and anxiety to be able to have the security of a safe place. You can create a safe place for your children by making a comfortable physical environment for them—somewhere they will feel secure, relaxed, and at peace. If your child struggles with intense anxiety, it can be helpful to include sensory grounding tools in this space. For example, keeping the space at a comfortable temperature, filling it with a relaxing scent, and stocking it full of familiar, tactile objects will help your child focus on simple sensory experiences instead of their emotional turmoil.

Reinforce Positive Truths

In addition to creating a safe physical environment for your child, you should also create a safe emotional environment for them. You can do this in part by reinforcing positive truths and challenging negative assumptions. For example, it’s easy for children who struggle with mental illness to absorb their disorder as part of their identity. Reminding your child that they are more than their diagnosis is essential. You should also remind them that a happy future is possible, that they won’t always feel worried or sad, and that they are valued as a part of your family.

Plan For the Life You Want

Wed, 26 Aug 2020 19:11:42 GMT

A simple 2-year plan can help you achieve your goals.

We often use the term “ramping up” to describe the end of August and onslaught of September. School’s around the corner for the kids, work is getting busier, activities are beginning to creep into the schedule.

Before the craziness ensues, why not stop and edit your life a little? In our family we do this every August. We create a 2-year-plan then do a progress check the following year.

Why do a 2-year-plan?

Looking ahead 2 years can be daunting. But what if you treat it as a living document? There may be things that you already hope or plan for. There may be other dreams that may not pan out. You may change some plans by next year. But by creating a big-scale plan, you can then direct your weekly and monthly activities towards your goals. This means some of your dreams may actually come true. Having a sense of direction in your life may even ease anxiety and depression.

What should I include in my 2-year plan?

Here are ten areas where you may have goals and a few examples:

1) Health— Reduce sugar intake, Lower cholesterol

2) Finances— Pay off debt, Save towards a large purchase

3) Work— Apply for a lateral move, Begin a side business, Reduce hours

4) Family— Connecting more regularly with family member(s)

5) Spiritual— Spend time reflecting, Become involved in faith community

6) Travel— Plan a Staycation, Have a getaway with a loved one

7) Physical Activity— Nature walks 2x/week, Join a fitness class

8) Social— Have a weekly game night with friends

9) Charity— Donate to a local cause, Sponsor a child

10) House— New roof, Build walkway, Demolish shed

How do I create my 2-year plan?

Above is a template you can use to create your 2-year plan. This is similar to a PATH planning model. If you draw this on poster board it will help you dream big. We recommend first identifying current situation, assets and challenges. Next, move all the way to the right and create some 2-year goals. Once you have those, you can move to the left and fill in each column. In what stage of progress do I hope to be in 1 year? What are the first steps that I will take in the next 1, 3 or 6 months?

If you are looking at lifestyle and habit goals, you might consider creating a new daily schedule for yourself. Can you follow that schedule for 3 days? A week? Is that schedule realistic for you? Is it moving you towards your goals? We’ve found the small habits often add up to become accomplished goals.

We also recommend carving out a morning each month to create monthly goals and to-do’s. This will help you get organized and stay on track with your big-picture plan.

That’s it! We hope this helps you to dream big and move towards things that you want in your life.

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If you are feeling stuck and need some help generating ideas for your 2-year plan our team is here to help. You can book a session online or by calling 705-300-0077.

How to Find the Right Mental Health Therapist

Wed, 26 Aug 2020 13:08:31 GMT

Use these tips to find the counsellor who is right for you.

Before the craziness ensues, why not stop and edit your life a little? In our family we do this every August. We create a 2-year-plan then do a progress check the following year.

Why do a 2-year-plan?

What should I include in my 2-year plan?

Here are ten areas where you may have goals and a few examples:

1) Health— Reduce sugar intake, Lower cholesterol

2) Finances— Pay off debt, Save towards a large purchase

3) Work— Apply for a lateral move, Begin a side business, Reduce hours

4) Family— Connecting more regularly with family member(s)

5) Spiritual— Spend time reflecting, Become involved in faith community

6) Travel— Plan a Staycation, Have a getaway with a loved one

7) Physical Activity— Nature walks 2x/week, Join a fitness class

8) Social— Have a weekly game night with friends

9) Charity— Donate to a local cause, Sponsor a child

10) House— New roof, Build walkway, Demolish shed

How do I create my 2-year plan?

We also recommend carving out a morning each month to create monthly goals and to-do’s. This will help you get organized and stay on track with your big-picture plan.

That’s it! We hope this helps you to dream big and move towards things that you want in your life.

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If you are feeling stuck and need some help generating ideas for your 2-year plan our team is here to help. You can book a session online or by calling 705-300-0077.

How Parents Can Combat Back to School ANXIETY

Wed, 12 Aug 2020 18:43:49 GMT

Many of you are hustling hard to get your kids ready for school. This isn’t a fun task at the best of times—after all, you’re trying to enjoy your summer and make the most of vacation. But now you’re buying PPE for your 10 year old, or maybe frantically creating a plan for home-based learning. You barely kept it together from March to June and the thought of going back is overwhelming.

Anxiety may be keeping you going right now. But it’s not sustainable for the long run.

Here are 5 ways to keep that stress in check and feel more in control:

1) Check in with your body. How are things going? Are you noticing any tension or tingling? Try squeezing your muscles, holding, then releasing. Another technique is to breathe deeply into your belly allowing it to expand, holding for a few seconds, then breathing out “Ahhhh!”

2) Try to reduce screen time. It’s easy after a long day with the kids to switch off and veg in front of the TV or scroll social media. But are there other activities that could help you feel rejuvenated? A soak in the tub or even 20 min pulling weeds or sitting in the backyard might help your body and mind to relax.

3) Keep things simple. Are there school supplies your child can use from last year? This may reduce stress by saving you time and money. Are there ways of organizing lunch and snacks to make your life easier? Maybe meal prepping for the week could work for your family.

4) Focus on the present. There are lots of theories about how this virus may spread or resurface. The good thing right now is that the numbers have been decreasing. Rather than worrying about what could happen, we can continue best practices and hope for the best.

5) If you need help, get help. If you’re having panic attacks, or anxiety that lasts more than 2 weeks, it may be time to seek professional help. A counsellor can hear you out and suggest ways to address your concerns.

Here’s to a smooth return to school!

If you would like to book with one of our Associates you can do so here or call our 24/7 reception at 705-300-0077 .

Photo by Sai De Silva on Unsplash

Good Fences: Boundaries in Romantic Relationships

Tue, 21 Jul 2020 12:36:51 GMT

How can we approach issues without creating disasters?

This is one of the most difficult areas of life to create and maintain boundaries. Simply put, it’s complicated. You share finances, emotions, time, money, children, pets, inlaws… Even if things aren’t going great, it may feel easier to remain passive than bring up issues.

We are constantly battling boundaries both internally and externally. Small bad habits can create resentment, mistrust and drift. The good news is that even though issues seem huge, it’s often the little things that can help. A few proactive steps can build trust and improve communication, dramatically improving your relationship.

How do we address issues and create healthy boundaries in our romantic relationship?

Internal Boundaries:

It can be easy to take on the emotions of our partner. Internal boundaries involve recognizing that I’m trying to control my partner’s emotions. We want our partner to be happy, so if they are upset we try to fix things.

Instead we can stop and recognize that we cannot control their emotions—it’s not sustainable.

We can give them space to experience their emotions and affirm the challenges they face. We can talk through things or agree to make adjustments. But it’s impossible to control our partner’s happiness. Knowing this can relieve a lot of our internal stress.

External Boundaries:

Instead of holding onto issues passively so they explode, regular assertive communication between partners can release some pressure and build trust.

A couple great ways to do that:

1. Softened Start Up —Rather than using anger to address issues, a soft approach invites conversation rather than defensiveness. What is a gentle way to approach the subject? How can I remain gentle even if my partner doesn’t respond well? You could try adapting phrases like this:

I feel _________ about _____________.. I need___________.

2. Weekly Check-Ins —This habit can be so powerful. Rather than being passive, this gives a weekly opportunity to gently approach potential issues while recognizing strengths. Do these four steps:

1) Share 3 things you admire about each other

2) Share 3 things that went well this week

3) Share any issues or concerns, taking time to affirm rather than jumping to solutions

4) Ask each other “How can I love you better next week?”

Internal Boundaries help us to control our own responses to issues while External Boundaries give us the opportunity to approach issues gently.

If you need further support working through issues our team would love to help. You can book online or call our 24/7 receptionist at 705-300-0077.

How Can I Deal with the Stress of 2020

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Wed, 08 Jul 2020 16:14:30 GMT

It’s no secret that 2020 has presented some incredibly difficult challenges. You have probably encountered your own unique stressors during the past few months. Stress is not always easy to deal with, but there are some simple steps you can take that will help you manage until your stress is reduced. Here are three strategies you should try.

Determine the Cause

The first step to dealing with stress is identifying the cause. Once you know the sources of your stress, it’s infinitely easier to find solutions. For example, if you feel overwhelmed when thinking about the uncertainties in your life, making a list of the things you can count on for certain can help. If you’re feeling afraid for your own health or that of a loved one, talking to a trusted doctor or health care professional might ease your worries. Or, if you’re feeling burned out due to the busyness of your job, dedicating an afternoon to self-care can help you feel relaxed.

If you’re having difficulty finding the sources of your stress, try sitting down and writing out the answers to questions such as, “I feel stressed when ….” or “What makes me uncomfortable?” As you ponder the answers to these questions, you’ll be able to determine the cause of your stress .

Connect with Loved Ones

Many people relieve their stress by connecting with loved ones. Even if you are physically distanced from your loved ones at this time, you can take appropriate steps to connect with them in accordance with the CDC guidelines. There are multiple ways to stay connected , beyond phone calls and texting. For example, you might try virtual hangouts, snail mail, video calls, and online gaming platforms.

Talk with a Professional Counselor

If your stress has persisted for an extended period of time, it might be a good time to think about getting in touch with a professional counselor. There are counselors in almost every area who have been trained how to help clients identify the sources of their stress and create helpful solutions. Talking with a counselor doesn’t mean that you are broken or strange. Instead, it means that you are doing what it takes to be mentally healthy. Many counselors have options to meet online if you cannot travel during this time.

If you have been feeling stressed over the past weeks and months, remember that your stress is temporary; you can and will feel better again. Start by determining the source of your stress, connecting with your loved ones, and talking to a professional counselor. These three strategies can help you get on the road to healing and happiness.

If you need help dealing with stress, counselling can be very helpful. Contact us to schedule an appointment!

Is Shame Holding You Back?

Wed, 01 Jul 2020 17:37:13 GMT

Find out how you can get free

Maybe you feel like you made some wrong choices, or maybe you feel that there’s something wrong with you. Those feelings of shame and unworthiness can majorly hamper our personal growth and happiness in life.

In his Psychology Today article, John Amodeo writes that “Many of us are quietly plagued by a nagging sense being flawed or defective. We secretly believe that we’re a failure, which stifles our energy, cramps our freedom, and prevents us from being ourselves.” He describes this emotion as shame. But he also shares hope: by exposing these feelings of shame we can begin the process of breaking free. ( Full article here )

Could shame be the reason you’re feeling stuck? Shame isn’t always the feeling of “I made a mistake”. Sometimes we don’t feel good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, strong enough. Shame makes us feel unworthy, unpopular, inadequate and unable.

Shame feelings can be so deep-rooted that they are hard to even notice. Here are some ways to identify shame in your life:

1) Unwillingness to try new things because you don’t feel you ‘could’ succeed

2) Obsession with appearances—makeup, fashion, etc.

3) Social media --spending way too much time comparing ourselves to others

4) Internet addiction —burying ourselves in video games or porn to numb real feelings

5) Social anxiety —feeling like you may say or do the wrong thing around other people

6) Avoiding friends or relatives because you feel you don’t meet their expectations

7) Defensiveness and anger —if you feel threatened you explode

8) ‘Workaholism’ —your relationships aren’t great so you bury yourself in projects

9) Itchy feet —you keep quitting jobs and skipping town like you’re running from something

10) Dead end relationships —you keep dating people you don’t really like just to have someone

These feelings are uncomfortable to address, but it’s important to name shame in our life. Is it the kind of shame that makes you feel inadequate? Or is it regret from past mistakes? Whatever ‘type’ of shame is nagging you, by exposing it you can begin to get free.

We can be free from shame. There is hope. The first step is to acknowledge and expose the shame before we can begin to address it. Some shame feelings are situational, while others come from a lifetime of people telling us we can’t do better.

Getting free from shame isn’t always easy. We may need to apologize or attempt to mend some relationships. We may need to build boundaries or accountability. We may need to learn about our strengths and how to best use them in our job or relationships. Or, we may need to do some deep soul-searching to uproot shame that has plagued us our entire lives.

We believe it’s possible to repair, heal and become the person we were meant to be.

Photo credit: Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash

Good Fences: Building Better Boundaries

Wed, 01 Jul 2020 16:53:48 GMT

Part 1: Why do we need boundaries?

We had a section of fence blow over this spring. It had been getting wobbly, we kept putting off the repair, and one big storm took it down.

Our neighbour helped us prop up the fence on some boards. We tied the loose lattice-top with rope. But it kept wavering dangerously. The only way to secure the fence was to dig deep holes, install new posts, and rebuild the slats.

Our newly built fence provides privacy and protection. It keeps the babies away from the neighbours’ pond and the dog from wandering over. The fence keeps good things in and harmful things out.

Fences are a good illustration of boundaries in our lives . We need boundaries for privacy, protection, and to keep us safe in other ways. There are many areas of life where boundaries are important—we’ll expand on each of these areas in upcoming blog and video posts:

1) Romantic relationships: We need good boundaries to protect us from toxic or harmful behaviours in relationships. We also need good boundaries such as fidelity, honesty and trust to maintain a strong relationship.

2) Time: Good boundaries help us to establish positives like routines and good sleep hygiene. They help us to say no to time wasters that make us feel defeated.

3) Money: In our financial lives good boundaries might be building a family budget or creating a plan to get out of debt. Having poor boundaries with money can put a lot of stress on our mental health and relationships.

4) Thoughts: Sometimes our brains take us places we don’t want to go. How can we keep out harmful thought patterns? Good boundaries might include using tools like CBT to redirect or re-frame negative thoughts.

5) Substance use: A few drinks on the weekend might be nice to kick back and relax, but are those habits starting to spill into the week? Excessive substance use can affect our physical and mental health, our job performance, our relationships.

6) Other relationships: Your high school buddies who want you to get high, your toxic co-workers, the stepmother who keeps texting criticisms.. There are plenty of relationships in life that require boundaries. Some are more persistent than others. What’s ok in those relationships? What’s not ok?

7) Screen time: The verdict is in, too much screen time is causing a mental health pandemic. Anxiety and depression are on the rise, no thanks to social media and too much mental stimulation. Good boundaries means limiting that screen time and refocusing our brains on real world things.

Boundaries are about setting limits to safeguard what’s good. Having well-built fences in our lives can help us to have more meaningful, healthy lifestyles.

Our fence experience taught us that it’s much more difficult and costly to build the fence properly, but the payoff is long-lasting. Those foundations of good habits, thoughts, principles and routines can help to ‘keep in’ what’s good and ‘keep out’ negative influences.

In our upcoming posts we’ll share some strategies on how to build and repair those boundaries.

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If you’re having a hard time establishing boundaries in your life, our team is here to help. You can check out each of their specialties to find a practitioner who will suit your needs.

Photo credit: Manja Vitolic on Unsplash

Ending Well: The Importance of Good Transitions

Wed, 17 Jun 2020 20:56:21 GMT

Find ways to celebrate life moving on

I’ve been seeing ‘2020 Grad’ signs popping up all over town. I think I feel for the grads who are ending their elementary or high school career with little ceremony or finality. Or, for students who are completing their grade and ready to move to the next. Usually these days are full of pizza parties and field trips. But instead, we’re still in March Break and hardly know what day it is.

Why we need transitions:

Simply put, transitions are important. Having a beginning and end to seasons helps us to feel grounded. Some transitions (such as graduating or getting a promotion) give us a sense of accomplishment and advancement. Other transitions (such as a breakup or a loss) may bring us back to basics where we are re-examining our life goals and priorities. Both are important and give rhythm to our life.

The hardest thing is not marking a transition at all. Many felt this during COVID-19 days. Many significant life events went by without the usual celebrations or gatherings. We witnessed weddings and funerals over Zoom, we gave best wishes to grad over social media and congratulated friends on job promotions.

Now that things are re-opening, how can we mark transitions and celebrate these accomplishments with our kids?

Here are some ideas:

-Have a beach day to celebrate the end of the school year.. (Don’t everyone go at once!)

-Organize a social distancing graduation bbq with a couple of your kids’ classmates

-Have a water fun day in the backyard with giant bubbles, water fights and the works!

-Cake! Have cake! And ice cream!

-Have your kids make a “year book” of all the ridiculous things that transpired during COVID-19

In the end, your kids’ days make look the same in July as they did from March to June. But having some kind of celebration will help everyone to have some closure. Let them know those crazy days of distance learning while they’re still in their jammies are DONE. Onwards and upwards!

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If your children are having difficulty processing and transitioning, we have team members who can help. You can read our associates specialties under their bio pages on our website.

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Smell the roses: Gratitude for tough days

Wed, 13 May 2020 15:36:10 GMT

Need something fresh to boost your spirits?

I feel it too. The days are long and short and you've felt the whole spectrum of emotions. You need a pick-me-up.

An easy way to improve our mental health during these tough days is practicing gratitude.

We use the simple rule of three in our house.. This concept is very simple: What are three things I’m grateful for?

Gratitude when I wake:

This is great to practice when you wake up to start your day in gratitude. What three things are you thankful for in that moment?

For me, gratitude is often pragmatic. We have young kids and often my morning gratitude revolves around whether I had to get up in the night. Or being thankful that the dishes and laundry are done, or that the weather is nice to play outside.

Gratitude at the end of the day:

This is the practice of being reflective. As I comb over my day, maybe things didn’t go very well. But what were things that I can still be grateful for?

In my case, maybe the kids didn’t nap and proceeded to melt down. But, I enjoyed a few moments of peace when Raffi was playing. Or even though the kids wouldn’t eat dinner, I’m thankful we were able to buy groceries and try and new recipe.

How to remember gratitude

The simplicity of this activity makes it easy to neglect. What are ways I can remember to stop and be grateful? Can I put a sticky note on my mirror when I brush my teeth? Or if I’m commuting, what about using time at stoplights to practice gratitude and mindfulness? If you’re like me, you may need to set a recurring reminder in your calendar to stop and make time for this.

Whether gratitude is natural for you or not, we could all stand to be even more grateful. It changes our outlook on life and helps us to be content even in difficult times.

Is this the pick-me-up that you need? Y ou can check out our video blog on YouTube or browse our other topics here.

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Finding Your Passion

lindsay@lindsaytsang.com (Lindsay Tsang) — Wed, 13 May 2020 14:40:26 GMT

How you can discover and plan for the life you want.

I love what I do—it’s great to meet people, learn what they’re all about and also give them real support and watch them in real time get better. That’s what makes me come alive.

My Journey

Growing up my family called me ‘shy boy’—I had a hard time being around people. I had to learn the power of authenticity.

Often when we are struggling we usually shut down and don’t tell anyone. I found a group of guys who was willing to be real with me and talk about what it means to be an authentic man. Instead of hiding I had the chance to be open about who I was. That’s what started the journey for me.

How I found my passion

As I got older I had a lot of mentoring, teaching or leading roles. I noticed people with issues or problems gravitated towards me and wanted to talk with them. I began running into issues that I didn’t have the skillset to support. That inspired me to get my MACP and pursue a profession in counselling services.

I have watched people discover their authentic self, find clarity and discover their passion. I am so thrilled to join them on that journey.

One of my favourite quotes is this: “Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”- Howard Thurman

Discovering your passion

This is sometimes easier said than done. There's no simple way to discern what your passion is, or what to pursue. Some important deciding factors will be your personality, your likes and interests, what motivates you in life. With some reflection, you'll be able to consider what those motivators are.

I like using the following process with clients. Rather than creating pipe dreams, it gives an achievable path forward with fallback options.

One of the activities I do with clients is a simple A, B, C.

Plan A: If you didn't change anything in your life, what would be the best version look like in the next 5 years?
Plan B: If your original plans didn't work out, what would be an alternative plan you could pursue?
Plan C: What would be an option if neither of those plans worked out?

We then create a detailed plan for ALL THREE options, thinking about what steps it would take to make each dream come alive.

This activity is great because it's realistic. Sometimes things don't work out. If we are fixated on Plan A then we'll be stuck if it doesn't work out. This is a way of seeing how other options could be possible and fulfilling in our lives. Having 3 credible options can give us flexibility and confidence.

Who benefits from this activity

This plan is great for people who are feeling stuck in life. If you feel paralyzed when you think about the future, or if you have so many ideas swirling around that it's hard to create a concrete plan, this activity is for you.

What would an ABC plan look like in your life?

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If you would like to work through life goals, career or transition planning with one of our therapists you can book an appointment here or call 705-300-0077 .

Lindsay Tsang (MACP) a Registered Psychotherapist at Lindsay Tsang & Associates. His dream is to see people get free and come truly alive. You can hear about his journey on Youtube .

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The Cost of Divorce

Mon, 04 May 2020 18:35:37 GMT

‘Till death do us part.

Most people believe when they profess their marriage vows that this is it. The hard part is over; they have found someone to spend the rest of their lives with.

Anyone who has been married will tell you, their challenging journey has only just begun. Marriage is difficult. It is for this reason that most recent divorce rates in Canada are around 38% according to Statistics Canada . This means approximately 2 out of 5 marriages will result in divorce, with the average marriage lasting around 14 years. So why do people get divorced, and is it their only option?

Let’s first explore what brings people together and then consider what tears them apart:

Why do people get married?

Most people say love is the reason they get married. Maybe the attraction was instant, or perhaps it developed over time, but ultimately, they decided that they love this person and want to spend their lives with them.

Some people marry for the financial/legal benefits and for stability in the home for child-rearing. Another top reason that people marry is because of religious reasons and societal expectations. Typically, people end up marrying for a combination of these reasons, but what tears them apart?

Why do people get divorced?

It may not be surprising that infidelity is a top reason for divorce. That said, it is important to explore the underlying reasons for the infidelity. Why? Because infidelity does not necessarily have to lead to divorce.

As many Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) therapists (and couple therapists in general) will tell you, the many ways in which we hurt our partners are often a product of our own attachment wounds. This is not to absolve responsibility for an affair, but rather to explore what areas of the relationship are broken and in need of repair.

The truth is, there are many reasons to end a relationship. For some, it is an affair and for others it is due to financial troubles or unresolved trauma. Like any relationship, a marriage requires consistent effort and attention; and perhaps unlike other relationships, a marriage faces unique challenges such as financial hardship and child-bearing or child-rearing issues. So why not just call it quits?

The cost of divorce

Aside from the economical cost (which can range anywhere from $1,600 to $12,000 or more), divorce is an all-around costly endeavour. It is often mentally and emotionally expensive to endure the legal and logistical issues surrounding divorce, which is even more pronounced when there are children involved. It often takes years of work to process the separation and create a new life that works for you and your children. That's not to say you or your children won’t recover post-divorce, but rather people often feel too overwhelmed or dejected to consider working on their marriage with the help of therapy, despite its potential to help.

How therapy can help

Only you know if you and your spouse are committed to making the changes needed to make your marriage work.

Marriage is complicated because we bring to it our entire history of emotional struggles and “baggage” and we are often not aware of this. Oftentimes it isn’t even an issue until new challenges arise for the couple or the individuals in it.

Individual and couple therapy can be a valuable tool to help individuals reconnect with themselves and their partners in healthy ways. That said, not all marriages are meant to last. Staying in a toxic and unhealthy marriage is not necessarily better for your children than divorce. Additionally, seeking therapy is not a sign of failure but rather a sign of strength and courage.

When seeking therapy, it is important to consider the goals of therapy. Whether it is to find a way back to your partner or to find a way to amicably co-parent; it may provide the guidance you’ve been looking for as you find your way to a healthier you.

Katerina Yaroslavsky is a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) at Lindsay Tsang and Associates. If you would like to book with Katerina please click here or call 705-300-0077 .

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How to Accept the Parts of Me that Let Me Down using IFS

Tue, 21 Apr 2020 19:37:46 GMT

Let’s face it—we all have parts of us that show up when we don’t want them to. Parts that are scared when we want to be strong, or angry when we want to be calm. Why are those parts even there? Why do they keep coming out of hiding? And how can we give them an appropriate space to say their piece so they stop interrupting?

We use the Internal Family Systems modality to talk about different parts that make us. It recognizes that at different times, certain parts of us take control. What those parts look like will depend on our personality and our experiences. Maybe there are parts that needs to be in control, parts that are hurt or violently angry. Note: The animated film Inside Out is helpful for understanding how the parts of us work.

IFS teaches us that we can group our parts into three main categories:

1) Managers —These parts like control. They deal with logistics, keep us routine-driven, and try to sort out our other parts.

2) Defenders —These parts are the firefighters. Their job is to protect us in difficult circumstances, to be strong, to fight.

3) Exiles —These are the vulnerable parts of us that we most often like to hide. Parts of us that experienced hurt, parts that are scared or lonely or addicted.

Using IFS allows us to internally explore those parts of us without confronting or shaming them. You’ll begin to recognize the roles of different parts and give them a chance to speak.

The goal is not to ‘fix’ those parts of us, instead we validate them by giving them a voice. What do they have to say to us? Even if those exiles are parts of us that we hate, this is an opportunity to share warmth with them and listen to whatever they need to express.

The most important aspect of IFS is learning how to relax our bodies. Before we do any inside work, we have to know how to bring our body to a relaxed state. This may be breathing or other relaxation techniques. This helps us speak to the different parts while reducing chances of re-traumatizing.

As we create a calm space for the different parts to speak, those part will begin to feel validated and accepted. This is where healing can begin.

If you would like to speak with one of our therapists, you can book online or call 705-300-0077

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I need a fresh start.

Tue, 21 Apr 2020 19:17:20 GMT

Learning how to tame runaway emotions.

Everyone has seasons of feeling stuck, lost, and overwhelmed. Feelings of anxiety, depression, anger and grief are appropriate responses at times. But how do I stop my thoughts and feelings from taking over my whole life?

We wish it was possible to wake up each day with a fresh start. But unfortunately some feelings take more work to overcome. With the right approach, it’s possible to start taming our runaway emotions and feeling more like the person we wish to be.

Here are four steps to taming those emotions and regaining control of feelings that are overwhelming:

Step 1: Name it —Before trying to get control, you have to know what the emotion is. Slow down, pay attention to what’s going on in your body. Is there tension? Is there anger? Sadness? If you don’t know what the emotion is, you won’t know how to deal with it.

Step 2: Understand it —How old is this part of you? When did it start happening? How did you pick it up? There may be a lot of story or narrative behind our emotions. Once we know where it comes from we have better understanding of it. It also allows us to have more compassion towards ourselves—“ok it makes sense why I have that kind of emotions.”

This is important because when we are upset at ourselves for having emotions, that’s when the emotions actually become deeper because we shove them down and they fester. That’s why it’s important to understand the emotion so we can have more compassion for it.

Step 3: Validate it —Validating our emotions means affirming that it was okay to feel that way when we faced difficult circumstances. We can say to ourselves, “Ok at that point in my life, when this thing happened to me, that emotion actually made sense.” It means recognizing the emotions we try to push away are actually important parts of who we are--they have just gone too far.

For example, anger is usually a response to injustice—if injustice has happened to me, there is a place for anger. It doesn’t mean that I want to respond with angry outbursts now, but I can affirm that there is a place and time for it. What used to be useful for me might not be useful now—that’s part of validating it.

Step 4: Lead it —In this stage you can say to your emotion, “You are important part of me, but you are not all of me.” When you make that separation you can start leading it and bringing it to where it needs to go. Continuing our example of anger: If anger leads you, you may be aggressive or have outbursts. But if you lead anger and direct it appropriately you can become assertive. This can be a leadership quality and a source of strength in your life.

These are the steps we hope to go through in therapy sessions. How can we name, understand and validate our emotions so that we can lead them into a better version of themselves for the future?

At Lindsay Tsang & Associates we believe a fresh start is possible. If you would like to book with one of our therapists you can click here or call 705-300-0077 .

This blog is also available in video format on our YouTube channel Lindsay Tsang & Associates .

Photo by Angelo Pantazis on Unsplash

Discovering Resiliency While We Grieve Normal Life

Thu, 16 Apr 2020 14:04:19 GMT

How can I find strength in the middle of this?

For the past few weeks, I have been amazed and inspired by the creativity of people around the globe.

The truth is, we are all dealing with grief. The loss of our normal, routine lives, and the security that comes with that predictability. The drastic and sudden changes have impacted each of us uniquely and it can be a struggle to get our feet back on solid ground.

Yet, hard times, suffering and uncertainty all challenge us to stretch our mental muscles. Some of those have laid dormant for years. Maybe you're exercising the muscle of compassion, or the muscle of patience and tolerance. These stem from the primary muscle of resilience--that ability to find strength in difficulty.

You may not feel strong right now. You may feel depleted and lost in it all. But in the middle of this your brain is finding new pathways to cope and survive. Being forced to slow down, to stand still, to think, gives us the opportunity to discover aspects of ourselves that we didn’t even realize were there. Being forced out of our comfort zones has brought us to a space where creativity and wonder can emerge.

Which muscles of resilience are you exercising?

Ask yourself these questions:

How am I doing things differently? Maybe your work or home routines have changed. Perhaps you have had to change a care routine.

What new skills have I needed to learn? Did you overcome technical difficulties? Do you feel like you've had to re-learn how to gather food?

How have I adapted to a new routine? Have you managed to shuffle your schedule to fit a new lifestyle?

What ways have I stayed connected? Maybe you are video calling family members. Maybe gabbing over the fence with neighbours.

These are a few signs that you are indeed stretching those muscles of resilience. Isn't it amazing how humans are able to adapt during difficulty?

It is a lesson we can take with us into the future, when life shuffles back into familiar patterns, that by pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones, we can discover ways to recognize our grief and to grow through the journey.

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Nancy is an Occupational Therapist who provides psychotherapy at Lindsay Tsang and Associates. If you would like to book with her you can click here or call our 24/7 line at 705-300-0077.

Photo by Daryn Stumbaugh on Unsplash

I'm a mom and my cooped-up kids are driving me nuts.

Wed, 01 Apr 2020 20:15:00 GMT

Somebody help!!!

Remember how you felt when you heard the news… March break extended indefinitely. Did you panic? Kids at home? All of them? No activities or play dates? It’s enough to make anyone shudder.

Sure you love them, but let’s face it—they require a lot from you.

The kicker is that all your normal stress outlets are gone. Maybe it was getting in a long grocery shop in the evenings, taking a fitness class--or having the occasional night out with friends. But with all the social distancing, none of that is happening. There’s a part of you that’s feeling overworked and underpaid.

So now the stress levels are higher and the coping mechanisms are lower..

How do you adjust when there are so many unknowns? How can you maintain some sense of balance when everything around you feels chaotic? When there’s no end date in sight?

I want to share a few things that may help:

1) Just… Take a breath. A big breath.. Sigh it out. Do that a few more times. Simple relaxation exercises can help you become aware of how your body is responding to stress. It can give you a healthy outlet to release some of that tension. Ask your kids to join you—they need it too.

2) You’re not alone in the struggle. I know it feels like you’re fighting most of the battles on your own, but somewhere out there another momma is feeling you. In fact, a whole lotta mommas all over the world are feeling you.

3) One thing at a time. It’s hard not to think long-term about when things will return to normal. But focus on the present: what do I need right now, what do my kids need? How can we build good habits and good interactions into our current routine?

4) You’re stronger than you think. It’s not easy, but you can do this. Think of times in your life that were difficult and what it took to push through. What did you do then? How are you using those same skills now? Talk about this with your kids—how are they coping with the changes to their routine? What will it take for them to feel strong, happy and balanced right now?

5) Hold onto hope. When things around are scary and stressful, trust and hope that things will work out the way they are supposed to. Maybe it’s time to tap into that faith system and connect with a bigger sense of meaning. This can give you strength to endure the hard days.

Nobody said this was an ideal scenario. There are a lot of things we can’t control and can’t change right now. We wish we could. But in those crazy moments with the kids, I hope we can take a breath, focus on getting through that moment, and tap into that deeper strength.

You can do this!

We know sometimes the struggle feels bigger than what we can handle alone. If you would like some extra assistance, you can book a session with one of our therapists online or by calling 705-300-0077 .

It's ok not to be ok

Tue, 31 Mar 2020 17:57:30 GMT

Reflections from Grace on coping during COVID-19 days

We are living in unprecedented times and with this can come the fear of the unknown: What is next? Am I going to get sick? Will my loved ones stay healthy? What about my partner with asthma, can I protect him from this? When will this end?

The uncertainty and lack of control winding around my day-to-day living feels all-consuming at times. It can be hard to escape anxiety.

What can I control?

Some days are better than others. At times, I can combat anxiety by telling it that I can't control what happens to the world around me. I can't control when this ends. What I can control however is connecting with friends and loved ones through methods such as the Telephone, Zoom and FaceTime. I can go for walks at a distance with my Mom and our dogs. I can continue to share and partake in our mutual love for running with my partner.

Living in the present

Living in the present can be a challenge for humankind. When the present is uncomfortable, it can be easier for us to reminisce on the past or live in the future. I don't have the answers to, "When I can see my family again?" Or, "When we will be able to re-schedule cancelled travel plans?" Or, "When I will be able to get back into the office?" But it is important to practice living in the present and embracing each moment as it comes. Part of that is having gratitude for the things I can still do, and for the connections I am still able to share.

I am trying to be at peace living in the present and carrying hope in my back pocket.

Chat soon,

Grace

Grace is a Registered Psychotherapist at Lindsay Tsang and Associates. You can book with our therapists online or call 705-300-0077.

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

I'm worried about my elderly loved ones

Mon, 30 Mar 2020 01:59:19 GMT

Ways you can support your loved ones and cope with real fears

With all the COVID-19 fears, many of us are concerned about loved ones right now—are they getting enough food, are they safe? Are they still going out shopping despite warnings to stay home?

On one hand you respect their autonomy: They’ve been around a while and have seen a few unfortunate events transpire. In fact, they managed to survive a lot of hardships. Yet, we’re finding out that this virus is bad and it’s merciless towards the elderly. You don’t want to disrespect your elders, yet you want them to stay safe.

How can you help your elders cope while managing your own fears?

The fears are real. The stats are troubling. It’s hard not to be concerned about what could happen to my elderly loved ones. If you were struggling with anxiety before, all this virus stuff is likely not helping. We have some great blogs about managing anxiety , practicing relaxation techniques and learning how to cope .

5 Ways you can support your elders:

1. Share helpful tips —How can I sanitize things to stay safe? How can I get exercise while keeping my distance? What are services that can help me get errands done?

2. Courier or delivery meals —There’s always delivery, as well as many meal services that can ship you fresh ingredients and recipes to cook at home.

Mail them a care package—Share some precious toilet paper, disinfectants, toiletries, snacks, crossword puzzles… The World Health Organization is telling us that, "The likelihood of an infected person contaminating commercial goods is low and the risk of catching the virus that causes COVID-19 from a package that has been moved, travelled and exposed to different conditions and temperature is also low.”

3. "211" Service —These superhero phone agents connect you to health and social services. If you are looking for services that could help your grandparents, dial 211. If you want to know who’s open and who’s cancelling appointments, ask 211. They are a great resource.

4. Create a call schedule —Perhaps with other friends and family, create a schedule of who will call to check on your elderly loved ones each day. Spend some time. Tell them jokes. Ask for stories. In fact, maybe now is your chance to write some of those down so the next generations can hear them.

5. Get real --Talk about mental health, about coping strategies. Ask if they are following a regular routine, or how they are keeping their brain and body active. Maybe share some relaxation techniques.

You know your loved ones best. Know that they need to hear from you right now. They are scared too. But with some creativity, you can let them know you care and that you want them to be safe.

If you are finding your anxiety is increasing, please don’t ignore that. You can browse our blog collection for some helpful anxiety topics. Or, you can consider booking with one of our therapists who would be happy to be of assistance. We are offering phone and video sessions to keep everyone safe.

These days are tough, but with some creativity you can ease your worry and show care for the ones you love.

Photo by David Sinclair on Unsplash

In Like A Lion: When Anger Gets the Best of You

Thu, 26 Mar 2020 00:57:00 GMT

You never thought it would get this bad or that you would feel so out of control.

You know what it’s like. Those times when anger and rage get the best of you, when things happen that you never meant to. There’s that person who always knows how to push your buttons, the boss that doesn’t treat you fairly. Maybe it’s getting worse—maybe you find yourself driving aggressively or getting into fights.

At the root of most angry thoughts is a sense of others’ incompetence (‘blame’) or injustice (‘broken rules’). To address anger reactions, therapists may use a CBT technique called Anger Inoculation to help you counter those angry thoughts and find new ways to cope.

You may remember that "inoculation" is another word used for medical vaccines. Although Anger Inoculation is a form of talk therapy (nobody gets poked), it does work in a similar way to a vaccine. Vaccination introduces small amounts of pathogens to the body so that "the immune system can safely learn to recognize them as hostile invaders, produce antibodies, and remember them for the future" (Public Health). Anger Inoculation creates a safe environment within your relaxed body to introduce small amounts of trigger thoughts, produce counter thoughts, and learn to predict trigger situations.

Anger Inoculation goes like this:

1) Relaxation Skills: First the client learns relaxation skills that they find effective. These may include mindfulness, breathing techniques, progressive muscle relaxation or other relaxation techniques (find more here ).

2) Anger Hierarchy: Next, the client draws a ladder with the strongest anger triggers at the top and progressively less stressful triggers moving down the ladder.

3) Developing Coping Thoughts: The client will identify which trigger thoughts are underlying anger responses, then develop a coping thought for that trigger. That coping thought can be written beside each trigger on your ladder.

4) Practicing Anger Coping Skills: Starting with a relaxed body, the client will begin with the bottom scenario on the ladder, imagining their reaction. Next, they will imagine themself responding with their new coping thought. Then, they will return to the relaxed state using relaxation techniques. This cycle is followed as the client slowly moves up the ladder, imagining scenarios and new responses, then relaxing after each cycle.

5) Applying: The next step is beginning to anticipate anger triggers in daily life before they arise, then using those new counter-thoughts to self-regulate.

(You can find more details on this technique here at the Institute of Cognitive Behavior Management)

Anger Inoculation is not a new technique. Novaco (1977) studied the effects of these three steps: cognitive preparation, skill acquisition and rehearsal, and application practice. These steps are still the foundation of Anger Inoculation and many individuals have found them beneficial in anger regulation.

If you would like to talk with a therapist about practicing Anger Inoculation to address anger responses, you can use our online booking or call 705-300-0077

References

Novaco, R. W. (1977). Stress inoculation: A cognitive therapy for anger and its application to a case of depression. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 45 (4), 600–608. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-006X.45.4.600

Gardner, Jerome R. (2016, Dec 16). 16 Stress Inoculation for Anger: Practice Techniques . Institute for Cognitive Behavioral Management. https://cognitivebehaviormanagement.com/practice-tools-techniques/technique-16-stress-inoculation-for-anger/

Health Guides: How Vaccines Work . (2020). Public Health. https://www.publichealth.org/public-awareness/understanding-vaccines/vaccines-work/

Photo by Christopher Keane on Unsplash

How Trusted Loved Ones Can Help You Cope When Dealing With Mental Illness

Tue, 24 Mar 2020 17:12:11 GMT

Do you or a loved one struggle with the challenges of mental illness? Mental illness is a very real thing and it is estimated that around 450 million people suffer from mental disorders; that is around 1 in 4 people. An even more shocking fact is that two-thirds of people who know that they have a mental illness do not seek help from a professional. It is important that help is available to anyone who struggles with any form of illness, whether mental, physical, or emotional. Whether you struggle with mental illness or know someone who does here are a few key ways that loved ones can be a crucial coping support system:

Someone to Talk To

Telling loved ones about your struggles can help heal relationships that have been affected by the strain of mental illness. Having someone you trust to come to is a major part of healing and coping through any mental or emotional strain. Getting the thoughts and emotions out, even with some tears, is quite important, and being able to do this with a loved one makes it that much more effective and healing. Destructive thoughts from depression, anxiety, or other mental health challenges should not be held back from being shared and expressed to someone who cares.

Someone to Be Accountable To

Having an accountability partner is crucial to coping through mental illness. This needs to be done consistently. If you struggle with a mental illness or are helping anyone who is struggling, establish an accountability schedule by laying out clear expectations that are measurable and visible. Anyone helping you cope needs to remind you that you can overcome your mental health challenges and that they are there for you.

Steps to Healing

It can be hard to open up about mental illness, especially because the person struggling with it may feel ashamed or weak because of it. This should never be the reason for taking the necessary steps to endure and cope and gradually heal. The first steps in your journey to healing begin with getting help through treatment and positive thinking against self-doubt and shame. You may find different kinds of treatments like TMS to be effective for you. Next, avoid isolation and get yourself out there engaging with loved ones and support groups. As healing comes, you will find greater strength to reach out and help others, which will continue to help you cope, heal, and become empowered.

Mental illness is a very real thing and impacts the lives of many people who need help. If you are experiencing the challenging effects of any mental illness, these recommendations and steps will act as a guide to helping you cope and feel more like yourself each day. Help can be found and having a trusted loved one at your side will be one of your greatest allies to break through and be victorious.

If you’re struggling with mental illness, counselling can be a great help to you. Contact us to schedule individual counselling sessions today to begin your journey of healing.

I need a Spring Break from Anxiety

Wed, 11 Mar 2020 18:58:41 GMT

5 relaxation techniques you can try this week

The snow is melting and march break is around the corner. There’s something about sunshine after dinner that makes us hope again. We know winter is not over yet, but can’t help feeling like the worst of it is behind us.

Yet deep down there’s this restlessness. There’s this part of my spirit that won’t sit still, won’t stop talking, won’t stop tensing up at the worst times. It’s messing with my sleep, my moods, my relationships. It’s been clinging on and I need a break.

Wouldn’t it be nice to take a spring break from anxiety? It usually doesn’t happen overnight, but with the right tools it’s possible to feel more calm and composed.

There are a lot of ways to address anxiety. One of the most common tools is CBT-Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. CBT helps you to identify thought patterns and root issues that may be contributing to anxiety. It then helps you to retrain your brain’s responses to triggers, slowly re-learning appropriate or relaxed responses. Other interventions are mindfulness based, giving your brain a chance to listen to your body while in a relaxed state.

Try out these 5 relaxation techniques:

Belly Breaths: Did you know deep belly breaths can trigger a nerve response that relaxes your whole body? Try this: take a deep breath, pushing out your belly as far as you can. Hold it for a few seconds, then release. Repeat at least three times.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Try clenching and releasing your major muscle groups (feet, legs, buttocks, abdomen, arms, face). Start with your feet and move upwards. Squeeze those muscles as hard as you can, try to hold for 10 seconds, then release. As you release, take a deep breath.

Media Fasting: Give your phone a bedtime—say 9pm-9am. Screen time could be contributing to anxiety and even interrupting your sleep cycle. It could also be triggering anxious responses to social media, to news, to direct messages, to the unattainable Pinterest life. Why not shut it off and tell those things that they can’t mess with you for the next 12 hours?

5 Senses: Try to ask yourself about your five senses--What do you see around you? What do you smell? What do you hear, feel, taste? This is a tool you can ask your loved ones to use with you if you are having a panic attack. It gives us a chance to reconnect our brain with our whole body and redirect our attention from the panic.

Go for a walk outside: Take a break from artificial light, go out and breathe the fresh air. This is a chance to reconnect your senses with the natural environment.

With a few of these tricks up your sleeve, you may be on your way to a calmer more composed spring—we hope this is the break you were looking for!

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If you would like to discuss your anxiety professionally, our therapists are here to help. They can help you identify roots and triggers, using CBT and other modalities to help you feel more relaxed and in control of your reactions.

You can call our 24/7 phone line at 705-300-0077 or click here to book an appointment.

Photo by Spenser Sembrat on Unsplash

Do I Need a Second Opinion Regarding My Mental Health?

Wed, 04 Mar 2020 19:11:20 GMT

How Survivors of Sexual Abuse Can Find Peace Again

Wed, 26 Feb 2020 17:35:45 GMT

Support: Where can I find it when I need it?

Sun, 23 Feb 2020 02:48:25 GMT

Have you ever felt alone and helpless? Who came through when you needed it most?

Here’s a secret that few people truly realize: we were not made to walk alone. Part of being human is that we are made to take care of one another. But sometimes we find ourselves needing support and we don’t know where to turn.

What stops us from getting help?

Maybe the topic is sensitive and you don’t feel like your family will understand. Maybe it’s a difficult relationship and you want to maintain privacy. Perhaps it feels embarrassing reaching out. Or maybe you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to have helped.

Why do we need help?

The truth is that some burdens are too heavy for us to bear alone. But having the right support can give us direction, validate what we are going through, and help us in difficult moments.

Who are the people that support you?

Are there people in your life that you can talk to when times are tough? Who are the professionals that support you? What about colleagues at work or those you interact with in your daily routine? You may have more supports than you realize.

Try this exercise (see diagram below):

1) Draw an archery target shape made of four concentric circles. At the center, write your name.

2) Intimacy: In the closest circle to your name, write the names of a few people who you trust the most. Who was there when you really needed it? Who kept a secret for you in the past?

3) Friendship: In the next circle, write the name of those you engage in social activity with.

4) Participation: These are people you may see often but they may not be friends. (Co-workers, teammates, maybe extended family members or neighbours)

5) Exchange: In the outermost circle write the names of those with whom you have very little contact. (Your doctor? Bus driver? Staff at work?)

Here’s a secret: every relationship plays a role no matter how close.

All of the names you wrote are supporters in certain circumstances. If you need some social time you may call your best friend—but in a health crisis your doctor is your first call. Are there people in your friendship circle who you want a closer friendship with? Are there “participants” such as co-workers that you want to become friends with? Take a few moments to think about it.

Need to grow your support team?

If you aren’t getting the support you need from those in your inner circle, what simple gestures could build closer relationships? It could be something as simple as making eye contact and smiling, like Dale Carnegie shares in his classic book How to Win Friends and Influence People. Maybe your partying friends are not the most dependable—how can you forge friendships that will be good influencers in your life?

If you need more support

We get it. Sometimes you don’t want to talk to people who know you. This is where finding a good therapist can be helpful. They can offer a non-judgemental, confidential atmosphere where you can explore thoughts, talk about relationships, and perhaps learn new coping strategies.

Our team would love to hear your story. You can book online with one of our therapists or call our 24/7 line: 705-300-0077

Cover Photo by Neil Thomas on Unsplash

Relationship Circles Diagram from Inclusion Europe

Find Meaning Daily: Effective Long-Term Strategies for Coping With Anxiety

Fri, 21 Feb 2020 16:49:48 GMT

Coping With Emotional Problems After a Brain Injury

Tue, 18 Feb 2020 21:54:43 GMT

How you can thrive with SAD in the dead of winter

Wed, 05 Feb 2020 18:09:02 GMT

Winter can really get to us. Now that the holidays have come and gone, the only thing left in our winter is… more winter. Even with good news from the groundhog, we know it’s going to be a long 6 weeks until spring.

Seasonal Affected Disorder (SAD—also known as seasonal depression) can show up in many different ways: Some people may have mild symptoms such as feeling sluggish or tired. Others may feel as though the darkness is sucking out all of their happiness.

Symptoms of SAD may include: changes in appetite or weight, feeling useless or hopeless, withdrawing from normal activities and relationships, changes in sleep patterns, trouble concentrating, agitation or irritability, trouble remembering or making decisions, crying easily, and even suicidal feelings (CAMH). These symptoms can majorly affect our relationships, our work performance, and our daily routines.

If you’re experiencing SAD symptoms , there are a few things that may be helpful. Many health care practitioners recommend daily use of a ‘happy’ light. Vitamin D supplements or better nutrition may help to regulate moods. Physical activity may be helpful too—joining the gym or a regular class can be great for beating the winter blues. In more severe cases, some doctors may recommend medical interventions if SAD is persistently getting you down.

Talk therapy can be another way of navigating SAD. A registered practitioner can support you as you explore your thoughts, feelings and experiences. They can offer compassion and a non-judgemental space to talk about what’s really going on. They can help you find tools to manage depressive thoughts and moods.

Our team is ready to support you. We offer counselling and psychotherapy in a comfortable office environment located conveniently at the intersection of Essa Rd and Anne St in Barrie.

We offer online booking for appointments on our website at www.lindsaytsang.com where you can read practitioner profiles and find the right therapist for your needs.

Or you can call our 24/7 receptionists at 705-300-0077.

Photo credit: Craig Whitehead on Unsplash

How You Can Help Your Doctor Help You With Your Depression

Fri, 03 Jan 2020 15:33:42 GMT

Can Social Media Contribute to Depression?

Thu, 02 Jan 2020 00:00:00 GMT

How to Deal With Sudden Change

Tue, 03 Dec 2019 20:36:33 GMT

So...Your Child Has Been Diagnosed with Autism

Wed, 27 Nov 2019 15:48:29 GMT

As a parent, it can be heartbreaking to hear that your child has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). It’s also something of a relief, as well — you can finally put a name to all those behaviors you’ve noticed. You have millions of thoughts racing through your mind. How can you help your child? If autism is incurable, can you make any difference in your child's growth and learning? While such a diagnosis can be disappointing, you and your child can still have a nurturing relationship and you can still help your child become the best that they can be.

Only Human

Parenting is a full-time job and is not for the faint of heart. On top of that, if you are the parent of a special needs child, which means that it can be even more exhausting and overwhelming at times. The first thing you need to realize is that you can’t do everything on your own, you don't have to, either. There are a number of programs available to assist parents of children with ASD. Seeking help does not make you weak or selfish. It means you are human. One source of support is respite care. This allows the parent to take time out for themselves while a caregiver steps in to care for your child. It is critical that you care for yourself so that you can be the best parent possible for your child. ADS support groups are also very helpful since they connect you with other families with children with ADS. You can exchange tips and ideas and know that you are not alone in your struggle. Parenting a special needs child can also leave you emotionally exhausted and you may be dealing with depression, anxiety, and stress. During these times, counseling is recommended whether individual, marital, or family.

What Are the Markers of ASD?

According to statistics, one in 66 children are diagnosed with ASD and boys are three to four times more likely to be diagnosed with ASD than girls. ASD is identified by two main personality characteristics, a significant lack of social and communication skills and repetitive behaviors. Fixation on tiny details to the point of distraction, frequent tantrums, and even seizures may also occur as well as an aversion to any touch or display of affection. A child is born with ASD; however, the behavioral patterns don't usually surface until the child is unable to keep up with the social and academic demands within their environment.

Insurance Coverage

A serious disability guarantees federal health insurance through Medicare, but there are many different types of insurance plans and additional healthcare coverage may be necessary if Medicare does not prove sufficient. Many Canadian provinces offer at least some degree of coverage for individuals with ASD and other mental disorders. Furthermore, many advocates are currently lobbying for even more coverage provisions. It is important to do your homework as to what you and your child need and determine the right insurance coverage for you.

Government Resources

Children with ASD and other special needs have access to a wide range of government provisions and numerous Autism Programs throughout Canada, which include free or low-cost medical and psychological evaluations, speech and physical therapy, as well as counseling and many other services. You and your child may also qualify for financial support from various public and private programs. The amount of support will depend on the needs of your child as well as your family's financial condition. In addition, you can gain access to at-home services, certain medical supplies and assistive devices to help your child become more independent.

Treatments for ASD

There is a vast range of treatments available , and it can be difficult to determine the best one for your child. Each child with ASD has a unique set of characteristics, so it is crucial to research the treatments and to understand your child and their needs. Many times, a combination of two or more treatments work the best. Every kind of ASD therapy will incorporate the importance of a routine. Routines are vital to children with ASD. In addition, behavioral, speech, nutritional and occupational therapy aim to help improve the lives of children with ASD.

Raising a child with autism or any type of development disorder can be a daunting task but you do not have to go it alone. Your child can access the best care suited for them and you can also get the crucial support you need to be your best self. Help is out there — educate yourself on the type of help you and your precious child needs.

If you are struggling, reach out to us about family therapy .

Circumstances That Can Compound Issues With Addiction

Mon, 25 Nov 2019 16:11:07 GMT

Addiction is a devastating disorder that takes the lives of thousands of people every year and affects millions more. In the best of circumstances, addiction disorders can be difficult to fight, but other issues often compound addiction, making it even tougher for people to recover. Here's a look at three circumstances that can make addiction even harder to beat.

Lack of Support

Unfortunately, people who become addicted to substances often lose the ability to think rationally and make good decisions that will further their recovery. As a result of this compromised behavior, addicts will frequently alienate their family and friends, and those are the ones who can do the most to help them recover. People who are addicted to drugs or alcohol usually find themselves caught in a downward spiral. Once they become addicted, they often lose their support network and subsequently make even worse decisions, driving those who love them further and further away.

Legal Trouble

Tragically, legal issues are extremely common for people who suffer from addiction. Many addictive substances are illegal in and of themselves. Furthermore, since addiction often destroys decision-making ability, people who are addicted will frequently engage in other risky behaviors like driving under the influence or commit crimes like theft in order to further fuel their addiction. Criminal defense law covers a wide range of charges , and can give you the upper hand in your case. If you have legal trouble, it’s a good idea to talk to an attorney. Try to determine if legal options are available that will put you into treatment rather than jail.

Co-occurring Disorders

Unfortunately, addiction rarely occurs in a vacuum. More often than not, it is linked to a variety of other mental illnesses like depression and anxiety disorders. This can often complicate treatment plans since it requires that someone who has multiple disorders find a treatment center that can treat both their addiction and an emotional or mental problem simultaneously. These issues often go hand in hand. The good news is that there is no shortage of treatment facilities that work in this area. Co-occurring disorders are actually very common.

Dealing with addiction is a nightmarish prospect, one often compounded by a variety of other circumstances that stem directly from the underlying problem. With support, help and appropriate treatment resources, people who are addicted to a substance can recover, but it unquestionably takes a good deal of time, effort, money and love.

Is addiction taking over your life? Take a stand today.

A Beginner's Guide to TBIs

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Tue, 12 Nov 2019 03:30:48 GMT

Traumatic Brain Injuries are not something to take lightly.

The brain is a remarkable organ. However, a hard blow to the head can cause an injury that costs the victim a great deal. It's important to remember that just as every individual is different, every TBI is unique.

What Is a TBI?

TBI stands for Traumatic Brain Injury. Concussions are a mild form of TBI. Functionally, a TBI has occurred when the blow to the head is severe enough to cause the brain to move inside the skull. Brain injuries can be open (which includes a breaking of the skull bones) or closed. It's important to note that the brain, though remarkable, has a loose consistency. While it takes a great deal of force to tear a muscle or break a bone, once the brain is moving about in the skull, breaks in neural networks can happen quickly and be catastrophic. Anyone who loses consciousness after a blow to the head should receive immediate medical care. There are 3.2 million Americans who struggle with disabilities related to a TBI. One such incident can radically change the life of the victim.

Be Patient

TBI survivors can experience a great deal of frustration as they try to understand what their injury means moving forward. They may suffer from headaches or experience vertigo. Some TBI sufferers experience serious memory problems and concentration issues while others have a hard time making a decision or getting started on a project. Managing distractions can be very tough for some TBI sufferers.

Environmental Management

Many TBI survivors have a very low tolerance for noise. Televisions, car horns and barking dogs can all be very disruptive for TBI survivors. Some TBI victims find that extremes in temperature can be very hard on their bodies and brains. Getting too warm makes it nearly impossible to concentrate while getting too cold can lead to anxiety or panic attacks. When caring for a loved one with TBI, do everything you can to keep them in a temperate environment that is as quiet as possible. Help them rest . Many TBI survivors find that ordinary tasks take much more energy than they used to, so try to encourage a nap whenever needed.

When possible, do your best to simplify life for a TBI sufferer . Having too many choices or decisions to make can be exhausting for someone who has suffered breaks in their neural pathways. It is possible to build new routines and habits after a brain injury, but these new processes may take time to become solid.

What is Seasonal Depression and How Can You Deal with It?

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Tue, 05 Nov 2019 04:46:49 GMT

Here are some thoughts in seasonal depressing and dealing with the situation.

Originally known in folk medicine as the “winter blues”, science in recent years has shed new light on the phenomenon known as SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). This involves depression and sometimes other symptoms, usually in the winter months. Although the exact causes of SAD are still uncertain and likely vary from person to person, there are several factors that are known to contribute to the disorder. Here is a brief introduction to SAD, its possible causes, and how to overcome them.

What is Seasonal Depression?

Lots of people tend to develop depression in the colder months. A major cause of SAD is likely the reduced intake of Vitamin D due to more time spent indoors as well as the shorter days. Vitamin D, crucial to mental well-being, is absorbed through the skin via sunlight exposure. Although there are dietary forms of Vitamin D such as fish or fortified dairy products, sunlight is by far the largest source of the essential vitamin. SAD, like major depression, typically presents with feelings of hopelessness, lack of energy, and a loss of interest in things that usually interest the sufferer. In extreme cases, there may even be suicide ideation. Seek help immediately if you have thoughts of harming yourself. In depressed people, there are usually a variety of causes, so pinning it all on SAD is probably a wrong diagnosis. Some injuries can also trigger depression, but seasonal depression can compound your symptoms.

Remedies

Natural remedies for SAD are usually the best. These include exercise, diet modification in favor of whole foods while eliminating processed foods, maintaining a regular sleep schedule, and spending time outdoors. Sunlight exposure, because of the common Vitamin D deficiency found in people during wintertime, is crucial. Several herbal cures may also help recovery, St. John’s Wart has been studied extensively for its antidepressant and anti-anxiety properties. Other herbs that might help include red ginseng, ginger, garlic, turmeric, and omega-3 acids (found in fish).

Socializing Helps Alleviate SAD Symptoms

Along with the Vitamin D deficiency associated with more time spent indoors, many people during the colder seasons do not spend as much time with friends and family as during other periods of the year. The psychological literature is quite clear that more time spent with other people boost both physical and mental well-being. Humans evolved as highly social creatures who build and maintain deep bonds throughout our lives.

Don’t make the mistake of assuming your SAD symptoms cannot be resolved. Following these tips could help you kick SAD and live your best life free from depression, even during the wintertime.

If you’re feeling depressed, getting counseling is one of the best things you can do to help yourself. Contact us today for an appointment!

Why It's Important for Men to Be Emotionally Healthy

Fri, 01 Nov 2019 17:00:33 GMT

One of the most common cultural similarities that can be found all over the world is the importance of a man simply being a man. That might sound a little vague to most of us, but the definition of it is crystal clear to those men who may not be the most emotionally healthy. It means “sucking it up”, getting over it and keep moving because, after all, men are not supposed to show emotion. The following list entails some of the most important reasons why men should strive for an emotionally healthy life.

Building Lasting Relationships

Often, when emotionally unhealthy men become involved in a relationship, they are seen as unemotional, harsh and bossy by their partners. This leads their partners to believe that they might be suffering from mental health issues. However, there is an important distinction between mental and emotional health. Mental includes the ability or inability to process information while emotional involves expressing emotions. This stems from a man's upbringing , and as mentioned above, it is widely seen across the world due to similar cultural practices. This can be tough on romantic partners as they simply don't understand why their spouses can't show emotion towards them. Not being able to catch this issue in time and remedy it together can have lasting adverse effects on not only a romantic relationship, but other types as well.

It Impacts Your Mental Health Too

Don't bottle up your emotions cause it’s bad for you may not have just been an old saying we’ve all heard. It may actually be true. If you notice, men often hear this from their mothers or other female figures in their life. The reason behind that is because they understand the importance of showing emotion and the negative health issues bottling them up can cause. Unfortunately, many men have a tough time implementing this into their lives because it was so ingrained into their personality as a child. The impact of cultural expectations on men can be exacerbated by childhood trauma, causing only 25% of male sexual abuse victims to come forward while still children, which, in turn, results in the majority of victims not receiving the help and support they need to heal mentally or emotionally.

To suppress emotions is to detour yourself from full mental healing. It cannot be stressed enough that you should be speaking out to friends, family or a professional about any issues that you may be bottling up inside. Your mental health is at stake.

It Can Affect Your Physical Health

One of the things that emotionally healthy men have in common is their incredible health. Many of them tend to be drawn to going outdoors, traveling and simply be a part of society. Individuals who are not the most emotionally healthy can experience the entire opposite. This often leads to a sedentary lifestyle; overeating; and sometimes, a growing issue with alcohol. It is highly recommended that these types of signs are taken seriously as an indication of a bigger problem .

The need to focus on mental and emotional health has, thankfully, become more prominent in society. Speak with male figures in your life, talk in-depth about any issues they may want to express and look for the signs. It's never too late to become emotionally healthy.

We help people who need to hit the reset button in their lives. Contact us today about individual therapy.

How Do You Develop PTSD?

Wed, 30 Oct 2019 15:31:48 GMT

Exposure to personal danger can lead to the anxiety disorder known as PTSD. While the threat of personal danger, such as sexual assault or combat-related injuries, can be very real, this condition can become a crippling phenomenon in which the sufferer returns to the fearful mindset he or she experienced during the threatening event.

What’s PTSD?

Not everyone who undergoes a threatening event develops PTSD. Psycom says that about one in ten people who have endured a traumatic event will develop PTSD. Those who do develop the condition find the returning fear to be a crippling event. The stress of a threatening event can stay in the sufferer's mind and put their body back into fight or flight mode. Some may experience nightmares and flashbacks. Sufferers may find themselves irritable and distracted, or they may suffer from physical symptoms like elevated blood pressure as a stress response to a trigger. Those with PTSD may feel anxious, depressed, or hopeless. PTSD can negatively affect relationships and day-to-day life.

How Does It Develop?

When your life or safety are threatened, your body goes into an elevated state of stress. This is perfectly natural and may even give you the strength you need to fight your way out of a dangerous situation. The damage of PTSD occurs when small, nonthreatening events, such as a disagreement with a spouse or a co-worker, triggers the emotional and physical response of having your safety threatened. According to Dickson, Kohan & Bablove , even smaller incidents, like a car crash, dog bite or unsafe work environment, could trigger PTSD. To the PTSD sufferer, the reaction is confusing, uncontrollable and may lead to a dangerous situation for all concerned.

For the healthy mind, there is a moment between stimulus and response, when the observer can choose how or if to respond to a stressor. PTSD sufferers do not have access to that moment, and any exposure to pressure could feel like a threat and lead to a catastrophic response.

How is PTSD Treated?

To successfully treat PTSD, individuals can participate in several forms of therapy or use medications to help reduce the physical stress response. Relaxation and Narrative Exposure Therapy are proven ways to significantly reduce or eliminate symptoms of PTSD. During Narrative Exposure Therapy, clients construct their life story including the traumatic experiences. The therapist then helps the client process the trauma. It's important to note that one of the biggest risk factors for PTSD is childhood trauma. If you suffered from physical or sexual abuse as a child or were a victim of neglect, you may need to engage in therapy that addresses these events as well as those events you suffered as an adult.

Focus on Safety for PTSD Sufferers

Media coverage of PTSD makes it appear that people suffering from the condition are a constant threat to the public. However, the biggest threat to the PTSD sufferer is him or herself. According to SAVE , there is a strong correlation between PTSD sufferers and suicide. Many people afflicted with PTSD who can't find a way out of their anxiety alone choose to end their lives rather than dealing with their poor performance at work or school, broken relationships and constant loneliness. It is critical that PTSD sufferers be allowed to examine the cause of their fears in a safe and caring environment.

PTSD sufferers do not deserve to be feared or ostracized. Combat veterans, in particular, can suffer terrible isolation when rejected by the citizens for whom they faced danger in the first place. If a traumatic event has led you to a heightened state of stress about everyday living, PTSD is likely damaging your relationships and putting your health at risk. You deserve help.

Talk with an experienced therapist today if you think you are suffering from PTSD.

How to Manage Your Anxiety When You Get Pulled Over

Mon, 09 Sep 2019 20:43:28 GMT

Just stay calm when you get pulled over and here is how.

Getting pulled over by the police can be one of the most stressful things you will ever experience. For many people, this can seem like a fall into the dark abyss of criminal behavior, even though the final result might just be a ticket. Remember that you have rights. If you know that you have not been breaking the law intentionally, getting pulled over doesn't have to affect you so dramatically.

Control Your Breathing

As you wait for the police officer to come out of their car, you have a few moments to compose yourself. Remember that this is not the end of the world and that your behavior can reveal a lot about you. Stay calm and practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing. You will already be sitting down, so you have the first part covered.

With your back straightened, put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach. Breathe in through your nose as deeply as you can. The hand on your stomach should move up as you inhale, but the one on your chest should only move slightly. After about two to three seconds, breathe out through your mouth, pushing as much air out as possible. You can probably repeat this a few times before the officer knocks on your window.

Consider the Situation

By the time you have taken your third or fourth breath this way, your mind should be clearer, and you should be less anxious . Focus on your breathing and consider your situation at this time. Although getting pulled over can seem like a big deal, the reason for it probably isn't serious. Assuming you haven't been deliberately breaking the law and you don't have something illegal in your car, this will be little more than an inconvenience. Is there anything you've done that you should be worried about? If you can't think of anything, it's probably for a minor issue like a broken taillight.

Wear a Medical Alert Bracelet

Some people are likely to have a severe panic attack at a time like this. After all, a ticket can cause your insurance to skyrocket . If you struggle with severe panic attacks, wearing a medical alert bracelet can help in such a situation. These bracelets come in various forms and designs, and they can quickly tell a police officer or a medical professional about your condition.

If you know you are likely to experience anxiety, taking precautions like these can be very beneficial. With a little effort, you can find the relaxation technique that best suits your needs. Take time to practice it in advance so that you'll be ready when high-stress situations present themselves.

Why Bullying Is More Psychologically Damaging Than You Realize

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Wed, 04 Sep 2019 20:37:30 GMT

Those who suffer from bullying in childhood can sadly be set up for dealing with it in later life. Because school bullies are sometimes allowed to behave in ways that threaten the emotional security and physical safety of their victims, both parties come to see this as normal behavior. If the bully is not called on their behavior and required to improve it or if the victim is not supported and provided with some protection, both conditions can show up in the workplace.

It Destroys Self Esteem

Too often, the bullying victim who speaks up only suffers a higher level of brutalization at the hands of their tormentor. If school leaders don't have the staff, the power or the interest to put a stop to bullying, the victims learn to view survival as a success , no matter the emotional damage they experience. This view of the world as a hostile place with no regard for them will continue and can lead to self-abuse, depression, suicidal thoughts or explosive rage.

More Than Physical

It's crucial that bullying victims be protected from aggressors. However, it's also important to try to get to the bottom of bullying behavior. It's important to understand that bullying is more than physical. Ostracizing a classmate while in the school building or cyber-bullying on social media can cause depression and agoraphobia. While schools are stepping up to fight the physical manifestation of bullying, the emotional damage caused by isolation and cyber-bullying can be devastating as a child moves into middle and high school.

It Doesn't End

Bullies who get away with it in school become terrible co-workers and rotten bosses if they're not called on their behavior. Those who've suffered bullying throughout school develop a toolkit of coping mechanisms that may actually serve as bait to those who learned to bully when they were young. Bullying in the workplace can lead to mental disability . If you are suffering a level of bullying on the job that causes you to develop panic attacks or PTSD, your next job may be hard to find or impossible to keep. Worst of all, when you were bullied in school, you could hope to find some relief when you talked to the teacher or someone in authority. Too often in the workplace, the bully is the one in authority.

If you suffered a lifetime of bullying at school and find the same pattern at work, it's time to seek help. A therapist can help you stand up and say, “Enough. That is not appropriate in a professional setting.” You are worthy of being treated with respect.

Coping With a Premature Birth

Fri, 02 Aug 2019 21:18:02 GMT

A normal pregnancy lasts around 40 weeks, but when a woman gives birth before 37 weeks, the baby is considered premature. Giving birth prematurely can be a stressful experience for any new parent. You worry about if your child is okay, you don’t know what difficulties might lie ahead for them, and you might be the only person you know going through this experience. Luckily, we know more now about how to help premature babies than ever before. These facts can help any preemie and their parents move forward with confidence.

You Aren't Alone

Having a child who is born too early can feel very isolating and can cause lots of anxiety. While it feels like other moms are taking their babies home and starting their lives as parents, you may feel alone. However, you're not. One in ten babies is born too early in the United States, so you are a part of a sizable group of parents dealing with the same complications.

There are many things that can cause a premature birth . Certain conditions, such as diabetes or high blood pressure, can cause a woman to give birth early. Infections, a problem with the uterus, or a cervix that is weak are also blamed for causing premature births. Alcohol and drug use during pregnancy can play a role, and they are highly discouraged.

Although premature birth is still the leading cause of death in babies , hospitals are getting much better at helping children who come into the world too soon. Neonatal intensive care units (NICU) offer round-the-clock care for preemies and help create a womb-like environment so they can thrive. Signs of a premature baby may be low birth weight, problems breathing or other short and long-term health problems that NICU nurses and doctors are trained to treat.

Prepare for the New Normal

Whatever you envisioned life as a parent to be like, prepare for a major shift. Premature birth tends to throw life off the rails for a while, and it's important to let go of past expectations so that you can embrace the new normal. The new normal may include a baby who stays in the hospital for weeks, delayed developmental progress and a calendar full of doctor appointments.

Having a premature baby is not an easy experience to go through, and finding other parents who understand is important. Find support groups online or in person and ask questions when you have them. This will help you let go of your original timeline and expectations and know that there are a whole lot of parents out there learning to do the same.

Potential Health Risks

The last few weeks in the womb are important, so a baby who is born prematurely can experience an array of health problems. Some are short term, such as low birth weight or jaundice . Even feeding problems usually work out eventually, though it may be years before preemies can eat completely on their own. Other health problems are long term, including hearing problems, growth issues, and learning disabilities. Each child is unique, and there is no way to know for sure how significant the issues from a premature birth will be.

Having a premature baby is not easy, but there is support for you and your baby as you wade through this challenging experience. Don’t be afraid to reach out to other people in support groups or to get therapy for any anxiety this experience may cause you. You will be much happier and better equipped mentally and emotionally to take care of your new baby.

3 Ways to Help Your Loved Ones Cope with Feelings of Stress and Isolation

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Mon, 29 Jul 2019 21:32:43 GMT

Here are some ideas to help others cope with stress.

Many people who have gone through significantly stressful life experiences can sometimes have trouble getting their lives in order afterward. Sometimes these overwhelming feelings of stress or frustration may not make sense or can feel manageable. A person who is just coming back to normal life after these kinds of experiences can have feelings of isolation, loneliness, or that no one can understand their life or experiences. Stress or being exposed to extended periods of stressful circumstances can be more intense for some individuals than others, and make it hard to adjust to normal life again. If you know someone who is experiencing something like this, there are ways you can help. Here are three possibilities to consider.

Role-Playing

Role-playing is a method of exploring emotions by creating scenarios where those emotions can be played out. A person who is coping with the stresses of life after they’ve had a hard time often doesn’t understand what is at the root of the problem. According to Sandbox Learning , role-playing can be particularly helpful for children in managing stress. Through role-playing exercises, discoveries can be made about what is going on in the subconscious mind. Role-playing is often used to treat phobias, and the same practice can be put to use for a person who suffers from feelings of stress, isolation, and more. It allows the participant to become “someone else” through improvisational scenes in which newly learned coping mechanisms can be put into practice. These exercises are often extremely revelatory.

Aromatherapy

Aromatherapy has been helpful with the management of stress and anxious feelings. Certain scents have a calming effect, and essential oils are a good way to release those scents. Essential oils are often used in aromatherapy, and sold by companies like doTERRA . Some people believe that essential oils are 50-70x more powerful than herbs. A little goes a long way. Aromatherapy utilizes these scents as a way of redirecting focus on the calming influence provided by the aroma. If smelling something delicious being cooked in the kitchen puts you in a good mood, you’ve experienced a form of aromatherapy.

Encourage Talking to Professionals and Support Groups

It is important to let the affected person in your life know that you’re standing by to offer support. However, there are limits to what you can provide with regard to cognitive behavioral therapies. This why you should encourage your loved one to seek out trained professionals in this area.

You also might consider suggesting to the person that they get in contact with organizations or groups that can help them get the care they need and the community support to help them be as successful as they can be. According to Mental Health America , sharing your stories with a support group can be very helpful in reducing feelings of loneliness because you don’t feel as alone in your experiences. A support group can also sometimes help put people in contact with professionals in the geographical area who can offer a wide array of counseling options.

Managing life after stressful or traumatic circumstances is a journey. This isn’t something that can be fixed overnight. The willingness to offer unconditional support will prove to be a vital asset along the way.

If you find yourself feeling like you need help with your personal trials, let Lindsay Tsang and Associates help!

Common Fears in Young Children and How to Overcome Them

Wed, 17 Jul 2019 23:29:03 GMT

Here are some thoughts on helping children overcome fears.

Common fears in young children are something that every parent needs to deal with when the time comes. Luckily, these fears can be easily quelled with some patience and willingness to approach the fear responsibly. Adults should use caution with their young children when showing them that there is nothing to fear when it comes to these modern issues.

Fear of Being Alone

The childhood fear of being alone is one of the most common. Children are very dependent on everyone for their vital needs. If they are left alone, they do not know what to do. You can reassure children they are never alone and give them a phone to always be in contact. Let them know they are always being cared for no matter what.

Fear of Starting School

Like the fear of being alone, many children feel anxiety about leaving home to start school. Whether their anxiety stems from separation anxiety or worries over making friends, starting school can be challenging for many young children. You can help ease anxieties by introducing your child to their teacher beforehand and researching schools for your child to attend. You can also prepare your child for the classroom by starting them in a primary school program before the start of kindergarten. The more you can do to prepare your child for school, the better off they will be.

Fear of Animals

Many children have a fear of animals if they are not used to being around them. Even common pets such as dogs and cats can instill fear if there was a trauma that was never dealt with after the fact. Of course, wild animals and bugs such as snakes, birds, and spiders are common sources of fear among children. The key is to show them that animals should be treated with care and teach them that there are many animals out there that won't hurt them. Give children stuffed animals and take them to a zoo to see various animals in a different, unintimidating habitat to help them overcome their fear.

Fear of the Bathroom

Many children have a fear of the bathroom. There are many urban legends of ghosts coming through the mirror passed down to kids from siblings. There are also those who do not like to be alone in a large room filled with many places to hide. The childhood fear of the bathroom is common, but it can be easily conquered if you take your child on a toilet tour showing them every aspect of the room. Let them leave the door open if they need to feel more secure. You might even need to stay with them a few times before they feel more comfortable to be alone. Fear of the bathroom can make potty training particularly difficult , but it will need to be confronted head on to make way for the future.

Common fears are easily dealt with if you know where to start. If your child is having a problem, just talk them through it to best deal with the issue. Build trust, and you can help them see beyond their fears with ease.

If your child is having problems with fear and anxiety, we can help. Book a counselling session for your child today!

How to Cope with Unexpected Tragedy

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Thu, 11 Jul 2019 22:11:54 GMT

Here are some ideas dealing with coping with tragedy

No one likes to think about the end of life, either our own or others' passing; if we do, we imagine dying peacefully at a ripe old age. When tragedy comes unexpectedly, however, it leaves us feeling shattered and at a loss. Even if the tragedy has nothing to do with us personally, it can still deeply affect us. It isn't easy to learn to cope with a sudden trauma, but there are steps you can take to help yourself.

Allow Yourself to Feel

A loved one's unforeseen death is an event most of us will experience. While numbness and disbelief are often our first reactions, a host of other emotions can set in as well, ranging from intense grief at our loss to guilt that we didn't say "I love you" one last time. There is no "right way" to feel, even if it doesn't make sense to us. Allowing ourselves to experience all of our emotions is important in processing a tragedy.

Avoid the Temptation to Blame

Fatalities can be caused by any number of things , not all of which are preventable. While it seems natural to point the finger at someone or something when someone dies suddenly, we need to accept that no matter what security measures or medical procedures are taken, death may be unavoidable under the circumstances. Anger is a natural emotion to feel after an abrupt death, particularly if we feel that it could have been avoided. Some even blame themselves, thinking "if only I had done this" or "if only I had said that." It's not simple to sidestep blaming, but in the long run, acceptance is a great aid to coping.

Talk About Your Feelings

Whether death involves someone close to you or a terrible event in the news, keeping your feelings hidden can do much more harm than good. Finding someone to talk to about your thoughts and emotions at a time like this is an essential tool for processing tragedy . A trusted friend or family member can fill this role, but don't be afraid to go to a professional if you don't have someone in your personal life with whom you can speak honestly. Some find online forums can fill the need to anonymously speak about their feelings.

No one ever expects to have a tragedy happen in their lives, but people deal with tragic experiences every day. Dealing with an unexpected tragedy can be a very hard experience, but there is hope. Don’t be afraid to ask for professional help

when dealing with tragedy. While coping with trauma can be difficult, it will get easier with time and patience.

Relationship Wreckers – 5 Common Causes of Strain in Your Relationships

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Fri, 24 May 2019 20:40:55 GMT

Here are some things that can put a strain on your relationship.

Romantic relationships require a significant amount of energy and commitment to ensure that the bond can continue and that both partners can remain connected to one another. Although many people maintain committed to the person they love, there are still a few outside stressors that can affect the quality of their relationship. Here are a few common causes of strain you may experience in your relationship at one time or another.

Finances

Many couples have different habits when it comes to how they handle their money, which can lead to issues when they begin to share a bank account. Although it may be easier to have separate accounts, this can lead to disunity in the relationship rather than working together to attain specific financial goals. Communication is key to staying on the same page with one another. His & Her M oney advises creating a clear budget, giving each other some spending money, and making rules for how to avoid conflict or strain.

Misaligned Fundamental Values

Sharing core values and shared interests are integral to having a relationship that can be sustained. You and your partner may see the world differently, which can affect your priorities or options. TTB Law states that incompatibility is one of the most commonly-cited reasons for divorce. When dating another person, it can be easy to mistake shared interests and values. Over time, this can make it challenging with how you decide to live your life together and what you want in the future. It can also make it difficult to determine how to raise your children.

Children

Children can be stress inducers due to how much they change the lives of each parent. The moment the baby is born, the couple begins to experience sleepless nights and partners can start to feel neglected due to the amount of attention that the newborn gets. It's important to make the necessary adjustments and communicate often to avoid strain in the relationship.

Relocating

Relocating to a new city or state can make it difficult for couples to feel as united or connected if they're struggling with living in an unfamiliar setting. Living closer to family members and friends can actually make the relationship thrive and avoid any resentment that one partner may have towards another if the relocation was due to a job or personal desires.

Lack of Appreciation
Although it can be easy to fall in love and have sparks fly with someone you decide to enter a relationship with, many couples begin to feel less connected with one another as they maintain busy schedules and responsibilities. One or both partners can start to feel underappreciated, especially if a lack of time is spent together. Re nee Te ller points out that there's often a higher risk of infidelity in relationships where one of the partners don't feel valued in the relationship, which makes it necessary to set aside time affirming one another and reconnecting each day.

Many relationships wreckers can be detrimental if they're not dealt with by both individuals. Understanding common causes of strain can allow you to remain prepared and equipped to stay connected and prevent the issues from escalating. And if you feel like you’re unable to resolve these issues on your own, seek couples therapy before divorce .

Why Do We Need Anti-Bullying Laws?

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Thu, 04 Apr 2019 16:02:24 GMT

Here are some ideas to deal with bullying

Bullying is a major problem in the United States, and it can have devastating, long-lasting effects on the victims. Bullying not only affects kids but adults as well. It is important to remember that bullying not only happens in person but on social media as well. It is hard to watch or read the news now and not see a story about bullying. Unfortunately, some people have opted for suicide to free themselves from being tormented by a bully. This has prompted all 50 states and most territories to pass anti-bullying laws to try and combat the problem.

Bullying Escalates

Bullying is a serious problem that affects both males and females. It is a negative behavior that is done on purpose to hurt or humiliate the victim. Bullying can start out verbally and escalate to physical contact such as shoving, kicking, slapping, or fighting. This type of behavior is very common in schools. Fortunately, more and more people are becoming aware of violence in schools . This awareness is beneficial in combating the problem before it escalates. People bully for a variety of reasons, such as jealousy or insecurity. Bullies usually try to do something to the victim that will embarrass or hurt them.

Online Bullying Has Complicated Things

Online bullying, also called cyberbullying, has become a major problem with the popularity of social media. Many people feel that they can bully others online without any consequences. Social media gives bullies a platform with basically no boundaries. Many kids are bullied at school and online when they are at home. Being attacked from all sides makes kids feel like there is simply no escape from their bullies.

The effects of cyberbullying can be just as devastating as traditional bullying. Many states have passed some form of cyberbullying laws in an attempt to combat the problem and charge individuals in extreme cases. Some of these cases can be difficult to prosecute criminally and are often handled in civil courts. In the cases of kids, cyberbullying is sometimes referred to the schools for discipline. Despite the many tools to protect kids online , online bullying is still a major issue.

How Peers Can Help

In most cases, bullying occurs in areas where there are no adult supervision such as hallways, the bus, the playground, or lunchroom. This is why it is very important for bystanders to speak up and report the incident . Unfortunately, many kids keep quiet out of fear or simply because it does not affect them. This type of behavior further isolates the person who is being bullied. Reporting the incident to an adult can help diffuse the situation before it gets out of hand.

In closing, bullying is a major problem in the United States. Bullying is very common in schools, but it can happen anywhere and to anyone. Many bullies have now taken advantage of social media to cyberbully. While there are laws in all states to combat this problem, it is still a major issue that will take the involvement of everyone to solve.

Could your child’s experience with bullying need to be addressed with therapy or counseling? See how Lindsay Tsang & Associates can help!

3 Ways to Build Healthy Relationships at Any Age

Thu, 14 Feb 2019 18:38:08 GMT

Here are some tips on building healthy relationships at any age.

Healthy relationships shouldn't be a privilege that's reserved for people of a certain age. If you've dealt with unhealthy relationships in the past, then you might feel a bit skeptical about your ability to have healthy relationships or if you even deserve to have them. No one should be disqualified from having healthy relationships. These tips will help you know what to look for in a healthy relationship, no matter what your age is.

Use Intimacy

Although it often has a romantic/sexual connotation, intimacy can be used to describe any sort of close relationship. Healthy relationships can only be achieved if people are willing to be vulnerable. Intimacy means you can reveal yourself to someone else without fearing judgment. It takes time for intimacy to develop. When a relationship becomes intimate, it's like something magical has happened. You feel comfortable doing and talking about just about anything with them. This takes time, so don't try to rush your way into intimacy. You'll eventually find your way to close and loving relationships.

Meet New People

You can't expect to have any relationships if you're not getting to know anybody. If you're frustrated or bored with the state of your current relationships, then get out of your shell and find other people to associate with. Look for environments where people are looking to socialize. You might want to use the internet, but actually going out can make a huge difference. For example, seniors looking to date prefer to meet new people face-to-face since they aren't focused on online dating criteria. It can be a bit intimidating to approach people out of the blue, but a friendly disposition and positive attitude can make a profound difference when it comes to your success.

Avoid One-Sided Relationships

Healthy relationships aren't ones where one person calls the shots exclusively. There needs to be give-and-take between both parties.

A one-sided relationship can't be healthy because it typically means someone has to suppress how he or she really feels. If you feel that your relationship is one being solely dictated by one person, then speak up or leave. Your time is invaluable and it shouldn't be wasted on people who aren't willing to respect you.

To have healthy relationships, you first need to ascertain that you're worthy of them. You might not be perfect, but you know that you'll be able to bring happiness to others. By believing in yourself and your ability to spread joy, you can find yourself in much better relationships.

If you want help in making a relationship work, couples therapy is a great option ! Even healthy and functional relationships can benefit from couples therapy, because couples therapy can help people learn how to communicate better, establish boundaries, and create positive environments for each other.

Dealing With Anxiety Over College Classes? Try These Tactics

Mon, 26 Nov 2018 22:08:49 GMT

Being a student is stressful. You have so much riding on your grades and overall GPA. Future employers might be looking at how well you've done in your classes, and if you want to get into a graduate program, your grades will definitely determine which programs you're able to get into. This can lead to a lot of anxiety. If you want to have a healthy lifestyle and maintain good grades, you need to have a plan on how you're going to deal with t he stress . Here are a couple of tips.

Take a Break

As much as studying is important, it's also important to take some time off. When you work all of the time, you can begin to feel stressed, and it can take over your entire life. No matter how much you enjoy what you are studying, if you never take a break, you will burn out. Take a couple of hours off every week to spend time with friends and family or do a hobby that you enjoy , and you'll actually have more energy when you're studying. If you are worried that taking a break will put you behind where you need to be, it can be helpful to prioritize and schedule both your studying and free time. Going for a walk or spending time with friends won't be any less relaxing just because you put it on your calendar. This might actually help you get more out of it.

Take Care of Your Body

When you don't take care of your body, it's easier to feel overwhelmed by the everyday stress of college life. Doing homework and having a social life is important, but so is eating a balanced diet and getting enough sleep — two things that are commonly neglected by college students. Taking supplements like vitamin D, vitamin B complex, CBD, and kava kava can also be helpful for balancing your emotions. If you find that you are regularly eating out or just snacking instead of eating real food, set aside some time to prepare a few meals that you can keep on hand for your busy days. It is so much easier and better for you if you can just reheat a pre-made healthy meal than going to Taco Bell again.

Learn and Implement Specific Strategies

There are a variety of assignments you will have to do in college covering many topics, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a strategy to help tackle a certain type. Take for example, an essay. You might not be writing about the same thing, but you will most likely be writing the same kind of structure. Everyone has a different approach to writing an essay, but there are some writing strategies that will make it easier . Write an outline, write a loose first draft, refer to your notes, look for sources, and have it proofread. This way, essay writing doesn’t have to seem daunting or a pain. You can do something similar with math homework, group projects, etc.

Watch Your GPA and Ask for Help

You're probably already keeping a close eye on your grades in your individual classes and your overall GPA, and this is a good thing. Kee p an eye on your GPA to see if it is trending upward or downward. It's better to keep a close watch on how you're doing than to have a bad semester that brings your entire GPA down.

It takes a lot to pull things up after you've slipped, but watching your GPA and grades in individual classes can give you advanced warning of when you need to ask for help. If you see that you're not doing as well as you would like to in a particular class, you can ask a TA or your professor for help with explaining things. You can also form a study group or ask a fellow student if they understand the material. When you get things back on track, you'll feel better.

Talk With a Counselor

University campuses have on-site counselors who are trained to help people with a variety of problems that often affect students. Anxiety over grades is one of the areas that they are used to helping people with. Keep in mind there’s a difference between an academic counselor and a full time mental health counselor. Many campuses have both, and if you feel it’s necessary to talk to both, then it’s probably a good idea. Sometimes students feel better and more at peace by simply speakin g with their a cademic counselor and figuring out a plan for academic success. They can help you come up with strategies to cope with the pressure. If you need more help than that, a mental health counselor can help you find the treatment options you need to deal with your struggles.

Being a student may be stressful, but it can also be a very rewarding experience. If you find effective ways of dealing with anxiety and stress, you'll be able to experience more of the rewarding times.

5 Ways of Overcoming Emotional Pain After a Traumatic Injury

Sun, 18 Nov 2018 23:33:43 GMT

The emotional damage following a traumatic incident will often leave feelings of anxiety, paranoia, anger, and even severe depression. The biggest mistake we often make is just simply waiting for these feelings to pass.

Despite the lack of desire to make a change during such a trying period, we must spring into action in order to properly move forward. Here are five ways to overcome emotional pain after experiencing a traumatic injury.

Stay Active

The last thing you want to do during a tough time is remain still. It is imperative that you get yourself involv ed in so me sort of physical activity to release endorphins to lift your mood and prevent you from gaining weight due to stagnation. It will also allow your mind to get away from negative thoughts and memories that might plague your psyche.

Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle

Dealing with depression and anxiety following a traumatic event can cause you to develop an unhealthy lifestyle and, consequently, worsen your circumstances. During this time, avoid overeating to numb the pain, and take it easy on sweets as well as other energy-draining foods.

You will also want to develop a healthy relationship with sleep, as you may become lethargic. Provide your body with at least eight hours of uninterrupted rest time. Use bedtime teas, essential oils, and other sleep aids to help you achieve this, but try to avoid sleep medications if possible.

Spend Time With Friends and Family

When you’ve developed a case of the blues, it is human nature to hide out until we feel well enough to be in the company of others. This terrible mistake is one that proves to be detrimental to the healing process.

Though you may not feel up to it initially, reach out to your loved ones. Being around those who love and support you will provide you with comfort in your time of need . Surround yourself with positive, encouraging energy, and avoid isolation at all costs.

Take Legal Action

Following a traumatic event, you may be left feeling abused or helpless. Seeking justice and legal compensation can help bring closure. Acknowledging that the other party is being held accountable for the damage being caused to you will leave you in a better emotional state.

Get Professional Help

Regardless of how hopeless your situation may seem, professional help is always available. Seeking therapy may be the best option to help you verbalize your trauma in a controlled, safe environment. Your therapist will also provide you with effective tools to help you better manage your stress and depression.

Coping with a traumatic injury can appear to be crippling at times, but you should not allow it to keep you down for too long. Take action immediately and prepare to get your life back on track.

Recovering from deep physical and emotional pain can be difficult. Get accurate and capable PTSD psychotherapy services from our team at Lindsay Tsang & Associates.

Signs You Should Reach Out for Help with Your Addiction

Tue, 06 Nov 2018 15:02:27 GMT

Addiction is a medically proven disease just the same as cancer, diabetes, and heart disease and is life-threatening when left untreated. People who suffer from heroin addiction or alcoholism experience social, emotional, and physical symptoms. Drug abuse often ends up hurting their families, friends, and even themselves.

Understanding The Severity Of Your Addiction

If your relationships with either your partner, family, or co-workers is being negatively affected due to your substance abuse , you likely have an addiction. The following criteria can determine if your addiction is mild, moderate, or severe:

Loss of interest
Lack of control
Withdrawal
Inability to quit
Cravings
Tolerance
Dangerous use

If two or more of these examples apply to you, you at least have a mild substance disorder. The truth is, less than 1% of Americans receive addiction help every year. You shouldn't wait until you become physically addicted to heroin or any substance to seek rehab treatment.

The Recovery Village explains, “The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) releases a regular report entitled the Behavioral Health Barometer. In the 2015 edition, SAMHSA reported that only 11 percent of those who needed care for illicit drug use received specialty treatment. Of those with past-year drug use disorders, a whopping 82.3 percent aged 12 and older did not perceive the need for treatment, and thus did not get the help they needed." It's difficult to admit you have a problem and take the next step. If you're questioning whether or not you need help with your addiction, here are some signs that you may need help.

Driving While Intoxicated

It might not seem like a big deal at the time, but driving while under the influence is a danger to you and everyone else on the road. If you're unable to control your addiction and stop operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated, it's time to seek help.

Your Health is Affected

Drugs are a poison that harms every part of your body. According to H-Wave , “opioids slow down your breathing to the point of potential permanent brain damage. They also are known to cause psychosis and cardiovascular disease.” If you're injecting drugs such as heroin, you increase your risk of contracting HIV or hepatitis C.

Alcoholism damages the liver, brain, and heart significantly. There are several risk factors associated with lung cancer, but smoking is a major cause of lung cancer and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). When drug and alcohol abuse begins to affect your health, your body will let you know through uncomfortable and painful symptoms. Don't ignore them, see a doctor, and stop poisoning your body.

Family And Friends Asked You to Stop

If you're family and friends have asked you to stop it's likely for a good reason. These are the people in your life that know you the best, and they've recognized some red flags. When friend and family are concerned , you should be too.

You've Harmed Yourself or Others

Most illegal drugs cause depression and other mental illnesses. If you've had suicidal thoughts, harmed yourself or someone else while under the influence, you need to get help immediately . Mental illness and depression can be treated. Learn to live a fulfilling life again without the use of drugs before it's too late.

There is nothing more important than your health. If you're finding yourself questioning whether or not you need help getting sober, you probably do. It's especially true if you have an addiction to heroin which is one of the hardest drugs to overcome.

How to Go About “Business as Usual” After an Employee Death

Sat, 27 Oct 2018 20:49:37 GMT

As an employer, every single one of your employees is valuable and has their own special role to play in your business. This is even more true when you have a small and close-knit team. This, then, makes it exceptionally difficult to handle the loss of an employee in death. Whether sudden or expected for months, losing an employee in death is a tragedy that can seem hard to overcome. Here are a few steps that can help your business survive after losing an employee.

Acknowledge Both the Death and Grief

With a small working environment, your employees will likely view each oth er as family . Understandably, you will all be grieving the loss of your coworker. It is important and sometimes necessary to allow an adequate channel for both you and your employees to cope. Some employers hire counselors to give sessions to employees if they need someone to speak to. Some find closure doing projects as a company like preparing meals or making cards for the family of their lost coworker. Some may even choose to do a small memorial in the office.

Don’t Feel Bad About Moving On

There is no doubt that the employee’s role in your business was important to your daily operations. With that in mind, there is nothing wrong with trying to replace your lost employee before too long. If you feel your decision to rehire may be met with some discomfort from the rest of the company it may be appropriate to do this discreetly at first. Online postings may be suitable in this case, and it may be better to interview offsite for the first few days. At the end of the day however, you will be introducing a new team member after the loss, and you will want to make sure your current team and your new hire are going to be prepared for any awkwardness and discomfort that might ensue. Grief and lo ss are natural parts of life, and while your employees may be feeling those two feeling strongly at the time of a new hire, the addition of a new team member may help signal to them that it’s time to begin healing.

How to React if a Wrongful Death Suit is Filed

While it may come as a surprise, you may be met w ith a wrongf ul death suit from the departed’s family. If this is the case, it would be imperative to get a lawyer right away. You must not speak directly to the family anymore once you receive notice of the suit. You may feel hurt and want to defend yourself, but you may hurt the business by doing so. Your lawyer can facility appropriate contact and gather proper documentation on your behalf.

Losing an employee in death can be a very difficult time to handle. As the owner, keeping a cool head and allowing room for grief can help you and your business succeed after this painful situation. Be sure to give your employees time, recommend and refer them to individual coun seling if you feel it necessary, and be sure to be sensitive to any widespread changes to the company. It can be tough, but your company may come out more united if you handle grief with grace and consideration.

5 Habits of Self-care to Help Manage Anxiousness

Mon, 15 Oct 2018 16:10:11 GMT

Some people scoff at the thought of anxiousness, but for individuals who have it, they know the serious struggles that anxious feelings can render. Learning habits of self-care can seriously assist when you feel you need some relaxation from your anxious feelings.

Sleep

Getting enough sleep can help you to feel rejuvenated and can provide you with the energy to tackle your daily routine and more. When you are anxious before bed or feel as though you're up all night with racing thoughts, you should schedule an appointment to have a sleep study. Through this study, you can learn about sleep conditions that affect you and steps that you can take to reduce these issues,.

Exercise

While generating the motivation to get in a workout might seem like an arduous project, you will likely feel great once you are finished. Exercise can help you to feel better by releasing endorphins. If the thought of running endlessly on the treadmill or lifting weights bores you, don't worry. You could look into classes, teams and other activities to try out a different path.

Essential Oils

If you have stress and have researched ways to manage it, you've probably heard about essential oils. Essential oils have gotten so big and popular lately, that even The New Yorker wrote an article on doTERRA and the growing industry. Making the use of these oils a part of your daily routine can seriously change the way that you feel. Using essential oils that are soothing can provide you with an invigorating start to your day and help you to unwind after the stressors of work have invaded your mind.

Appearance

While your appearance may seem like a lesser concern when you have anxiety, you may be surprised by how much better you feel after taking time to get ready each day. Your appearance directly affects your confidence and the way you approach the world. Whether you get a new haircut or update your current wardrobe , take time to present your best self. Part of this process is establishing a daily routine for self-care. This should involve a bedtime ritual, washing your face, and brushing your teeth regularly . These habits will help you look and feel your best.

Therapy

When you struggle with anxiousness, you may feel nervous about talking to another person about your struggles. However, conversations with a therapist can help you to determine why feel the way you do and can assist in developing strategies to combat your specific concerns. Furthermore, merely speaking to another person can be comforting.

You can make changes in your daily life to help. You do not have to struggle alone either; you can also turn to therapists or counselors for support.

How to Help a Child with Anxiety about School

Tue, 09 Oct 2018 20:31:31 GMT

I remember it well. The sense of impending doom, and tummy aches, as the first day of school loomed at the end of the summer. Creeping ever closer, I remember wishing time would just stand still. Anxiety about school can be crippling for many children, not to mention the stress on the family. Some level of worry is normal and adaptive, but it becomes problematic when it is chronic, excessive, uncontrollable or paralyzing. In general, anxiety is a physiological response by the brain based on a real or imagined fear. It is a fight or flight reaction that floods the body in neurochemicals in an attempt to keep us safe. Anxiety is tricky because it can show up in a variety of ways.

Signs your child may be struggling with anxiety about school

Children reveal much about their inner lives and we can often make some guesses about what is going on if we really pay attention. This involves watching and listening carefully. Children might show their worries in a variety of ways:

Cognitively - older children may express their worried thoughts verbally. They may tell you why they are worried, for example, “I’m worried the teacher won’t like me”, or “What if I have no one to play with at recess.”

Emotionally - anxious children may be extra sensitive or tearful, irritable or angry leading up to school. Its physically and emotionally exhausting having anxiety, so increased fatigue may also be a factor making children more vulnerable to their emotions.

Behaviourally - children’s anxiety is most often illustrated through a variety of behaviours. This can look like naughty or acting out or alternatively, other children may be withdrawn and quiet. This is often because many children lack the verbal skills to express themselves in adaptive ways. It is also common for children to have sleep or appetite disruptions, that is more or less than usual.

Physiologically - anxiety shows up inside the body as well. Children may have tense muscles, increased heart rate and breathing or feel sweaty and shaky, particularly when thinking or talking about school. These biological responses may be particularly evident the night before or the first morning of school as anticipation is heightened.

How to help

Listen carefully in an attempt to uncover the reason for the worries. It is possible that some problem solving may resolve an anxiety-provoking issue at school. Be curious about the child’s perspective and try to avoid excessive reassurance. A simple matter of fact response avoids repeating patterns of reassurance that never seem to appease a worried child.

Join forces with the child to fight the anxiety together. Your child will feel as though you’re on their side and supported. Encourage courageous behaviour rather than anxious behaviour and celebrate small steps with praise. It is also important to model non-anxious behaviour because children are exquisite observers of their parents.

Try to be proactive and preventive when it comes to managing a child’s anxious behaviour. Plan ahead for and avert unnecessary triggers so the same old patterns do not keep repeating themselves. This will reduce family stress and promote healthy coping strategies.

Finally, it may be helpful to start talking about the return to school half way through the summer. Visit the teacher and classroom if possible before the first day of school, so your child knows what to expect. And, begin to get back into a more predictable routine several week before school starts, such as waking up, mealtimes and bedtime.

If your child’s anxiety is more intense, more frequent and impacts daily life more than you’d expect, it might indicate the need for additional support or treatment. Contact your family doctor or a therapist for help. Early intervention gives children the tools to manage anxiety for a lifetime

About the Author

For almost 10 years, Charlotte worked therapeutically with children, teenagers, adults and families. When a young person in a family struggles, everyone feels it. She offers counselling for children aged 4+ and their families, as well as adolescents and adults. Learn more about Charlotte here.

How a Traumatic Brain Injury can Impact Your Mental Health

Tue, 09 Oct 2018 20:24:29 GMT

30% of all deaths related to injuries in the US are connected to traumatic brain injury. If a brain injury does not kill you, then it is highly likely that you will face mental health issues.

Anxiety and Depression

Immediately following a traumatic brain injury assessments need to be made of what symptoms the person is experiencing.

Symptoms include : loss of consciousness, short-term memory problems, confusion, numbness in fingers or toes, headaches, nausea, dizziness, blurred vision, or unusual fatigue. People who have faced traumatic brain injury face a change in emotions. Anxiety and depression are usually part of the recovery process. If you had mood disorders before experiencing the injury, the risk of being depressed is high. The depression starts during the recovery period, but most people face it a year after the injury. The reason for the depression is that traumatic brain injuries alter or damage the brain’s cellular pathways. These adjustments can lead to various symptoms like forgetfulness, impaired impulse control, and low concentration. These dysfunctions can cause hopelessness and low self-esteem. People with brain injuries face anxiety based on the symptoms of the damage, and they worry that they may experience these symptoms forever.

Mood Swings

Additionally, there are other means through which mood disorder can be triggered by a brain injury. An injury to the brain can adjust the way people express or feel emotions. Brain injury patients can have a hard time curbing passions and may portray mood swings . Others may feel emotions intensely and very quickly but with slight lasting effect. The mood swings are a consequence of the direct damage to the emotional processing centers of the brain. In case the support team of the patient fail to understand how to help them, the condition might cause social isolation.

Physical Complications

Moreover, when the brain’s physical structures that affect emotions are damaged, mood changes can be triggered. According to research , brain injury patients suffering from depression have less nerve tissue or white matter around the neurons in the brain than other brain injury patients without depression. Neurons allow transmission of electrical signals between cells. Therefore, mood disorders related to brain injury are as a result of a communication problem because neurons are struggling to connect appropriately. The patterns of brain injury could affect how the brain processes emotions. Damage to the wrong part could affect the patient’s mood as the brain attempts to repair itself.

Inflammation and genetics also affect mental health after brain injury. According to a study, levels of chronic inflammation after a brain injury caused depression. Another study of workers veterans with anxiety after brain injury discovered that patients with a gene that controls the repair of neurons by the body faced a high likelihood of being depressed .

If you have experienced a traumatic brain injury, seek help immediately. This sort of physical trauma can have long lasting effects that are impossible to diagnose on your own. Some symptoms don’t even come up for weeks to months and some of those can be life threatening. If there’s any doubt in your mind, it’s better to go get professional help than to suffer the consequences of not. If you’re experiencing mental health issues like anxiety or depression, whether you’ve had them before or not, you should go to counseling and receive emotional and mental help .

Watch for the Warning Signs of These 3 Behavioral Addictions

Tue, 09 Oct 2018 20:23:32 GMT

The opioid crisis is making headlines, but addiction to certain behaviors can have the same symptoms as drug dependency. Startling new research shows that for some people, activities like gambling, eating and watching porn can become compulsive, causing frightening changes in brain structure and function that leave them trapped in a cycle of behavior they can’t control.

If you are struggling with one of these behaviors, but aren’t sure if it’s an addiction, watch for these warning signs:

Eating Addictions

Studies show that like some drugs, eating food high in fat, salt, and sugar causes an increase in brain chemicals that create powerful feelings of pleasure. For some people, this triggers an unhealthy cycle of overeating. Yale University researchers have identified these signs of food dependency :

Constantly thinking about eating
Having more when you’re already full
Hiding food indulgences
Giving up favorite activities that aren’t food-related
Feeling anxious when trying to adopt healthy eating habits
If you are unable to resist the temptation of food that’s harming your health, it’s possible you have an eating addiction.

Pornography Addictions

Research shows that more than 50 percent of men who watch porn say it’s had a negative impact on their lives. Signs of porn addiction include:

Being less aroused by partners
Accessing porn at work when it’s prohibited
Relying on it to change your mood
Resorting to increasingly aggressive pornography to feel satisfied
Continuing to watch it despite severe consequences

Porn addiction can lead to an increasing sense of loneliness and various other symptoms and side effects . If you feel a disconnect in your relationships with others, porn may be playing a role.

Gambling Addictions

As many as ten million people in the United States suffer from gambling addiction, and the line between normal gambling and dependency can be hard to identify. These are the most common signs:

Stealing money to gamble
Getting behind on bills because of losses
Lying to family and friends about your gambling habits
Constantly thinking about gambling
Rationalizing the effect your behavior has on others

What causes the compulsion to gamble isn’t clear, but if you are seeing the signs, help is available.

The good news is that recognizing these warning signs is the first step toward recovery. Treatments as simple as talk therapy can help you if you suffer from these behavioral addictions. When you’re ready, seek confidential, professional help. You don’t have to do it alone.

Addicted to Prescription Medications? There Is A Way Forward

Mon, 03 Sep 2018 16:22:30 GMT

Prescription medications are designed to help you through a tough illness. They're temporary tools along the long pathway of life. However, some of today's most effective medications are becoming addictive substances. Opioids are a class of drug that's meant for pain control. Some patients are finding that the drug is also an attractive high. If you're dealing with prescription-drug dependence, there is a way forward . Take a look at the facts and solutions to this epidemic as you strive for a healthier tomorrow.

Dependence Upon Painkillers

Thousands of people die each year with an opioid addiction, reports the U.S. National Library of Medicine. Painkiller dependence is a real epidemic.

A patient might take opioids after a surgery as a way to recover. He or she realizes that the pain is starting to return even with the painkillers involved. Taking more painkillers becomes the solution.

By taking more drugs than necessary, the body develops a taste for the substance. There might be withdrawal issues taking place without the painkillers. Addiction has set in for these patients. It can happen to anyone anywhere.

The Underlying Stigma

Most people grew up with the idea that illicit drugs come in certain packages. Cocaine, crack, heroin, and cigarettes are classic examples. The drugs and medications that you receive from the doctor are entirely safe.

Prescription medications as addictive substances aren't the typical, street drugs. For this reason, many people see the painkillers as a safe alternative to the harder substances. In reality, prescription substances can be more addictive to people because of the concentrated ingredients. Before a person realizes that dependence is part of the picture, the drug has taken hold of the mind and body.

Trends Within the Workplace

Keeping your job is usually a hardwired thought process for most adults. You simply don't take drugs before or during work. When you're dependent on opioids, however, taking them during the workday seems almost easy. It is easy and also dangerous, especially for those who drive trucks or delivery products for a living.

By numbing the mind and body, you may not care about that presentation or frustrating colleague down the hallway. The drug makes everything better. Your performance suffers, however, and employers must make an effort to step in.

Many employers are overlooking prescription medication problems among their workers, reports the National Safety Council. There are risks to taking opioid medications. With this fact in mind, employers can help their workers find the help that they need.

Finding the Right Place

As you admit to a problem, finding the proper facility for your needs becomes the main focus. Consider the substance in question. Prescription drugs, especially opioids, require specialized care. You need a facility with highly skilled personnel who understand opioid dependence.

Call around to various facilities. Be honest with your situation. They can either help you or point you in the right direction. Be aware that many facilities are now adding opioid dependence into their programs. This growing epidemic is slowly overshadowing other substances, including cocaine, as overdoses continue to rise, reports the National Institute on Drug Abuse. Take advantage of the help that's found in your local neighborhood.

Working Through Detox

There is a way forward with detoxification as a major part of the journey. Your body craves and receives the opioids. It's the job of the treatment facility to curb the physical craving at first.

Detox involves a controlled environment where your body goes through withdrawal. Medical personnel make the situation as comfortable as possible. For many people, detox is the hardest part of getting sober. The body enjoys the substance high so it will fight off sobriety. Your mind and the facility's assistance can win out in the end.

The Counseling Experience

Many people are nervous when it comes to the counseling process. In fact, talking about the dependence is one of the best therapies in the world. You aren't just dependent on the physical effects of the drug. The mind wants the alternative reality too.

Counseling in both private and group settings will give you a new perspective on life. You might realize the reasons behind your dependence. There's nothing to be ashamed about in these cases. Recognizing your concerns and dealing with them is how you'll move forward.

Connecting With Family

Your family is a huge, support system in the world of sobriety. As you go back to everyday life after rehabilitation, your family is the initial support. Be honest with every family member. Apologize for any issues that may have plagued the family because of dependence problems.

Mending the family unit is a critical part of moving forward. These individuals accept you and support the sober pathway as the years go by.

Moving Ahead in a Sober Reality

You aren't alone as you move away from detox and counseling sessions. Be proactive by looking for support groups in your community. As opioid dependence becomes more common than ever before, these support groups are growing in large numbers.

Share your story with the group and make new friends. Your common issue of being dependent on a substance makes conversation easy. Leaning on one another is the best way to keep up with a sober lifestyle. Many of these friends may be lifelong confidantes as a result of the meetings.

Educating Yourself

With sobriety by your side, it's important to stay in control of your life. Issues might arise, however, if you're in an emergency situation. Paramedics and hospital doctors will often turn to opioids to calm your body during an emergency.

It's imperative that your loved ones or a medical bracelet states that you're a recovering person. Opioids taken for any reason, including legitimate ones, can set you back. Dependence might rear its head once again. The emergency team has alternative medications that can be given so that your sobriety isn't compromised.

If you're unsure about talking to your loved ones about a possible addiction issue, bring up your concerns with your general practitioner. Family doctors know your background, and they can point you in the right direction when it comes to treatment. Take control of your life by stepping forward with the truth. It will set you free.

References :

How Cyberbullying Affects Mental Health

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Fri, 24 Aug 2018 22:15:19 GMT

Cyberbullying is a new form of aggression that is being used by bullies to taunt their victims through a computer or a cell phone. A study reviewed by the National Institute of Health revealed a high prevalence of bullying among adolescents. One study reported that an alarming 87 percent of today’s youth have witnessed cyberbullying. A separate study found that approximately 34 percent of students report experiencing cyberbullying in their lifetime. There is an increased risk of future mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and suicidality that has been shown for victims of bullying as children.

Depression

Cyberbullying, like all forms of bullying, has been shown to be disruptive to the victim’s mental health. According to Scientific American, traditional bullying during the teenage years may double the risk of depression in adulthood, and its effects can be as harmful or worse than child abuse. The study’s authors also found that that there is a consistent link between cyberbullying and an increased likelihood of depression.

Self- Esteem

Cyberbullying can take a massive toll on a victim’s self-esteem. In fact, 83 percent of cyberbullying victims felt that the bullying hurt their self-esteem. It was found that girls that cyberbully were more likely to post mean online comments, while boys were more likely to post hurtful photos or videos online.

Suicide

The effects of cyberbullying can also sometimes be fatal. It was discovered in a recent study that 30 percent of bullying victims have suicidal thoughts and 10 percent of victims have attempted to take their own lives. While bullying alone may not cause suicide, it has been shown to increase feelings of isolation and loneliness in its victims and could contribute to an already stressful situation.

Anxiety

In a study run by Duke University, researchers found that people who were bullied were more likely to have an increased rate of an anxiety disorder and panic disorder. These studies concluded that experiencing bullying has a lasting impact on mental health outcomes.

The research has been clear that cyberbullying can have lasting, detrimental impacts on a victim’s mental health. Cyberbullying can take a significant toll on its victim by impacting their social life, their mental health, and their academic performance. It comes at little to no surprise the mental health impact that cyberbullying can have when its realized that this is one type of bullying the victim can’t run away from.

If you or a loved one has experienced trauma in their lives, or they are feeling hopeless, depressed, anxious, or incapable of overcoming their trials on their own . Don’t wait, and please get in contact with us . No one should have to fight this alone.

Resources:

Scientific American | Social Media Cyber Bullying Linked to Teen Depression

Bradley Corbett Law | Be on the Lookout for These 7 Types of Cybercrime!

Megan Meier Foundation | Cyberbullying and Social Media

The Law Dictionary | What Are The Consequences Of Cyberbullying?

Teen Safe | Cyberbullying Facts and Statistics

Stop Calling Depression a "Chemical Imbalance"

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Fri, 24 Aug 2018 22:14:42 GMT

Image credit

Untreated depression can destroy your quality of life. It can make you feel sad, hopeless, fatigue, irritable and cause a loss of concentration. These symptoms tend to vary from person to person. However, depression is more complex than just a chemical imbalance in your brain .

Brain events can occur when someone feels depressed. They can also happen at any time. There is no research that supports the state of your brain as being the cause of depression.

Prepare To Get On A Rollercoaster Ride

Other names for this condition are clinical depression and major depressive disorder. Depression affects how you behave, think and feel. It can lead to a variety of physical and emotional problems. The highs and lows are similar to a rollercoaster ride. You have difficulty with carrying out normal day-to-day tasks . There are also times where life may seem worthless.

Depression is not a weakness, or a bout of the blues and you cannot just snap out of it. It often requires long-term treatment to get to a better place. However, many people usually feel better with psychotherapy, medication and by making lifestyle changes.

Get A Diagnosis

It helps to get an accurate diagnosis when deciding on treatment. Your doctor will do a physical examination. This examination may include lab tests, a psychiatric evaluation and using criteria from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

The type of symptoms that you experience categorized your depression as a certain type. For example, peripartum onset depression occurs during and after pregnancy. Other types may include anxious distress, psychotic features, catatonia and seasonal pattern.

There are also disorders that include depression as a symptom. These disorders may include bipolar, cyclothymic, persistent depressive and premenstrual dysphoric. It is common for doctors to prescribe medication, but people with depression can benefit from psychotherapy.

Counseling can help you with adjusting to a crisis and find healthy ways to cope. It helps you to identify behaviors that contribute to your depression. If you want to feel better, then you have to change the behaviors that make it worse.

Look At Society

Depression is not categorized as a disease because of not being a biological disorder. The root symptoms of depression are not physical. People who are born after 1945 are ten times more likely to experience major depression. Human biology does not change that fast, which shows it is non-biological. Depression symptoms tend to vary from person to person.

An explanation is that society has changed. There is a breakdown with extended family, an increased focus on self and wealth and the community is divided. These things can make anyone feel unloved and alone.

Understand The Effects Of Stress

Stress has a connection to the cause of depression. It causes your body to feel attacked. Your body has to deal with the stress, and the natural reaction is to flight or fight. These reactions may include shutting down, heightening your alertness, suppressing appetite for food and sex, enhancing the delivery of fuel to your muscles and increasing stress hormones levels. It is unhealthy for anyone to stay in this state long-term .

The connection between stress and depression is your thinking under this pressure. The mind tends to use “All or Nothing” thinking when feeling threatened. The additional stress changes the way your brain works. It results in catastrophic thinking and having difficulty with solving problems.

This state also creates a cycle that continues in a loop. You may start to have more dreams because of the release of stress hormones and become more tired, which results in changing your sleep pattern.

Understand The Effect Drugs Have On Mood

The basic idea is that there is a deficiency of dopamine and serotonin that occurs when someone experiences bouts of depression. Dopamine and serotonin are known as chemical messengers, which are called neurotransmitters.

Antidepressants are one of the most common treatments prescribed for depression. This drug can decrease and increase a person’s mood. It also increases the amounts of neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin in your synapses. These effects do not prove the theory of a chemical imbalance causing depression. It just means that your mood can be artificially manipulated with the use of drugs. Antidepressants can make the chemical levels in your brain fluctuate, but it does not support the chemical imbalance theory.

The dynamic system that is responsible for your life experiences, perceptions and mood are made up of millions of chemical reactions. However, doctors cannot determine if a patient has a chemical imbalance or what neurotransmitters are involved. The chemical levels in your brain also cannot be looked at or measured. These are all reasons why a chemical imbalance being the cause of depression is just a theory.

Here are some more articles to read if you’re learning more about mental illness and your own personal mental health care.

5 Alternative Ways to Improve Mental and Emotional Health

What Can I Do to Overcome My Damaging Behaviors?

How Counselling Can Change the Past – No Time Machine Needed

Factors To Consider When Fostering: Mental Health

Fri, 24 Aug 2018 22:13:07 GMT

Fostering a child is a massive undertaking and should be given a lot of thought and consideration. There are many children in the foster care system. Approximately 250,000 children are placed in the system every year. Most are placed in group homes or similar settings because there aren't enough foster families to meet the need. A foster parent must be at least 21 years old and able to meet basic financial needs. A background check must be passed as well. Support is typically provided by the foster care agency and various professional service providers. Training to handle the challenges of being a foster parent is also provided. Foster children come from difficult circumstances and often require counseling and a variety of ongoing support services to recover. A robust support system is needed to become a good foster parent. You have to know your limitations and ask difficult questions before you can begin fostering.

Understanding The Journey of Foster Kids

A foster child is typically removed from the biological parents by a court order after the home is deemed unsafe or otherwise not in the child's best interests. The foster care system is designed to be a temporary haven until a permanent home can be found. The child remains with foster parents until they can be reunified with the parents or adopted. Other forms of placement include group homes. Some children are placed with family members. They have to prove their fitness and undergo criminal background checks. Many foster children remain in the system for years. Studies done in 2015 showed at least six percent of foster children were in the system for five or more years. Older children with emotional problems often end up in institutional settings like a treatment facility or emergency shelter. The stay could be a couple of hours or several months. Unfortunately, some foster children stay in the system until they "age out." This is the cut-off age for foster care benefits. The age has been extended from 18 to 21 in many states.

Negative Aspects of Foster Care

Children who get placed in foster care usually have a difficult history of neglect or abuse. This may cause post-traumatic stress disorder and a host of other mental or emotional issues. These damaging experiences are often compounded by placement in situations that are just as bad or worse. Caseworkers are often overwhelmed by heavy workloads and too many children. Completion of paperwork is typically attached to funding, so that usually takes priority over actual monitoring of the child. Incentives to keep children with their foster families results in leniency. Living conditions aren't monitored regularly, or certain conditions may be overlooked. This can result in long-term psychological and emotional problems for the child. Lifelong consequences for foster children include harmful behaviors, a distrust of authority, and difficulty in school. Statistics in a Psychology Today article showed an abuse rate of 28 percent. These statistics may not be accurate because foster children are often fearful to speak up because of conditioning or repercussions.

The Role of Foster Parents

Being a foster parent is a tough job, but it's gratifying. Foster parents impact children's lives tremendously. A foster parent's job is to provide stability and the opportunity to heal. Foster parents nurture and guide foster children. Just being there is so crucial for a foster child. A lot of foster children need socialization and coping tools. Fostering a child is one of the most significant decisions you will ever make, so do your research thoroughly. The agency you're working with should be able to answer a lot of your questions. You can gather information from the state's foster care agency. Speaking with actual foster parents and various individuals or families who are licensed will offer a more realistic account of the experience. Foster parents participate in the reunification process with the child's birth parents. The majority of foster children are reunified with their birth families, but foster families often maintain contact with the children. Many families foster with the intention of adopting. This practice has many benefits.

Maintain Realistic Expectations

Many foster children are from abusive situations and may be difficult to deal with. Many of these behaviors may not be apparent and surface at a later time. You will give a lot but get little in return. You will be disappointed if expectations are too high. Can you let go after bonding with a child? Fostering is a temporary arrangement, and the child will eventually leave your household. Some children are allowed to maintain contact with permission from the birth parent or adopted parent. You have to think about the reasons you're doing it and what you expect in return. Your home will be scrutinized and inspected regularly by social workers. The child's age and sex are factors that you should consider when making a choice.

Being a Successful Foster Parent

Managing the hectic life of a foster parent requires a network of friends, family, and respite care. Your life can become hectic while fostering, so you will have to manage your time effectively. In addition to your own family, you will have to meet the needs of your foster child. This may involve appointments and visits with service providers and representatives of a foster care agency. Maintaining order and consistency is key to helping a foster child adjust to a new environment. It will also provide structure for everyone involved and keep your stress level as low as possible. Every foster child has different needs, and you may encounter situations where you feel ill-equipped. Fostering a child will take most of your time. Be sure to take time for yourself and practice self-care. You'll be better able to take care of the needs of others when you're less stressed.

Being a foster parent is very demanding, but you're making a huge difference in a child's life. Each foster child has their own history and experiences. This affects their personality, feelings, and abilities. The level of care is determined in part by their history and what they were subjected to and endured. It can leave long-lasting emotional scars that require a high level of support.

They may require counseling or extra help with schoolwork. They may have special health care requirements. Fostering a child is similar to raising a biological child. The process can get very stressful, and it's important to have friends or family to help you. You can join a support group if you don't have this type of support system in place. Support is often provided to foster parents by social workers and various professional organizations. Patience and love are crucial when dealing with a foster child.

References:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/somatic-psychology/201201/the-foster-care-system-and-its-victims-part-2

https://www.adoptuskids.org/adoption-and-foster-care/overview/foster-parenting

https://perpetualfostering.co.uk/how-to-become-a-foster-carer/process-for-becoming-a-foster-carer/

https://www.indystar.com/story/sponsor-story/damar/2018/05/23/damar-services-have-what-takes-foster-parent/636096002/

https://www.verywellfamily.com/deciding-if-fostering-is-for-you-26277

https://www.childtrends.org/indicators/foster-care

Codependency: Warning Signs And The Dangers Of

Mon, 20 Aug 2018 17:29:52 GMT

Have you ever wanted someone else to be happy that you were willing to do whatever it took to make that happen whether a spouse, parent, or friend? While that is heroic in the movies, it can be detrimental to you and your health.

Codependency Explained

Codependency is generally marked by a strong mothering sense, a desire to please, or a benefactor role. They are there to help other people and rescue them. Satisfaction is based upon being needed, and it becomes their reward. Sadly though, this “being needed” feeling exaggerates itself to the point of not letting others be accountable for their actions. It may be in small areas like doing a child’s school assignment so they will not get a bad grade, or it can be significant things like lying to a boss to cover for their spouse.

The strong sense of helping others, at a cost to themselves, can cause signs of depression, anxiety, and panic. These symptoms begin to turn into a downward spiral of addiction and guilt if not treated appropriately.

A sense of identity is lost

when someone is consumed with codependency. They often do not realize it but feel incapable of saying no or having an opinion. Their responses and lifestyle are consumed by what another person wants them to be and never their ideas.

Treatment of Codependency

Before healing can begin , the causes of codependency have to be found. Since these issues often root themselves in the codependents’ childhood, a trained therapist may start there to learn why the desire to please others is so strong. Did they have a difficult childhood, were there issues of alcohol abuse, was someone neglected or did they have a parent who exhibited codependent signs? The answer may be one or all of these.

Treatment can include skills of writing down what they like or do not like. It can start with something as simple as:

My favorite color is this.

My favorite food is this.

I have always wanted to go "here" on vacation.

By enabling themselves to have their own identity, they can embrace their feelings and individuality.

Conclusion

The next time you find yourself wanting to make another person so happy, stop yourself and ask why you are doing it. You can show your love to friends and family without losing your identity or enabling their faults. If you feel like you are struggling with these symptoms, reach out for qualified help.

How to Protect Children During and After a Divorce

Thu, 16 Aug 2018 17:55:22 GMT

Separation and divorce can be a difficult and emotionally traumatic experience. Caring for and protecting children, especially those who may be too young to understand what is happening, should always be made a top priority. Addressing the following issues can help to ensure that the needs of the children can be met both during the divorce process and in the days that follow.

Dealing With Immediate Concerns

Children are often very sensitive and vulnerable, and a divorce that has been poorly handled may easily cause them lasting emotional damage. Identifying their most immediate needs and taking steps to ensure they are met should always be done as early as possible. From ensuring that they have a caretaker present to providing them with additional emotional support or determining the best environment for them, dealing with the immediate needs and concerns of the children is never a matter that should be left to chance.

Child Support and Financial Concerns

Much of the conflict during a divorce often revolves around finding a way to divide financial resources or to partition family assets. It is important to remember that raising children is an expensive undertaking and that establishing a child support arrangement that will be able to better meet the needs of the children is of paramount importance. A comprehensive and binding legal agreement is often necessary in order to ensure that child support payments do not become a potential issue in the future. Child support and the financial assistance needed to raise a family are some of the most essential concerns that must be addressed and resolved before either party can move on with their lives.

Shared Custody and Visitation

Custody arrangements are another issue which may be difficult for parents to resolve. There are numerous factors which must be considered in order to determine an arrangement which will best meet the needs of the children, and parents would do well to seek out legal assistance in order to ensure the final agreement is less likely to create problems. While parents may have the option to change or alter custody and visitation arrangements at a later date, they would still be wise to create an agreement which will be legally binding.

Caring for Children Over the Long-term

Parents who find themselves exhausted by a divorce can easily overlook the emotional needs of their children. Seeing a therapist or counselor, participating in therapeutic programs, or just joining a support group can be of tremendous benefit following a separation. Looking after the emotional needs of a child may be just as crucial as finalizing financial or custody arrangements.

References:

VeryWellFamily | How to Prepare for a Child Support Hearing

Verhaeghe Law Office | Family Law

WikiHow | How to Prepare for a Custody Hearing

Shepherd's Hill Academy | Program for Troubled Teens

Why You Should See A Therapist After A Car Accident

Tue, 17 Jul 2018 16:34:18 GMT

A car accident of any type can have a number of different long-term impacts on a person. From a whiplash injury to a traumatic brain injury (TBI), it is vital that anyone involved in a wreck seek the proper medical care following the accident. This may involve going to the hospital to fix a broken bone or seeing a therapist for any long-term mental health or possible brain injuries. Regardless of the type of accident or injury, everyone should seek medical care immediately.

Not All Injuries Are Visible

Broken bones or bruises can often result from a car accident but not all injuries are quite so visible. “If you’ve been struck, have fallen, or were otherwise the victim of a forceful impact to the head, a TBI is a very real possibility. TBIs are caused by a jolt to the brain, which can bump against the skull and disrupt normal brain function.” Internal bleeding or traumatic brain injuries can happen from any accident and getting a full workup from a doctor immediately following an accident can help uncover signs of internal injuries as early as possible. Even a small fender bender can cause internal or traumatic injuries that cannot be seen. Instead, they have to be detected by a medical professional or medical equipment.

Additionally, the trauma of being in an accident can itself cause a number of other health issues, such as anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder . These may go away after a few weeks, or they may persist long term. It is difficult to know whether this will be the case without seeking the help of a therapist. It is important to get screened for trauma or any traumatic brain injuries following an accident in order to better care for yourself.

Post-Accident Treatment

The physical care needed immediately following an accident can be provided by emergency medical services, hospitals, and other medical providers. Your doctor can help with longer-term medical needs.

For those suffering from anxiety, stress, or other mental health conditions following an accident, it is imperative that you visit a therapist as soon as possible. These conditions may require longer-term care to address the symptoms of stress and trauma well after any broken bones have healed. Insomnia, depression, or issues with confusion or memory can all indicate possible trauma and may need treatment for anywhere from a few weeks to a few years. Starting treatment as soon after the accident as possible can help better manage any trauma.

These are just a few reasons why you should see a therapist after a car accident. It can help address immediate trauma and reduce and treat longer-term symptoms of stress and trauma.

References & Resources

Suspect a Concussion? How to Help (Not Hurt) Your Recovery

US Department of Veterans Affairs: What is PTSD?

The Kindley Firm, APC | Traumatic Brain Injuries

4 Tips For Overcoming Marriage Anxiety

Tue, 17 Jul 2018 16:30:20 GMT

Getting married can be both an exhilarating and terrifying experience. Emotions run high during this time as even the most stable, balanced, and healthy individuals can question whether or not they are making the right decision. For individuals that struggle with any type of mental health issues, however, this time can be even more of a struggle. Here are four tips for overcoming marriage anxiety.

Give yourself a break

Perhaps the most important aspect of weathering this journey is accepting that it is simply a crazy, chaotic time for everyone. No one is immune to the roller coaster of emotions that the prospect of marriage can bring on. Give yourself space to breathe, take all the time that you need, and do your best to simply work through issues of anxiety as they arise.

Do what you need to do to feel secure

While a certain level of fear is almost universal for all couples headed to the altar, the reasons different individuals experience this fear will generally be unique to that individual. Some people fear the loss of their personal identity, while others can fear losing their ability to support themselves. Whatever it is that you fear, a prenuptial agreement can help overcome or manage some of them. Most likely, your spouse-to-be wants to do what they can to help alleviate your fears. A prenup can help.

Surround yourself with supportive loved ones

Most people experience a certain level of fear all on their own and don't need well-meaning family and friends exacerbating it. Whether or not you are making a mistake, it's your mistake to make. You can't make a decision like this in life based on what others think is right or wrong for you. While even your most loyal and supportive friends and family may have misgivings, the best of them will keep these misgivings to themselves and simply trust you to make the best decisions for yourself. Those are the people you want to keep close.

Create space

Just planning a wedding all by itself can already be overwhelming. For individuals that have a heavy schedule and other obligations, the pressure can become unbearable. During this time, it's important to lighten your load and narrow your focus to one thing. After the wedding, you can take up social obligations and responsibilities again, but for now—clear your schedule as much as possible. If you don't need to do it, don't.

It is essential to accept that the process of getting married is a crazy, chaotic time for everyone. No matter how poised other brides and grooms-to-be may appear, no one completely escapes nervousness, panic, and anxiety altogether. Gather a stable support system around you and breathe. If you feel you need additional help, consider speaking to a qualified therapist who might have the experience to help you deal with your anxiety in a more targeted, direct way . No matter what, you will make it through.

References:

http://www.spring.st/pre-wedding-anxiety

https://www.pafamilylawyers.com/
https://offbeatbride.com/unsupportive-friends-and-family/

Physicians and the Taboo of Mental Illness

Tue, 17 Jul 2018 16:29:39 GMT

Problems involving mental health such as anxiety, depression, and a hodgepodge of other associated mental afflictions is an increasingly common problem seen by most GP’s today. At one time it was taboo to talk about these things in public, and they were seldom treated by the average doctor. However, its current commonness has made people much more willing to be open about it. These days, most people have no qualms at all about broaching the subject with their doctor. According to The Guardian , doctors themselves seem to be having an even greater struggle with the problem, with one survey finding that up to 85% of those polled were dealing with some sort of mental affliction.

Why the Taboo Must Go Away Now

Although the taboo is significantly lessened these days, it remains to some extent. While being are willing to talk about it, they are not as open about it as they are about other social problems—and it is a social problem. The instances of suicide resulting from anxiety or depression are on the rise. The taboo that exists must go right away so that we can address a problem which is quickly getting out of hand.

How the Taboo Particularly Harms the Doctor Demographic

One huge reason for the rampant increase in depression among doctors is the ever-increasing student debt . To add to the high-pressure environment faced in hospitals and other healthcare settings, many physicians graduate with large amounts of debt. In fact, nearly 40,000 Resident Physicians and Fellows graduate with $188,000 of average student debt annually .

A study on the subject by the University of South Carolina revealed that steady increase of student debt significantly increases a person's stress levels. This is but one of many studies that show that today’s ever-increasing financial burdens are having a decided adverse effect on the mental and physical health of the populace.

Why Doctors Persist in Maintaining the Taboo

Sadly, much of the medical community still has some of the taboo with many doctors trained to hide their own pain. It makes it worse many doctors have very little access to any mental health care or feel shame in accessing counseling .

And most of those who do will not seek help from it when they need it for fear of losing their job because of their admitted mental problem. They are also afraid that their patients will find out, lose trust in them because of this, and drop them as their GP. In order to hide their problems, some physicians will start to self-medicate by abusing prescription drugs, which only makes it worse.

Those of us in society who are not employees in the medical community must remember that those who are are people with their own medical problems, and some of those issues are not always easily visible.

When Do Relationships Reinforce Negative Behavior?

access@buildmycontent.com (Guest Post) — Tue, 17 Jul 2018 16:28:56 GMT

As any married or divorced person knows, a healthy and successful relationship requires more than love. Even partners who love each other can get into cycles in which they inadvertently reinforce each other's negative behaviors and create an unhealthy relationship. Once a relationship sours to the point of constant conflict and the emergence of violence, your options for treatment become pretty limited. That’s why it’s important to understand your partner, their needs, and their tendencies in order to foster a healthy, stable relationship, long before the relationship goes south and definitely before it becomes abusive.

Unhealthy Relationship Behavior

Writer Leo Tolstoy once said that "happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its way." This is especially true in relationships. Unhealthy behaviors can include resentment, codependency, passive aggression, lack of communication, disrespect, and substance abuse among others.

An unhealthy relationship can cause these negative behaviors to increase, and partners may inadvertently reinforce their partner's bad behavior.

How Relationships Can Reinforce Negative Behaviors

B.F. Skinner coined the phrase "operant conditioning" to describe behavior he saw in which a person's behavior was modified through either rewards or punishment, or the "the carrot or the stick" as some call it. Basically, Skinner shows that punishments or rewards can reinforce a behavior.

While Skinner’s theory may seem somewhat obvious, it’s not often applied and many partners are unable to see these patterns at work in their relationship. For example, in a marriage, one person might have the tendency to yell and the other person might have the tendency to completely shut down when faced with difficult emotions. This is a common situation that often results from applying the wrong type of reinforcement. Essentially, each person is punishing the other, whether they recognize it or not, and causing them to become more defensive. These unhealthy patterns can build off of each other and result in an excess strain on the relationship, breakdown in communication, and other negative behaviors.

Triggers For Negative Behavior

When looking back on negative episodes and situations like the one described above, think about what emotions you were feeling. What was the catalyst for these emotions? These are called triggers and they can vary widely. Often they include a lack of confidence, feeling unheard, feeling ignored or feeling unloved.

In the future when you notice these triggers, stop and actively think about what you're feeling. Instead of lashing out, talk calmly and truthfully about how you're feeling and how you can let the emotions out in a healthy way.

Conclusion

These types of things are what make marriage so challenging for so many people. If you think that you and your partner need extra help navigating these waters, consider attending couples therapy . You can also get my book “Live Free” and start learning how to rewrite your life to be what you want it to be.

Sources

PsycheStudy

Freedom Treatment Center of California

Good Therapy
Harron Law

How the Information Age Has Revolutionized Dating

Mon, 16 Jul 2018 16:30:01 GMT

(Image Courtesy of Simply Mac )

It’s a new day and age we live in with dating online with the information age. As if dating was not hard enough with just meeting Joe down the street, now a person has many more possibilities with getting connected with people who are hundreds or even thousands of miles from you. While navigating this brave new age, here are a few useful tips and warnings about what to look out for in dating online and the benefits and downfalls of dating in the information age.

Positive and Negative Aspects of Online Dating

It was only a decade ago, in the early days of the internet that internet dating was looked upon as just done by those who could not find a date by more traditional methods. Now, many more couples are finding their significant other through the internet, or through dating apps. Now it has become more common and accepted to have met someone in this manner. It’s a smorgasbord of people online, but where does one start and how does one create a profile? Which website to use? Many different internet companies have created sites designed for different niches be it a casual hook-up, serious dating, dating from a certain background or type or looking for a marriage proposal. Some sites are free, and others require a monthly fee for the use of their services.

A positive is it seems like there are many profiles of others looking to meet and see if there is a spark, but depending on the website, many people do not respond to their messages. If there is a spark, it’s advised to meet in person and taking it offline as soon as possible as our brain naturally fills in the blank about this seemingly perfect person based on their profile and expectations are bound to be disappointed the longer we wait to meet them in actuality. A definite negative is people often purposefully misrepresent themselves in their online photos or descriptions to generate interest. Women tend to post pictures of their younger selves, and men tend to lie about their financial situation.

Technology can be a barrier to meaningful interaction, but it can also bring families together. How often do we see people at a restaurant on their smart devices instead of engaging with the person directly across from them? However, they may be on their device on a dating app looking for love so while not connecting with people in person, you are connecting with someone through the interwebs.

Tinder

Tinder started out as a casual hook-up app but now it’s just another means to meet others. It started in the USA and now is worldwide in 50 different languages. You swipe left if you don’t like what you see and you swipe right if you do. The ultimate superficial dating app! It boasts of processing over one billion swipes per day , producing about twelve million matches per day.

Although, it’s important to admit that sometimes, in particular with rather visual-based dating apps like Tinder, that relationships can be somewhat fraught later on. If you happen to have met someone on Tinder, make sure the foundations of your relationship are especially solid, and that you’re together for the right reasons . If you do find yourself with plenty of grief over the state of a relationship built this way, it’s important that you find out how to improve your relationship for the better.

In conclusion, it can certainly be hard connecting with someone meaningfully through typed words or messages. However, as this is the first generation to be guinea pigs in a fashion for this new technology, it has become only another means for people to get connected and will most likely improve with time. A worldwide connected world and that is pretty amazing!

5 Relationship Warning Signs to Keep an Eye Out For

Tue, 10 Jul 2018 16:11:38 GMT

You are in a loving relationship, and so far, it has been going great. However, you do want to be aware of those warning signs that you hear so much about before you get in too deep with your partner. Getting hurt during the process is the last thing you want to do. Some warning signs to keep an eye out for may include the following:

Addictions

Many issues that an individual has may not show up for months or even years. Some individuals are masters at hiding their problems, but there are ways and means to spot potential problems. For example, if your special someone has a long history of sporadic employment, is caught driving while intoxicated, or has significant mood swings, you may be looking at an alcohol addiction. Drug and prescription pill addiction signs and symptoms also can be very similar.

Possessiveness

When you first meet someone, they may want to be with you and have your full attention at all times. He or she may text or call you constantly and expect you to always drop everything for him or her at a moment's notice. This can be flattering at the beginning of a relationship, but as time wears on and this person will not allow you to go out with friends or be with family, it may become a trap. You will feel as though you are being watched and controlled at all times. This is not healthy, so if you cannot reason with this person or get some therapy or assistance for the situation, it may be best to move on.

Moving on may not be as easy as it sounds. If your significant other is very possessive, they may not allow you to move on. They may constantly come around even if you tell them not to and they may become violent because they can't control you anymore. If this is the case, there are ways of getting the law involved so that you can protect yourself and get away from that unhealthy situation.

Neediness

Clingy behaviors can become overwhelming after a while. At first, it may be sweet and endearing, but as time goes on, it may become stifling. If you are involved with someone who tends to want to be with you every single second , it may take many reassurances and loving gestures to show that you are not going anywhere.

Lack of Communication

Your loved one may be the type who does not communicate well. He or she may not let you know where you are going. They may be suffering from depression , and unable to share their feelings with you. At first glance, it may seem that they don't want to talk to you, but that is usually not the case. They may lack the necessary skills to communicate. The more open and communicative you are, the more they will respond. If it continues to be an issue, counseling or therapy may be an alternative.

Communication is also critical in the meeting and dating phase, and they should disclose anything wildly crucial during that time - such as say, a criminal history or unstable conditions. According to Eric Harron Criminal Defense , when you are convicted of a crime, it will follow you for life - so if you suspect your partner of having a criminal history that they haven’t disclosed, you could probably do some research. You can later confront your partner or potential partner, or just cut ties and go.

Sporadic Absences

Some partners may think nothing of disappearing for long periods of time without any warning. Watch particularly for signs that your partner only wants to see you on weekdays. He or she may be seeing someone else on weekends or may just want to keep his or her options open.

None of these may ever exist in your relationship, but it is good to be aware of them and be alert to any signs of them appearing. This way, you can be prepared to offer help and be supportive , move on to a healthier relationship, or seek counseling for you and your partner .

4 Unexpected Actions That Can Strengthen Your Marriage

Sun, 01 Jul 2018 01:44:41 GMT

Every marriage needs a good reboot at some point. If you feel like you and your spouse are in a rut, it's probably time to mix things up. Read ahead to see four unexpected ways to keep your relationship exciting and strengthen your bond with your spouse.

Go To Counseling

Believe it or not, counseling is not only for couples on the brink of divorce. Many happy couples go just to feel that they can open up to each other in a neutral space. Counselors can help reinforce the good things in your relationship and give you tools to uncover new things about each other.

Buy A House Together

The very act of combining households is great for the mental wellness of couples. It helps to let couples really understand the union they've entered into. Buying a house will not save a marriage on the rocks; but for couples that are stable in their relationship, shopping for a house and buying a house can have a very positive influence. Taking time to enjoy the home buying experience with your spouse can be refreshing. House shopping can open up conversations about desires for the future like starting a family or dream vacations. Once you do get a home, you will have a new space to transform into something you both love. If you've been hesitant to buy a house before now because you don't have enough saved up for a down payment, look into government incentive programs that can help, like FHA loans or VA loans .

Do Something Spontaneous

Life tends to get routine after a while, and while your routine may not be wrong, it may be boring. Doing something spontaneous every once in a while can add a much-needed spark. If you are a person that loves to plan ahead, create a "Break In Case of Emergency" fund. Keep it available for the band you just found out is in town or to go on a weekend trip to the beach every once in a while.

Have an Electronics-Free Night Once A Week

No matter what your age is, we have all been sucked into the technology craze in one way or another. Without even realizing it, you and your spouse can find yourselves always on your phones and tablets or only enjoying time together when a movie is involved. One night a week, spend the entire evening free of television, computer, and phones. Cook dinner together, play a board game, or just sit outside and talk. Plan something different each week, so you both have quality time to look forward to.

Try one or two of the above suggestions and view them as a way to grow closer to your spouse . Remember that we are always growing as people, so learn the new person your spouse is becoming. You may be pleasantly surprised at what you find.

How Counselling Can Change the Past – No Time Machine Needed

Tue, 22 May 2018 14:29:42 GMT

We can’t change the past, of course. That is, we can’t change the objective facts of what already happened. We can’t bring people back from the dead or go back and pick winning lottery numbers or erase an awkward conversation.

However, we can change the past in that we can understand and relate to it differently. For example, through our experiences as children we learn certain rules about how the world works. A child who grows up in an abusive household might learn to walk on eggshells in order to avoid conflict. She might start to believe thoughts such as, “I am bad, I deserve to be punished” and “The world is a dangerous place”.

We all have these learned beliefs. We carry them into adulthood, usually without knowing it, and they in turn affect the way we see ourselves, others, and the world. They also impact how we think, feel, and act. It’s almost like a pair of glasses that you put on as a child but then don’t even realize you’re wearing them.

To the child, these beliefs make sense and can even help her survive. However, our life situation is very different as an adult than as a child, so these same beliefs can become less useful or even harmful. Children also don’t have the ability to understand certain things and they are by nature very self-centered. Therefore, we need to update our learned rules and beliefs as adults with our increased understanding and wisdom and our new life context.

For example, I once had a client, Jackie*, who grew up with an abusive parent. She learned early on to please others and avoid confrontation. As an adult, this belief meant that she was unable to express her needs in relationships and even moved overseas to avoid breaking up with a girlfriend in person. Another client, Tim, had an extremely anxious father, and found that he grew up always worried about the worst happening. He suffered from anxiety and panic attacks – which can have both a genetic and a learned component. A client who was frequently put down as a child will often believe that they are not good enough, which lowers their sense of self-worth and shapes their life decisions.

Counselling helps us explore our past, examine the connections to our present, and recognize the different “glasses” we are wearing. This process can be enormously liberating, as it allows us to see ourselves and the world more realistically, ultimately leading to positive changes in thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. It is not about blaming anyone, but rather the goal is to develop a more balanced relationship with the past. This may include empathy and/or forgiveness for ourselves and those who have wronged us.

Counselling can also change the past in that telling your story can help you feel less alone and remind you of important details you might otherwise not think of. Simply sharing your experience with another person can be a healing activity in itself; some therapists believe, “You have to feel it to heal it”. Sometimes updating beliefs requires you to learn new skills, such as assertiveness or self-compassion or relaxation techniques, and your counsellor can help you in this regard as well. If you would like to learn more or book an appointment, please visit www.lindsaytsang.com/andi .

*Clients’ names have been changed to protect their identity

About the Author

Andi Atkins is a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) with Lindsay Tsang and Associates in Barrie, Ontario. Read her profile here: www.lindsaytsang.com/andi

How Family Relationships Affect Your Daily Life

Mon, 21 May 2018 18:31:10 GMT

There is something to be said about the relationships within a family and how they can shape every aspect of your daily life. Spouses, parents, siblings, children, and all the craziness that comes with those daily interactions finds a way to get tangled up in the things you do even outside the home. If these interactions are not handled wisely, you may find yourself with more than just tension at Thanksgiving dinner.

Yes, things around the home can get intense from playing games with a sibling to parents disagreeing on a situation that the family is dealing with. It happens in almost every household. The best way to manage these disputes is through respect and love for one another, but that kind of conflict resolution rarely comes naturally. Arguing, yelling, and other behaviors often manifest in this environment, including physical or other forms of domestic violence.

Domestic violence is more common than you might think. 2-4 million women experience domestic abuse every year. Unresolved issues among family members resulting in mental, emotional, and physical abuse can result in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Survivors can struggle with its effects years after it has ended. Below are just a few things that contribute to the daily interactions in families.

Facts about Domestic Abuse

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the following statistics affect the U.S. population.

Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) costs exceeded $5.8 billion in 1995.

1.8 billion of IPV was based on indirect costs of lost productivity.

Domestic abuse affects the survivor, children, other family members, and society (contributes to homelessness).

1. Relationships

Your family is your first experience with relationships. You learn behavior, form opinions, discuss religious beliefs, etc. This kind of interaction consciously and unconsciously shapes your relationships with others. If you were part of a dysfunctional family, issues of trust and low self-esteem could hinder strong bonds.

2. Education

In 1989, researcher Judith Blake presented the theory that children from large families don't receive as much education because the family resources are spread out over more people. Violence is usually sparked by lack of money that is prevalent in large families. Higher education is perceived as too expensive.

3. Careers

Violence occurring at home affects on-the-job performance. Survivors accrue numerous days of absence from their jobs. The Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health reports, "Stressful work experience have also been found to be related to an increase of negative behaviors between partners."

4. Substance Abuse

Alcohol and drug abuse contribute to familial violence. More than 20 percent of male abusers used drugs or alcohol before a violent attack. The American Society of Addiction Medicine reports that 56 percent of abused women also have psychiatric problems.

5. Health

Beyond visible bruising and broken bones are other severe health conditions associated with stress, the central nervous system,and the immune system. Asthma, migraines, bladder and kidney infections, and chronic pain syndromes are common. Another issue that stress can cause is sleep disturbances.

Help for Survivors

There are many resources available for survivors of domestic abuse . The National Domestic Abuse Hotline offers confidential counseling 24/7. Employers may provide support through Employee Assistance Programs. Local nonprofit organizations and your church may also have programs.

Understanding domestic abuse is the first step toward recovery. Avoid isolation. Get counseling and take control of your life.

Long-Term Sobriety: Using Technology to Stay Motivated

Wed, 16 May 2018 19:32:22 GMT

If you struggle with alcoholism , the process of getting sober can be a difficult one; but technology and the internet are creating more opportunities for recovering alcoholics to hold themselves accountable. Some recovering alcoholics require more than your typical AA meeting, especially if there aren't any near them. Smartphones, in particular, are making it easier for recovering addicts to find resources available to them to stay on the road to sobriety. The internet is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, making it helpful in long-term recovery.

Blogs

You can share your personal story anonymously on social media or blogs. Not only can this be cathartic to you, but you can also help someone else in a similar situation. It can be healing for yourself as well as many others who are struggling. There are many alcoholism recovery blogs focused on inspiring, empowering, and educating fellow alcoholics.

Apps

Nowadays it's hard not to find a recovery app that is right for you. Some apps offer alcohol monitoring, and track the number of days you have been sober, so that you can hold yourself accountable to your sobriety. They provide inspirational quotes and remind you of essential milestones you've reached, which can can be very motivational.

Social media

There are Facebook recovery groups available to join that provide a safe space to discuss your struggles. These groups give recovering addicts the opportunity to connect with people online and offline. People have made long-lasting relationships with these groups as well as finding sponsors.

Twitter and Instagram are other social media platform where people can show their photos and videos. You can follow fellow recovering alcoholics or accounts like Soberlink that provide daily inspirational quotes and positivity. You can find people by searching hashtags such as #soberlife, #alcoholism, and #recovery to share motivational content with each other.

12-step program

There are several 12-step meetings and programs available online. They also make it easy to search for open meetings near your location wherever you are. You can attend a virtual meeting through video streams or chat rooms. As long as you have internet access, you can pick and choose what meeting seems valuable based on your current mood. This is a convenient way to attend an AA meeting when on vacation, or on-the-go.

Other

Search engines can provide you with endless resources about recovery and alcohol addiction. You can search for treatment facilities and research if they accept your insurance. There are chat rooms available where you can ask questions or socialize with other recovering addicts. Technology and the internet are becoming an excellent place for alcoholics to access answers.

If you're still struggling with addiction, turn to talk therapy for help in overcoming your addictive behaviors and moving forward on the path toward recovery.

Are Essential Oils a Cure for Depression and Anxiety?

Thu, 26 Apr 2018 20:32:28 GMT

Andi does her research on the use of essential oils for depression and anxiety

Essential oils have recently become quite trendy. While I have been using essential oils for years, I am concerned about their rise in popularity because of some blatant misinformation I have seen about them. I have done a lot of research on the topic and today I want to go over some important things to consider for safe and effective essential oil use.

Essential oils can be a helpful mental health and wellness tool. I use a tealight diffuser and diffuse scents such as lavender (which can be calming), bergamot (which can help with mood), and sandalwood (which smells amazing). I have also made a diffuser with bamboo sticks, which provides a more subtle scent - Google “DIY oil reed diffuser” for a quick and inexpensive craft! I like to put eucalyptus oil in steaming water and breathe in the vapour when I am congested. I use highly diluted rosemary oil on my hair and scalp. I sometimes use essential oils as a point of focus in meditation. I think it is safe to say that I love essential oils!

However.

Essential oils are not a cure-all; they are just one tool, and they are not a substitute for proper medical care, medication, or counselling. At the same time, they are an extremely potent substance which must be treated with respect. Yes, they are natural. But natural does not equal healthy or safe; there are plenty of natural things which are extremely toxic and unpleasant (hello, poison ivy!). And because essential oils are such a powerful and pure substance (one drop of peppermint oil is equivalent to 25-30 cups of peppermint tea) they can be harmful in a much smaller amount than you might think. So here are some things to keep in mind:

Talk to your doctor

In addition to all the tips listed below, essential oil may interact with your medications or your health in ways I haven’t listed. Check in with your primary care provider before using essential oils.

Pure does not automatically mean safe.

Contrary to popular opinion, people can be allergic to “pure” essential oil, just like they can be allergic to any plant. Oils may also aggravate asthma or respiratory problems. Remember to use caution and have regard for other people who may need to avoid certain scents.

Do not ingest essential oils!

Although some essential oils may be considered GRAS (Generally Recognized as Safe) food additives, this does not mean they are safe to be consumed in significant amounts - and one drop is a large amount when it comes to essential oil. It’s far cheaper, healthier, and above all, safer, to use real herbs and fruits for flavouring in food and drinks.

Do not put undiluted oils on skin.

Because essential oils are so concentrated, you should never apply them directly to the skin. Always dilute them in a carrier oil such as coconut or jojoba oil before applying them to skin or putting it in the bath. Keep in mind that certain oils, especially citrus ones, can make your skin more sensitive to UV rays. And never put oils in your eyes, ears, or mouth.

Essential oils can be dangerous for babies and children.

Check in with your doctor about use with babies and children, and keep essential oils securely closed and out of reach.

Essential oils can be dangerous for pets, especially cats.

It is a good idea to talk to your veterinarian about whether using essential oils around your pets is safe. Make sure your pets can leave the room and get fresh air while you are diffusing and that your oils are securely stored away at all times.

Essential oils can be dangerous for pregnant and nursing women.

Ask your doctor and consult a qualified practitioner before any kind of use!

Therapeutic grade is meaningless.

There is no independent standard for certifying essential oil. When companies call themselves “therapeutic grade”, they are using a label that they made up, paid to trademark, and put on the bottle. It says nothing about the quality of the oils whatsoever. This happens frequently in multi-level marketing (MLM) companies, which often promote unsafe practices in order to sell more oils. I recommend Now or Plant Therapy oils brand oils as they are high-quality and affordable, with ethical business models.

So are essential oils a cure for depression and anxiety? Absolutely not. But when used in a safe manner they can certainly be a valuable part of your self-care routine.

About the Author

Andi is a qualifying Registered Psychotherapist who is passionate about helping people overcome anxiety and depression. To read more about her bio, click here: www.lindsaytsang.com/andi

Relationship Advice for Men (From a Guy’s Perspective) Part II

5 Simple Ways to Reconnect Mind, Body and Soul

Small practices to integrate into your daily routine that will make a noticeable difference.

1. Grounding through the Senses

2. The Safe Space Visualization

3. Breathing with Intention

4. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

5. Practicing Self-Compassion

Integrating It All

Holistic Healing: Connecting the dots between mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health

Sometimes the messages from different practitioners seem opposed. Here's how you can find clarity and a plan that resonates with you.

When Parents Break Down: How can I co-regulate my kids when I'm not regulated?

Sometimes the pressure of parenting stacks up. We're here to tell you: you're not alone.

How a Therapist Handles Your Bad Day

When you're having the worst day, here's how your therapist might support you.

The First Step: Regulating Together

The Middle Ground: Grounding Techniques

When Your Therapist Teaches You Self-Regulation

The Bridge to Coping Mechanisms

Planning for the Next Bad Day

The Foundation: Self-Compassion

Are My Coping Mechanisms Helping or Hurting?

A framework for deciding if it's helping your mental health.

Step 1: Notice What You Reach For

Step 2: Ask What It’s Doing for You

Step 3: Consider the Aftermath

Step 4: Look at the Long Game

Step 5: Plan Ahead for Your Hard Days

Step 6: Be Gentle with Yourself

When Someone You Love is Suicidal: What to Say (and what not to say)

It can be hard knowing how to help. This guide will give some insights on ways to support and get needed care. | Mental Health Counselling in Barrie, ON

First: Take a Deep Breath

What to Say

What Not to Say

What to Do

Supporting Yourself, Too

A Note of Hope

Creating a Safety Plan: What to do when you're having a really hard day.

Bad days happen, you can be prepared by creating a plan to help you cope.

Creating a Safety Plan: What to Do When You’re Having a Really Hard Day

What Is a Safety Plan?

Building a Support Network

Creating a Coping Toolbox

When to Use It

A Note on Hope

Building Your Mental Health Toolbox, Part 3: The Four Legs of a Balanced Life

Examining Andrew Hallam's table model of finding balance.

Building Your Mental Health Toolbox, Part 3: The Four Legs of a Balanced Life

The Four Legs of a Healthy Life

1. Physical and Mental Health: The Body–Mind Connection

2. Relational Health: The Power of Connection

3. Financial Health: Finding “Enough”

4. Purpose and Meaning: The Missing Leg for Many

The Balancing Act

Part 2: Building a Mental Health Toolbox: Good Coping Tools for Bad Days

Plan ahead for how you can get through hard days.

Start with Self-Compassion

Normalize What’s Happening

Triage Your Needs

Use the Tools That Fit the Moment

Learning from Feedback

When to Reset

Know when to use it

Building a Morning Routine That Supports Your Mental Health

Small changes can make all the difference in your mental health | Counselling & Psychotherapy Services in Barrie, Ontario

Why Mornings Matter

Light, Water, and Movement

Different Styles, Same Goal

The Myth of the Perfect Morning

Make It Personal

Seasons of Routine

People Around Us: Why Relationships Shape Our Wellbeing | Counselling & Psychotherapy Services in Barrie, ON

You might feel fed up with people, but it turns out we need each other. ﻿

Why Relationships Work Like a Buffer

The Small Interactions Matter Most

It's More than Friends & Family

Choosing a Life That Makes Space for People

Practical Ways to Build Your “People Buffer”

Sharing Humanity

Living Locally: Designing a Life that Supports Mental Health

You might feel fed up with people, but it turns out we need each other.

Taking a new angle on your emotions.