When someone you love tells you they don’t want to live anymore, time seems to stop. Your heart drops, your body tenses, and your mind races for the “right” thing to say.

The truth is — there’s no perfect script. But there are ways to respond that make a difference. You don’t have to fix it. You just have to help them feel a little less alone in it.

First: Take a Deep Breath

Hearing someone say they want to die is terrifying. It’s okay if you feel scared, frozen, or unsure what to do.

Take a deep breath.

Your calmness — even if it’s quiet, shaky calm — helps their nervous system begin to settle.

You don’t need magic words. You just need to stay present.

What to Say

Here are a few phrases that can truly help:

• “I’m really glad you told me.”
  This shows appreciation for their honesty and courage. It tells them it’s safe to talk about this.

• “That sounds so painful.”
  You’re validating, not minimizing. It says, I believe you. I see your pain.

• “You’re not alone in this. I’m here with you.”
  This is one of the most powerful things you can say. Suicidal thoughts often come from deep isolation — being with them is healing in itself.

• “Can we find some help together?”
  This shifts the focus toward safety without demanding that they “get better.” You’re offering to walk beside them, not hand them a to-do list.

• “You matter to me.”
  Simple. Human. True. It reminds them they’re seen and loved.

What Not to Say

Even with the best intentions, some phrases can unintentionally shut the conversation down or increase shame.

Avoid things like:

• “You have so much to live for.”
  It may sound comforting, but in the middle of despair, it can feel invalidating — as if their pain doesn’t make sense.

• “Don’t say that.”
  It can make them feel scolded or silenced, when what they need is permission to speak freely.

• “Other people have it worse.”
  Comparison never heals pain. Suffering isn’t a competition.

• “You’re not really going to do anything, right?”
  This can feel dismissive or like you’re asking for reassurance for yourself. Instead, gently ask,

“Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”
“Do you have a plan?”

           Asking doesn’t plant the idea — it shows you care and helps you know what kind of support they need.

What to Do

If you think they’re in immediate danger:

• Stay with them if you can.
• Remove anything they could use to harm themselves.
• Call 911 (in Canada or the U.S.) or go to the nearest emergency department.
• Or, if you’re unsure, call 211 for guidance — this health and social service directory can help you figure out the next step.

If they’re not in immediate danger:

• Help them create a safety plan (see Part One of this series).
• Encourage them to reach out to a therapist, doctor, or crisis service.
• Check in regularly — not just once. A simple text like “Thinking of you — how’s today going?” can mean more than you realize.

Supporting Yourself, Too

Caring for someone who’s suicidal can take a real emotional toll. It’s okay to seek your own support — from a counsellor, pastor, friend, or crisis line. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and your steadiness will help both of you.

Remember: You are not responsible for saving someone, but your compassion can be part of what keeps them here.

A Note of Hope

Sometimes, people don’t remember what you said — they remember that you stayed. That you listened without flinching. That you didn’t try to fix them, just to love them through the dark.

That presence is lifegiving. It’s what turns despair into survival, and survival into healing.

You aren't alone, and there is hope. If you are struggling to support someone you love, our team of trained therapists can help support you. To book a session, please visit https://resetbarrie.janeapp.com

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This post is a companion to our podcast, Beyond the Session, which you can find on Spotify or YouTube. This episode features Andi Atkins, Registered Psychotherapist and Kathleen Tsang, Registered Social Worker at Reset Counselling & Psychotherapy in Barrie.