Creating a Safety Plan: What to do when you're having a really hard day.

We all have hard days. Most pass. But sometimes a hard day becomes something more: the pain feels unbearable, thoughts turn dark, and it seems like there’s no way forward.

If you’ve been in that place, you know how hard it is to think clearly in the middle of it. Your mind narrows. Things that usually help are suddenly out of reach. Making good decisions feels almost impossible.

That’s why one of the most protective things you can do is plan ahead, while you’re in a steadier place, so that when a hard moment comes, you already know what to do. This kind of plan is called a safety plan, and it can be life-saving.

What Is a Safety Plan?

A safety plan is a short, personalized guide for getting through your worst moments. You can write it on your own, with a therapist, or with someone you trust. Keep it somewhere easy to reach, like your phone or a note by your bed.

Having it written down means you don’t have to figure things out in the moment. You just follow the steps.

A safety plan usually includes:

• Warning signs. The thoughts, feelings, situations, or behaviours that tend to come before a crisis.
• Coping strategies. Things you can do on your own to calm down, ground yourself, or ride out the intensity.
• People and places that help. Where you can go or who you can be around for distraction and company.
• People you can reach out to. A few trusted contacts who you can tell, “I’m not okay.”
• Professional supports. Your therapist, crisis lines, walk-in services, or the emergency department.
• Making your space safer. Steps to create distance between you and anything you might use to hurt yourself.
• Reasons to live. What still matters to you, even when everything feels impossible.

Step One: Know Your Warning Signs

Crises rarely come out of nowhere. There are often signals first. You might notice:

• Sleeping much more or much less
• Pulling away from people
• A sudden sense of hopelessness or feeling like a burden
• Racing, looping, or very dark thoughts
• Increased use of alcohol or other substances
• Feeling trapped, numb, or like you can’t keep going

Write down what your own early signs look like. The earlier you spot them, the more options you have.

Step Two: Build Your Coping Toolbox

When you’re in distress, the part of your brain that remembers what helps can go quiet. That’s why it’s powerful to make a list, or even a physical box, of things that soothe or ground you before you’re in crisis.

Ideas many people find helpful:

• Listening to music, whether sad or uplifting, whichever you need
• Writing, journaling, or doodling
• Taking a walk, getting outside, or gardening
• Spending time with a pet
• Holding something comforting, like a soft blanket, a keepsake, or a photo
• Watching a favourite show
• Making tea or lighting a candle
• Cleaning or organizing one small thing
• Resting, because sometimes sleep is the most healing option

You can also make a comfort box filled with small, tangible reminders that you’re safe and loved: a letter from a friend, a memento from a trip, something that connects you to someone you miss.

The best tools are the ones that feel like you. Try them when you’re calm so you know what works.

Step Three: Build Your Support Network

Isolation makes everything heavier. Even one person you can reach out to can make the difference between despair and safety.

Your plan might include:

• A trusted friend or family member
• A therapist or counsellor
• A crisis line, such as 988 (the Suicide Crisis Helpline, available across Canada) or 211 for local support in Simcoe County

If you live with family or roommates, consider sharing parts of your plan with them. Some people use a code word, a simple phrase that means “I’m not okay and I need help” without having to explain everything.

Andi Atkins, Registered Psychotherapist at Reset Counselling & Psychotherapy, has seen how much this can help, especially for younger people: “I’ve often had clients who were young adults or teenagers who found it difficult to go up to dad or mom and say ‘hey, I’m feeling this way.’ It’s a lot when you’re already feeling vulnerable. So sometimes there might be a code word, a specific word or phrase, that you might use instead. Then the teen can convey to the parent, as a sort of shorthand, that ‘hey I need help.’”

If you’re a parent, a code word can also give your child a way to reach you when words feel too heavy.

Step Four: Make Your Space Safer

In moments of intense pain, even a small barrier can buy time, and time matters. Intense urges often pass or lessen when there’s some distance between the thought and the means.

Making your space safer might mean asking someone you trust to hold onto things that could be used to hurt yourself, storing items out of easy reach, or choosing not to be alone during high-risk times. A therapist can help you think this through in a way that fits your situation.

Step Five: Know Who to Call

Your plan should list the professional supports you’ll use if things escalate. Include their numbers right in the plan so you don’t have to search:

• 988: the Suicide Crisis Helpline. Call or text, any time, anywhere in Canada.
• 211: connects you with local mental health and community supports in Simcoe County.
• 911 or your nearest emergency department: if you’re in immediate danger or you’re not sure you can stay safe.
• Your therapist or family doctor, and anyone else on your care team.

Step Six: Write Down Your Reasons to Live

When you’re in a dark place, hope can feel like a lie. But hope isn’t about pretending things are fine. It’s about remembering that change is possible, even when you can’t feel it.

That’s why your safety plan ends with reasons to live. They don’t need to be big. They just need to be true. Maybe it’s your kids, your pet, your faith, a person you love, or the dream of seeing the ocean again.

Write them down. Keep them close. They’re a reminder that the story isn’t over.

When to Use Your Plan

A safety plan isn’t only for moments of active suicidal thoughts. It’s for any day that feels too heavy to carry alone. Maybe you’re overwhelmed at work. Maybe you’re driving home and realizing you don’t know how you’ll do another day like this. Maybe you’ve had a rough week and the thoughts are creeping in. Those are the moments this plan is made for.

If you reach a point where you feel unsafe, or aren’t sure you can stay safe, please don’t wait. Call 911, go to your nearest emergency department, or call or text 988. You don’t have to get through that moment alone.

Creating a Plan with Support

You can build a safety plan by yourself, but it’s often easier and more effective with someone beside you. A therapist can help you spot warning signs you might miss, tailor coping strategies to what actually works for you, think through supports and safer spaces, and revise the plan as your life changes.

At Reset Counselling & Psychotherapy, our registered psychotherapists support people through their hardest moments, including those who struggle with thoughts of suicide or self-harm. Learn more about our self-harm counselling services, or reach out to Andi Atkins, who works with adults and teens navigating depression, anxiety, and the pain that can lead to crisis.

We offer sessions in person at our Barrie location and virtually across Ontario. No referral needed.

Hear More on the Podcast

This post is a companion to our podcast, Beyond the Session, on Spotify and YouTube. The episode features Andi Atkins, Registered Psychotherapist, and Kathleen Tsang, Registered Social Worker, at Reset Counselling & Psychotherapy in Barrie.

If you are in crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please call or text 988, call 911, or go to your nearest emergency room. You are not alone. There is help, and there is hope.

Book a session with our Barrie counselling team →



Reset Counselling & Psychotherapy is located at Unit 201-151 Essa Road, Barrie, ON. We offer individual counselling, self-harm and crisis support, and a full range of mental health services, in person and virtually across Ontario.